Living away from/closer to parents/home place later in life

sporina

This is not a problem as such - just something I'd like discussed..

Was looking through photos from traveling the other day - stumbled upon some from a visit to an indigenous community in Guatemala.. v remote and poor.. but they seemed v happy.. they had a basic education system, health care, worked the land and textiles... women from 4 generations sitting around weaving and having the craic while doing so.

Got me thinking... in the Western world, a lot of people move away from home when they finish school.. for college/work/travel/love etc.
But I am wondering whether or not its better to be nearer home/parents/family later in life?

Been thinking about the pros/cons:

With kids on the scene, it can be nice to be nearer parents - better quality of life family wise.
As parents get older, it can be good to be near them to help look after them.
Living in the community where you grew up can maybe give better quality of life - celebrate the good times - support in the bad etc.

But living near your home place can maybe inhibit your worldly experience - travel, services, work or indeed life with your own family (spouse/kids).

With better transport networks these days, getting home is easier - however time to get there is needed and varies greatly.

Anyway, looking back at these photos got me thinking.. in general - for the best quality of life, is it better or not to live closer to immediate family/community later in life? (obviously this depends on the individuals circumstances - there will be no one size fits all)

Thoughts?

YellowLead

Not sure PI is the best spot for general discussion unless you have a specific issue?

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

Thanks for your post Sporina. Unfortunately as its not something that you're seeking advice on Personal Issues isn't the right place for the discussion.

I'm going to move it over to Parenting which might be a better place for it and you might bear in mind the Charter there will now apply.

Thanks

HS

lazygal

My parents are from rural areas and decided to live in Dublin once they got married. So we were 2 hours drive at least (crap roads in the 80s!) from their parents. This was good and bad. It meant my dad wasn't constantly drafted into working on the family farm and my mum wasn't slotted into the carer daughter role while her brothers were working. We had more access to things like music, dance, cultural activities etc. than we would have living in their home county. My mum was able to set up a business and my dad did a PhD. I don't think they were cut out for living in a small town having lives very similar to their parents. We went to a creche and then a childminder when my mum went back to work after maternity leave.
I now live fairly close to my parents in Dublin and my in laws live across the city. My parents and siblings don't mind my kids, I have a child minder. We would help each other out but we're also all relatively independent. When I had my kids my parents were both working so they weren't going to be minding them anyway. I surprised myself by being a fairly confident, laid back parent from the start so I didn't seek out a lot of family help anyway, and TBH my mum's advice about some aspects of babies was out of date and not best practice so it suited me to find my own way.

I would find it stifling being around my extended family all or a lot of the time, and my husband feels the same. We get on great with them but we also do our own things. A good balance I think.

ztoical

Family is what you make, it doesn't have to be people you are related to. I've no interest in moving back near the town I grew up in and the relations there. My dad has passed away and my mum has now retired to the south of Spain and is so happy there and I'm happy to go visit her there, its not somewhere I'd want to be long term but I understand why she's happy there. I've traveled and lived all over and have friends I'd rather end up living near towards the end of life rather then any family.

Very easy to look at someone else and assume everything is better for them, to each their own, what works for one person or group doesn't always work for others.

eviltwin

I can’t think of anything worse than living near my family.

Antares35

Depends on your family.

NSAman

I live 5000 miles away from my elderly mother. While my dad was alive, I spent a fortune flying backwards and forwards to give her a break from being his full-time carer and also siblings that took turns to mind him in 24 hour rotas.

When he passed, it was a strange new world of not having to be there as much. Now with Mam getting older I am conflicted as to whether I should be doing the same or move back home.

Due to this bloody pandemic, I have not seen the family in nearly 2 years. I have not seen mam in one and a half years. I speak to her practically every day though.

The older she gets the more I worry. We have discussed moving home for a few months at a time (luckily I am able to work from anywhere with internet) with the pandemic this put paid to our ideas.

Personally, I would love to be much closer to her. She is an amazing woman and has been the rock of our family and for my father.

I think once travel becomes more easy, personally, we will spend more time at home with her. It will cause issues with dogs, family, etc here but you only get one mam, so need to spend as much time as possible with her.

sporina

ztoical wrote: »

Family is what you make, it doesn't have to be people you are related to. I've no interest in moving back near the town I grew up in and the relations there. My dad has passed away and my mum has now retired to the south of Spain and is so happy there and I'm happy to go visit her there, its not somewhere I'd want to be long term but I understand why she's happy there. I've traveled and lived all over and have friends I'd rather end up living near towards the end of life rather then any family.

Very easy to look at someone else and assume everything is better for them, to each their own, what works for one person or group doesn't always work for others.

thats cool that your Mum is now living in Spain.. she is obviously happy there..

on the above highlighted.. absolutely - hence I said it depends on individual circumstances - there will be no one size fits all

sporina

lazygal wrote: »

My parents are from rural areas and decided to live in Dublin once they got married. So we were 2 hours drive at least (crap roads in the 80s!) from their parents. This was good and bad. It meant my dad wasn't constantly drafted into working on the family farm and my mum wasn't slotted into the carer daughter role while her brothers were working. We had more access to things like music, dance, cultural activities etc. than we would have living in their home county. My mum was able to set up a business and my dad did a PhD. I don't think they were cut out for living in a small town having lives very similar to their parents. We went to a creche and then a childminder when my mum went back to work after maternity leave.
I now live fairly close to my parents in Dublin and my in laws live across the city. My parents and siblings don't mind my kids, I have a child minder. We would help each other out but we're also all relatively independent. When I had my kids my parents were both working so they weren't going to be minding them anyway. I surprised myself by being a fairly confident, laid back parent from the start so I didn't seek out a lot of family help anyway, and TBH my mum's advice about some aspects of babies was out of date and not best practice so it suited me to find my own way.

I would find it stifling being around my extended family all or a lot of the time, and my husband feels the same. We get on great with them but we also do our own things. A good balance I think.

yes as my Mum says, she raised 6 of us - she doesn't really wanna raise anymore lol (ie grandkids).. but she loves spending time with them.. and attending all the usual milestones and family occasions etc..

Flinty997

Pro and cons. No right answer.

Not everyone is close to their family or wants to be involved in each other lives. Others do. Some people get on with their family others don't.

bee06

We live next door to my parents and my sister is close by as well. My husbands family live about 2 hours away. Both suit us perfectly. My family aren’t the type to live in each other’s pockets. My husband would speak to him mom more often than I speak to mine. But it’s nice to have them close by when we need them or vis versa.

piplip87

sporina wrote: »

With kids on the scene, it can be nice to be nearer parents.

Her mother live across the road:

Kids don't get their own way.... Fine thats it I'm going to nannies.