All my ex's moved on

LegacyUser

Hi so ive realized something recently! Everyone of my ex's found 'the one' straight after being with me and its made me feel really insecure.
My first boyfriend S broke up with me and within months was with his new girlfriend, theyve been together 15 years and have 2 children together.

My second boyfriend H - my longest relationship lasting 4 years, after we broke up I didnt see him again for 5 years or so before bumping into him at a party, I was extremely drunk and made an absolute fool of myself, after this within 3 months he was seeing someone new, theyve been together 7 years and bought a house.

My third short term ex boyfriend N met his would be new girlfriend when we were together, he cut me off completely and nearly 10 years later they have a house and a child together.

My ex G had a string of women in his past and when he was with me he cheated constantly. After we split up he met his new girlfriend within a couple of months and theyve been steady for 6 years, his longest relationship!

Im in my 30's and still single while all my ex's are in secure relationships with women they met directly after being with me.

What does this say about me? I cant help but feel its some sort of bad reflection on me!

Opinions?

TheadoreT

I'd suggest the cheaters are still cheating and probably not all of the relationships are as secure as you're making out but good luck to the ones that found someone more compatible.

Your post is hugely problematic, I wouldn't have a clue what half my exes are up to, you seem to make it your business to find out and take any of their perceived happiness after you as negative reflection on yourself. Counselling is badly needed in this case to change your thought patterns.

tony1kenobi

This is the exact plot of the film Good Luck Chuck.

I can’t remember for certain, but I think Jessica Alba can break the curse.

I would suggest you get in touch with Jessica Alba.

Padre_Pio

I've had two exes that married the next guy they dated.
The second (5 year relationship) was engaged 7 months after we broke up.

I think it's more a symptom of people tending to get married late 20's/early 30's and sure how bad.
They're wrecking someone else's head now instead of yours.

Thelonious Monk

I know 2 people I went out with before seem to be happily married/kids now, and I'm happy for them. If I was the stepping stone they needed to be happy then I'm glad I paid a part in that, even if it was just to show them what they don't want!

StudentDad

Hi OP,

It is tough to see ex's move on without you and form relationships and on the surface at least have 'the perfect' relationship. However, in a sense you're dwelling in the past. What could have been. At the end of the day you can only be you. Hang onto the positives of those past relationships and move on.
Be happy for them.

SD

This has happened me too I've realised..

I was kind of thinking maybe they were like "Anyone but him..you'll do.."

Ah no..What the poster above says is true though..All you can do is be happy for them and move on..

YellowLead

In a way you moved on too? So you have multiple ex’s therefore must have moved from one to the other

If you are worried that there is something specific that you are doing, a common thread in all the break ups, that is causing you to not be settled for life yet then maybe look at that.

But having ex’s who settled down when you haven’t is of course very common, it’s the nature of relationships when people move into 30s etc.

CivilCybil

OP I literally had the same realisation recent after bumping into an ex and realising he's married with kids.

At least the last five guys I've been in a relationship with (long or short term) married the next woman they dated.

I figure I can take it one of two ways. The way you mentioned. Or that while things weren't quite right between myself and them, I didn't put them off the idea of a relationship. In a couple of them, these guys had been single for years before me so they definitely took something very positive from the relationship with me to enter into another relationship and commit to someone through marriage and having children with them.

Meanwhile I've met someone else who is a much better fit for me and we're happy out.

Try and get out of the negative mindset. Every relationship is a learning experience. You'll be better prepared for the next one. But don't be too bogged down in the negatives of being single as it'll actually put people off.

Princess Calla

TheadoreT wrote: »

Your post is hugely problematic, I wouldn't have a clue what half my exes are up to, you seem to make it your business to find out and take any of their perceived happiness after you as negative reflection on yourself. Counselling is badly needed in this case to change your thought patterns.

Not necessarily. It depends how you meet your partner. While I don't see any of my exes I'd still have a vague idea what the ones that lasted over a year have done with themselves. Either through mutual friends or shared hobbies or just bumping into them on the dart/night out etc.

OP I'm the same to the point that one of my good friend would refer to me as a "fluffer" so I'm either a very good trainer or they got their fill of crazy and settled for the first "normal" girl they met after. Who knows!!

I eventually met someone and have settled down. I could easily have stayed with any of my exes (well the long term ones) as they were decent people but there was always something off kilter. Current Mr Calla gets me in a way none of the others did plus I've obviously matured and grown along the way, something looking back I needed to do.

Jequ0n

Well OP what do you want? To be missed? Reminisced about? Is that how you think about your ex relationships?
Seems like a waste of time because it seems to be a very one sided interest

bitofabind

You're probably only aware of this and focusing on it because you're still single and feeling a little lonely, if you weren't you wouldn't give it a second thought. Statistically it's likely that every single partner you have will meet someone after you, and if you're in a 20s-30s demographic then there's another statistic around that next person being their longterm partner / wife.

This thread has prompted me to have a quick think about my own exes, at least three of them are with their lifelong partners and yes they met that person right after me. Thank fcuk it's not me, is all I can say to that :pac::pac: Instead of thinking "what's wrong with me?" why not reflect on why that person wasn't right for you and what you're actually looking for in your next partner?

LegacyUser

I've been "the one before the one" in most cases too.

The way I see it is that if I was so awful a girlfriend,it would have put them off women for life rather than settle for the first option that came after me!

It's worth keeping in mind that there might have been a few flings you don't even know about that may not have worked out in between. Peopleususllykeep them quiet. They obviously just met the right one & it's no reflection on you.

If they weren't the right person for you (& they weren't or you would still be together), do you really care what they are doing now.

Big Bag of Chips

Whats wrong with me? wrote: »

My first boyfriend S broke up with me and within months was with his new girlfriend, theyve been together 15 years and have 2 children together.

Whats wrong with me? wrote: »

My second boyfriend H - my longest relationship lasting 4 years, after we broke up I didnt see him again for 5 years or so before bumping into him at a party, I was extremely drunk and made an absolute fool of myself, after this within 3 months he was seeing someone new, theyve been together 7 years and bought a house.

Whats wrong with me? wrote: »

My ex G had a string of women in his past and when he was with me he cheated constantly. After we split up he met his new girlfriend within a couple of months and theyve been steady for 6 years, his longest relationship!

Im in my 30's and still single while all my ex's are in secure relationships with women they met directly after being with me.....

Opinions?

It sounds like none of them met women directly after being with you. In all cases there was at least a few months, and in one case 5 years and then another few months, before they settled down with someone. It's safe to say that after you they had a couple of flings, or one night stands etc before settling down.

To be honest, unless you live in a small rural town and still socialise in the same circles as all the exes then it is really strange the level of detail that you know about them and their relationships. And I agree, the serial cheater is more than likely still cheating.

wylo

Sorry to sound cold and mathematical but anyone who has been in more than one relationship has moved on from someone.

Gekko

Sorry if this sounds pedantic but we don’t know anything about you other than what you’ve posted, let alone any of your relationships with your exes other than what you’ve written

You’re looking for cause and effect but what happened was more than likely coincidence and random

We don’t know if there’s anything wrong with you in the way you’re asking, but the situation is very unlikely to be as negative as you think it is

When you’re single it’s easy to focus on other people in relationships and beat yourself up saying what’s wrong with me

But it’s unhealthy and unproductive