Intimacy issues with my partner.

Hugo1000

Me and my partner are with each other a year now and at the start we were very intimate. She had a coil inserted last October and then since last March she seems so lacking in interest in me, I asked her what the issue is and she says it’s the coil, she never makes the move I always do and when I kiss her she seems to have no interest, i don’t know what to do at all. She blames it on the coil all the time. Is their anything i can say or do, cause I’m giving up at this stage!!!!

YellowLead

Different contraceptions can decrease sex drive in some women. Ideally if one isn’t quite right, you try a different method until you find one that works for you.

At the end of the day sexually compatibility is incredible important. Regardless of her reasons why, which are probably valid, it stands that there is an incompatibility there. Usually these things do not resolve without effort on both parts to compromise, if compromise is something both are willing to do.

Can you ask her to try another type of contraception? Such a pity there is no male pill, sigh. Or even speak to her healthcare provider about it?

Otherwise it comes down to do you want a relationship with her so badly that you are willing to forgo the intimacy.

LegacyUser

I'm posting as a female, I recently had the copper coil put in. I did a lot of research and decided against the hormonal coil as it, along with any hormonal contraception can have side effects such as moodiness, depression, drop in libido, nausea etc...personally I felt 'dulled' on the pill, I was on it since I was 18, and never realised it's effect on me til I came off it. My sex drive went up, ability to enjoy sex went up and generally I felt more alive/brighter in myself.

Now, my recent decision to try copper coil was made with my partner, I talked about it with him, we discussed different options, when I went through it he looked after me, drove me home, and happily listened to any concerns etc I had...it made a big difference. Generally contraception, through lack of choice for men's options besides condoms, is left up to women - up to women to deal with, research, deal with the consequences when it goes wrong (morning after pill), suffer the side effects of whatever method you choose and pay for it. It can feel a bit frustrating it's left up to one person to handle, or the other doesn't know anything about it/plays dumb/runs away at discussing 'womens' issues...

So the fact my partner tried to be involved and at least offered to use condoms if I had any reservations or it didn't work out, I felt like it wasn't just me having to be responsible for it, and that if I didn't want to go through with it, I had that option...maybe she doesn't feel like she has a choice? Have you offered to use condoms and let her remove the coil?


How much do you know about the coil, or the insertion process, or the side effects she might be experiencing? Doesn't sound like you've asked her much about it or been involved. Maybe start there? Find out what coil she got, do some research into it and side effects...I know Ur not the one that has to get it, but it helps to know your partner is at least clued in and aware. Then ask her about what side effects she's going through, see how she and you feel about non hormonal options, or that you would be the one to handle birth control (condoms/vasectomy). She also mightn't be aware she's suffering side effects as they can be gradual and creep up on you so maybe sit down and show her your research.

Good luck

mohawk

You guys need to have a conversation where you talk about intimacy. It could definitely be that her drop in libido is down to the coil. I know personally that my sex drive goes up when I am not on any hormonal contraception. However, some are worse then others and can involve trial and error. Sometimes it can happen that a person’s sex drive goes up and very start of a relationship and then goes back to normal again. Another reason for a drop in sex drive is that a relationship isn’t going well. The only way you have of finding out is by talking to her. Most people need some level of intimacy in a relationship and without won’t be happy in the relationship.
One other thing that can affect some women’s sex drive in a relationship is that when the partner feels every time there is kissing/cuddling that it should lead to sex. Sometimes you just want to cuddle into your partner.

Talk to her OP and be prepared that you guys might not just be sexually compatible.

SunnySundays

It may well be the coil that is causing it.

You need to said it with her one last time. Keep it simple. Something like "you know the way your sex drive has dropped since you got the coil fitted, are you ok with that or have you spoken to your GP about alternatives because I miss the intimacy we enjoyed in the past"

shesty

It may be the coil alright, that is definitely a thing.But she doesn't have to leave it in.There's some other options out there although mostly hormonal...copper coil may be better for her.
Some really good advice here, I would suggest you have a chat with her and see does she want to resume that intimacy and if so, what her options are to change contraceptive.

Cutie 3.14

Doodaa wrote: »

I'm posting as a female, I recently had the copper coil put in. I did a lot of research and decided against the hormonal coil as it, along with any hormonal contraception can have side effects such as moodiness, depression, drop in libido, nausea etc...personally I felt 'dulled' on the pill, I was on it since I was 18, and never realised it's effect on me til I came off it. My sex drive went up, ability to enjoy sex went up and generally I felt more alive/brighter in myself.

Now, my recent decision to try copper coil was made with my partner, I talked about it with him, we discussed different options, when I went through it he looked after me, drove me home, and happily listened to any concerns etc I had...it made a big difference. Generally contraception, through lack of choice for men's options besides condoms, is left up to women - up to women to deal with, research, deal with the consequences when it goes wrong (morning after pill), suffer the side effects of whatever method you choose and pay for it. It can feel a bit frustrating it's left up to one person to handle, or the other doesn't know anything about it/plays dumb/runs away at discussing 'womens' issues...

Wtf....why are you jumping through hoops!

Couldn't he get the snip? Takes 5 mins and is reversible. He might be a little tender for a day or two after but that's it. Job done.

Same to you OP, why cant you get it done?
Let her come off the debilitating contraceptives and you're both happier.

Why is it always left to women to make sacrifices with their bodies!

LegacyUser

The snip is not reversible that's why....I wouldn't want him to be sterilised as we might want children...however I share you frustration as to why it's always women that have to suffer... apparently they halted investigations into the male pill due to too many side effects (they were the same as for female)....but good point, if the coil doesn't agree with hee, why don't you handle contraception then and use condoms?

TheadoreT

I mean the whole point of the coil is for sex purposes so if its literally doing the opposite and affecting her moods she's getting all the downsides and none of the upsides. Tbh it makes zero sense that she hasn't changed to something else if she wanted to continue a healthy sex life with you, so coupled with the fact she's has no interest in you the only logical reality is she's getting it elsewhere in my opinion.

Cutie 3.14

Doodaa wrote: »

The snip is not reversible that's why....I wouldn't want him to be sterilised as we might want children...however I share you frustration as to why it's always women that have to suffer... apparently they halted investigations into the male pill due to too many side effects (they were the same as for female)....but good point, if the coil doesn't agree with hee, why don't you handle contraception then and use condoms?

They are reversible.

Xterminator

Cutie 3.14 wrote: »

They are reversible.

nope. they can attempt to reverse. imagine if your doctor told you they could attempt to remove the coil & success rate declined the longer you had the coil!!!

success rate up to 55 per cent – if you had your reversal after three to eight years.

noplacehere

TheadoreT wrote: »

I mean the whole point of the coil is for sex purposes so if its literally doing the opposite and affecting her moods she's getting all the downsides and none of the upsides. Tbh it makes zero sense that she hasn't changed to something else if she wanted to continue a healthy sex life with you, so coupled with the fact she's has no interest in you the only logical reality is she's getting it elsewhere in my opinion.

Depending on the circumstances the coil may be being used to slow down endometriosis too