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Partner & financial stress due to lockdown

  • 13-05-2021 2:47pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Looking for some advice on how to help my partner: we got approval in principal for a mortgage just before the pandemic. Then the lockdown hit, and his sector has been affected. He's been working all the way through, but has taken a temporary paycut and as his company are getting the wage subsidy scheme, we're not able to go ahead with the mortgage until this changes. He expects to be back at work full time in the next few weeks and we expect him to be back on full pay.

    He's really struggling with it and feels a huge amount of shame and embarrassment. He feels like he's let me down. I've told him that this was completely outside of his control and there's no need to feel like that as we'll get there when we get there. No one knew a global pandemic was coming! We're also super lucky not to be currently paying rent, but are living in a property owned by a relative of mine which I think feeds into it.

    Any advice on how to help him through it? I hate seeing him so upset about it. I'm going to encourage him to go to see his GP and hopefully that will help.


Comments

  • #2
    meeeeh
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,624 ✭✭✭✭meeeeh


    The way house prices are going at the minute and the price increases in building materials (which hopefully are temporary) you might be better off not to be house hunting or building. In comparison to other people you are actually not in the worst position.

    He didn't let anyone one down but if he feels he is taking advantage of your family why wouldn't he try to save another little bit on top of the savings I presume you two are making. In that way you can spend that money on something really nice for the house when you do get it. And he will know this was bought by him.


  • #3
    Rubberchikken
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,095 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    He needs to accept that none of it is his fault. Easier said than done I know.maybe once back at work and able to get back to earning his full income again things will get a.bit easier.

    Is his self esteem tied up in his.job/ability to earn?
    If so, then he might need help to see that in times of crisis there is no shame in accepting help.

    Good luck


  • #4
    Bobtheman
    Site Banned Posts: 2,799 ✭✭✭Bobtheman


    Connect him with other people struggling. He needs to get out of his head. Keep him exercising. Try meditation but the first suggestion is the best way forward
    By talking to others he would get a wider opinion.
    Too often we catastophise our situation.
    A good book I'd suggest is feeling good by David burns don't be put off by the title. He is the founder of cognitive therapy.
    Even if you read the book you'd Learn how to steer him away from the choppy waters.
    It's not crazy positive thinking. It's a realistic approach.
    Take care.


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