14 and a fridget

P4t111

I know how stupid it sounds... but I'm scared I'm never gonna talk to any girls in me life or something; never been to a disco or anything, I haven't got any real friends that are girls, I dunno if I'm just ugly or awkward or what, but I cannot get anyone to meet/kiss me. I've tried using snap and instagram for this but I can't hold a conversation properly unless it's in real life, whenever I talk to a girl in real life it goes smoothly but they're usually too old for me or something

I don't know, just havin mad thought at 10 at night. Any advice? I know me life's not over but most me mates already stopped bein fridgets before they were even in 1st year, few of then still are but I've never even really been mates with a girl so... am I doomed or what?

Airyfairy12

Please ignore the previous posters advice, stay away from pick up artist youtube videos about how to flirt with girls, first of all they wont work as you wouldnt be behaving authentically and everyone can see through someone whose being fake, its very off putting. Secondly theyre mostly based around the idea of manipulating people to do what you want, in this case you would be attempting to manipulate girls into liking you/kissing you, in situations like that you'll find that the people who often fall for the manipulation can be vulnerable or might have very low self esteem. Keep in mind, when you manipulate someone to do something, they dont actually want to do the thing, you'd be sort of forcing them but in a very sneaky way. Do you want to be the kind of person that manipulates vulnerable people? You sound like a decent & very intelligent person, I hope you wouldnt stoop so low as to take advantage of somebody in that way.

Thirdly, there is no such thing as the 'friendzone' if you are friends with a girl but fancy her you can either tell her or distance yourself from her, if she doesnt like you back it's unlikely she will change her mind. If you hang around a girl that you fancy and pretend to be her friend in the hope that she will fall for you or some day change her mind and fancy you back, this is in the same ballpark as manipulation because youre pretending to be her friend, this is dishonest and you would only be acting nice to her because you want something in return. When you dont get what you want, you'll inevitably end up frustrated and angry and blame her for not giving you what you want.

You can and should be friends with girls but for the right reasons, treat your female friends like you would your male friends, with respect, make sure you have a genuine connection and without an ulterior motive.

Lastly you dont have to have muscles or bulk up to attract girls. Genuinely be yourself, respect people, be kind but also be assertive and dont let people walk on you or put you down. It really is you personality and how you genuinely treat people that counts.

If you want the shift (do the young ones still use that word?) just ask a girl you like, dont try and make pretend friends with her as it will only backfire, be direct and honest about how you feel, the worst that can happen is she says is no.

LegacyUser

OP,

If you are only 14, it's going to have been pretty difficult to meet girls. We've all been in lockdown for more than the last year, and you won't have been in school very much. There haven't been any discos for the last year, and you probably wouldn't have been old enough to go to a teen disco before that.

Its tricky, but I would try not to stress too much. Hopefully things will get back to normal a bit over the next few months and there'll be more socialising happening in the summer. Most 14 year olds are in the same boat as yourself. It's a mad time to be a teenager!

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

HonestJim, discussion of PUA methods and techniques are not permitted in this forum.

FrankC21 please do not link to videos/video channels as this is also against the Charter here.

You both should read said Charter before posting here again.

Thanks

HS

The Mighty Quinn

I'm 20 years older than you, but, I was a bit like you. At 14 I hadn't kissed a girl. I didn't go to discos, I wasn't friends with fellas who had girls as friends so I'd no real way to meet girls.

To be honest it made me feel quite depressed at the time so I get it completely. It didn't happen for me at 15 either. I was 16 and a half.

So, it did eventually happen, and when it started it just kinda kept going for the most part. Girlfriends came and went.

I'm now married with children. Some of my friends are also married with children, some are married without children, some are single.

My point is, everybody does things at a different pace, you'll be no different. It's not always a pace you'll like, but it's not as big a deal as you think it is now. Easier said than done I know but, try not to obsess about it.

Surreptitious

You have your entire life ahead of you. You are a young teenager and possibly not mature enough for a sexual relationship. (Also it's illegal) Kissing maybe but there's no rush. I wouldn't believe half the stuff your male friends are saying either. It's a tough time now but in a year or two who knows what might happen for you. Chin up.

You're 14, don't worry about it. Loads in the same boat as you seen as there are no Gaeltachts for the 2nd year running!

If you get on grand with girls when you talk to them in real life you will do fine and are already in a better position than loads of teenage boys who cannot string a sensible sentence together when speaking with girls. its just a case of meeting and talking to new people and it will happen, which you can't really do at the moment which is crap. I wouldn't worry about it, it will be grand in time.

Urethra Franklin.

P4t111 wrote: »

I know how stupid it sounds... but I'm scared I'm never gonna talk to any girls in me life or something; never been to a disco or anything, I haven't got any real friends that are girls, I dunno if I'm just ugly or awkward or what, but I cannot get anyone to meet/kiss me. I've tried using snap and instagram for this but I can't hold a conversation properly unless it's in real life, whenever I talk to a girl in real life it goes smoothly but they're usually too old for me or something

I don't know, just havin mad thought at 10 at night. Any advice? I know me life's not over but most me mates already stopped bein fridgets before they were even in 1st year, few of then still are but I've never even really been mates with a girl so... am I doomed or what?

Jeepers. Relax. I didn't have my first kiss till I was in college! And believe it or not.....I was not the only one from my school in that position, and neither was I the only one in my college friend group in that situation either. My very attractive friend with a great personality didn't have her first kiss till the end of 4th year in college. This was only a few years ago, it's not like this was a completely different generation. You'll time will come. You are not doomed. You're totally overthinking this, I remember being that age and thinking it was the biggest deal ever. It wasn't. Trust me relax take the pressure off, when you're relaxed and more comfortable it will be more likely to happen than in comparison trying to get this happen, actively trying to set up this situation. People who have had their first kiss/meet are totally oblivious to the fact that there are many others who have never experienced this and can make you feel like you're the only one in this situation. Trust me you are probably in the majority, or at least a significant minority. Don't let peers write your narrative. The world is much bigger than your friend group and you are far from alone. Also you are overthinking this, I am sure you're a good looking kid, and have a good personally, nothing in this post would indicate otherwise, in fact the fact that you prefer in person conversations to just online socialising is indicative that you do have good social skills, and believe me nobody is too ugly to kiss, people are attracted to a huge wide range of people, someone I find unattractive my friends have often thought they were gorgeous, and vice versa. You're fine.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

Posters are reminded to offer advice to the OP when replying to their thread. If you have no advice for the OP, in line with the Charter obviously, then please move on to another thread.

Thanks

HS

GingerLily

I was a girl in your situation, convinced i was already too far behind all my peers, but from what I know now, most of stories my friends were telling me were lies or unpleasant experiences that they cringe looking back on.
I didn't kiss a boy until I was in 4th year but it really made no difference by the time I was finishing school let alone starting college.

You need to find ways to make more female friends and go from there, the more relaxed you are around girls the more confident you'll be when you meet a girl you actually like. It's hard right now with the pandemic but when it's all back to normal take opportunities to join things that'll help you mix with more girls and meet more people.

Try not to stress too much about it because your really so young still.

Big Bag of Chips

A number of posts have been deleted. One poster banned, and a number of posts replying to those posts deleted.

Posters are also reminded that a young teenager has posted asking for advice. Please tailor your advice accordingly.

leggo

OP life is long and, trust me, one day you’ll think back to this period and laugh. However I know when you’re in the middle of it, it feels differently.

If I could go back and tell my 14yo self anything it’d be:

1) Nobody is thinking about you and any shortcomings you think you have, they’re all worried about what everyone else thinks of them. Even if they make cruel jokes/comments, that’s just them trying to push attention away from their own insecurities, yes even if they seem confident and loud (they’re just good at faking it).

2) Try not to focus on things like getting your first kiss etc. Instead focus on being happy with yourself and focusing on things you like about yourself. People gravitate towards that and want to be around someone who feels that way, then all the other stuff just falls into place. It really does and you just have to trust that it will for you too.

FrankC21

Hannibal_Smith wrote: »

Mod Note

HonestJim, discussion of PUA methods and techniques are not permitted in this forum.

FrankC21 please do not link to videos/video channels as this is also against the Charter here.

You both should read said Charter before posting here again.

Thanks

HS

Apologies

Kimbot

OP, your 14 so I wouldnt be stressing about it too much. You have a lot of time to get with girls going forward so for now just enjoy your life, live your hobbies etc and in time it will all fall together for you

LegacyUser

OP if you are 14 then just relax and stop stressing about something you don't need to be stressed about. Whatever your friends, the internet, movies are claiming about kissing and sex is frankly just not true. You don't need to kiss anyone or be trying to force yourself into a relationship just because you think you should be in one. I didn't kiss anyone until 19 and in college and it was a few more years before I had a partner or any sort of long term relationship. I found out in my 20s a lot of the stories my friend had told about 'getting off with X behind the rugby club' where either massively blown up or out right lies.

Just focus on yourself and don't stress over things that just aren't important at this stage of your life.

ILoveYourVibes

Go out there make lots of friends of both genders.

Wait for the girl you really like and who likes you.

If a girl rejects you see that as an opportunity to make a friend. In the end a girlfriend is just a BEST mate anyway. And most girls need to know a guy a bit before anything happens. If you can't be friends you probably can't be more than friends.

stop caring what other think.

You are not ugly. Rejection is not about you.

Just get out there not caring and HAVE FUN.

Believe you are the business and you will be.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

OP, I think you have enough to go on here. As per the Terms of Use of the site, if you are aged between 13 and 16 you must obtain the consent of a parent/legal guardian when you post on boards.ie.

Bearing that in mind and the nature of some of the posts, I'm going to err on the side of caution and close the thread.

Thanks all who offered constructive help and advice.

HS