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Saying “I love you”

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  • 27-06-2021 5:47am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    When is the best time to tell someone you love them for the first time?

    My BF and I are together 4months.
    I’m afraid to say it as I’ve never told anyone I loved them before.

    Thanks 😊


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    #2
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users Posts: 13,401 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    Girlusername92 wrote: »
    <Snip> No need to quote.

    Nobody here can answer that for you, there is no universal "best" time. The time to say it is when it feels right for you.


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    #3
    YellowLead
    Registered Users Posts: 7,678 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    Agree with DH. It’s very unique to each relationship.

    I guess if you are feeling it that’s one thing, he needs to be feeling it too or it won’t land well. Do you think he does?

    4 months can be long or short depending on the amount of time you’ve spent together. As in do you see each other several times a week or just for a couple of hours on a weekend? How do you currently communicate affection, etc.

    It would be my personal preference to wait for the guy to say it first, but I’m annoyingly old fashioned so I say if you feel it in a genuine lasting kind of way and you are pretty sure he does too then fire away, it will strengthen your bond. There’s always a risk he won’t be on the same page but that’s a call you need to make.


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    #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I would worry if I said it too soon, he wouldn’t feel the same and it could finish the relationship…
    He’s affectionate towards me and tells me he loves this or that about me.
    But never “I love you”

    Again, never said it to anyone….


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    #5
    Jequ0n
    Registered Users Posts: 6,047 ✭✭✭Jequ0n


    It’s really just a cliché phrase at the end of the day.
    If you are worried that saying one sentence will break the relationship you might as well risk it instead of wasting your time.
    It’s just a phrase and more than often it is said for different reasons than “love”. I certainty have said it for different purposes.
    Sorry for de-mystifying it but maybe that takes away some of the expectations and pressure you associate with one simple sentence.


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    #6
    bitofabind
    Registered Users Posts: 939 ✭✭✭bitofabind


    Girlusername92 wrote: »
    I would worry if I said it too soon, he wouldn’t feel the same and it could finish the relationship…
    He’s affectionate towards me and tells me he loves this or that about me.
    But never “I love you”

    Again, never said it to anyone….

    I told my boyfriend I loved him first. My instincts told me we were on the same page, I was right and he said it back straight away. But I had to detach from the outcome before I told him. I had to be OK with not hearing it from him, because it was about speaking honestly and being vulnerable with someone I love, rather than me needing that validation that he felt the same.

    If you love him, tell him. Don't worry about waiting to hear it first, wondering if he feels the same, or build it up in your head. It's just words and feelings. If he freaks out and ends it (which he won't), well then you weren't in a sustainable relationship in the first place.


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    #7
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,772 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    I asked my husband to marry me (well, I told him he was going to marry me). He told me he would probably never have asked because he'd have been afraid I'd say no!

    Don't wait for the other person to do something first. If you feel like you love him, or feel like you're falling in love with him. Tell him. He might not reply in kind, or he might tell you he was afraid to say it in case you didn't feel the same.


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    #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    If you feel it, then just say it.

    Don't think about in terms of the type of response you would like to get back.

    He might feel the same way and say it back straight away/soon after (one of those situations where both feel it but both are also afraid to be the first to say it).

    He might not be ready to say it yet, as he just might not feel that way yet, or he just finds it difficult to say.

    Don't turn it into a thing where he is under pressure to give a particular response, or he is under pressure to say it back within a certain time frame.

    It's nice to say it and nice to hear it, but love is not something that can be quantified or measured by the three words. The real litmus test of love is in terms of how the two people treat each other in a relationship. Actions speak louder than words. So even if it's not said back, you should have a fair idea how he feels anyway.


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    #9
    Goodigal
    Registered Users Posts: 456 ✭✭Goodigal


    I agree with the last few posters. Tell him you're absolutely terrified that you might be falling in love with him! Because it is scary to say that to someone, but it's also sweet to hear it. It means different things to different people. But if you feel that you're in love with him, why not tell him?! Life's too short!


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    #10
    tara73
    Registered Users Posts: 2,341 ✭✭✭tara73


    Girlusername92 wrote: »
    I would worry if I said it too soon, he wouldn’t feel the same and it could finish the relationship…


    this is ringing alarm bells a bit for me. why does your gut tells you this could be the case? do you think he's in it just casually? could be your own insecureties just thinking this but normally I would trust gut instincts and if this is your gut instinct, not a good sign for the relationship.



    meanwhile, agree with all the other posters just tell him if you feel it's right for you and you definetely want to tell him.


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    #11
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    It’s definitely my own insecurities.
    I just feel if I said it and he didn’t feel the same… it would finish things on my part because I’d feel so rejected. It’s a risk I might have to take.
    It’s just all new to me and never felt like this about anyone.


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    #12
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    As in, I would get upset, recoil and self sabotage. Which is what I don’t want to happen btw.
    Had to clarify what I said above


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    #13
    YellowLead
    Registered Users Posts: 7,678 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    Girlusername92 wrote: »
    As in, I would get upset, recoil and self sabotage. Which is what I don’t want to happen btw.
    Had to clarify what I said above

    Focusing on your own needs - are you really in a rush to say it so? I mean if things are good as they are could you give yourself more time?


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    #14
    gsi300024v
    Registered Users Posts: 1,023 ✭✭✭gsi300024v


    Sometimes you need to be the one of the two who walks out on the ice first and show the other you're not on thin ice, you might need to be the brave one.
    As others said, say it because you feel it and want to tell him, I'd not say it to hear it back.
    I overthought it a lot before I said it to my gf, she's just not someone who says I love you, I am, and I've made that ok with us, she shows her love in other ways.


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    #15
    gsi300024v
    Registered Users Posts: 1,023 ✭✭✭gsi300024v


    Girlusername92 wrote: »
    It’s definitely my own insecurities.
    I just feel if I said it and he didn’t feel the same… it would finish things on my part because I’d feel so rejected. It’s a risk I might have to take.
    It’s just all new to me and never felt like this about anyone.
    Maybe think of it from another way around, lets say after 2 months he told you he loved you, but you didn't feel quite there until 4 months in before you said it to him. Would you expect him to have ended it after 2 months? Or would you have liked for him to accept you weren't there yet and wait the 2 months?


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    #16
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,772 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Girlusername92 wrote: »
    As in, I would get upset, recoil and self sabotage. Which is what I don’t want to happen btw.
    Had to clarify what I said above

    I think you're not ready yet. When you're ready, you'll be ready and you will say it without all this upset and turmoil and fear. There's no rush. If you do in fact love him, and he feels the same then you are more than likely going to be together for a very long time. So you have plenty of time to get to know each other better and relax in each others company.. And get an idea for how the other person is feeling.

    I think leave it for a while. The time isn't right for you. When it is right, you'll know.


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