Mum rehomed our dog due to excessive barking, too soon?..

dartboardio

Hi all, just looking for some general opinions or perspective here

My mother has struggled with mental health and alcohol addiction over the last few years, and generally would be quite sensitive and negative about things, quite down etc.

She has been working from home since the beginning of the pandemic , just her alone and the dog ( I’ve been there too but I’ve been travelling (surprisingly lol)

We got our first ever pet/dog a year and a half ago, generally a great, well behaved and trained dog, great fun and has brought us an immense amount of joy to our home. (I grew up with just the two of us, no siblings or pets etc).

The dog goes to doggie daycare twice a week which is great for his social life etc and making him a more well rounded and friendly pup.

However, when she’s in the house alone, working from home, he won’t stop barking all day long, for no reason, like anxiety or something, even if he’s upstairs with her it’s the same, maybe he’s picking up on negative energy?

It got to the stage where she literally could not handle it anymore, despite me saying why not try to see a behaviour therapist or similar, or even put him into doggie daycare 5 days a week while you work, and then enjoy the time with him after work and he doesn’t bark then he’s fine once he gets attention, walks etc which he gets plenty of!

She has tried lots of things like calming oil from the vet, cbd that’s friendly for dogs etc..

Anyhow, I’ve been away the last couple of months and my mother had a relapse with alcohol. She has decided to rehome our dog, for the reasons she states because she cannot handle when he barks all day while she’s trying to work and she’s tried everything.

Am I being unreasonable to be ; frankly distraught (this was my first ever pet) and to ask her to reconsider options, obviously it was extremely hard for her to do or decide also, she loves him a lot as do I.

I obviously want to take her feelings into consideration and realise the negative energy that his excessive barking brings.. but at the same time I don’t understand why she won’t consider putting him into doggie daycare for an extra 2 days a week while she works, for the sake of an extra €25, I just feel it’s a huge decision to make, and one that can possibly easily be resolved, he’s only a year and a half old and I’m sure bad habits can be nipped in the bud.. but she seems adamant this is the reason and that she needs to do it for her own recovery and sanity....

I’m just at a loss of what to think, do or say, I will be home soon and I’m extremely upset over the whole situation. It’s affecting me more than I care to admit

dartboardio

I’m so sorry it was so long. Just wanted to give plenty of context..

Also, please no one try to say ‘oh, pandemic dog’ blah blah.

Yes , we decided to get a dog at the beginning of the pandemic and it was a huge decision to make, he’s been nothing but a bundle of joy (apart from the barking, which only happens when he’s left alone when she’s working, he seems to bark at any sound whatsoever)

When he’s getting attention or if I’m at home all day etc with him he won’t bark at all. So I’m really not sure

Who was the driving force behind getting the dog?

Did you offer to pay the extra 25euro?

How does it get to doggie daycare?

dartboardio

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Who was the driving force behind getting the dog?

Did you offer to pay the extra 25euro?

How does it get to doggie daycare?

It was my mums idea. Both very happy with that decision but it seems her less so nowadays due to this situation with him barking all day if she’s working,

Yeah I’m happy to pay anything at all instead of ‘abandoning’ him which is what it is in my eyes

She drops him to the daycare which she is happy to do

qwerty13

I know you said not for people to say ‘pandemic dog’ - but it is a bit like that: you and your mother got a dog when things were going ok, with the two of you to look after it. But since then, you’ve gone travelling, and your mother has had her own issues to contend with. So basically the dog is not getting the care or attention it needs. Hence the endless barking.

If you’re staying around, can the dog live with you? If not, then I’m not sure you have much say in what happens. Doggy day care is not the same as having a living being that requires constant attention. I know you probably won’t like this, but if neither you nor your mother can commit to be available 24/7 for the dog, maybe it is better for the dog to find it a full time home.

qwerty13

Apologies if I’ve got this wrong - but are you the poster who moved back in with their mother, and the mother spent vet money on booze, and had access to your bank card?

dartboardio

qwerty13 wrote: »

Apologies if I’ve got this wrong - but are you the poster who moved back in with their mother, and the mother spent vet money on booze, and had access to your bank card?

No that’s not me, fortunately!

fits

Very tough situation OP. Is the dog gone already? Perhaps you could get a behaviourist that would help address the root cause of the issue.

qwerty13

dartboardio wrote: »

No that’s not me, fortunately!

Ah grand, sorry!

YellowLead

At the end of the day it’s your mam’s dog and not yours if I am right? You are not home to look after it during the day, or whenever you are travelling.

At least your Mam is rehoming said dog so presumably it will get a nice new home, she’s not just leaving it at the side of the road.

If the dog’s driving your mum around the bend and she’s trying to work from home and contend with alcoholism, rehoming the dog is a very good move for her to make.

Priorities. You mum has hers straight here. Support her on this stuff.

Zebrag

Hi OP

Dogs bark for various reasons, some serious and some out of absolute sheer boredom and lack of attention. The barking leads to attention, even so much to hear "shhhh stop", they know if they keep at this eventually their owner will give them the attention they crave or keep "talking" to them. I gather your dog was bored and your Mam lost the love and patience for the dog. Unfortunate as it is but this can be the case when people get dogs.

At the start it's all fun and games and this cute little puppy is all dewy eyed and willing to follow you around but reality is, they don't understand a lot of what is being said and also baring in mind, they can't physically speak so them barking is letting us know - toilet, food, walk, attention, play etc. It's a matter of understanding when the bark happens (dinner time, play time or even walk times). Dogs aren't stupid. When your dog barks constantly after they were used to a meal at a certain time or a walk at a certain time, eventually their own body clock cops on to this and wonders why its not happening - trained or not.

I've two dogs. Myself and partner work full time. They get a huge bowl of breakfast in the morning with water and outside the back doing their own thing before we leave. During the day, they have plenty of toys and each other to entertain and as soon as I get home from work, it's straight onto the lead and an hours walk. They know this because as soon as the door opens, they bounce up and down towards the leads. As soon as we get back, water, another big bowl of food and they are relax and content for the evening (along with hugs, rubs and kisses) all the while myself or partner can continue what we were doing.

Then there's times I've returned home from work, absolutely exhausted, but my dogs know their body clock and what time it is and will bounce, bark and leap all over me until they get their walks. That's their natural instance to know "yay we are going out now". It's the same for the weekends, I try to keep a set routine so they know they have attention throughout various times of the day and I can still go about my day.

Your Mam just didn't have the capiblity and due to issues that she has, it's extremely understandable why she felt she had no other choice but to rehome your dog. It's not an easy thing to do and I don't think your Mam would have taken it lightly but due to her issues, I would also presume that her mind was so focus on the dog constantly barking that they became a nuisance to her rather than your Mam saying "ill give him a hug and a good walk around". Again, a trained dog still craves attention. A trained dog doesn't mean they just sit and watch and say quiet, they like to bounce around, play, love (and I'm convinced my two laugh but that's just me!) and overal know they are being seen as well.

You have to have patience for a dog IMO. It's nice when they are puppies and running around and you can carry and contain them but as they get older, deveolop personalities and awanress, that's when you really have to focus on WHO they are. I can't just bring one dog for a walk, I've to bring them both or else one of them will walk around the park looking for the other rather than enjoying the fact they are on their own. Mind you they have their moments but they've delevoped a bond between each other - just like they've delevoped a bond between myself and partner.

As harsh as it sounds, I think your Mam made the right choice and it doesn't seem to me she done it out of spite but she already has alcohol issues and is working and that alone trying to juggle is stressful in itself, to add a dog that's craving attention, it's pressure on your Mam. Your Mam needs to find help for herself first. Maybe if you didn't travel a lot or where home more, then circumstances would be different but unfortunately the case is, your Mam just couldn't handle your dog and your dog was barking because they couldn't handle being ignored.

Tork

There's an awful lot of "we" going on in this post but how often have you actually been at home over the past year? It sounds more like your mum is the one who's stuck home alone with this dog while you're offering opinions from afar. Can you clarify where you are at the moment? Is there anything other than opinions that you have to offer your mother? You're not physically there to take the dog for walks, give it attention etc., are you? There could be any number of reasons why this dog is barking so much but I get the impression that she has been left to deal with this by herself.

gmisk

I would have looked into dog training etc before giving the dog up. It doesn't sound like you have been around to help a huge amount?
We trained our dog not to bark at the door bell, postman and the like but it takes time and patience, the younger you start with dogs the better.
Please be careful in finding the dog a good home.

JustAThought

Sorry to hear about the loss of your shared pet OP. Is the dog already gone? What kind of dog is it? Maybe the walks wern’t enough for it &’it had higher energy needs? If its already gone them that’s the end of it sadly. If the dog needed more attention and stimulation than it was getting or your mom was able to give it them perhaps its for the best. No doubt you both really will miss it. But it seems get ability to work and cope and deal with her addiction and deal with the dog were too
much for her.

Big Bag of Chips

dartboardio wrote: »

Anyhow, I’ve been away the last couple of months...

I’m just at a loss of what to think, do or say, I will be home soon and I’m extremely upset over the whole situation. It’s affecting me more than I care to admit

If you want a dog you stay home to take care of it. If you're away for months then you don't get a say. Your mam couldn't cope with the dog. You weren't there to help. She rehomed the dog. Very sensible on her part I think. The dog will now be in a family (we hope) that is in a position to look after it appropriately. Your mam, for various reason wasn't able, and you weren't around.

Big Bag of Chips

Moved to Pets and Pet Care Forum.

Local charter now applies.

dartboardio

Thanks for all the replies to give me more clarity on the situation.

I realise it was a difficult decision to make, it’s just quite upsetting for me and her, and I think it’s more so shining light out on other problems personally for me in relation to life being dysfunctional and changing all the time. I just wish she had spoken to me about it first at least instead of jumping straight into permanently rehoming him. He was rehomed with a friend who loves animals and it’s a good home.

Mod please close or delete the post, thanks.

Tork

I'm sorry this had to happen but it's good that the dog has gone to a good home. I think both you and your mum need to do some reflection here. She obviously has her issues and hopefully she can get back on track again. The last 15 months have been hard for most people. Also, maybe you need to reflect on why you felt the urge to be away so often during this time. Was it really a desire for pastures new or a need to run away from your life back home?

As a wider issue, I have a feeling there will be lots of problems arising from "pandemic dogs" once their owners start to return to their offices. It's going to be a huge shock for these pets to go from having their owners around all the time to being home alone for hours on end. Your mum might have just brought forward the inevitable.

dartboardio

Tork wrote: »

I'm sorry this had to happen but it's good that the dog has gone to a good home. I think both you and your mum need to do some reflection here. She obviously has her issues and hopefully she can get back on track again. The last 15 months have been hard for most people. Also, maybe you need to reflect on why you felt the urge to be away so often during this time. Was it really a desire for pastures new or a need to run away from your life back home?

As a wider issue, I have a feeling there will be lots of problems arising from "pandemic dogs" once their owners start to return to their offices. It's going to be a huge shock for these pets to go from having their owners around all the time to being home alone for hours on end. Your mum might have just brought forward the inevitable.

Thanks for the reply, yeah more than likely I'm starting to feel I travel alot and stay away from home due to the negativity of my own home, as I stated my mum has mental health issues and alcohol addiction issues which obviously I cannot blame her for, however it creates a doom and gloom type of environment and affects those around her of course.

I think the whole situation just has made me start to have that conversation with myself "what's going on inside, what has happened in my life etc"

Im sure I can get over our first pet being rehomed, but it just feels that bit more upsetting because my life seems to be just big change to big change, never any structure and it seems to repeat itself in all sorts of situations like work, friendships, etc and I do feel that's due to the way I was brought up which may have been affected negatively due to the problems my mother had/has over the years.

Not to badmouth her at all, because she brought me up alone and has worked her arse off and paid an entire mortgage, bills, childcare etc all alone.

Anyway sorry about the book there. Clearly I need to see someone! :V

tara73

I think the decision is best made from your mum. she seems in a fragile position and she can't handle the dog, bringing him to a doggy care / pet therapists or whatever, let alone work from home with constant dog barking. fully understandable. maybe she even started to drink again because of the stress it's causing!

where you ever there in the house him full barking the whole day? I don't condemn the dog, poor thing, but we had a neighbour who put his dog in the backyard when he was gone for the day and he barked the whole day. It's so nervewrecking, one start feeling like going on a rampage yourself just to stop it. not nice.

so I think yes, your mum did the right thing.

btw, it's not clear from your opening post, are you living together with your mum, but you're not there most of the time? if you are back from travelling or what it is, if you are so keen on the dog, you should try to take him back and do all the hard work training him, getting to the root why he's barking, working most probably with a dog therapist. good luck.

Edit: OP, just saw your update after I posted, good to see you are seeing the whole picture, my post was aimed to the one who came across as quite selfish, so disregard the strongness in my post, although the facts still stand.

Cherry Blossom

Will all posters please take note that this thread is now in the Pets and Pet Care forum. It may have been moved a little prematurely but discussions of mental health issues and addiction etc. are not suitable for this forum.

Thanks,
CB.

Cherry Blossom

OP, would you like us to move your thread back to PI? Just let us know and we can do that for you.

dartboardio

can you delete this thread please?