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Lockdown blues

  • 18-05-2021 8:52am
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all. I'm finding myself really struggling through this most recent lockdown, experiencing feelings of hopelessness over the last few weeks. Not sure why its happening now considering we seem to be on the way out of it.

    I lost a parent during the first lockdown so I feel like I was in stages of shock/grief for most of 2020, and now that the fog is lifting I feel quite lost.

    I have been considering emigrating (if its even possible), but I dont know if that will really fix anything or if I will just feel the same in another country.

    Has anyone had a similar experience? Grateful for any responses


Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,832 ✭✭✭statto25


    sazzyq1234 wrote: »
    Hi all. I'm finding myself really struggling through this most recent lockdown, experiencing feelings of hopelessness over the last few weeks. Not sure why its happening now considering we seem to be on the way out of it.

    I lost a parent during the first lockdown so I feel like I was in stages of shock/grief for most of 2020, and now that the fog is lifting I feel quite lost.

    I have been considering emigrating (if its even possible), but I don't know if that will really fix anything or if I will just feel the same in another country.

    Has anyone had a similar experience? Grateful for any responses


    Could you still be grieving over the loss of your parent? Before emigrating I would try and figure out why you're feeling this way. Some therapy or counseling might help you get to the bottom of it. Like yourself I suffered a loss right before the start of the first lockdown so the time away from folks was actually a huge help as it allowed me space to deal with it. In the last couple of months Ive begun to have that hopeless feeling myself and today is actually my worst day in a long time. I'm going to the GP tomorrow to discuss it


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,887 Mod ✭✭✭✭shesty


    I have experienced no losses, but I am finding myself struggling a bit the last couple of weeks. I felt similar the week or 2 after the kids returned to school, and I really don't understand why when, as you say, things are improving.


    I think speaking to a GP to start with would be a good thing. I don't think you're alone OP. The last lockdown went on far too long and has caused a lot of damage to many people.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Please don't emigrate before you've spoken to a counsellor and dealt with your grief. Your post seems to be very like what I went through after my mum died. The only difference is that it didn't happen when there was a pandemic. That has made things extra difficult for people. It's bad enough to have lived through the past year without having a death in the family to deal with.

    I made it through the first few months after mum's death much as would be expected. It was the longer term grief that caught me out. It crept up on me without me noticing at first. I started to feel hopeless, unsettled and would cry at the drop of a hat. I also had a low-key feeling of unhappiness all the time. I can't really describe it but it was sort of like hearing thunder rumbling in the distance or a slight tummy ache that's there but not causing any pain. 14 or 15 months after mum's death I finally plucked up the courage to organise counselling for myself. It really worked for me and I'm not anybody who would ever have seen myself going to counselling. Good luck with whatever you decide.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,377 ✭✭✭Airyfairy12


    Im so sorry for your loss, what a difficult time this must have been for you.

    To me it sounds like your grief has turned into full blown depression which is totally understandable. I would echo what others have said and suggest you talk to a grief counsellor, it might ven be helpful to go to a few group grief therapy sessions when restrictions are eased. You need to come to terms with your loss before you make any major life changing decisions.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,025 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    Speaking from experience it's the second year after losing someone that is even tougher than the first.
    I find it was the reality of what occurred is setting in. The finality of death.

    Talk to someone. Your go will suggest a professional that can help.

    Good luck


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  • Registered Users Posts: 9,979 ✭✭✭Caranica


    So sorry for your loss and what you're going through.

    Please don't look at emigration as a solution, grief will follow you but add to that the loneliness of being truly alone in a strange place. I've lived overseas and even without personal tragedy it could be dark and lonely at times, I really wouldn't recommend it when you're vulnerable.

    As others have said, the right counsellor can really help you. I hope you find them


  • Administrators Posts: 13,436 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    It's only been a few months really since you lost your parent. You are still very much grieving. People often mistakenly think the first year is the hardest, the first birthday, the first Christmas, the first anniversary etc. But it's not the case. The first year can go by almost on autopilot. And it can be the second birthday, or the third Christmas etc that hits you hard.

    Definitely look into some grief counselling for yourself first. There's a phrase often used here "wherever you go, there you are". If you emigrate somewhere, you are still you, still with all the same thoughts and feelings, just further away.

    I'm not saying definitely don't emigrate. But come to terms with all that has happened in the past year first, and then make a fresh move when you are in a better emotional state.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP here, Thank you everyone for the kind responses. I think I have been putting off reaching out to a counsellor/my GP for a few months now so this is the push I needed.

    I think I had convinced myself that emigration (or a fresh start) is what I need, but in reality I need to address the grief I'm feeling first. I really thought the initial weeks/months after a loved ones death was the worst of it, but really its the darkness that comes after that.

    Thanks again everyone, appreciate the kindness


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,319 ✭✭✭JustAThought


    There are a lot of coping strategies and mental health courses on this site - many are free or self paced online workshops you can do anonymously from home. There are also personal supports and seminars. There is a great activity called the citcle of life in its website which hwlpa you score and evaluate different parts of your life - work, relationships, leisure, life goals etc which I find very helpful. The site is huge and branches out into lots of different sub-brands and realurces but I’d really recommend it - particularly before going to a GP. This site was developed by mental health specialists and psychologists in conjunction with the medical college in trinity so its a well tested very science based approach rather than good intentions & little medical backup like many others.

    It was co-founded by John Pender who was mindlessly murdered, while on holidays with his wife a few years ago. It was his lifes work and he and his family should be very proud of everyone it has reached and helped - many anonymously and from their own home.

    The resources are available, free, from the website suicideorsurvive.ie

    I’d really recommend looking it up.


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