Apartment Living & Neighbourliness

I live in a fairly nice apartment, which I own, on a nipleassnt estate in Dublin. Having moved from an old suburban house on a small almost cul-de-sac road which was very neighbourly, I was duly taken aback by the relative anonymity of apartment living. However, several residents in my small section are owners and are very neighbourly and friendly with me, we might drop in for a glass of wine etc. Others I know enough to have a little conversation with, and yesterday I loaned some DIY tools to a girl upstairs whom I only know on nodding acquaintance. Not too bad, I suppose for modern apartment living.

I have seen large modern apartment blocks where, if you get accidentally locked out, you may stay locked out as it seems it is very difficult to get to know anybody at all within the complex. People are security conscious and aren't going to let in folk they don't recognise by face at least, let alone to exchange a simple "hello".

Personally I make it my business when I meet new residents to say "hello my name is Catmaniac, I'm in no. X, nice to meet you". How does anybody else find their experience of modern apartment living in this regard?

Thespoofer

Did you get your tools back ?

Thespoofer

Thespoofer wrote: »

Did you get your tools back ?

Absolutely, with a note of thanks. Always glad to be obliging

Personally I think it is the scale of the units/sections on my estate that make the difference. Larger blocks are more like hotels in their ambience and anonymity. There are apartments and housing units here, a nice parkland with benches for meeting up and walking and the apartments are pet friendly. We have Siberian Huskies, Bernese Mountain Dogs and everything smaller living in the units, with dog litter buns provided on the estate. I think it is quite the rarity in Ireland, probably more an example of what is to be found in continental Europe.

Floppybits

I always had the lack of neighborliness down to the fact that everyone was just commuting to and from work and didn't have time to get to know their neighbors like they use too and also down to the size of apartment complex. Has it improved during the lockdown now that most folks are home most of the day?

Potential-Monke

I found when moving from an apartment to a house, it's easier to get to know the neighbours, and sometimes even if you don't want to. I did appreciate the solidarity of an apartment, not everyone wants to know or get along with their neighbours, I don't want to put in/out with anyone, and I expect the same. So in the apartments I've rented over the years, I never made any building buddies. Luckily I got on well with my neighbours in the house I had, but that's also probably down to being in a majority owned estate, and I was a Garda at the time so the older neighbours loved me.

I don't mind being friendly, but most neighbours are nosey and I hated that.

Nosiness is not a factor in my building, but as I live alone, as do many of my neighbours, we appreciate being theoretically able to calm upon each other in a dire emergency.

During isolation I was offered help by my neighbours, and we exchange tiny little token gifts at Christmas, which is nice, and the odd surprise, like a little Easter egg. It is really touching, the little things. We make sure to at least have phone numbers and email addresses for the odd exchange.

0lddog

Deleted User wrote: »

....During isolation I was offered hell by my neighbours, .....

Does anyone else pine for the times when keyboards were dumb and did what they were told ?

ulster

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I live in a fairly nice apartment, which I own, on a nipleassnt estate in Dublin. Having moved from an old suburban house on a small almost cul-de-sac road which was very neighbourly, I was duly taken aback by the relative anonymity of apartment living. However, several residents in my small section are owners and are very neighbourly and friendly with me, we might drop in for a glass of wine etc. Others I know enough to have a little conversation with, and yesterday I loaned some DIY tools to a girl upstairs whom I only know on nodding acquaintance. Not too bad, I suppose for modern apartment living.

I have seen large modern apartment blocks where, if you get accidentally locked out, you may stay locked out as it seems it is very difficult to get to know anybody at all within the complex. People are security conscious and aren't going to let in folk they don't recognise by face at least, let alone to exchange a simple "hello".

Personally I make it my business when I meet new residents to say "hello my name is Catmaniac, I'm in no. X, nice to meet you". How does anybody else find their experience of modern apartment living in this regard?

I lived in loads of apartments. To be honest as long as the neighbours aren't making noise, I don't care if they spoke to me or not. If someone says hello to me I'll make the effort.

0lddog

0lddog wrote: »

Does anyone else pine for the times when keyboards were dumb and did what they were told ?

As we would say on de Liveline thread "help", caller

ulster

ulster wrote: »

I lived in loads of apartments. To be honest as long as the neighbours aren't making noise, I don't care if they spoke to me or not. If someone says hello to me I'll make the effort.

If you get kicked out, or need help it's really nice to know your neighbours a tiny bit.

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User] wrote: »

If you get kicked out, or need help it's really nice to know your neighbours a tiny bit.

Ah if you buzz someone will let you in. Just say you have a parcel for their number.

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Ah if you buzz someone will let you in. Just say you have a parcel for their number.

In my place you can buzz either just to drop a parcel in the porch or also through the second door to gain access to the apartments.

bnt

If I was involved in property here, I would look to a more cooperative model, with the renters or owners getting more involved in the running of the building or complex.

For example, if there were gardens, that would require hiring a gardener, which costs money that would be charged back to the tenants. So it would be in the tenants’ interest to ensure that their money is not wasted, whether through vandalism or bad maintenance.

Ownership could be managed using a Condominium model, where owners still have responsibilities even though they own their individual properties. A Condominium agreement has teeth e.g. anti-social behaviour can still get you in trouble through fines, damages, or even getting thrown out.

The general idea: if you share an apartment building or housing complex, you’re all in it together, and bad neighbours should not be tolerated.

FlubberJones

I lived in a small rural estate and it was the NOSIEST place I have ever had the misfortune of living in... in fairness the whole area was.

I now live in an apartment in an estate and I'm happy the only person I say anything to is the upstairs family and that's only because he spoke to me as I was wearing a particular rugby jersey.

gmisk

I lived in apartment for about 6 years barely knew anyone bar the people opposite to say hello too.
Live now in an old real dub area with terrace houses I know 5 households on the road really well, had them over to house etc.
Also have keys of two sets of neighbours and vice versa.

Strumms

It’s very difficult to do anything about a bad neighbor...

Years ago when living abroad I had Irish neighbors, on very good terms but not ‘mates’ by any stretch... they started off ok, but were recreational drug users ie. coke heads and at the weekend anything would fly, very literally sometimes...they'd have what sounded like 15 people over, noise and music until about 3am... one guy was from a very prominent political family here but seemed to go from a nice reasonable individual to a selfish stupid cünt cokehead..

I made recording after recording on my iPad, sent them to manager / landlord, they didn’t want to know... only when I rang the dude one Saturday morning at 2am, killings in the corridor Police called etc... over the next few days everyone was gone...left the place in a heap too..

All other neighbors were quiet as mice but this lot all be it well to do were neanderthals personified....

You get lucky or unlucky, now I’m lucky 99% of the time.

bertsmom

I'm not living in an apartment but I live alone in a semi d in a rural town. I've no interest in knowing my neighbours beyond a polite nod and quick 'hiya as we pass.
My parents and best friend have spare keys should I have an emergency and that's the way I like to keep it.
I'm a really open person with my friends but I can't bear intrusive nosiness so this works for me. The estate has a resident's Facebook page so anything that Needs to be addressed can be done there.
I think neighbourliness is way over rated.

bnt

bnt wrote: »

If I was involved in property here, I would look to a more cooperative model, with the renters or owners getting more involved in the running of the building or complex.

For example, if there were gardens, that would require hiring a gardener, which costs money that would be charged back to the tenants. So it would be in the tenants’ interest to ensure that their money is not wasted, whether through vandalism or bad maintenance.

Ownership could be managed using a Condominium model, where owners still have responsibilities even though they own their individual properties. A Condominium agreement has teeth e.g. anti-social behaviour can still get you in trouble through fines, damages, or even getting thrown out.

The general idea: if you share an apartment building or housing complex, you’re all in it together, and bad neighbours should not be tolerated.

That’s the way management companies work, or should work.

Mrs OBumble

bertsmom wrote: »

I'm not living in an apartment but I live alone in a semi d in a rural town. I've no interest in knowing my neighbours beyond a polite nod and quick 'hiya as we pass.
My parents and best friend have spare keys should I have an emergency and that's the way I like to keep it.
I'm a really open person with my friends but I can't bear intrusive nosiness so this works for me. The estate has a resident's Facebook page so anything that Needs to be addressed can be done there.
I think neighbourliness is way over rated.

This.

Just because you live in the same area as someone does not mean you have anything else in common with them. Sure you might get lucky and make friends. But you might equally despise them.

I suppose I am lucky but I have made two genuine friends with people, likewise living alone, in my section. No intrusiveness at all, but just the odd gesture of friendship like a token gift, a glass of wine shared and odd exchange of news.

LimeFruitGum

There are definitely a couple of nosy bitches here. We had a handyman doing work here just after we moved in, and this wan clocked that we were doing some work from the window (it is a ground floor apt). So while we were at work, she hung around outside and she asked him when he came out, if she could take a look at the room? And that stupid **** let her in!! As if she'd ever invite us over or introduce herself, oh noooo. She just wanted a gawk around the place.

Mullinabreena

FlubberJones wrote: »

I lived in a small rural estate and it was the NOSIEST place I have ever had the misfortune of living in... in fairness the whole area was.
.

I used to think that when I was younger and renting. Now that I'm a home owner I know the value of good neighbours. It's priceless having neighbours keeping an eye on things. I think if you live in an area where its mainly home owners they will have a interest in the place and want to build a good community spirit

simongurnick

Not apartment but moved into a new house years ago and the wife decided to bake some cookies and bring them over to the neighbours as a way to say hello.
First house we went too wouldnt answer the door. Later found out they thought we were trying to sell something.

Fathom

Floppybits wrote: »

Has it improved during the lockdown now that most folks are home most of the day?

Rather, silent hermitage? :pac:

KaneToad

ulster wrote: »

I lived in loads of apartments. To be honest as long as the neighbours aren't making noise, I don't care if they spoke to me or not. If someone says hello to me I'll make the effort.

I'd share this opinion. As long as the neighbours are quiet, they can ignore me or speak to me daily. I'm easy.

Leg End Reject

It's nice to have at least one neighbour that you know well enough to leave a key with, that will keep an eye on the place if you're away, or check if the alarm goes off. The odd coffee or drink too.

It's a shame to see so many become disengaged from their community and even avoiding their neighbours. Sure, some will be unpleasant but there's generally a few gems too. I don't live in an apartment, but I'd imagine it's more important to be at least cordial if you do.

2lazytogetup

kruzthomas wrote: »

I have cooked a massive meal for myself before and used every pot,Pan, plate and dish I could find, made sure that the sauce and oils were glued to the pans. Then simply left it all there and went to bed. Woke up to 3 notes on my door from my neighbours , but was happy to see the kitchen was spick and span.

Thought it was a nice bit of neighbourly kindness.

Oh, my spare food that I didn’t use on the worktop was thrown out into the bin, I had an issue with them Over that

?? did your neighbours break into your apartment while you were sleeping and tidyied your kitchen and throw out your food?

Or were they your flatmates and had to tidy up your mess and left you quite rightly horrible messages.

I find that in this day and age if you’re too friendly then people will just take advantage of you. Best to stay private.

gameoverdude

I'm in two minds about this. I'm happy in my own skin, but like the odd chat and keeping an eye out for each other. But, the eye contact which tells me "let me tell ya what I saw from number 42 last night" you can feck off with. As mentioned before nosey neighbour's, nah. Cool neighbour's who shout "guff, guff, guff" between 13:45-15:00 on weekdays, I'd like a pint with though.

BobbyMalone

Deleted User wrote: »

I live in a fairly nice apartment, which I own, on a nipleassnt estate in Dublin.

I think owning your own place and living in a small block means you can have a more neighbourly relationship (if you and your neighbours want it, of course). I can see that neighbourly attitude in the (small) block I live amongst the owners of apartments. And while they're not rude in any way, it's definitely not extended to us renters.

riclad

Some blocks have a lot of renters living there,
People buy apartments cos it's easier than buying a house,
or the rent is cheaper than a house, if they are renting.
Their main concern is safety, security, and people like privacy too
So many people do not talk to anyone unless they have to,
they are locked out etc
And some blocks have 100s of tenants.
There's a thin line between being friendly and being nosey.
Not everyone wants to talk to their neighbours everyday,
there's an episode of seinfeld about this
People living in housing estates tend to know their neighbours
because they see them every day
I think it depends on the building how big it is etc

BobbyMalone

BobbyMalone wrote: »

I think owning your own place and living in a small block means you can have a more neighbourly relationship (if you and your neighbours want it, of course). I can see that neighbourly attitude in the (small) block I live amongst the owners of apartments. And while they're not rude in any way, it's definitely not extended to us renters.

I am friendly with my neighbour who is a renter, I never differentiate. It's not my business who rents, who owns. If I get accidentally locked out I want my neighbours to recognise me and let me in, and I'm very happy to do that for people with whom I have done acquaintance. I know there are big soulless hotel-like blocks, but where I live was deliberately set up as a family friendly estate. The large 3 bed apartments often have families renting, and dog ownership is part of the estate ethos, even in the apartments. I must say I'm pretty happy and lucky to be living where I do.

Fathom

University housing. Been unusually quiet and vacant during COVID. Distance, online ed. Once the plague has been brought under control. Things should return to normal. More festive on weekends and holidays. Except those holidays where folks go home to visit. Like Christmas. Really quiet then on campus. COVID or not.

FionnK86

Thespoofer wrote: »

Did you get your tools back ?

This is gas, I lent tools to a neighbour 2 weeks ago and no sign of them back. Leaving this apartment at end of August, their alloys might be coming with me if they haven't returned my 10 mil spanner by then! :pac:

Thespoofer

FionnK86 wrote: »

This is gas, I lent tools to a neighbour 2 weeks ago and no sign of them back. Leaving this apartment at end of August, their alloys might be coming with me if they haven't returned my 10 mil spanner by then! :pac:

This. I would help anybody out in regards to tools , helping hand or whatever but the one thing that I cannot stand, is lending a tool to a neighbour and to have to ask for it back when they are clearly finished with it.
Drives.me.mad. ( and my Wife cause She has to listen to me moaning )

Kerry25x

I've been living in a city terraced house for 4 years and don't know any of my neighbours names or well enough to say anything other than hey how's it going. Your appartment block sounds super friendly to me OP.

In the long ago I used to do apartment living in Dublin, or as it was known then, living in a flat. The neighbour to one side of me was a fat suited debt collector/gang enforcer whose vile-smelling cooking lard must have been 20 years on the go, but we got along quite well, and he got me free tickets to one of the big early U2 gigs. Down below were a Spanish couple. When they left after a year she gave me her houseplants which was the start of my lifelong love of indoor foliage. He was quiet, but always smiling, could not speak English but by Christ could he bring her frequently to roaring orgasm.

In my girlfriend's old apartment block on Tara Street, which is in the city centre near that Irish Times building, there was a guy living in what can only be described as a maintenance closet — one of those tight spaces where they house the electrical and broadband connections for a particular floor.

I'm pretty sure I had seen him once or twice, when I saw a guy with his phone plugged into a corridor socket, late in the evening.

It was neighbourly in the sense that people seemed to have sort of accepted it. We knew about it and didn't complain, and neither did others. Apparently he was harmless and never bothered anyone. I remember a thread here where something similar happened, a poster came across someone living in a disused space in an apartment block — the general consensus was to leave him alone.

Although I agree with that, there is undeniably an issue with security when it comes to apartment living. If you live in a house, it's pretty clear who should be standing in your front garden. In an apartment block, you're sharing a building with people whom you don't know from Adam.

I think that's why people are sometimes less neighbourly. The person in the lift is a stranger, or maybe someone who shouldn't be there. Or someone who will live near you for 6 months, and then move out. They are passing faces, like any member of the public.