Friend wants to stay

waterfordwendy

I would be very happy to meet a friend I have not seen in a while, who wants to visit me for a weekend from another town. This person loves to drink, smoke and can be a bit invasive when they visit in terms of inviting others over and banging doors late. I suppose I was the same 10 years ago.

As I said I would really like a catch up with this friend but not over a full night and certainly not a weekend. 5 hours would be enough before the smell of smoke becomes too much for me.

Am I a bad friend? What would you do? Laying out ground rules has been a waste of time in the past.

Car99

waterfordwendy wrote: »

I would be very happy to meet a friend I have not seen in a while, who wants to visit me for a weekend from another town. This person loves to drink, smoke and can be a bit invasive when they visit in terms of inviting others over and banging doors late. I suppose I was the same 10 years ago.

As I said I would really like a catch up with this friend but not over a full night and certainly not a weekend. 5 hours would be enough before the smell of smoke becomes too much for me.

Am I a bad friend? What would you do? Laying out ground rules has been a waste of time in the past.

Doesnt sound like you'll enjoy it, if you're not going to enjoy them visiting I'd make my excuses and suggest an alternative get together that you would enjoy.

California Dreamer

That would be a hard no from me! Sounds like friend is looking for a free loading weekend and has just said this is happening. Make your excuses, blame covid, whatever but I would bail from that one.

gifted

How do you know your friend hasn't changed like you have in the last 10 years.

YellowLead

I just think there kinda rude is said friend to expect to stay as well as visit. Just make an excuse and say you have an elderly relative staying who has been vaccinated but is still very frightened of covid and wouldn’t be comfortable. Or that you are getting the whole house painted.
I don’t know how far away you guys live from each other but you could meet half way? Or hotels are open now they could stay in one.

lawred2

You could just say that you don't allow smoking in the house.

Which is how it is in most homes.

Dublinstiofán

You got to them and come home whenever suits you!

SuperSean11

Just set ground rules. It’ll be great to catch up again but we won’t be…*insert what you said*. If they don’t accept, they can stay at the BnB

Pauliedragon

Tell them you're after catching Covid. Might as well make some use of the ****er that's destroyed society.

Gone Drinking

This is after hours.. you may put up and put out.

Thanks

Hoboo

waterfordwendy wrote: »

Turns out most of my friendships were circumstantial friendships; the pub. Most of my calls to these people for a chat over the past few months were ignored, even meeting on the street they didn't know what to say to me sober and without a pint in hand. Looking back I guess I never invested time into making friends outside the pub scene, a real regret at the moment. Just an eye opener and something I did not expect to discover in my late 30s.

Has anyone else lost friendships in the past year?

Person who makes friends in pubs caught up in "my friends like smoking and drinking" shocker.

California Dreamer

Hoboo wrote: »

Person who makes friends in pubs caught up in "my friends like smoking and drinking" shocker.

Nothing like some good old fashioned AH judgement to start a Friday morning! :rolleyes:

lawred2

California Dreamer wrote: »

Nothing like some good old fashioned AH judgement to start a Friday morning! :rolleyes:

Watch the likes roll in though

Fils

Tell them you dont do anal any more due to COVID.

xzanti

Let me get this straight. You are a non smoker and this person comes and freely smokes in your home??

Do you leave out and ash tray and tell them to make themselves at home? If not, then I would have to tell this person to politely f*ck off!!!!!!!

Do you drink and stay up late with them? Or are they using your home as a party pad without your participation?

Fils

xzanti wrote: »

Let me get this straight. You are a non smoker and this person comes and freely smokes in your home??

Do you leave out and ash tray and tell them to make themselves at home? If not, then I would have to tell this person to politely f*ck off!!!!!!!

Do you drink and stay up late with them? Or are they using your home as a party pad without your participation?

The op has dreamt this fairy tale up.

antodeco

Tell them you've switched to a vegan naked lifestyle. When in your home you believe in not wearing any clothes. Make sure they're comfortable with having to do the same

Larbre34

Tell em not until you are both vaccinated, that'll buy you time. Then you go to them instead.

Larbre34

Fils wrote: »

The op has dreamt this fairy tale up.

I'm not so sure. Some people are what are known in life as milquetoasts.

Is she good looking, OP?

California Dreamer

California Dreamer wrote: »

Nothing like some good old fashioned AH judgement to start a Friday morning! :rolleyes:

He searched a 4 month old post from the op for that.

Fils

Fils wrote: »

The op has dreamt this fairy tale up.

It’s really unbelievable all right. Way out there.

Op these kinds of posts are better in personal issues

Ash.J.Williams

waterfordwendy wrote: »

I would be very happy to meet a friend I have not seen in a while, who wants to visit me for a weekend from another town. This person loves to drink, smoke and can be a bit invasive when they visit in terms of inviting others over and banging doors late. I suppose I was the same 10 years ago.

As I said I would really like a catch up with this friend but not over a full night and certainly not a weekend. 5 hours would be enough before the smell of smoke becomes too much for me.

Am I a bad friend? What would you do? Laying out ground rules has been a waste of time in the past.

make it so it's impossible to stay over

veryangryman

waterfordwendy wrote: »

I would be very happy to meet a friend I have not seen in a while, who wants to visit me for a weekend from another town. This person loves to drink, smoke and can be a bit invasive when they visit in terms of inviting others over and banging doors late. I suppose I was the same 10 years ago.

As I said I would really like a catch up with this friend but not over a full night and certainly not a weekend. 5 hours would be enough before the smell of smoke becomes too much for me.

Am I a bad friend? What would you do? Laying out ground rules has been a waste of time in the past.

I've had similar situations. Just say you don't want to strain the friendship and you're picky over who you let stay etc. Do it in a text so they can't interrupt and will take it in. Yeah it seems cowardly to text, but otherwise you're open to emotional manipulation.

Your gaff, your rules.

Jerry Attrick

Larbre34 wrote: »

I'm not so sure. Some people are what are known in life as milquetoasts.

That's the second time in a month that I've seen that word, having never previously encountered it during my >60 years on this planet!

Dubmany

waterfordwendy wrote: »

I would be very happy to meet a friend I have not seen in a while, who wants to visit me for a weekend from another town. This person loves to drink, smoke and can be a bit invasive when they visit in terms of inviting others over and banging doors late. I suppose I was the same 10 years ago.

As I said I would really like a catch up with this friend but not over a full night and certainly not a weekend. 5 hours would be enough before the smell of smoke becomes too much for me.

Am I a bad friend? What would you do? Laying out ground rules has been a waste of time in the past.

Accept the invitation but take the lead in organising activities. Choose activities that don't involve so much drink, visit some historic sites, go to the cinema, a café rather than a pub etc.

California Dreamer

Fils wrote: »

Tell them you dont do anal any more due to COVID.

Nothing like suggesting to someones daughter that they dont engage in sex acts like that! :rolleyes:

ZuM16

Friend of mine had the same issue. He was introduced to this guy by another friend who then quickly left and then for the past 6 years this guy has been showing up randomly for a few weeks at my friends house. It wouldnt be too bad except the guy is the most boring person in the world. Just sits there on the couch staring, doesn't want to watch tv or have a cup of tea so they just sit around with these long protracted silences! One time my friend was taking a bath and the guy just came in and started using the toilet.

Anyway in the end the guy was struck by lightening while playing mini golf. He was fine though and still calls by each year, just sitting there, on the couch. Not a bad painter though.

Fils

California Dreamer wrote: »

Nothing like suggesting to someones daughter that they dont engage in sex acts like that! :rolleyes:

You’re the one dreaming up of sex act with some ones daughter, weirdo.

Tony EH

waterfordwendy wrote: »

I would be very happy to meet a friend I have not seen in a while, who wants to visit me for a weekend from another town. This person loves to drink, smoke and can be a bit invasive when they visit in terms of inviting others over and banging doors late. I suppose I was the same 10 years ago.

As I said I would really like a catch up with this friend but not over a full night and certainly not a weekend. 5 hours would be enough before the smell of smoke becomes too much for me.

Am I a bad friend? What would you do? Laying out ground rules has been a waste of time in the past.

Tell him not to smoke when in your house. Your gaff, your rules. If they aren't cool with that, tell to fuck off.

Tony EH

antodeco wrote: »

Tell them you've switched to a vegan naked lifestyle. When in your home you believe in not wearing any clothes. Make sure they're comfortable with having to do the same

In this house Thursday is nude day...

waterfordwendy

Thanks, some helpful posts in here! I feel bad but we all have people we like but do not want to take in for a weekend. I think I'll go with the poster who said just be direct that you find it too much having people stay over. If I make an excuse for that particular weekend the person would not take the hint and just suggest another weekend. I will add that this person has other friends in my town, and not just me, so it's likely they feel the same way.

Also, I know if I let the person stay once it will become a regular thing. I like seeing people but I really value my own space in the evenings/nights.

Strumms

If they smoke in your house, without asking permission, that’s usually a non smoking house.... they are a gimp of the highest order... seriously who would do that ? Get invited to the house of a non smoker and light up ?

here somebody needs a smoke, they would go outside....not wait to be invited, just use their initiative and common sense and go...

buried

Invite them around but then tell them that your favourite music is now Merzbow. You have to listen to Merzbow. You have to listen to him every night in order to unwind and relax, and you have to play it really really really loud.

After they've made up some excuse to immediately get the hell out your house, then you can get back to listening to some Merzbow

waterfordwendy

In fairness the person smokes at the door but the smell of weed blows all over my house and into the neighbours windows.

IrishLad90

Not sure if you are familiar with the documentary 'Get him to the greek' but in these situations it is important to Alpha dog and become the beast that your -mate is trying to portray.. Do the party do the drugs but dont do it in your own place...

California Dreamer

Fils wrote: »

You’re the one dreaming up of sex act with some ones daughter, weirdo.

Fils wrote: »

Tell them you dont do anal any more due to COVID.

You mean as opposed to you making this statement to the OP? You think this is a good suggestion?

Hamsterchops

waterfordwendy wrote: »

IThis person loves to drink, smoke and can be a bit invasive when they visit in terms of inviting others over and banging doors late.

Well then, that would be a big fat NO from me.

waterfordwendy

What's the best way to approach this honestly and directly? To be honest I would not want anyone staying over, a few hours of company is enough for me. I am sure we all have friends we would not like to have stay with over a certain length of time

James 007

waterfordwendy wrote: »

I would be very happy to meet a friend I have not seen in a while, who wants to visit me for a weekend from another town. This person loves to drink, smoke and can be a bit invasive when they visit in terms of inviting others over and banging doors late. I suppose I was the same 10 years ago.

As I said I would really like a catch up with this friend but not over a full night and certainly not a weekend. 5 hours would be enough before the smell of smoke becomes too much for me.

Am I a bad friend? What would you do? Laying out ground rules has been a waste of time in the past.

Listen friend if you don't want me to stay, I get it, I'll take my bag of weed elsewhere & get stoned:rolleyes:

Fils

California Dreamer wrote: »

You mean as opposed to you making this statement to the OP? You think this is a good suggestion?

Your daughter sex thing is just creepy now.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

waterfordwendy wrote: »

What's the best way to approach this honestly and directly? To be honest I would not want anyone staying over, a few hours of company is enough for me. I am sure we all have friends we would not like to have stay with over a certain length of time

Be honest. Tell them you don't have the energy to host for an entire weekend. The smell of weed gives you a headache and you're taking a break from alcohol for health reasons.

How far are we talking about? Would you be able to visit them for a fee hours?

beertons

Are yee going to be having sex too?

waterfordwendy

beertons wrote: »

Are yee going to be having sex too?

Certainly not

Celmullet

We have a pretty solid excuse as a society at the moment. "Can't have anyone stay over... Covid". Job done.

Fils

waterfordwendy wrote: »

Certainly not

5 bottles of merlot and that may be different.

Ash.J.Williams

ZuM16 wrote: »

Friend of mine had the same issue. He was introduced to this guy by another friend who then quickly left and then for the past 6 years this guy has been showing up randomly for a few weeks at my friends house. It wouldnt be too bad except the guy is the most boring person in the world. Just sits there on the couch staring, doesn't want to watch tv or have a cup of tea so they just sit around with these long protracted silences! One time my friend was taking a bath and the guy just came in and started using the toilet.

Anyway in the end the guy was struck by lightening while playing mini golf. He was fine though and still calls by each year, just sitting there, on the couch. Not a bad painter though.

Funny ****er though

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnrHaMa4xnE

veryangryman

Celmullet wrote: »

We have a pretty solid excuse as a society at the moment. "Can't have anyone stay over... Covid". Job done.

Works for 2 weeks, then he asks again and you're at the need to take your own death stage

razorblunt

"We're / I'm not having people stay over at the moment"

If it's pushed, not that it's any of their business, just say you're getting some work done.