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To attend funeral or not.. ?

  • 01-06-2021 10:05pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭ sporina


    Hi folks, A Q for you..

    A friend (B) has passed away.. a mutual friend (P) and the deceased (B) fell out a few years ago - they hadn't spoken since.. they wer close before the row - argued from time to time but essentially they wer good mates (before the row that is).. but the row was nasty.. and now P doesn't know whether or not they should go to the funeral - what do you think?


Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 6,020 ✭✭✭ dobman88


    sporina wrote: »
    Hi folks, A Q for you..

    A friend (B) has passed away.. a mutual friend (P) had a row with the deceased (B) a few years ago - they hadn't spoken since.. they wer close before the row - argued from time to time but essentially they wer good mates - before the row that is.. the row was nasty.. and now they don't know whether or not they should go tot he funeral - what do you think?

    Nope. P shouldn't go. The friendship was done. They didn't speak before the death. Going wouldn't make any sense and might just create questions from family. Also, it's an extra person taking up a space with current limits in place.. The time to make contact and rekindle the friendship was any time from the falling out until the day of death. Not now, it's too late.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭ sporina


    dobman88 wrote: »
    Nope. P shouldn't go. The friendship was done. They didn't speak before the death. Going wouldn't make any sense and might just create questions from family. Also, it's an extra person taking up a space with current limits in place.. The time to make contact and rekindle the friendship was any time from the falling out until the day of death. Not now, it's too late.

    thanks for posting..

    my own take on it would be that they should go... they knew each other for 12 years... wer v close for 10 of those years.. it was a drunken row - which I think makes a big difference..

    B died young and suddenly - totally unexpected.. P is v shocked - we all are.. I think she should go - in honour of the good they have between them... it doesn't mean she has to forget all about the row.. but it would be a way to tell him that she is glad she had him as a friend - and it was a shame they fell out.. or what ever she feels is in her heart.. I think she would regret not going.. there can only be good from being there.. and I think the deceased would appreciate it too


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,287 ✭✭✭ HildaOgdenx


    With the restrictions at present, (off the top of my head it's fifty that can be in attendance), I imagine it's up to the family to decide who they want to be there.


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,020 ✭✭✭ dobman88


    sporina wrote: »
    thanks for posting..

    my own take on it would be that they should go... they knew each other for 12 years... wer v close for 10 of those years.. it was a drunken row - which I think makes a big difference..

    B died young and suddenly - totally unexpected.. P is v shocked - we all are.. I think she should go - in honour of the good they have between them... it doesn't mean she has to forget all about the row.. but it would be a way to tell him that she is glad she had him as a friend - and it was a shame they fell out.. or what ever she feels is in her heart.. I think she would regret not going.. there can only be good from being there.. and I think the deceased would appreciate it too

    Fair enough. You know the situation better than anyone here tbf. I was just posting from my own perspective and what I would/wouldn't do. I wouldn't be going to a funeral of someone I'd had a massive falling out with and I'd hope they wouldn't come to mine just because they're now wracked with guilt.

    Tbf, she had plenty of time to tell him she was glad of the friendship when he was alive, why didn't she? Now he has died she is probably just full of regret and while that's bad for her, it means nothing to the person that died now. She can't tell him anything now about how glad she was to have him as a friend, the time has passed.

    I think I'm sounding incredibly harsh, and its not meant to sound like that. Its just the reality of the situation unfortunately.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,429 ✭✭✭ Tork


    I'm sorry but I see P's wish to go to the funeral as a self-serving gesture. It's something that's all about helping P feel better about herself. Your argument is putting words in B's mouth and we don't know what he would've wanted. For all we know, he was happy to have P gone out of his life and that there's more to this rift than just the argument. Also, how do you think B's family will feel if P shows up to the funeral? They might not want to see her either.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,282 ✭✭✭ Fandymo


    sporina wrote: »
    Hi folks, A Q for you..

    A friend (B) has passed away.. a mutual friend (P) and the deceased (B) fell out a few years ago - they hadn't spoken since.. they wer close before the row - argued from time to time but essentially they wer good mates (before the row that is).. but the row was nasty.. and now P doesn't know whether or not they should go to the funeral - what do you think?

    P needs to decide for himself. If it were me, I’d go.


  • Registered Users Posts: 839 ✭✭✭ monkeyslayer


    Go to the funeral. No question


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭ sporina


    the funeral is over - she went and is v glad she did - I am v glad for her too - glad I persuaded her! I am sure that the deceased was glad too (if he was aware of her attendance) - RIP R...

    thanks all for your replies.. was good to get some views on it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,787 ✭✭✭ Mrcaramelchoc


    It depends. If the row was just between the two of them i would go.the family would be glad to see him im sure.
    But if it was a row that included or was about eithers family. Don't go send a mass card .


    Edit

    See i was right


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