Struggling

LegacyUser

Don't really know how to start this but I need to get all of this out of my head somewhere.

I'm 25, have been living independly since I moved to college when I was 18. I graduated with first class honours, worked and studied abroad as part of my degree and was generally getting through life ok.

I haven't really had any family support since I moved away from home. I got through college via the grant and working various jobs during it. This lack of family support always played on my mind but it was manageable, I had a really close friend who I was a lot of support to and vice versa. It was manageable and I functioned normally without too much upset.

I'm over 2 years out of college now and despite getting the best results in my degree I haven't managed any great success workwise. I worked full time in a cafe for over a year, ptart time somewhere else and then in August last year I finally got a job related to my degree. I failed at it, partly due to remote training because of COVID but largely because of what I can only consider as crippling anxiety. Constantly feeling like I'm not capable of anything, not good enough etc.

I returned to the cafe for a few months and then got another job last March. A really monotonous job but I was delighted because it paid more. This morning I gave in my resignation. I feel like a massive failure but I can't do it. I was spending my breaks at work sitting on the toilet trying to calm down and constantly sweating and just feeling like I was nearing a nervous breakdown.

I've felt very alone for a long time. I have friends, I live with friends but I've one particular friend who I ended up falling in love with. I think a lot of it came from lonliness but also just really caring about him when he was having a bad time. I'm gay (something I've been trying to come to terms with for years) and hes not. Our friendship has kind of died a little bit, at least we don't talk as much anymore etc. But I think about him everyday, hoping he's ok and I just feel very hurt by the situation. He was in a very bad place mentally for a long time and I really genuinely cared and wanted to help him and now I feel like I am near rock bottom and he's too busy with his well developing career etc. And I cant begrudge him for that. I just feel like I need help and it would mean the world to me just to see him and talk.

The reason I have been so independent for years is both my parents have mental health issues and its too stressful of an environment for me to be in at home. I've been home I would say max 8 days in the last 7 years.

I called the doctor today and the receptionist said its phone consultations only so I'm getting a call from the doctor on Thursday. I just need something to help me. I'm so stressed and I feel like I'm losing control of my life and no one is there to care.

I haven't explained everything even remotely as clearly as I wish I could here. I just need advice or opinions on what I'm doing. I never intended to be unemployed, I don't want to be unemployed, i just reached my wits end today. I was off for 3 days and spent them in bed only leaving for food or the toilet. Washing myself is a mental struggle and I just feel empty.

I have savings to survive for about 6 months without any income but obviously thats not ideal. I am just lost and don't know where to turn. Can I even get the dole if i have left my job 'voluntarily'?

Any words of advice are welcome. Thanks for reading

Leg End Reject

The first thing is the consultation with your doctor. You need to manage the symptoms of your anxiety before you can take any other steps.

You're processing a lot with your family situation and sexuality, so maybe consider counselling to process your feelings.

Then start to focus on your career. You don't have to choose a career path related to your degree, but you need to figure out what kind of work you would like and how the workload might affect your anxiety. Then start to apply for positions and look at any further training you could do to improve your chances.

It's all baby steps though, don't try to sort everything at once because it will be overwhelming.

Edit: Your doctor might be able to give you a cert for social welfare, but do apply straight away. If you need to wait as a result of voluntarily leaving work you will have at least started the process.

spaceHopper

The pandemic has made a mess of a lot of peoples start in careers you can explain that way when it ends and you've shown that you work by paying your own way through college and the cafe work. Get the Dr to sign you off sick so that you have money coming in also apply for HAP or Rent allowance. Get the forms and start preparing them. Maybe talk to the cafe they will probably understand.

There is lots of free online training and up skilling on offer through ecollege and skillsnet maybe add something to your cv so that when this ends it could be of use.

Can't help you with the broken heart but sitting at home so much can't be helping when things open up it will get easier.