Can you enjoy social interactions knowing you're unattractive?

completedit

Makes meeting people suck. I've been thinking about this a lot as we re-emerge back into this AC world. The thoughts of meeting people and mixing makes my skin crawl. Its like I can see right though people's intentions. Why bother wasting time being friendly with someone that has no benefit to you? People want to be validated by who they spend time with.

Does anyone ever have this running monologue in their head when meeting and talking to people?
I always feel people would rather be talking with someone else, romantically or not.

Such is life.

Samuel T. Cogley

Rather be chatting to someone unattractive and interesting that gorgeous and dull. Well in most scenarios anyway :pac:

Username here

completedit wrote: »

I always feel people would rather be talking with someone else, romantically or not

That wouldn't surprise me, if the vibes you give off in real life are anything like I'm getting from your post.

Have you ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy? If you haven't, you should look it up.

Tell me how

completedit wrote: »

Makes meeting people suck. I've been thinking about this a lot as we re-emerge back into this AC world. The thoughts of meeting people and mixing makes my skin crawl. Its like I can see right though people's intentions. Why bother wasting time being friendly with someone that has no benefit to you? People want to be validated by who they spend time with.

Does anyone ever have this running monologue in their head when meeting and talking to people?
I always feel people would rather be talking with someone else, romantically or not.

Such is life.

Does your relationship with your siblings depend on the attractiveness of you to them and vice versa. It definitely doesn't (irrespective of what the posts responding to this are going to say).

Nor do platonic relationships with work colleagues or team mates or cousins etc etc.

Even in a situation where there might be a potential for physical attraction, try to focus on how you engage with someone and them with as if there was no chance of it developing in to more. I think then you'll ultimately be more likely to feel attracted to and by whoever you are with.

One eyed Jack

I don’t get it OP, thread title says one thing, but your post reads like you’re attractive but you don’t find them attractive, so why waste time on them, or them waste time on you?

Ugly as a bag of spanners myself so no expectations and I always enjoy myself, except when in the company of a complete head melt, and then I don’t care how good looking or not they are, I make my excuses and GTFO.

There was that time though when I was polluted drunk and I thought the three lads were being helpful in attempting to carry me home… I sobered up fairly quickly when I realised it wasn’t my home we were going to :pac:

BrianD3

The majority of men are not physically attractive to women so in platonic social interactions I'm not sure it makes any difference if you are objectively ugly vs another man who is objectively above average. Both of you are "meh".

I think you still have a point though but in relation to things other than physical attractiveness. E.g. career "success" and workplace seniority. On several occasions I have been chatting to people at conferences and other networking events and as soon as it became apparent that I was relatively junior, they lost interest, made their excuses and slipped away to find someone more important/useful to them.

Curious_Case

Samuel T. Cogley wrote: »

Rather be chatting to someone unattractive and interesting that gorgeous and dull. Well in most scenarios anyway :pac:

Abso effing lutely !!!

I'd much rather be talking to a less than aesthetically pleasing interesting person than a two dimensional Khardasian* clone

* no idea how they spell they spell their name, they're not in the science or arts books

Dial Hard

You don't find it difficult to talk to people because you're unattractive, it's because of your quite frankly bizarrely transactional approach to basic human interaction. You've had countless threads on this topic. I don't really know what else you expect people to tell you at this stage.

Heckler

"Why bother wasting time being friendly with someone that has no benefit to you?"

Sorry fella but that's an awfully bleak and strange outlook. You're pissing your life away if that's your attitude.

Some of the most interesting and entertaining moments you can have are with random people you may talk to for a minute or two be it at a bus stop, in a shop queue or for an hour in your cups in the smoking area of a pub or waiting for a taxi home at 3am.

"Does anyone ever have this running monologue in their head when meeting and talking to people?"

Ok Mr.Bickle. Worked out well for him.

completedit

completedit wrote: »

Why bother wasting time being friendly with someone that has no benefit to you? People want to be validated by who they spend time with.

Awful outlook to have in life - I am glad I do not share it.

People to me are an end in themselves - not a means to an end. If I ever thought a person was a means to an end - or saw me as one - then I would not want them as a friend or want me to be a friend to them.

I am far from hyper "attractive" myself - and I have never seen it as an issue in relating to any people in my life or family or career.

paw patrol

I don't believe anybody is unattractive , people make themselves unattractive.
Usually by not making an effort.
Attractiveness is earned to a large degree.

A person who wants to be attractive must look after their body

• Half decent body
• Dress well
• clean
• good hair

this is key, as your physical features are the first impression you make.

If you fail at any of these it's no shame. You can make the effort to improve and if you need help each one of those has many professional offering services to assist you.

for example - don't be going down the side street for the 7euro haircut pay the top dollar at a good place.

Men don't often admit to working on their attire or skin - they'll rave about gym though so i can't tell you much beyond me.
I use stuff on my face , drink a fcuk ton of water and train most days in gym and have splashed on a few outfit for going out.

But women are more open about this and all the good looking women that I know , without exception, work hard on keeping themselves pretty using a similar list to above - once you are over 21 that stuff isn't attained naturally it needs effort...maybe by the odd genetic elite.

Second to need a decent personality
Be interesting and have some knowledge to hold a conversation
be confident and easy to be around.
I find asking the other person questions (don't grill them ) works make them feel special

all these can be worked on. Again if its a struggle you can get help from professionals or self help books

Money helps , I'm not gonna lie but ambition speaks louder.
But ultimately it boils down to - how much do you want it?

As said above , if you think you are unattractive you are probably sending out negative vibes and therefore will be.

paw patrol

BrianD3 wrote: »

The majority of men are not physically attractive to women so in platonic social interactions I'm not sure it makes any difference if you are objectively ugly vs another man who is objectively above average. Both of you are "meh".

I don't know if I ever read a more frustrating post.

completedit

completedit wrote: »

Makes meeting people suck. I've been thinking about this a lot as we re-emerge back into this AC world. The thoughts of meeting people and mixing makes my skin crawl. Its like I can see right though people's intentions. Why bother wasting time being friendly with someone that has no benefit to you? People want to be validated by who they spend time with.

Does anyone ever have this running monologue in their head when meeting and talking to people?
I always feel people would rather be talking with someone else, romantically or not.

Such is life.

You have been misunderstood in the thread - you are in fact saying others do not bother with people who are no use to them and this pishes you off.

Given this is the groove you have chosen to vibe with, then at least go all out. Drop the sad face and get happy since you have figured out it matters not one feck either way.

Bitterness is a low vibe waste of a life.

Be interesting. Be interested. Don't mind what others think. Live a freer wilder lovelier more imaginative life than the one you are presently living. What have you got to lose?

Pawwed Rig

paw patrol wrote: »

Money helps , I'm not gonna lie but ambition speaks louder.
But ultimately it boils down to - how much do you want it?.

One leads to the other ime. If a person has ambition and is reasonably smart it is relatively easy in this country to get onto a decent salary.
With a bit of sales ability thrown into the mix 6 figures is not unreasonable.

Ultimately if you are on a good career path I don't think current earnings matter too much but your earning potential will shine through by the way you carry and conduct yourself.

paw patrol

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

One leads to the other ime. If a person has ambition and is reasonably smart it is relatively easy in this country to get onto a decent salary.
With a bit of sales ability thrown into the mix 6 figures is not unreasonable.

Ultimately if you are on a good career path I don't think current earnings matter too much but your earning potential will shine through by the way you carry and conduct yourself.

I don't disagree at all with your assertion but I have met other measures of success that are not financial .
2 people trained me in the past were at (or used to be) a world level in fighting but both weren't 6 figure guys in their careers. yet they commanded respected and had an aura about them.
Now most people aren't competing at that level so career is probably a good measure - so in no way do i disagree with you.

Pawwed Rig

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

If a person has ambition and is reasonably smart it is relatively easy in this country to get onto a decent salary.
With a bit of sales ability thrown into the mix 6 figures is not unreasonable.

Nonsense.


Where you start is what will generally decide how far you get (not always, of course, but more often than not).

Pawwed Rig

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Nonsense.


Where you start is what will generally decide how far you get (not always, of course, but more often than not).

There is nothing stopping you starting again if you started in the wrong place. The amount of opportunities in this country is phenomenal when you compare it to 30 years ago or places like Spain, Greece etc

smacl

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

There is nothing stopping you starting again if you started in the wrong place. The amount of opportunities in this country is phenomenal when you compare it to 30 years ago or places like Spain, Greece etc

Agreed, though there are also some ruthless employers out there that don't look after their staff that well. If you're a hard worker and focus on looking after the needs of your clients to the best of your ability as a matter of priority, new opportunities will tend to show up regularly enough. In my experience (as an employer myself) good conscientious workers with decent communications skills are always at a premium.

Pawwed Rig

That's it. I went back to college in my 30s and switched from a engineering job to a finance job, the latter which had more upside salarywise. There are so many opportunities in Ireland that there were no barriers in my way to do this. The exams were poxy hard and it was stressful and there are some employers who will reject you because of your age profile against other candidates but there were enough opportunities that I still got through it fairly easily.

If I was smarter and better at sales I would be on probably 50% more salary than I am actually on at this stage but I'm definitely way above average wages

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.irishtimes.com/business/economy/average-full-time-salary-in-republic-nearly-49-000-1.4289348%3fmode=amp

Now the above is not a brag it is just an example of how someone who is smart enough, not that handsome and not great at networking can still make a decent career for themselves in this country.

The DayDream

I can guarantee you that the main reason you get the feeling people would rather be talking to someone else is not your looks, if your social skills and conversation is anything like the way you post, which is along the lines of a persecuted incel who feels he was dealt a bad hand.

gormdubhgorm

Personality and confidence triumphs all. If a person is down on themselves people will pick up on it.

You could hardly say singers and Bob Dylan, Luke Kelly had typical Hollywood appearances.
But they had/have a charisma and a confidence
Or actors like Brendan Gleeson, Roger Lloyd-Pack (Trigger in Only Fools and Horses), Pete Postlethwaite (Giuseppe Conlon in The Name of the Father).

Or people in sport like Peter Beardsley or Peter Crouch! Peter Crouch is great example ungainly and awkward but but bundles of personality. His old joke was if had not being a footballer he would have died a virgin!

In the comedy field Peter Kay, George Formby, Ken Dodds etc. Did/do women swoon as swoon as they saw them because of their looks ?


Personality and confidence are things that do not sag with time. A person walks into a room no matter what they look like and has confidence in themselves. Engages with a room, shoulders back, confident walk, eye contact. People are drawn to them. People who are interesting and know how to make 'chat' with anyone.

I read that increased online interactions are causing a cosmetic boom. A 'zoom boom' because people are looking at their own faces more and are more. And are conscious of it. Even among some men getting Botox!

I was doing my weekly shop yesterday and I saw it to its extremes yesterday. It actually shocked me because it was so odd.
There was woman skin tight catsuit type thing, had big massive t!ts on display, real low cut. Likely enhanced. That was not the odd bit yet. The woman clearly had destroyed herself with cosmetic surgery. She had those massive (very obviously enhanced) lips. That could best be described like a baboons arse. It looked like the surgery went extremely wrong.
Yet this woman likely viewed herself as 'attractive' after these surgeries. I nearly shouted out you ruined yourself!

It is all about confidence, people like confidence. I know disabled people some who have impaired speech, some even in wheelchairs. Yet they get involved in the mix of things and find ways to make themselves understood. Laughing and joking.
Diving right in the middle of things

In contrast an able bodied relation of mine has no confidence in himself at all. He is painfully shy in social interactions particularly with people he has not met before. The irony is he would be considered attractive I would say, and was even 'toned' at a young age because of manual work!

People are nothing without confidence in general. And confidence makes attractiveness.

I don't know if Bill Cullen (Irish businessman) would have been considered attractive in his younger days.
But he certainly would have confidence. I remember one thing he said he does.

First thing in the morning he wakes up looks in the mirror and says 'I'm great'.