Bullying issue in Primary school

NadiaB

My 8 year old daughter is having issues with a girl in primary school since they returned to school after Easter. The girl is making unkind comments to my daughter which is making my daughter very upset and anxious. After 2 weeks of the issue I reported it to my daughters class teacher. She said she didn't expect it from the girl in question but would talk to the class about being kind to friends and bullying. Unfortunately this did not resolve the situation and after another 2 weeks I went back to the class teacher again. She said she would speak to the child's mother who is also a teacher in the school. Obviously I found this to be an awkward situation but the class teacher told me she would get back to me. The next day the child's mother gave me a call. I was highly embarrassed by this but felt I had to take the call. I spoke briefly about the issue and said I had chosen to report it to the school and would prefer it dealt with there. She told me she had told her daughter that my daughter had reported the issue.

I feel very upset and embarrassed how an issue I reported to my daughters class teacher turned into a personal phone call from the parent of a girl in my daughters class. I didn't ask the class teacher to keep my details private however I wasn't expecting my details and my child's details to be disclosed to the other parent/teacher. From the conversation with the girls mother it was also obvious that details of my daughter s personality had been discussed by the class teacher and the child's mother.

How do I respond to this without making the situation worse for me or my daughter? Am I right in thinking it was inappropriate for the girls mother to contact me directly. The girls mother has my number as the girl have been on playdates in the past. I feel the the way this issue was dealth with was very inappropriate but don't want to make it worse for my daughter.

Oranage2

I think it was admirable by the other parent to give you a personal phone call to try resolve the issue. Dealing with problems like adults seemed to be a lost concept in 2021. As for the bullying, it's not always a cut and dried issue and there are many sides to the story.

killbillvol2

I'm not sure how you expected the issue to be dealt with without involving the other child's parents? A general talk to the class didn't work so the teacher had to deal with the specific case.

I'd agree that it's admirable that the other parent contacted you directly rather than ignoring the issue. Especially since it would have been very embarrassing for her to be told by a colleague that her daughter was treating another child badly.

NadiaB

Thanks for your comments. While I understand where you are coming from I feel if the issue had concerned any other child in my daughters class then it would have been handled differently by the class teacher. If the class teacher had to talk to other parent then no names would have been given and I don't think I would have received a phone call directly from another parent following a discussion with the school.I made the enquiry to the school , the class teacher told me she would get back to me and I got a personal phone call in response. I was not accusing the child of anything I just asked the class teacher to see if there was an issue as my daughter was so upset. Had I felt it was something I wanted to discuss with the other parent I could have contacted them directly myself but thought it inappropriate. The parent also told me she thought my daughter was being oversensitive and if that is the case then I think that would have been better communicated by the class teacher than another parent who has an emotional involvement in the situation. I don't think it is an appropriate response from the school. How do I know my child's issue was treated fairly and without the influence of the other teacher? If the issue continues for my child do I go to my child's teacher or the child's mother. I wanted it checked out without parents emotions getting in the way. The children never had an issue outside school just inside so I thought it was an issue in the class that the class teacher should be dealing with.

Ruby31

NadiaB wrote: »

Thanks for your comments. While I understand where you are coming from I feel if the issue had concerned any other child in my daughters class then it would have been handled differently by the class teacher. If the class teacher had to talk to other parent then no names would have been given and I don't think I would have received a phone call directly from another parent following a discussion with the school.I made the enquiry to the school , the class teacher told me she would get back to me and I got a personal phone call in response. I was not accusing the child of anything I just asked the class teacher to see if there was an issue as my daughter was so upset. Had I felt it was something I wanted to discuss with the other parent I could have contacted them directly myself but thought it inappropriate. The parent also told me she thought my daughter was being oversensitive and if that is the case then I think that would have been better communicated by the class teacher than another parent who has an emotional involvement in the situation. I don't think it is an appropriate response from the school. How do I know my child's issue was treated fairly and without the influence of the other teacher? If the issue continues for my child do I go to my child's teacher or the child's mother. I wanted it checked out without parents emotions getting in the way. The children never had an issue outside school just inside so I thought it was an issue in the class that the class teacher should be dealing with.

Hi op,

I’ve a teen and a younger child and whenever issues like this arose in school, it was always dealt with within school. I wonder did they decide to deal with it differently because the other parent happens to be a teacher in the school. Your child’s teacher told you she would get back to you, so at the very least she should’ve done that rather than land you in it with an unexpected call from the other parent.

If you’re going to drive yourself mad thinking about what may or may not have been said in the classroom or between the teacher and other parent, would you phone the teacher again to get clarification?

strawberrie

All schools have an anti bullying policy, it's usually on the website, it details what actions must be taken if a report of bullying is made.
Check yours out and you will know if their steps were followed or not. A forum on the internet can't tell you this.
I do know that in our school if a parent is being told about an issue involving their child like this then the other child is named.

Moonbeam

"While I understand where you are coming from I feel if the issue had concerned any other child in my daughters class then it would have been handled differently by the class teacher. "

why?

Meeoow

So she told you your child is oversensitive? Sounds like victim blaming. Some people are more sensitive than others. That shouldn't excuse bad behaviour or bullying.
Did she speak to her child at all?

NadiaB

Thanks all I think I may get go back to the class teacher for an update.

JPup

Honestly, I like the way the teacher dealt with this. She took your complaint seriously and when the situation didn’t improve after speaking to the class as a group she reported it to the girls mother. So far so good in my book.

Then the girls mother took it seriously enough to contact you directly to try to sort it. Again, that’s good right? Everyone involved trying to resolve things amicably.

lostgoat

NadiaB wrote: »

Thanks all I think I may get go back to the class teacher for an update.

There could be a GDPR issue with the other parent/teacher phoning you personally. (Unless she had your number regardless prior). If they accessed school records for your contact details, that'd be bad

JPup

lostgoat wrote: »

There could be a GDPR issue with the other parent/teacher phoning you personally. (Unless she had your number regardless prior). If they accessed school records for your contact details, that'd be bad

She that the mother had her number already in the opening post. The kids have been on play dates together.

lostgoat

JPup wrote: »

She that the mother had her number already in the opening post. The kids have been on play dates together.

👠Apologies, missed that line!

kippy

lostgoat wrote: »

There could be a GDPR issue with the other parent/teacher phoning you personally. (Unless she had your number regardless prior). If they accessed school records for your contact details, that'd be bad

Really?
Is everything a GDPR issue nowadays?

lostgoat

kippy wrote: »

Really?
Is everything a GDPR issue nowadays?

Sadly yes. Wouldn't bother me, but I got caught recently myself through an email!

big_drive

Just spotted this topic. In my opinion really well handled by the teacher in question. Really difficult situation for her when it involved the child of a collegue.

I think the phone call was excellent really. If you weren't contacted you may just as easily have thought they did nothing about it or didn't take it seriously. By contacting you directly it was making it very open and transparent.

Its never a comfortable area around bullying but from the details you've provided i'd be saying well done to that teacher and school

big_drive

lostgoat wrote: »

There could be a GDPR issue with the other parent/teacher phoning you personally. (Unless she had your number regardless prior). If they accessed school records for your contact details, that'd be bad

It wouldn't be in any way bad. How?

Every school in the country has a contact list for parents. And its accesable to all teachers in a school.
What if the child had an accident on yard and parents needed to be contacted? Are you saying only the class teacher could make that phone call to alert a parent? and the other teachers shouldn't be allowed access the information even if it was urgently needed