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Managing behavior in 3.5 year old

  • 29-03-2021 5:46pm
    #1
    misc2013
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 269 ✭✭


    My normally even tempered youngster has recently started acting out with hitting, throwing things at her brother and even me and I want to nip it in the bud. I do the charts for encouraging positive behaviour changes in both kids 6 and 3 and they do work well enough. I'm a bit thrown by this behaviour tho. It's always when she doesn't get her own way. Am thinking I prob need to chart the opposite like when we don't hit or don't throw things but I'm a bit lost with the there and then response. One time she hit her brother on the way out the door to creche so there was nearly 9 hours before home again so felt there was no opportunity to address it really.


Comments

  • #2
    5starpool
    Subscribers Posts: 32,859 ✭✭✭✭5starpool


    It's a very difficult message to get across I feel. I have a boy of similar age, and while he has mostly come of of his 'throw everything' and 'hit/push my younger brother' period, he is still very enthusiastic and boisterous, shall we say.

    The main thing is to try and have patience, and be consistent and repetitive with the message. Whenever he does something he really shouldn't, we try to stay calm (not always successfully unfortunately, but we try!) and sit him down, make sure he is looking at me and listening, and get to say what he did, why he did it, and whether he thinks he should have done it, and then give him the same type of message about why it's not ok.

    The repetition is frustrating, but in our experience anyway, there is no magic trick, we just have to keep giving the same message and be confident over time it'll sink in. Any of the times either of us lose our temper a little undermines what we do when we stay calm, so it's not just him that needs to learn the lesson and think before he acts!

    We thought about having reward charts, or naughty step or whatever, but they aren't for us I think, although lots of people find them useful and effective.
    Parenting is hard, it's frustrating, and everyone's experience will be different. This might not have helped much, but if anyone does have a magic trick, please share!


  • #3
    shesty
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,914 Mod ✭✭✭✭shesty


    I have no magic formula either I am afraid (currently grappling with a 4 year old's behaviour) but here are some ideas from me...

    "We don't do that" while blocking her if possible.

    "That was really great/good when you got annoyed and remembered not to hit/throw (or came and told me, or whatever)", when she doesn't do it...all the encouragement!

    We have a book called "hands are not for hitting".There are also lots of books for that age group around emotions, feeling angry and temper - maybe see if you can get a couple.

    We never used the naughty step here but my youngest (2) is hitting with abandon the last few weeks, mainly because he gets a big squealing reaction from his older siblings, but his sisters are beginning to respond back.Have taken to removing each one consistently to the step or their room for a short timed period each time and I have noticed it has helped.Bit of a last resort to be honest for me, but I felt I was getting nowhere otherwise.It is a phase, it will pass just be consistent in responding.And definitely be aware of what works for one child may not work for the other (as I have noticed repeatedly).


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