Bullied/harassed at work

LegacyUser

started a new job over 3mnts ago. It isn't the ideal place for a woman to be working (unless extremely tough) as its all men, a lot of physical work and basically being spoken to like a dog at times by the employers. This I really only opened my eyes to this the last few weeks, as I thought I was getting on well and happy to do the work.

I work with another full timer. I'm going to call him "X".

Most of the time it's usually us. Im pretty sure he has Aspergers, so there's been times iv found it difficult and annoying working with him, but I have accepted for who he is, and actually got on well with him most of the time. I made an effort with him as I noticed other colleagues/customers might make a smart comment about him. I found him really considerate, and I always told him how much I appreciated things he would have done. (Too much many times)

The last person he worked with practically bullied him (from what he has told me) I got use to his way however there were times he was acting quiet sneakily.

Twice it has happened, where I would have an order from a customer organised and out away for. He has tampered with my order by taking some of the items and given it to another customer. Both times I called him out, in a calm manner. The second time it happened I told him it was a very sneaky thing to do, to which he told me I "must have very little to be worrying about I'd such a thing upsets me". He kept talking, almost shouting at me, we both ended up arguing and I actually got upset because I was so frustrated this happened again, felt so disrespected and upset by his comment. I took an early break. He saw I was upset. Nothing was ever mentioned, tbh it would have felt pointless he does not seem to listen or understand. We got on with things for another week or 2 until he exploded at me in work.

I won't go into too many details as it'll take too long to explain but I was verbally abused by him. There was a job needed to be done, I was going about doing it, he told me to wait until he was finished what he was at, wanted to have his tea (even though he was going on break on 20min) and I had to wait until then. I refused as I felt it was the right time to do the job, he ordered and warned me not to come back into the work place if I went about the job. As I was leaving to do the job, he shouted at me do not come back etc.

When I arrived he locked the back door on me. I went in the front door, and he came out of nowhere from behind me. He ordered me not to put my uniform back on, He shouted at me he was the boss, I was to do as he says or I have no future there as he doesn't want me there.

I rang my boss, upset. He told me to take the afternoon off. He was appalled by the behavior by X.

Fast forward last week, my boss rang and asked me to meet with him and X to sort things out. I had no idea what to expect, and I couldn't have predicted it.

X made up claims that I do not help him, I miss behave, I boss him about the place, I think it's my name over the door. I go to the bathroom 10times a day. Claimed how much I love pressure. I question what he does.

I couldn't believe all the claims he had against me. After thinking we got on ok. Of course I challenged all the things he was claiming, he made a fool out of himself. I found out around the same time I had told him it was sneaky of him to be tampering with my orders, he rang the boss saying I was bossy.

Tbh my boss handled it badly. I felt like he was sick of the whole thing and didn't want to deal with it anymore. He asked if we could draw I line I said I would as long as I'm never again spoken or be treated that day I was at work. X said he would only apologise if I did. I didn't as I had nothing to say. This went on for 2hrs. It was painful and upsetting. I felt I handled myself really well, he tripped up and caught himself in his lies.

Tbh that's only half the things he has done.

Since then, he has supposedly walked out and got another job. However he is meant to be finishing this week, which means I have 4 full days working with him, j ust the 2 of us.

I'm not going to be weak and pull a sickie. But I am absolutely dreading it. I'm full of anxiety, my sleep hasn't been right for the last 2 weeks. I feel knots in my stomach the thoughts of having to be in his company and that he could spark off at any minute or deliberately sabotage me in some way.

My boss and employers are no help. Tbh they are like pigs. I want out ASAP. I'm just so upset as it all started off well, and I thought I finally found something I was happy with. I'm full of dread. The whole situation I feel has dented my confidence. I feel so stupid for starting here. I'm embarrassed I have to go look for another job, after telling so many people I'm happy here, and that X had a heart of gold.

That's taken a lot of effort to write out. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Anyone any experience with people with Aspergers and losing their temper? He seems to have a massive grudge on me. And I can see him spreading rumors and making g up lies about me when he leaves.

YellowLead

First of all he may or may not have Aspergers and second of all even if he doesn’t it doesn’t mean the behaviour is linked to it.

I’m really sorry you are having such an awful time and he sounds very difficult to work with.

However being embarrassed is not a reason to leave - just open up to your friends when you have found a new job that while it was great in the beginning the culture was actually a bit toxic and this new job suits you more. People won’t think it’s an embarrassing thing to do, people move jobs all the time.

If it’s tricky to find employment in the industry you are in then that’s tough and it’s such a shame to leave because of the behaviour of one person. But if it’s fairly handy to move around then do it asap and don’t be worrying anymore.

Jequ0n

You should probably just completely ignore and blank him. He only gets power out of turning things around on you, so just stay clear and don’t get sucked into the drama.

Apart from the colleague: it doesn’t sound like this is the workplace for you. It might be worth seeking feedback in the work problems section of boards.

HildaOgdenx

Handled completely wrong by your manager, having the two of you in at the same time, like a teacher asking two small children, 'okay who started this, now shake hands and make up.' So that's very poor management.

If he really is leaving, I guess as pp said, ignore, don't give him any chance to kick off and just get through the four days. It doesn't sound like a great work environment, overall, tbh.

Don't worry about leaving and having to explain to your friends. There's nothing whatsoever to be embarrassed about, in moving jobs. People do it all the time, for various reasons. And I'm sure all your friends want for you, is to be happy.

Start looking around for a new role, asap, and get out of there.
Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Op here. Thanks for the replies.

Now he is supposedly staying, no one seems to really know what is going on.

Regarding just ignoring him for the next few days, I feel as though he is going to really go out if his way to make me uncomfortable. We work serving the public and I am scared that he will some way humiliate or pass remarks directed to me. I don't know if I will be able to handle it without feeling over whelmed. I feel vulnerable.

I worried now that I may be forced out, if he does stay. My head is all over the place. I bought a voice recorder today, cost me 70euro. I have some ease of mind having it on me, but a part of me feels that even if I do record him verbally abusing me, my boss will just roll his eyes at me.

I need to get out there ASAP. I know. The next few days are going to feel like the longest ever.

YellowLead

Easier said than done but try and focus on your exit plan rather that obsessing over what he is saying and doing - keep your head held high and don’t rise to him. If you are planning to leave it’s not worth engaging.

Also - have you checked if you can record people without their knowledge?

[Deleted User]

If you are forced out of a job because your employer does not deal with a situation (your co-worker and their bullying and abusive behaviour towards you) you can make a case for constructive dismissal.

I'd let them know this.

LilacNails

YellowLead wrote: »

Easier said than done but try and focus on your exit plan rather that obsessing over what he is saying and doing - keep your head held high and don’t rise to him. If you are planning to leave it’s not worth engaging.

Also - have you checked if you can record people without their knowledge?

Afaik, you actually can record someone in Ireland without the other person's consent.

YellowLead

LilacNails wrote: »

Afaik, you actually can record someone in Ireland without the other person's consent.

I thought as much generally - but wasn’t sure if there might be a workplace slant to it? Can you be recorded in the workplace without your knowledge? And if so, can it really be used in some sort of disciplinary procedure- if you were unaware?
Don’t know the answer but it could be in the specific policies of wherever this workplace is.

stargazer 68

YellowLead wrote: »

And if so, can it really be used in some sort of disciplinary procedure- if you were unaware?
Don’t know the answer but it could be in the specific policies of wherever this workplace is.

If it was me I would be using it as proof to the boss more than anything else.

LilacNails

YellowLead wrote: »

I thought as much generally - but wasn’t sure if there might be a workplace slant to it? Can you be recorded in the workplace without your knowledge? And if so, can it really be used in some sort of disciplinary procedure- if you were unaware?
Don’t know the answer but it could be in the specific policies of wherever this workplace is.

In the op's case, I would imagine that if the recorded material had to be used, it would be used as proof for a bullying /harassment claim. Therefore, the recording is a requirement of proof.

If it was used for personal use only, I'd imagine there would be consequences.

Op like others have said, keep ur head up and work on. This guy sounds out of control. See it as an experience, and turn it into something that when u look back on in the future u are proud of how u handled it.

LegacyUser

Goodness OP, your situation is so similar to what happened to me years ago! After a phone "meeting" with our manager (my colleague and I were on a 6-month contract abroad, our manager was in Ireland), where my colleague conducted himself similarly to your coworker, I was so unbelievably stressed, but decided to focus on getting the job done and staying as professional as I could master. I only dealt with him when I absolutely had to, and ignored him the rest of the time. Within a week or two I got a call from our manager in Ireland who said that it would be best for everyone if my colleague returned to Ireland, and I was asked if I would be able to manage on my own. I said I would, no problem. I didn't know what the reason was for that decision, but sensed that the management's attitude shifted towards me from sceptical to friendly.

A couple of days later I was told in confidence that someone who worked for our client company called our manager in Ireland and complained about my work colleague (I wasn't told exactly what they complained about). Following that complaint my colleague got a plane ticket and was gone within a couple of days.

My advice to you would be for you to do what I did. Focus on what you know about yourself and your work ethic, and don't look at yourself through your colleague's eyes (or anyone else's for that matter). Keep doing a great job for your employer, stay professional and emotionally neutral, don't interact with the colleague unless you have to, and be genuine and friendly towards everyone else.

I hope your situation resolves in a similar way to mine, and your manager realises soon that you are a hard working, trustworthy, reasonable employee worth having around. All the best, OP, look after yourself.

Purple Mountain

Can you afford to resign now?
If so do so and tell your boss that you cannot work in that toxic environment with that man, don't say anything about the management handling of the situation though because you may also have to ask the manager for a reference.
As for what other people will think. Own it! Say you were treated so badly by a co-worker but you had the cop on to get out of a toxic situation for your own good. Put the blame at where its at.
Good luck.

Emme

OP if you can, resign. Your co-worker sounds like a toxic passive aggressive bully. AFAIK people with Aspergers would not be as devious as him but he definitely has a personality disorder. By contrast some people with Aspergers can be very nice, highly intelligent but may need a little more understanding. Life is too short to work with somebody like that. You sound hard working and professional. If you stay in that job longer than you have to you will spend more time covering your azz and watching out for yourself than doing your job. While you have to stay there record everything that little man says or does out of order in a journal.

Good luck.

Jequ0n

OP, do yourself a favour and ignore unfounded diagnoses.

Avoid spending time alone with him and do not engage when it can be avoided. I think recording him covertly could backfire and potentially used against you, so I probably would not go down that route.

You are worried about being humiliated in front of others/ the public. This is actually the “best” that could happen as the behaviour then becomes visible to others. Try to see if others can be used as witnesses, because your manager will have difficulty explaining his actions then.

joeguevara

Loueze wrote: »

If you are forced out of a job because your employer does not deal with a situation (your co-worker and their bullying and abusive behaviour towards you) you can make a case for constructive dismissal.

I'd let them know this.

Unfair dismissal requires more than a year service unless it’s based on one of the nine equality grounds which doesn’t appear to be based on the OP.

LegacyUser

Op here.

Thanks to all who have replied and given advice.

Regarding the Aspergers, he had told me before a family member of his has other, so that's where that has come from. Of course I don't know for sure of he has other or not, from knowing it's in his family and having looked up signs and symptoms, it's seems quiet likely.

No, I am not in a financial position to leave. I pay rent, am currently paying off a car loan and there's also to possibility I may return to college in the future. So I really do need to be working full time atm.

I was meant to have worked with him last week's however the only day he worked was my day off. Someone else worked in his place for some of the time, I was left on my own for the rest of it. So I don't know if he is refusing to work with me, or the boss is trying to keep us apart.

I feel I am a bit more together and not as anxious as I was previous. I felt I handled this the best I could and all I can do now is keep at my work, engage with him only in terms of work and anything he does say or do I will record.

Strumms

If he has a medical condition Aspergers or otherwise that impacts his ability to do the job properly and in turn it negatively affects your wellbeing and ability to do your job in comfort then he should not be working.

he should have been referred to the company doctor / psychologist for examination / evaluation and depending on this outcome taken down the disciplinary route or signed off sick and referred to a psychologist.

No reason why any employee should need to ‘put up with’ or make ‘allowances’ for a person who continuously or systematically displays **** behaviors as outlined in the OP...regardless of the route causes.