Feel like I am losing it

LegacyUser

I feel like I am losing it totally.
for background, I'm WFH since last March. At the start of the pandemic I was in a different job, and it was full on, working 14 hours a day. All I did was work. I moved jobs and am in a role I really enjoy.

However, I'm not able to motivate myself to work properly at the moment- since maybe early February. I feel like I have totally gone off the boil. I am forgetful, more disorganised than usual, a bit paranoid about stuff like thinking I am being left out of projects and so on.


At home, I am as, or more, disorganised than usual. Place is messy. Things like clean laundry pilling up or stuff stacked for the attic sitting endlessly on the landing.

I'm not motivated to interact with my family as much. We barely leave the house, no walks, trips- not that you can go anywhere at the moment, but even then...

And then I feel like I'm going mad. For example, I distinctly remember going onto the Tesco website yesterday and changing my delivery order by removing and adding many items. I remember checking out. The order arrived today and it was the old order and now I have tonnes of dried goods and fridge stuff I don't need. It seems trivial, but it is really upsetting me as added to all the other stuff it makes me feel like there is something majorly wrong with me.

Other things that happen are that I will start something and then just totally wander off and forget it, remembering hours later that I started that email, or had that washing to put out on the line. I might start 5 or 6 things like that and keep flitting from one to the other.

I am not good at dealing with stress, but there shouldn't be anything much stressful in my life. There are no kids "taxi" rides, I have no commute, I have more free time now that I am not working 14 hours a day, and yet I feel so "stressed" that I am avoiding work, avoiding people, avoiding life.
I also feel that being in work generally, being so bad at coping with stress that I am, is bad for me, and I need to just not work at all because clearly I can't cope.

Another example would be that I don't want to arrange anything for a specific time as the thought of having to be somewhere at a specific time is stressing me out, and some days the thoughts of "having" to go to the pharmacy or supermarket just feels like a massive trek and I put it off.
Coupled with the feeling that I am losing it, it just seems to be going in ever decreasing circles.
I took a few days off at Easter, but I feel like I am taking two steps forward and one back in my life. I am eating very badly, and have been since I started that job before my new one (i.e. well before Covid) but being at home has made it even worse again, and I am getting very overweight.

I try meditating but when I do these massive waves of nausea and anxiety rise up in me and I freak out. Some mornings I wake up with the same feeling- gasping with anxiety, and I can't get back to sleep for ages.

I have been taking b12 and iron, and that has been good for energy for me for a little while, but now it feels like the effects have "worn off" and I am exhausted getting up and exhausted come about 7pm. I feel like a granny!

My self care is poor, but any attempt to go for a walk daily just fills me with dread and overwhelm. When I try to eat well I spend the whole day thinking about food and get no work done.

I am irritable and edgy, and I really hate all this.

duffysfarm

you need to slow down or you will burn yourself out. You are working too much, full stop. you need to do something or else there will be some long term effects of what you are doing at the moment

maybe take a week off work? i know you cant go anywhere in that week but just get away from work, turn the phone and laptop off and even if you sit and watch tv for the week it should help.

in terms of your home etc, make a list of things you want to do each day to make it feel better/tidy it up. Even if its as small as washing some clothes or doing laundry then it will give you a sense of achievement and something to aim for.

also try and get some exercise

try and give a friend/cousin some one a call just to speak to somebody about something, just try and interact with some one different. a little more human interaction will only help.

There is light at the end of the tunnel - weather should be getting better, evenings are longer, people are getting vaccinated and hopefully society will reopen to some kind of normality in the coming months

YellowLead

You are definitely not alone! I have heard the same from many people. In my case I feel almost the same, though to a slightly lesser degree (I still like going to the shop or pharmacy and I don’t have nausea though sleep eludes me).

To be honest I just spend as much time as I can day dreaming about life when restrictions ease, that’s what gets me through. And how lucky I am that I can resume normal life and I wasn’t in a terrible accident that leaves me trapped in my apartment forever.

Being able to break the 5k and meet others next week will be a god send, as will getting back to tennis later in the month.

I am the same regarding house work and work and things in general - motivation to do all that is gone and I just want to be able to mix with other people.

I think there is a particular kind of despair that comes from the sameness of every day that people who aren’t living alone and single can’t understand. It’s okay to admit life sucks for some of us right now - but I’d hate to lose hope for the future. I hope you will be okay. Hang in there!

Rubberchikken

You can leave the house, soake an effort to use that 5k they've given is and get out every day, rain or shine.
Staying in will drive anyone round the bend.
Do you have anyone else to help with laundry/stuff to go in attic etc?
You can't do everything on your own.

RebelButtMunch

You're not alone. Talk to the gp or phone nurse/doc if you have vhi etc.

Wesser

Think the while of ireland is like this at the moment. I am drifting around like a a shapeless blob in body and mind

Goose76

The Irish times women’s podcast had an episode about brain fog last week. I found it very interesting, maybe you could check it out.

I just want to give you a word of advice on the food issue. The advice was given to me and I have found it very helpful.

There's a difference between eating well and restricting.

So give yourself three really good, tasty, enjoyable nutritious meals a day and if you want to snack in between on chocolate etc, do.

As soon as you decide to restrict your intake it will be all you think about. But if you give yourself permission to eat whatever you want, while nourishing yourself very well in your three meals, the snacks become less magnetic.

If you tell yourself you can't have something, forget it. It's all you'll want.

Otherwise, hang in there. This terrible time will pass.

Curious_Case

Losing it wrote: »

I feel like I am losing it totally.

My approach would be to "shoe-horn" good things in to your life.

Time can get eaten up by nothingness if it isn't tapped in to by the good things (people, places or pursuits that you enjoy).

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I've no advice as such, but just to say your post sounds very familiar.

I am a single person living alone all throughout the pandemic. I have that brain fog, last year, I actually started to lose my vocabulary, normally I would be highly articulate. When talking on the phone in conversation, I couldn't think of the words for even basic things.

My social skills have become very rusty also.

Just so you know that you are not alone in feeling like this.

Xander10

Hi OP,

Fwiw, I feel I could have written 90% of that to describe my WFH life.

Struggling to get work jobs completed. Today I was preparing myself in my own head for a call to say it's not good enough and I was going over resigning in my head, although I need the job.

I think I made the mistake of staying 99% housebound during WFH, which had lead to heightened anxiety.

You are not alone in your feelings, if that helps.