Is having perspective important?

nicholasIII

You've probably heard of the phrase "somebody has it worse". It seems insensitive but some people say that it helps put your problems into perspective.

For me, it's personally never worked. I've been to the poorest third world countries in Africa and South America. Although I was shocked by the level of poverty and very glad for my creature comforts once arriving back to Ireland, I quickly got used to it.

Sure, my problems are obviously not the worst in the world but that doesn't make them any less real to me. It might be how my brain works but knowing someone has it worse doesn't give me any consolation. In fact, it does the opposite a bit.

Is anyone else like this?

Deemed as Normal

ElJaguar

Bobblehats

Opinions are like onions. Why eye man

Graces7

nicholasIII wrote: »

You've probably heard of the phrase "somebody has it worse". It seems insensitive but some people say that it helps put your problems into perspective.

For me, it's personally never worked. I've been to the poorest third world countries in Africa and South America. Although I was shocked by the level of poverty and very glad for my creature comforts once arriving back to Ireland, I quickly got used to it.

Sure, my problems are obviously not the worst in the world but that doesn't make them any less real to me. It might be how my brain works but knowing someone has it worse doesn't give me any consolation. In fact, it does the opposite a bit.

Is anyone else like this?

I see it from a totally different perspective with no overlay of guilt.

It makes me deeply thankful for what I do have and also leads me to live more and more simply so I can give to others in needy places .. a sharing. Above all it stops me taking anything for granted. and a deep contentment.

There but for circumstances we did not create go we. And there in disaster strikes we may go again.

It will help with your mental health for one thing. I suspect like a lot of personality traits you're either born sunny-natured and with a tendency to put things into perspective or you are not, and if you are not it's hard to learn.



Some people love being crank gits anyway and get a lot of satisfaction from it.

Gran Torino or Sent of a woman.

It might help a little to keep in mind that your problems are seemingly small in relation to those other people have. But I would not recommend focusing on that kind of thinking too much.

It risks de-legitimizing genuine suffering you might have. If something in your life is causing emotional pain or stress or discomfort of any kind then that is valid in and of itself. And you are worthy of addressing that and having the help of others addressing it. That other people have worse problems in that context is irrelevant. Your issues are legitimate if they cause _you_ suffering.

Worse than de-legitimizing your suffering it could even add to it. Because not only do you risk letting yourself thinking your issues are not legitimate compared to others - you can then even make yourself feel like a bad person for feeling bad about them. So now not only do you not think your issues are valid but you feel bad about yourself for feeling they are. Which just spirals things.

A modern example is I know people who suffer from the worry and constant uncertainty of life with Covid. These are people who still have a job and a house and an income and comfort. But they are suffering. That is legitimate. Yes there are people "worse off" who have lost their jobs or homes or business or worse. And that is awful too. But their suffering and worry and deterioration of mental health is no less valid because of this.

nicholasIII

Deleted User wrote: »

It might help a little to keep in mind that your problems are seemingly small in relation to those other people have. But I would not recommend focusing on that kind of thinking too much.

It risks de-legitimizing genuine suffering you might have. If something in your life is causing emotional pain or stress or discomfort of any kind then that is valid in and of itself. And you are worthy of addressing that and having the help of others addressing it. That other people have worse problems in that context is irrelevant. Your issues are legitimate if they cause _you_ suffering.

Worse than de-legitimizing your suffering it could even add to it. Because not only do you risk letting yourself thinking your issues are not legitimate compared to others - you can then even make yourself feel like a bad person for feeling bad about them. So now not only do you not think your issues are valid but you feel bad about yourself for feeling they are. Which just spirals things.

A modern example is I know people who suffer from the worry and constant uncertainty of life with Covid. These are people who still have a job and a house and an income and comfort. But they are suffering. That is legitimate. Yes there are people "worse off" who have lost their jobs or homes or business or worse. And that is awful too. But their suffering and worry and deterioration of mental health is no less valid because of this.

I'm personally upset that I'm not very attractive and not succeeding acedemically/career wise.

I look at my former classmates in secondary school who are now in their mid-20s and live on their own in houses in South Dublin, travel across the world (before COVID-19), have posh girlfriends, etc...

Some will say to me, "At least you live in a developed country in the 21st century and aren't homeless".

You would get on well with the user Mr. Feg I think. He had some coincidentally similar issues.

The book "Happy" by Derren Brown might be useful to you. It is a modern perspective on the thinking of the stoics. Which involves a lot of identifying the things you can control and change and those you can not - and learning to let the latter go while working to improve yourself and your lot on the former.

Potential-Monke

I see the use and point of having perspective, but along with a lot of empathy, I kinda lost it a good few years back. I honestly believe your "fellow man" is selfish and greedy, even though most will not admit to it. Most will continue to give their €3 a month to some charity, or do something helpful to others once in a blue moon and think they're gifts to humanity. The worse ones are the people who do charitable things but have to record it to upload to social media. Cretins getting likes off the feels of others.

Right now, I have my own issues and problems to deal with. I don't let them intrude on anyone else if at all possible. I'm just gonna keep doing me, and I don't care what anyone else does as long as it doesn't directly negatively affect me. I don't think about the poor in other countries, because I don't live there and there's no point thinking about things I really can't do anything about anyway. I'm negative enough as it is.

But I'm honest. I have very little empathy for people outside of my small circle. Actually, I basically have no empathy for those people. Most problems are, imo, self caused or could have been avoided. I don't want to know or get involved. I'm gonna live out however many years I've left as far away (figuratively speaking) from everyone else and their problems. I don't want to know. I don't want to help. Leave me alone strange people, and I'll leave ye alone.

Tarah04

Tell us more about yourself Potential Monke and how you came to be so evil... :pac: