Dumping a partner

LegacyUser

I met my now partner 5 years ago. The love was an unlikely one but it grew. We were head over heels for each other. We had so much in common it was uncanny. One example the license plate of his car ended in the same 4 digits of my phone number at the time of our meeting. That was unusual. There were other coincidences too.

Some issues came about within the past two years. Our relationship became sexless. He wasn't interested in sex with me. I found out that he watches porn. I think the two goes together.
He has some hygiene problems. Mainly going to bed without brushing his teeth.
Then he started a job recently at the opposite side of the county which will bring a further gap into our relationship. We will be working opposite schedules to each other. We will be like passing ships.
I can't see how this relationship will survive going forward. I'm checking out from the relationship because I'm not happy. All I need now is to find the words to dump him. Any help or advice is dumping someone? I'm thinking about doing it slowly and becoming less available over the course of a month and then hopefully having a chat to say that it's over.
It breaks my heart writing this because I do love him but it's not working.

castlegrange19

Dont wait, you are wasting each others time. You need to speak to him NOW. Be honest tell him, you love him but feel that you are both going in different directions in life and that it just isnt working out as you are both going down different paths in life. The longer you stay with him the harder it will be to end the relationship. Life is too short, get out there and enjoy your life and not stuck in a relationship that brings you down

Dial Hard

Why on earth would you drag a break-up out over a month or more??? It's like ripping off a plaster, hurts far less if you just do it quickly. Also, you've been together 5 years, you owe him a bit more respect than just "becoming less available". That would be confusing and rather cruel, imo.

Sit him down, look him in the eye and tell him it's not working for you anymore and that your incompatibilities and/or the distance mean you don't see a future with each other. Don't be ambiguous, don't give him false hope that it can be fixed (if you genuinely feel that it can't). Be honest but kind and then walk away.

Larbre34

You're not dumping him, you're breaking up with him due to not getting anything out of the relationship.

And that's how you should put it to him I think. You deserve to be happy. So does he really, he might be glad you take the initiative to bring about the break up.

And by the by, the vast majority of men use porn, many of them in very active healthy sexual relationships at the same time, I wouldn't put too much stock in it one way or the other.

YellowLead

Hi OP, I’m afraid by calling it ‘dumping’ it doesn’t sound very respectful!!!!

The minute you feel yourself begin to check out of the relationship you need to be up front with the other person.

If you are 100% sure ending it is the correct thing to do rather than a chat to see if any compromises/extra efforts on both sides could be made to save it - then the only thing to do is to tell him you are not happy in the relationship anymore, you feel you have drifted apart and you can’t see a future together. Don’t keep this from him any longer.

osarusan

Tell him straight, don't be vague, and don't give in and offer a crumb of hope that you'll change your mind.

Tbh, he can't have failed to notice that the relationship isn't what it used to be.

SunnySundays

Are you sure he isn't trying to instigate a break up? Not sleeping with you deliberately neglecting hygiene and take a job further away?

Rubberchikken

It doesn't sound like he's investing much in this relationship either with the items you mention.
Tbh you need to talk with him. And soon. Not dragging things out for a month.

Any way you so it won't be easy but at least it would be fair.

Just curious but sis he discuss the job and it's distance with you before accepting it?

Good luck

TheadoreT

Will you ever find someone on undoubtedly soulmate levels again where you share similar digits on phone and car plates?

But seriously don't fade him, that's the worst. Be upfront and honest.