How to survive a breakup? 37yrs old.

Potatopie

Hey,
I'm finding it really hard at the minute to get over a break up.
I feel so regretful about the relationship and my behaviour and it's making me question everything about myself and my life.
I'm not sure what I should focua on, mostly because all I want to do is stay alone. I've lost interest in my work and my home and I just feel like I'm going really into myself.
Has anyone been through a break up at this age and how did you cope?

I'll never find anyone like him and I also feel like that was my last chance at love and I blew it. and if it was then I just don't have any nice feelings about the future.



I'll never find someone

fits

You just have to go through what you’re feeling. It will get better but it takes time. Be good to yourself in the meantime and surround yourself with supportive people if you can.

Potatopie

fits wrote: »

You just have to go through what you’re feeling. It will get better but it takes time. Be good to yourself in the meantime and surround yourself with supportive people if you can.

Thanks fits!
Yea, I guess! It just feels so ****ty!!

I have got support which I really appreciate. I suppose everyone has their own life and I feel a good bit lonely
Thank you for your message though. Has helped

iamwhoiam

Look after yourself , its like grieving and you have to go through it to come out the other end
And you will come out the other end in time but meantime be sure to let people in and take the support offered
Eat when you can and try to walk and take excercise and sit and let it all out when you need to . Be kind to yourself

YellowLead

There’s no easy way through this I’m afraid. There’s also nothing wrong per se with asking yourself questions - but about the future and about what you want rather than what went wrong etc.

It’s unfortunate that you feel you won’t find anyone else - there’s no reason to think that will be the case, there’s as much hope to think that you will!

If you have lost interest in work and your home etc, could you take some annual leave to give yourself a break? Get away on a spa trip to a nice hotel for a couple of days? Treat yourself to something nice - clothes, art, coffee machine - whatever you are into?
I know therapy is the oft suggested answer, but it helped a friend of mine after a really bad break up when she was 35 and felt she’d lost her chance. A year later she met somebody else and now it looks like marriage is on the cards. Without the therapy, I’m not sure if she would have been able to pull her socks up and see a positive future.

fits

Potatopie wrote: »

Thanks fits!
Yea, I guess! It just feels so ****ty!!

I have got support which I really appreciate. I suppose everyone has their own life and I feel a good bit lonely
Thank you for your message though. Has helped

I went through a bad one ten years ago. Couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. All I could do was walk and walk and drive around to take my mind off it. Did some nice things but honestly in the early days they were a bit wasted on me. Friends helped. Watch some crappy stuff on Netflix etc. Stay away from the booze for a while. You will get through it.

Potatopie

fits wrote: »

I went through a bad one ten years ago. Couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. All I could do was walk and walk and drive around to take my mind off it. Did some nice things but honestly in the early days they were a bit wasted on me. Friends helped. Watch some crappy stuff on Netflix etc. Stay away from the booze for a while. You will get through it.

Yes, I need to become better at filling my evenings. At the moment, it's just so easy to pour a spritzer after work to make the evening a bit more enjoyable and make it go quicker.
Any good recommendations for things to watch on Netflix?

Potatopie

YellowLead wrote: »

There’s no easy way through this I’m afraid. There’s also nothing wrong per se with asking yourself questions - but about the future and about what you want rather than what went wrong etc.

It’s unfortunate that you feel you won’t find anyone else - there’s no reason to think that will be the case, there’s as much hope to think that you will!

If you have lost interest in work and your home etc, could you take some annual leave to give yourself a break? Get away on a spa trip to a nice hotel for a couple of days? Treat yourself to something nice - clothes, art, coffee machine - whatever you are into?
I know therapy is the oft suggested answer, but it helped a friend of mine after a really bad break up when she was 35 and felt she’d lost her chance. A year later she met somebody else and now it looks like marriage is on the cards. Without the therapy, I’m not sure if she would have been able to pull her socks up and see a positive future.

Thanks so much! That's really helpful. Probably quite true that I don't know what I want right now. Looking forward just doesn't feel enjoyable. It definitely makes me uncomfortable.
But yea, suppose that would be a good place to start!

fits

Bridgerton ( again, if necessary!)

Potatopie

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Look after yourself , its like grieving and you have to go through it to come out the other end
And you will come out the other end in time but meantime be sure to let people in and take the support offered
Eat when you can and try to walk and take excercise and sit and let it all out when you need to . Be kind to yourself

Thanks so much. Really good advice. You sound so wise !!!

iamwhoiam

Dead to Me . Funny and a bit of distraction

Potatopie

fits wrote: »

Bridgerton ( again, if necessary!)

Yea it definitely was good!

Doodoo

Don't give up hope. I was in a similar situation when I was 38. At 39 I met my other half. 2 and a half years later I was married, 9 months after that we had our first child. 12 months after that we had our second.

Purge all of her stuff, photos, presents, block on Facebook, etc.

Surround yourself with friends and family as much as possible.

You now have more free time, take up hobbies and activities that you have been procrastinating, especially ones that get you out and about. This is the most important piece of advice. Fill your calendar to the brim.

Try to avoid drinking excessively, unless you're with friends having the craic.

Wait. In time, you stop giving a ****.

You'll find someone else when you're ready.

Good luck.

appledrop

OP sorry your going through this. Fits had great advice there.

Take time for yourself, cry as much as you need and watch trashy T.V!

Make sure you have a good supportive network around you and try to meet up with friends/family if your feeling lonely at any stage. That can be the hardest part losing the person that you did things with.

Don't give up hope your still young and you never know whats around the corner when you ready for it.

Potatopie

Doodoo wrote: »

Don't give up hope. I was in a similar situation when I was 38. At 39 I met my other half. 2 and a half years later I was married, 9 months after that we had our first child. 12 months after that we had our second.

Such a beautiful story x
Congrats x
Thanks for your message

Potatopie

appledrop wrote: »

OP sorry your going through this. Fits had great advice there.

Take time for yourself, cry as much as you need and watch trashy T.V!

Make sure you have a good supportive network around you and try to meet up with friends/family if your feeling lonely at any stage. That can be the hardest part losing the person that you did things with.

Don't give up hope your still young and you never know whats around the corner when you ready for it.

Thanks a mil appledrop!!
Trashy TV to the rescue!!

Potatopie

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Purge all of her stuff, photos, presents, block on Facebook, etc.

Surround yourself with friends and family as much as possible.

You now have more free time, take up hobbies and activities that you have been procrastinating, especially ones that get you out and about. This is the most important piece of advice. Fill your calendar to the brim.

Try to avoid drinking excessively, unless you're with friends having the craic.

Wait. In time, you stop giving a ****.

You'll find someone else when you're ready.

Good luck.

Thanks a mil!!!
Sound advice!!

appledrop

Potatopie wrote: »

Thanks a mil appledrop!!
Trashy TV to the rescue!!

Yep & throw in a bit of Adele if you really want a good cry to get it all out!

Heartbreak is horrible but you will get through it. We have all unfortunately been there at one stage or another.

Gekko

Laughter is a good medicine and positive for your mental health so find comedies on Netflix etc and binge as required

Everyone’s sense of humour is different but I recently enjoyed Schitts Creek, Parks and Recreation, and The US Office - binged on every single episode of each over some months!

Try to exercise or do sport if you can as natural endorphins will help your mental health too and hopefully take your mind off negative thoughts

Taeholic

Potatopie wrote: »

I'm not sure what I should focua on, mostly because all I want to do is stay alone. I've lost interest in my work and my home and I just feel like I'm going really into myself.
Has anyone been through a break up at this age and how did you cope?

I'll never find someone

Hi OP,

You're not alone, I was you 3 years ago. Now at 39 I'm in a healthy happy relationship and I'm grateful for the awful breakup because it gave me the reality check I needed.

For now you don't need to focus on anything other than yourself. It's ok to have those days where you want to be alone but not everyday. It can be a slippery slope. As cliche as it sounds time is a great healer.

Right now you just need to be kind to yourself. Do the things you like even if it's putting your favourite playlist on and dancing around your kitchen. Or watching mindless tv. Getting outside for a walk. Cook your favourite meals.

I'm also a big fan of writing, I find it really therapeutic. Just let it all out on a piece of paper, burn it afterwards if you want. There's no judgement from others, no trying to find the right words, just you and your thoughts. It really helped me get perspective. And it's important not to judge or blame yourself either, we're all just doing our best. We all make mistakes so be kind to yourself and tell yourself you'll do better next time.

ILoveYourVibes

Potatopie wrote: »

Hey,
I'm finding it really hard at the minute to get over a break up.
I feel so regretful about the relationship and my behaviour and it's making me question everything about myself and my life.
I'm not sure what I should focua on, mostly because all I want to do is stay alone. I've lost interest in my work and my home and I just feel like I'm going really into myself.
Has anyone been through a break up at this age and how did you cope?

I'll never find anyone like him and I also feel like that was my last chance at love and I blew it. and if it was then I just don't have any nice feelings about the future.



I'll never find someone

The truth is actually the opposite for most people.

Being single is a temporary state. So enjoy it while you can.

When you end up in a relationship or worse married ! :eek:

That is WAY more permanent. Being single is not here forever ..so enjoy it make the most of it!

Maxxx17

Don't be sad and fold your arms! Do you think it's hard to have a relationship at your age? As for me in such a situation I see one way out. Distract yourself. Find new acquaintances. Maybe even a partner. To socialize. Don't just sit still and be discouraged. Yeah it's embarrassing coming of age. So what? I divorced my wife a couple of years ago. I was almost 40 at the time. I thought it was over. I was gonna be alone for the rest of my life. A friend of mine tried to help me with that problem. He gave me a dating site. I didn't believe in online dating until the last minute. I found a very beautiful girl there. I thought we'd hang out for a while and then we'd stop. Just a fling. But no. Dating is a good thing after all. It saves the lives of the desperate. Now I'm married again. And I'm very happy. Take my advice. You will surely find a new loved one.