Worried about Elder Abuse

LegacyUser

I am very concerned for a vulnerable elderly neighbour who I am worried may be a victim of elder abuse, in particular financial abuse, at the hand of her niece.

She is widowed and has no other family, and no children of her own, that I can talk to. Does anyone know who I can discuss my concerns with in these circumstances? I am genuinely worried, as the last time I spoke to her, I could tell she was anxious and stressed.

I tried to call her today and her niece answered her phone, and fobbed me off when I asked to talk to her. We've been neighbours for over 20 years, my instinct tells me something is wrong.

TIA

Hannibal_Smith

The HSE has a number you can contact, see the link here.

spaceHopper

Could you talk to the local public health nurse.

Purple Mountain

Do you know who this lady's GP is that you could ask to speak to in confidence to lodge your concerns?

the14thwarrior

could you knock on the door with a pie and ask to see her?
see if you can gauge more information

from your post, its hard to see how abuse can be determined, and so, the more details or concerns you have, the more information you can pass on

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. I'm going to make a call to the number given, and see what they advice me to do.

I don't want to give away too much detail, as Dublin is a small place, but suffice to say there have been a few things happen recently that I see as red flags, and one particular thing this weekend that have made me decide that I can't ignore my gut any longer.

I've wrestled with this for a while and I hope with all my heart that I'm wrong, but if I'm not and I found out after, I'd never forgive myself for not saying anything.

qwerty13

Not saying that you’re wrong OP, but I’m not getting what sparks your concern. Is there a dramatic change in her behaviour? Is it that this person used to be very chatty with you, but now isn’t? Or is it that her niece was never involved before and now is? Could it be simply a case that your neighbour is having physical difficulties, or is simply older and tireder, and isn’t interested in random neighbours anymore?

Why are you classing her as vulnerable, and specifically worried about financial abuse? I’m not saying that you’re wrong, but you may get better thoughts from others here if you make this clearer.

Rubberchikken

I think you're right to go with your gut feeling nd talk to someone.
Maybe there's nothing but it would be hard to live with it if there was something.

Good luck

wildwillow

Gut feelings are often correct but you need to thread carefully.

My mother used to complain about not seeing or talking to anyone all day when I would phone her. The reality was that my brothers and sister in law and neighbours were visiting every day and taking great care of her, but the onset of dementia meant she didn't remember it.

Engage with the niece as a friendly neighbour and you may be able to read the situation better. If she is not anxious that you continue to be friendly, it would raise my worry level.

freshpopcorn

I suppose you could contact the HSE and see how you’d get on.
They are probably used to to at least you can say you did something.
Just be careful that things don’t get turned on you.

TheBoyConor

Might as well ring the cat as ring the HSE.

Maybe contact your own GP for advice, or see can you get on the the public health nurse.

YellowLead

freshpopcorn wrote: »

I suppose you could contact the HSE and see how you’d get on.
They are probably used to to at least you can say you did something.
Just be careful that things don’t get turned on you.

How could things get turned on OP?

freshpopcorn

YellowLead wrote: »

How could things get turned on OP?

There’s an elderly lady who doesn’t have any relatives apart from a niece.(I think)
A neighbor comes along saying the niece is bad, an abuser, etc.
Some might say that they are trying to cause tensions and trouble to get in with the old lady so she could inherit off her.
I’ve seen similar happen before. I hope that makes sense.
I’m just saying to the OP about being careful how she deals with the situation.

LegacyUser

OP here.

I'm very familiar with the niece already, and know she is a bully and a user who has caused trouble for my friend in the past (borrowed large sums of money and never repaid it, that kind of thing) and is not of good character. My neighbor's husband kept her at a distance from them after the last time she caused problems but since he died she has got her claws in. I am familiar with dementia and its not the issue here.

I've rang the HSE and the local nurse, and I'm waiting for a call back from someone. If no one comes back to me, I'll call the GP next. Thanks again.

YellowLead

freshpopcorn wrote: »

There’s an elderly lady who doesn’t have any relatives apart from a niece.(I think)
A neighbor comes along saying the niece is bad, an abuser, etc.
Some might say that they are trying to cause tensions and trouble to get in with the old lady so she could inherit off her.
I’ve seen similar happen before. I hope that makes sense.
I’m just saying to the OP about being careful how she deals with the situation.

Sure - I just don’t think calling the HSE helpline (a good idea as a first step in my opinion) would warrant that reaction but fair enough on a broader scale.

LegacyUser

Hi OP here again. I posted yesterday but for some reason my post isn't showing.

I already know the niece well, she has caused problems in the past, borrowing large sums of money without repaying it and such. My neighbor would find it hard to say no to her. Her husband kept the niece at bay after the last time, but he has since passed away. I'm familiar with dementia, that's not the issue here.

I've made the calls, so not much else I can do. I'm not worried about it coming back on me, if we were all to worry about things like that no abuse would ever be reported.

wildwillow

She is lucky to have a neighbour like you.
If you are both vaccinated you could visit, even "politely" ingoring the niece if she objects. Try not to allow her to be isolated.

Appear at the door with some scones or soup or flowers as if it was the normal before covid and just walk in past the niece calling out hallo and "isn't lovely to be able to visit again, and I'm so looking forward to having time together again.

Does the niece have siblings? Would they be any help.

I do hope you get some help.

ConcernedNeighbour

ConcernedNeighbour wrote: »

I am very concerned for a vulnerable elderly neighbour who I am worried may be a victim of elder abuse, in particular financial abuse, at the hand of her niece.

She is widowed and has no other family, and no children of her own, that I can talk to. Does anyone know who I can discuss my concerns with in these circumstances? I am genuinely worried, as the last time I spoke to her, I could tell she was anxious and stressed.

I tried to call her today and her niece answered her phone, and fobbed me off when I asked to talk to her. We've been neighbours for over 20 years, my instinct tells me something is wrong.

TIA

Know of somewhat similar case involving 86 year old me relative.
Do you know this lafys GP? Has the GP an email address.
Contact their GP by phone and request their email address.
Write a detailed letter describing your concerns.
That's what I did in the case of this 86 yo.

Just saw your latest post, this 86yo man I know has "lent" money too, no hope whatsoever of it being repaid.
His GP practice appreciated my email about his situation.

heretothere

Glad you called the HSE, your gut is so often right, I've heard it being called the 2nd brain!

She is lucky to have a neighbor like you to look out for her. You've know her 20 years so you can see if she isn't the same