I bought a house so we could move in together, then we broke up..

LegacyUser

Hello,

tl;dr - I ( M31 ) bought a house in my now ex Girlfriends ( F26 ) town, so that she could be close to family and work. I am now stuck with a house all by myself in a town I know nobody in and is far away from my Family, Friends and Work. How stupid was I and how screwed am I now ? Should I sell, rent or stay ?

I am posting this anonymously as it's embarrassing to even admit, but, I bought a house in a town that was unfamiliar to me far away from my friends, family and work. I did it for my now ex girlfriend of 2 years, as she had personal reasons she needed to stay in her town, while I had the flexibility to move ( I can work remote ). It made sense at the time. We lived together before in rented accommodation but I was tired paying very high rent for a small place and was keen to get on the property ladder as that was always my plan, after saving for years to do so.

The house is completely in my name and she did not contribute to the sale, but I don't exactly feel like I want to stay here now, as I bought it with the view that we would be a family. I was not expecting us to break up, we planned a life together, but it just didn't work out like that in the end :-(

Advice welcomed. Thank you.

whomadewho

HowStupidWasI wrote: »

Hello,

tl;dr - I ( M31 ) bought a house in my now ex Girlfriends ( F26 ) town, so that she could be close to family and work. I am now stuck with a house all by myself in a town I know nobody in and is far away from my Family, Friends and Work. How stupid was I and how screwed am I now ? Should I sell, rent or stay ?

I am posting this anonymously as it's embarrassing to even admit, but, I bought a house in a town that was unfamiliar to me far away from my friends, family and work. I did it for my now ex girlfriend of 2 years, as she had personal reasons she needed to stay in her town, while I had the flexibility to move ( I can work remote ). It made sense at the time. We lived together before in rented accommodation but I was tired paying very high rent for a small place and was keen to get on the property ladder as that was always my plan, after saving for years to do so.

The house is completely in my name and she did not contribute to the sale, but I don't exactly feel like I want to stay here now, as I bought it with the view that we would be a family. I was not expecting us to break up, we planned a life together, but it just didn't work out like that in the end :-(

Advice welcomed. Thank you.

The property market is booming now, so just sell and move to where you want to live. Relationships break up and you are lucky in the sense that you are not married, you have no kids and no mortgage together. A clean break. I have many friends who are in the opposite situation to you, so count yourself lucky.

MissShihTzu

No. You're not stupid. Just heartbroken at the moment. And no need to be embarrassed either - happens all the time

Look - the same thing happened to me. Bought a property with someone who never moved in, and he moved on with someone else. Unfortunately, as the property was in both names, I had the extra hassle and aggravation of buying him out, along with all the other stuff.

But - you were smart enough to put it in your sole name, so you've got a head start. May I ask? Was there any particular reason why your ex wasn't on the mortgage? And did she pay any of the bills for the house?? I know you say she had nothing to do with the purchase, but ask this because she MAY have a claim on the property if she had. If that's the case, I'd get some advice - just to CYA.

I wouldn't do anything just yet. Let the water settle and get your head together. It's too soon to be making big decisions. Take your time to decide what you want. You're working and paying the mortgage, so you have a roof over your head and money in your pocket. That's a big plus. From that, you can decide what you want to do.

Are you able to take a short break somewhere?

Don't worry too much - these things have a way of working out. You're going to be just fine.

Good luck!

LegacyUser

HowStupidWasI wrote: »

The house is completely in my name and she did not contribute to the sale, but I don't exactly feel like I want to stay here now, as I bought it with the view that we would be a family. I was not expecting us to break up, we planned a life together, but it just didn't work out like that in the end :-(

Advice welcomed. Thank you.

Count yourself lucky.
The woman child could break up after moving in and try to get a claim of your assets.

Contact an Estate agency and look at options for long term rental (perhaps a lease with the council?).


Good luck.

Buddy Bubs

You could have made yourself a tidy profit in 2 years. Assuming you didn't overpay in the first place and the area is in demand. You're not in a bad situation at all.

ManOfMystery

Remove your emotional attachment to the house and look at this logically - you've got a foot on the property ladder, which is a good thing regardless of where it is and how it came about.

As said, property is booming at the moment. You can sell the house and buy elsewhere, or if your equity is good and it's feasible, rent it out and move on to a second property. Don't see this as a failure - see it as a stepping stone. Turn it into a positive.

You're not stupid or foolish. You were together 2 years, buying a property in the belief that you would stay together was a totally normal and sane choice to make. Others have done it after a few months! Unfortunately none of us have crystal balls and you weren't to know how things would end up. Look on the positives here though - you didn't have children together, and you didn't buy the property together so there are no legal implications with her owning a percentage of the property. Sometimes people have to extract themselves from much more complicated situations than this, and that brings a huge amount of stress.

Tork

OP, I get the feeling that this break-up is recent and that you're still quite upset over it all. I don't see what has happened as a catastrophe at all. At worst it's a setback but I don't see why you can't go on to draw a line under this. I was around in the mid-late 2000s when the property market went boom and then bust. The current housing market doesn't have that feel to it at all, though of course the aftermath of the Coronavirus is an unknown. You should be able to sell the house and not be trapped in negative equity. You might even make a profit on it.

When you're feeling a bit calmer, make contact with an estate agent and find out what they think your house could sell for. Once you have some sort of proper information, you will be in a better position to make an informed decision about what to do. Also, I hope you stop beating yourself up about how foolish you believe you were. You did what most people in a committed relationship do (or try to do) - you bought your own home. What's so wrong about that? Very few people make big decisions such as buying a house, having a planned family or getting married, thinking that it won't work out. It's unfortunate that you and your ex broke up but c'est la vie. Unlike many people, you're in a position to make a clean break and to move away again. I think for your own sanity, selling and leaving the area would be the best move. You'll probably grow to really dislike where you are at the moment anyway because of the sour memories. Similarly, you might have the same sort of feelings if you opt to hold onto the house and rent it out. Cut your losses (within reason, of course) and get out is my short answer to the question.

osarusan

Seeing as you've no reason to be in that location now, maybe just sell it? You don't say how recently you bought it, but unless it was quite recent, you could easily make a profit out of it, and maybe buy something nearer home, maybe downsize to an apartment if you like. Or rent it out and rent elsewhere closer to home?

There's nothing stupid about this, you did what most people want to do, it just didn't work out.

LegacyUser

You are being far too hard on yourself. You did the right thing for the right reason at the time.

To be it actually sounds like you were pretty smart about it. Many people ended up putting their partner's name of the deeds even if they weren't contributing to the purchase. You were wise enough not to. She has no claim to the property.

You don't need to make a decision immediately.

Do your research....check the property price register...see what similar houses are seeling for. Can you get out break even or even a profit?

You have the option of renting but if you can reserve things by selling it at no loss, then little reason to hand on to it. Just be conscious that you will need a larger deposit on the second house as no longer first time buyer.

The break up is probably very recent and raw. Try take the emotion out of it and make the decision based on logic and finances.

Financially, given your age, this is probably the cleanest break up you will ever have.

Sonic the Shaghog

Sell it bud. Look at it this way, it's only in your name and she has no claim so less hassle for you and the market means you might even make a small profit. Ye don't have kids either so while the break up is tough try to take those aspects to it

appledrop

Sell, sell sell.

Property prices are really good at moment so get outwhile you can.

You don't want to stay in the area so move while you can.

A number of my friends bought during boom, either houses/apts smaller than they wanted or in areas far away from Dublin hoping it was a start on property ladder and could move up.

It never happened for most of them as few year later housing market went bust and all in negative equity and only coming out of it now.

Get out while you can and put it behind you.

ILoveYourVibes

OP it wasn't meant to be.

Being single is a temporary situation.

I would get professional advice on the house. But imo they will tell you to sell. And like others said you can make a profit even.

You are not stupid. You would be stupid if you were still with her.

You can't predict if relationships will last or not.

Never taking a risk ...THAT is stupid.

Gael23

You do what feels right for you.

I feel like the fact you are thinking about moving away indicates it is the correct decision

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

@Gael23 Please don't bump an old thread, it's against the Charter here.

As the OP hasn't been back and the advice is pretty much along the same vein, I'll close it here.

OP, of you're still following the thread and need further advice, posting anonymously doesn't seem to be possible at the moment, but you can register a once off throw away account and post from there if you wish.

Thanks everyone

HS