Mid 30s - Looking for advice.

LegacyUser

Hi there,

Looking for a bit of advice as I find myself in a position that I'm not sure which is the right path to choose. I am a man in my mid 30s living at home with my mam and younger sister. I am very lucky that I am able to be at home to try and save money for a deposit. My relationship with my mam varies as it does with my younger sister. Sometimes we get on very well, others I can find myself reverting back to my teenage self getting hormonal and getting annoyed about minor things that crop up while living at home. I have saved some money over the last couple of years but as I am single, I have very limited options in the chances of getting a mortgage. I am just wondering if I should move out at this stage and forego savings and hopes of trying to buy a place over the next few years so I can become independent again and focus on personal development. What would you do in this situation? Even with full effort at saving, house prices seem to keep going up thus rendering the savings I have made irrelevant. I am just worried I might end up regretting having spent my 30s at home saving tooth and nail not to be much closer to my goal of owning my own place.

Any different perspectives on this would be great.

Thanks.

Airyfairy12

Rent is also very expensive and considering you will paying as much in rent as you are currently saving, you'll still be in the same financial situation only paying someone elses mortgage. You can still be independent while living at home, assuming you pay towards bills and household costs and arent expecting your mother to wash your clothes and clean up after you. How much have you saved so far? Could you buy a cheap house rurally or in another part of the country?

JustAThought

There is nowhere to ‘go’ at the moment and little craic to be had so why move out? You’ll be living in a room somewhere & not able to go out or hang out & It’ll only put you in a worse place financially and leave you further off your final goal. And you’d have the same or worse issues with flatmates - who might not be as tolerant or easy to know and forgive ( or be forgiven by!) and your family.

You’d be better to work on maybe some online personal development that might increase your chances of securing a better role/ promotion - which might keep you out of each others hair & personal space a bit more!

You mentioned savings - maybe make the lockdown work harder for you and figure out how much you are spending and on what and see if you can use the L5 to set increased monthly targets for saving. If you have no overheads what are you saving monthly? How can you increase this? This past year has really shown what people are spending their disposable income on - are you eating yours in take aways? What does it go on? Can you point to a direct debit that is untouched in another account each month that demonstrates a level of saving that would tell a bank you are reliable and steady as a
possible mortgage owner? If not - why arn’t you saving? Do you need a better job? What can you do to achieve that goal?

Moving out always is expensive - not just the rent & bills but going out, drinks, shared meals, taxis, and expenses - this is a golden handcuff opportunity to kick your goal - focus on that for a dilligent 12 months - then make your mortgage / move.

Your mom is trying to help and support you. Sisters will always be give & take as are families. Do you plan to be in bedsit at 40 or to focus and what you need to make it happen.

The bank of iteland has an interesting mortgage overpayment tool - you figure out what you ‘owe’ - say 220k, what the interest rate is (say 4 or 5%) - how much you want to ‘overpay’ - say 50 a month - and the years - say 25 - it will tell you what the ‘new ‘ payment per month is. You can trick around with this without involving a quote or talking to a CS person and revealing yourself - this might help you figure what a monthly repayment (& interest) on a figure of the price of a house could be like for you (180k/200k) etc and might help you get a price and goal in mind and see how achievable it can be - rather than worrying about the enormity of it all and being overwhelmed.

https://www.bankofirelanduk.com/mortgages/existing-customer/calculators/overpayment/

Daisy78

It comes down a number of different things, what do you want to buy (an apartment or a house), where do you want to buy, in a city, town or somewhere more rural. The first thing I would advise you to do is to arrange a meeting with a mortgage broker, they will give you an idea of how much you can realistically borrow and what you need to do in terms of savings, paying of debt, etc to be in a good position to get a mortgage. If you are not in a position to get approval for the amount you need then you may need to reconsider your options. That said if you are in a position to buy, say with some effort on the savings front in the next two years or so then it might be worth sticking out your current situation? Moving out may be the only option that will give you in the independence you are looking for but as the previous poster mentioned rent is very expensive these days and you would need to do your research to see what is available and if you can afford it. The alternative to that is flat sharing and honestly I’d think twice about going down that road in your mid thirties, particularly after living it home. It can be a grim enough experience at times and I say that as someone who did it into their late thirties.

SnuggyBear

Where do you live? You should be able to save for something living at home if you save hard enough.

TheMilkyPirate

AdviceIfPossible wrote: »

Hi there,

Looking for a bit of advice as I find myself in a position that I'm not sure which is the right path to choose. I am a man in my mid 30s living at home with my mam and younger sister. I am very lucky that I am able to be at home to try and save money for a deposit. My relationship with my mam varies as it does with my younger sister. Sometimes we get on very well, others I can find myself reverting back to my teenage self getting hormonal and getting annoyed about minor things that crop up while living at home. I have saved some money over the last couple of years but as I am single, I have very limited options in the chances of getting a mortgage. I am just wondering if I should move out at this stage and forego savings and hopes of trying to buy a place over the next few years so I can become independent again and focus on personal development. What would you do in this situation? Even with full effort at saving, house prices seem to keep going up thus rendering the savings I have made irrelevant. I am just worried I might end up regretting having spent my 30s at home saving tooth and nail not to be much closer to my goal of owning my own place.

Any different perspectives on this would be great.

Thanks.

Stay at home and save every single penny that you can. There is no better time to do it either there's nothing to do and nowhere to go. If you move out now you will be living in a crappy flat on your own with no savings building up and where do you go from there?

You need to ask yourself where you want to be in 5 years time. Put the head down and put the effort in and you'll be a homeowner with a solid base. I have 3 single friends who have their own homes and they all earn less than 50k

JustAThought

SnuggyBear wrote: »

Where do you live? You should be able to save for something living at home if you save hard enough.

Sorry - that boi one seems to need a login now!
Use the AIB mortgage overpayment one using the figures I mentioned above! It came for me as a 200k loan at 4% for 20 or 25 years overpaying 50 a month would work out as a mortgage payment of just over 1,100 or so a month. If you are able to demonstrate that you are easily saving at least 2 or 300 more than that by living at home
every month for a year then you have a good chance. If you are living at home and not paying bills and are not saving that I’d be asking why? At this stage of your life you know your ambition and goal - adjusting your buying/ start price will decrease this payment but if by age 35 or 40 you’re not able to achieve this then moving out is not your solution.

https://aib.ie/our-products/mortgage/mortgage-overpayment-calculator

(achieving this -= having or saving to have 1,500 per month in regular saved cash to give to a bank/ pay for your own house monthly & basic bills)

Oranage2

Get to a mortgage broker and see what you can afford, might need to save a bit more before getting what u want.

There's no craic moving out, unless you want house parties or something there's absolutely no advantages. right now all your income is basically disposable income, you have all the money you want for restaurants, cinemas, holidays etc. If you move out that money will go on rent and bills leaving you with a much lower saving potential.

Buy your mother some flowers, be thankful you can stay at home, save hard and you'll eventually reach your goal.

LegacyUser

Hi there,

OP here. I appreciate everyone's feedback. Thanks for your input. I'm going to take it on board and set myself a target for saving over the next year or two and focus on that. There's not much more I can do at the moment. Part of me wants the independence but as someone pointed out, do I want to be 40 in a bedsit or apartment share and the honest answer is I don't want to find myself in that situation (not that, it's an unbearable thought, I would just prefer my own space).

mtoutlemonde

OP have a look at the rebuilding Ireland home Loan - you apply via the council - they offer 5 times your salary.

Floricwil

I would second the rebuilding Ireland home loan. You get about 5 times your salary.

Living at home can be really tough but just focus on the end goal of owning your own space. 2, 5 , 7 years will pass regardless of what you do. You just need to ask yourself what you want your life to look like when that time arrives. Living at home, in a houseshare, or owning your own place. Getting what you want in the future may mean making a sacrifice now.

Purple Mountain

Hi OP.
I'd imagine because of lockdown youre feeling less independent I guess?
I'm sure if there was no lockdown, you'd be meeting friends more often, playing sports etc.
I'd say stick out the staying at home.
Rent in your 30s, when you have somewhere else to stay is dead money.
I assume and hope you're contributing to your mam's house in some form though?
Meet an independent broker and set out a savings goal.
In relation to feeling claustrophobic at home, use the longer evenings to take up walking or cycling to get out of your family's hair for a few hours.
Hang in there, it will be worth it.

LegacyUser

Thanks again to everyone who replied. I will look into that Rebuilding Ireland home loan. I will also look into that payment calculator @Justathought mentioned. Just to reply to the questions that were asked; I live in Dublin, I contribute to the household albeit a very small amount (this was agreed to with my mam, so I could focus on saving), I do my own washing and share cooking duties. I also try to contribute to the house by cleaning up and hoovering communal areas.

@purplemountain you are right, lockdown has made me feel much less independent, a little trapped, even though I know I am extremely lucky to be able to live at home and also have a job.

Purple Mountain

Good man
You sound like a good son.
Best of luck with it.

Ellie2008

Hi OP,

I’d second, third & fourth what’s been said here. Your relationship with your family sounds good, it’s normal to have ups & downs. If you moved out during Covid you could end up spending huge amounts of time with strangers. Best of luck.