Saw my ex last night, feel wistful. Am in a LTR relationship, feel guilty

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

Just a confusing one for me really.

Last night, I was having a drink with my girlfriend and she went to get another drink for us (takeaway drinks).

While she was gone, I was sitting on a wall and enjoying the atmosphere when all of a sudden my ex appeared out of nowhere, sad hi, and gave me a hug. I hadn't seen her in years (she was travelling and I didn't know she was home) and I was a bit shook if I'm honest. We didn't say much but a quick hello and goodbye. We hugged and she went away again.

I don't know if it's the fact I was tipsy from my pint, but it really made me feel of wistful.

We were really young (pre-teens) and were a 'couple' for a while but we never did anything, except hold hands. That fizzled out and years went by but we stayed friends, in and out of contact. When I was an older teen, she broke up with her boyfriend and sort of turned to me for comfort, and we spent the summer together being really really close friends. I now know (and my friends even told me later) that she sort of played with my feelings using me as a shoulder knowing I was head over heels with her. It all ended on a good note, where we just fizzled out but still stayed friends.

I feel so strange since I saw her, in that I'm thinking about her constantly. We only exchanged a few words and it's probably for the best (don't know who she is now as I hadn't seen her in at least 8 years), but I can't get her face out of my mind.

I'm in a 10 year relationship now and my current GF knows my history. I am a nostalgic person and always have one foot in the past but I have no intention of moving on from my current relationship, but f*ck me this is a confusing situation for me.

tl;dr: I saw my ex last night for the first time in about 7-8 years, and even though we parted amicably and I'm in a 10 year relationship, I'm thinking about her constantly since I saw her.

Jequ0n

What are you asking?
You bumped into your ex who has as little interest in you as you do.

Westernyelp

Put her out of your head. You were tipsy and a bit nostalgic. There is nothing there. Forget.

YellowLead

It was just a blast from the past. Somebody you were once into and the brain is just flooded with that memory. Just like it would be if you had a childhood candy bar etc.
Stop indulging it and dwelling on it and it will go away.

The only reason I’d worry about it would be if it was a sign you aren’t super happy in your current relationship and therefore your head is easily turned, but you’ve said you are happy so just let it go.

If you think of something else whenever she pops into your head thoughts of her will go away on their own.

Dave0301

Replace the term "ex" with your "teenage crush that strung you along" and see if you are feeling as wistful as you are now.

Put it out of your head and focus on your current relationship.

dobman88

Is someone you held hands with when you were 12 considered an ex? Sounds like you're creating a whole load of drama in your head. Shes nothing more than an old friend that you fancied and the feeling wasnt mutual. Forget about it and move on

LegacyUser

Is there anything to be read into your girlfriend still being a girlfriend and not a wife after 10 years together? Maybe this reluctance to fully commit, along with meeting this old friend, point to something that isn't quite right with your current relationship.

Deeper Blue

Am I right in saying you never as much as shared a kiss with this person?

Forget and move on

qwerty13

You were pre teens. So 12 yo max. That was 7/8 yrs ago. So you’re 20 now, and in a 10 yr relationship? Have I got that right?

If I have got that right, you’re behaving really really oddly about someone that you met in primary school, who you two-timed between the ages of 10 to 12 during your current 10 yr relationship. Please tell me that I’ve got this wrong! If I’m right, then seeking help may be your best option.

Ok I’ve reread twice. So you didn’t go out with her in teenage yrs, but hung out together. So she hasn’t been your ex (an exaggerated interpretation) since age 12 max … when nothing happened. Can you clarify the timeline? I’m finding this hard to understand. Is your name Connell?

Right, so it appears that at age 12 you held this girls hand.

In later teens (16?) You were her strung along friend

You saw her 8 years ago, 2 years into your current relationship.

Now you met her, she hugged you and wandered off.

All seems odd to me. I still see some of my exes and none feel inclined to randomly hug me as far as I know

qwerty13

He saw her on 06/06/2021 as I read it!

Idle Passerby

Niner leprauchan wrote: »

All seems odd to me. I still see some of my exes and none feel inclined to randomly hug me as far as I know

She's not an ex though by most people's understanding of the word, she's a childhood friend, so theres nothing unusual in the hug there.

OP, you bumped into a friend from school, they were friendly towards you and that was it. It's hardly cause for such intense rumination. Does your girlfriend find it odd that your obsessing over a girl you fancied as a teenager? Because I probably would.

Widdensushi

"A relit cigarette never tastes the same" , I don't smoke but imo don't ever go back, sounds like it might be time for you to move on, especially if you haven't committed after ten years, move forward, not backwards.

o1s1n

Widdensushi wrote: »

"A relit cigarette never tastes the same" , I don't smoke but imo don't ever go back, sounds like it might be time for you to move on, especially if you haven't committed after ten years, move forward, not backwards.

Ten years with someone is a commitment in itself, not everyone needs or wants to get married.

OP, this girl wasnt your ex, you're pining for something that didn't actually exist.

Rubberchikken

I think you're pining for a more innocent time. Try to let it go.
You say you're happy with your partner. Nostalgia and alcohol are a poor combination at the best if time.
Maybe in time you'll be glad it never came to anything. Someone who plays anyone along knowing how the person feels isn't the best partner to have.

ZX7R

Sounds like a child hood crush, your still young 20 years old fist love memories fade over time, that feeling you had is for a child that has grown into a woman.
Same as you were a boy that has grown into a man.
10 years have passed there is no way that either of you are the same persons as then.
Enjoy your memories, but realizes what happened in the past stays in the past never to be replicated.

leggo

Just to back up that I find this a bit over the top and dramatic. I don’t see how you can consider this person your ex tbh. I mean, maybe, if you had spent your life totally devoid of any sexual contact and this was as significant as it got I’d be a bit sympathetic...but you’re in a substantial 10 year relationship!

I don’t know. I’m not trying to be cruel here OP, I just think you need a bit of a harsh reality check. This comes across a bit like you’re bored and making a mountain out of a molehill for the sake of a bit of drama and excitement. In reality this person likely doesn’t call you her ex and, all evidence suggests, if she hasn’t grown up and has even thought twice about you it’s to see if you’ll still say “how high” if she says “jump.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvA0UBesfbY

Hope you'll see the joke in the song OP, the writer eventually met his ex and realised it wasn't her he was in love with, it was that he missed being 15 years old and having the world ahead of him. I daresay a lot of art is about what you're going through, "the one that got away" but you need to separate what you are feeling from the person you have attached those feelings to.

Personally think nostalgia is a great ill of modern life, at it's extreme you see people voting on idealised pasts in the US and the UK. What are you nostalgic for? What purpose is it serving? What is it making you avoid in the present?

ManOfMystery

I don't think you've necessarily got feelings for this girl, as such - you were pre-teens, did nothing more than hold hands, etc. She was only a child and so were you.

You're probably pining more for what is represented by those memories that she has triggered - being young, excited by having a girlfriend, excited about the future, innocence, etc. She embodies all that, but as an adult, you don't really know her at all. This is probably exacerbated by being in a 10yr relationship - whilst I'm sure you love your gf very much, I imagine the exciting honeymoon phase of it is long past.

I get similar sentimental feelings all the time and they're often triggered by a song, food or something else that takes me back to a younger and more carefree age. I find myself pining for those times but then remind myself that we can only look forward, not backwards. They're happy memories to have but can never be repeated. I also remind myself that when I was that age all I wanted to do was be older so I could do all the 'cool stuff' that adults do!!

Katgurl

I cannot believe you consider this woman your ex or that you seem to believe you have a decision to make. You really need to wake up and focus on reality. How is your life, your relationship?