TYFYS Boardsies: Liveline Thread at its Finest

The lively & witty Liveline thread is what finally took me from being a lurker to a signed up contributor to Boards.ie, and it aptly reflects the vagaries and sometimes car-crash moments of the radio show itself. Like everywhere else on Boards, some posting is not what it should be, but for me the Gd moments of posting are like the Gold moments in the show itself. To the contributors I say, as Joe Duffy so often utters to his callers, Thank You For Your Service.

We have reflections of Joe's daily promo of Liveline on Tonsn Collins' music show, and some folk have put great effort into their musings, such as Losty, who one poster described as the Pam Ayers of the thread.

We have had ButtersSuki's Daily Work Pay Calculator, an excel worksheet converted into a work of art.

We have had denartha's call to Liveline where he was literally pulling Joe's Leg, so to speak.

We have Tyrant's contributions to put things in an enlightening historical or political context.

We have my own visual reflections on Joe, Clontarf, Life and Liveline.

Here's a place to post your favourite light & positive Liveline thread moments.

I'll start the ball rolling by reposting this piece of class by Losty, which I think brought a smile to everybody...

QUOTE=Losty Dublin;116935905]What hath thine bard of Ballyer to lavish or scorn;
On today's show to air on a Monday after morn?

• Be thine the big retailers, selling their soul out with toys and rugs and skirts both right and wrong.
• Cry foul, says the smaller shop man. This trade's unfair; it surely must pong.
  
  
• E-Scooter robbing, it's one hell of a quare palaver;
• The thieves wore a knitted mask and a balaclava.
  
  
• Furnitures and gnomes, they too have a been thief-a;
• The Suez canal is suspected; did you see an Arab Giza?
  
  
• Frank of Ireland is a new sit com; as fun as Agne's Boys;
• Father Ted and Funny Friday, it brought our host much Joy.

Verily, be there after the end of thy Town Crier, Dobbo.
And join in on the callers, be they posh or yobbo.

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=116935905&postcount=637

ButtersSuki's original Liveline Bingo Card

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMe9qm4GD/

Liveline Gold moment provided by the "How's your leg" call by denartha.

This as far as I can determine is the most thanked post ever on a Liveline thread:

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=111470591&postcount=4014

Would love to see a proper Liveline Bingo Card. Wouldn't dare to do it myself with all you long experienced callers but here's my take if someone does do it with some of my own Top 10s (more or less......)

Caller Phrases

1 It’s A Disgrace Joe
2 I’m Entitled
3 On The Spectrum
4 Special Needs
5 I’ve Worked All My Life
6 Never Had a Holiday
7 I’ve Never Asked the Gubberment for Anything
8 GDPR
9 I’m Not Racist But …
10 Can I name them, Joe?
Honourable but Dated Mention – Where’s my Nama, Joe?


Joe’s Favourite Subjects

1 Dead Chisler
2 Death (All Ages)
3 Pain
4 Cancer
5 Any Illness
6 Versatis
7 Graveyards
8 Lost and Found
9 Dublin In The Rare Ould Times
10 Bukes And Art


Joe To His Favourite Callers

1 Petal
2 Well Done, Well Done
3 You’re still a young man/woman
4 Thank You For Your Service
5 Your Butttttiful Son
6 You’re A Wonderful Mother
7 Your Gorgeous Boy
8 Are you sitting down?
9 Are you with someone?
10 Have a cup of tea .. back after the break


Joe’s Favourite Questions

1 How did he diiiieeee?
2 Describe the pain?
3 What frame did you put on that?
4 Did you check him?
5 What’s his difference?
6 Was he unwell?
7 Was he robust? (Children assaulting parents)
8 Are you cast down?
9 What colour was the … car/dog/house/glasses?
10 Maybe you can drop it into a Presbytry? Where You’ll Find A Padre


Joe’s Favourite Remarks

1 A Sophisticated Scam
2 I Was Listening to the BBC
3 Remember you have to Earn €2000 to pay €1000
4 20 Jobs .. Wow,, That’s 20 families …
5 Crippled With Taxes
6 The Cruellest Cut
7 Bad Bad Bastard
8 Overlooked (Car Tolls, Dr Sam and his tax, Criminal Record in Ireland and Australia)
9 Money Making Quangos – Repak, Private Security Authority, Residential Tenancies Board (definitely NOT RTE and the License Fee)
10 The Wunderful …….. Christy Dignam, Fr Iggy, Mannix, Random Author, Random Artist, Random RTE Star



Joe Under Pressure

1 Bad Line, Bad Line
2 Expunge! Expunge!
3 You Can’t Say That
4 Your Aul Guff
5 I’ll Calm Down when You Calm Down
6 Don’t Do The Accent
7 A Fantastic Well Respected Company

ButtersSuki

Deleted User wrote: »

This as far as I can determine is the most thanked post ever on a Liveline thread:

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=111470591&postcount=4014

I had a few in the 20s for Me Weekly Column and dat....

ButtersSuki

ButtersSuki wrote: »

I had a few in the 20s for Me Weekly Column and dat....

Go wan an post here so.

ButtersSuki

ButtersSuki wrote: »

There’s quite a few of them but here’s just one:
https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=100826202&postcount=3745

No doubt Brian Scan will be along to tell me how unfunny it is any second....

Ah no gowanning folk here... sure we wanna keep it light & fun & sure we can always be helped up our game!

AllForIt

Deleted User wrote: »

This as far as I can determine is the most thanked post ever on a Liveline thread:

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=111470591&postcount=4014[

Didn't get the number of thanks it deserved - had a good laugh reading that : )

Field east

Deleted User wrote: »

This as far as I can determine is the most thanked post ever on a Liveline thread:

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=111470591&postcount=4014

Joes Relegious knowledge
Allah be with you
Ham dal lillagh

Losty Dublin

AllForIt wrote: »

Didn't get the number of thanks it deserved - had a good laugh reading that : )

The Liveline threads move so quickly that posts get a fraction of the "likes" that they'd ordinarily get on any other thread or at other times.

Therefore I propose we give them their true reward using a Joeometer.

What is a Joeometer, you ask? Basically we just make up an amount to give a post, much like how he has loads of fictional callers that contact the show.

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=105666362&postcount=174

De FINAL END OF DE YEAR DAT IS DE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2-17 and dat Joe Duffy Wurkday Calculator and dat so to speak totals:

Wurkdays in 2-17 and dat: 251
Joe Shows: 196***
No Show Joe Shows: 56 - or 11.2 weeks off!
PBH Shows: 31
D'Omen Shows: 14
AN Udder Shows: 8
De Budget Show instead of Da Lahv Lahn and dat: 1
De Funny Fryday on de Eve of Christmas and dat*: 1
De St. Stephen'sessssssssssssssss Day Bestest Deaths a De Year Xtravaganza and dat**: 1
No Shows at all because of De Chrimbo and dat: 3

Tanks to RTÉ's "commercial sensitivity" and the real fear () dat de top talent wood be poached by de BBC and NBC etc. (), we will only have to wait until 2-19 to figure out "de fee per show" structure and arrangement. Dis duz be de only way to see if Noel has managed to secure a raise for de drop in listenership (as seems to be the way RTÉ wurks and dat so to speak) dat did befell de show in recent JNLRs so to speak. I have long suspected Joe took a drop in total remuneration to just below the €400K mark purely to make the optics of de farcical situation appear less offensive to the ordinary punter so to speak, but this is balanced out with an increase in breakeen's so to speak AND an increase in fees per show. So less shows for ballpark the same outrageous fees.


Notes:
* Technically not a Wurkday as it falls on a Sunday and dat so not included in de Wurkday total but included in Joe's total even dough he's probably on 3 x de usual fees and dat and it's nuttin' but a junket for him and his mates at de taxpayer's expense so to speak.
**pre-recorded so to speak and darefore not included in de Wurkday total and dat but again included in Joe's total so he's benefitting from creative accounting and dat.
***196 shows recorded on 195 days

Special tanks to Atlantic Dawn for keeping de calendar up to date on de days I was unable to do so so to speak.

E&OE. All queries shall be answered in due course so to speak.

The wurk day calculator dat was.

5th May 2021

I went on Liveline to tell Joe how great the menopause can be

https://www.rte.ie/radio/utils/share/radio1/21949764