Crazy stories from your past that nobody believes!

Quantum Baloney

This thread is for crazy stories from your past that people struggle to believe.

Here is mine:

Back around 2005 while in fifth or sixth year I developed this kind of crush on Pat Kenny. I guess it started out as a kind of ironic crush, but then I actually became kind of romantically infatuated. It was well known in my year and I played along with all the jokes and ribbing.

Flash forward a few years and I am finished school and on holidays with my mates in the Canaries and I end up doing a beatbox contest with Christina Kenny in an underground carpark (yes she can spit beats convincingly in case you wondered, and is totally a babe too). Anyway, to make a long story short we spent the evening chilling together and I mentioned after a few drinks that I had had this crush on her dad, and she said that happened all the time with him and to give her my email address and she would pass it on and he would drop me a line. Between one thing and another we ended up having so much fun that night that I forgot to give her the address, but I always wonder what might have happened.

Quantum Baloney

Does nobody have a tale?

Ubbquittious

Quantum Baloney wrote: »

Does nobody have a tale?

I have a few good ones but I'm afraid the other people involved will read them. So I'm keeping schtumm until there's a boards beers and I have a few pints in me.

The Inbetween is mine

I've got a tale.....
Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air

In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys who were up to no good
Started making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'


And still, to this day, nobody believes this chunky, bald whiteboy was actually a young Will Smith!

Quantum Baloney

Amazing to think that that rambunctious teen became a man, who then had his own child, who went on to act in more triple A blockbusters.

Alqua

I found a letter in a bottle from America. Wrote back and over to the man who sent it and his wife for almost 15 years until they both died. Do have some regrets about how things sort of fizzled out towards the end, but it was amazing all the same.

Quantum Baloney

Alqua wrote: »

I found a letter in a bottle from America. Wrote back and over to the man who sent it and his wife for almost 15 years until they both died. Do have some regrets about how things sort of fizzled out towards the end, but it was amazing all the same.

That is very interesting. Can you say any more about the relationship?

nottalking2u

Yea. It ended up like that scene in Alan Partridge with the nutty obsessed fan. You know the one where Alan has to make a quick exit...

And believe me comparing myself to Alan is a compliment in this scenario lol ...see ya later folks..

uch

I fell out of a Mini once while driving round a bend, scraped me head off the tarmac, my friend in the the back managed to get a hold of my belt and pulled me back in, I just ended up with a scabby head

Alqua

Quantum Baloney wrote: »

That is very interesting. Can you say any more about the relationship?

Of course, what do you want to know?

I was about 7 years old, with my mum and a friend on the beach. My mum was walking along kicking the bottle for a while before she realised what was in it. I think we told the local press, but they weren't interested because we didn't keep the bottle. Had smashed it up there and then in the frenzied efforts to get the letter out, bad move in hindsight.

The guy had been an engineer on various ships and was volunteering on a retired WW2 ship at the time he threw the bottle over. We found it exactly 1 year and 1 day later. I took the letter into school and wrote a reply and it went from there (wouldn't take any help from the teacher, I remember!). We wrote letters a few times a year. They used to send me dollars, prayer books and cards and things for birthdays and Christmas. I sent photographs and life updates, and for want of a better present, an Ireland calendar every Christmas. I don't think I appreciated the relationship enough, especially during my teenage years.

We actually got to meet friends of theirs who had lived in Northern Ireland and arranged to visit where the bottle was found on one of their (rare) trips home. They stopped at a B&B one night on the journey from Shannon airport, the owner was reluctant to take any guests that particular night, but took them in. He asked them where they were going and they told him about the letter and how they were hoping to meet me. The B&B owner was gobsmacked - he's my uncle!

The letters became less frequent and I was very aware that they were both getting older. The couple had no kids, and I heard that they kept a framed photo of me in their sitting room with all of the family photos. One night, in college, I was procrastinating on assignments and googled myself. His obituary came up. I was mentioned in it and hadn't even realised he had died. I was so upset. I remember the guilt, still feel it to this day.

After he died, his wife, who always did the letter writing, moved to a nursing home. I could see that her handwriting had deteriorated. After that, I think we only sent one more letter. When she didn't reply, I wondered if she was unwell, or even still alive. It's bizarre - what stopped me picking up the phone and calling the nursing home to speak to her? I had the address. It's an issue of mine, though. When I feel awkward about contacting someone, especially when it's over-due, I just... don't. I'm working on that. I still think of them often. They were almost like the grandparents I never had, and just the amazing-ness of it all, which I had completely normalised! Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on myself about how it ended. I was young, after all.

Ubbquittious

uch wrote: »

I fell out of a Mini once while driving round a bend, scraped me head off the tarmac, my friend in the the back managed to get a hold of my belt and pulled me back in, I just ended up with a scabby head

You were lucky. I had a grand uncle who died in a very similar accident

Ash.J.Williams

I’m banksy

Strumms

When about two or three I was taken to a&e after biting into one of those lightbulbs you put in a torch... I wasn’t exactly a bright two or three year old...

Strumms

uch wrote: »

I fell out of a Mini once while driving round a bend, scraped me head off the tarmac, my friend in the the back managed to get a hold of my belt and pulled me back in, I just ended up with a scabby head

An aunt and uncle had the floor fall out of theirs. Ended up like the flintstones.

Grab All Association

I once dated a girl from Dublin who thought the Euro was only in Dublin and we used pounds in Thurles. Never heard of Tipperary before she met me and presumed it was in Northern Ireland which she had heard of. She worked in Eddie Rockets and wasn’t the dumbest person employed in that restaurant

I once went on a few dates with a girl in her mid 20s. When I finally started hanging out at hers for our first time doing it I noticed she was wearing a drynite nappy. I asked her is it because she’s a bed wetter? She said no, she loves wearing nappies and does a thing called DDLG. I ran for the hills the next morning. Edit: This girl is in Urlingford and yes is on Tinder if this is your thing.

Ficheall

Wtf is an ironic crush?

joeguevara

Ficheall wrote: »

Wtf is an ironic crush?

When an RSJ falls on you from 20ft.

begbysback

Ficheall wrote: »

Wtf is an ironic crush?

A fancying for Alannis Morisette

Ash.J.Williams

Grab All Association wrote: »

I once dated a girl from Dublin who thought the Euro was only in Dublin and we used pounds in Thurles. Never heard of Tipperary before she met me and presumed it was in Northern Ireland which she had heard of. She worked in Eddie Rockets and wasn’t the dumbest person employed in that restaurant

I once went on a few dates with a girl in her mid 20s. When I finally started hanging out at hers for our first time doing it I noticed she was wearing a drynite nappy. I asked her is it because she’s a bed wetter? She said no, she loves wearing nappies and does a thing called DDLG. I ran for the hills the next morning. Edit: This girl is in Urlingford and yes is on Tinder if this is your thing.

Years ago there was a famous Dublin Kerry gaa match in thurles and half the Dublin supporters ended up watching it in pubs in portlaoise and monasterevin they literally had no idea what lay behind Kildare and would never had made it on time

Mr. CooL ICE

I once patted Matt Le Tissier on the back



My past has been quite uneventful

sparksfly

I once fired a shot at a van whose occupants broke the lock on my shed. I was in bed after night shift and my wife was gone in the car. I was woken by the sound of the van. I grabbed the shotgun and popped in 2 cartridges. They spotted the movement in the house and tore out of the driveway. I stupidly let go the cartridges down the road after them, shooting past a neighbours gateway. With mature recollection I could have killed the neighbours if they drove out. I was also waiting (for months) for the authorities or the revenge visit, neither came so I assume I missed.

kildare lad

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

Years ago there was a famous Dublin Kerry gaa match in thurles and half the Dublin supporters ended up watching it in pubs in portlaoise and monasterevin they literally had no idea what lay behind Kildare and would never had made it on time

I'd well believe it , some of them think that once you past lucan it's all farms and fellas marrying their sisters I was driving into town with a fella I worked with from the north inner city in the car . We drove past liffey valley and he though it was the kildare outlet . I worked in liffey valley about ten years ago. One of the girls asked where I was from , I told her leixlip , she replied is that in kildare , I said ye it is , she replied " does it not take you ages to drive up here. She was gobsmacked when I told her it was only 10 mins away .

Purple Mountain

Ficheall wrote: »

Wtf is an ironic crush?

WTF is DDLG?

Conall Cernach

Purple Mountain wrote: »

WTF is DDLG?

Daddy/Little Girl fetish stuff apparently. I wish I hadn't just googled that, the Guards are probably about to beat down my door now.

Purple Mountain

Conall Cernach wrote: »

Daddy/Little Girl fetish stuff apparently. I wish I hadn't just googled that, the Guards are probably about to beat down my door now.

Jesus H Christ.

.anon.

Conall Cernach wrote: »

Daddy/Little Girl fetish stuff apparently. I wish I hadn't just googled that, the Guards are probably about to beat down my door now.

mountai

I was 11 at the time . One night the windows in my bedroom blew open in a huge storm . The curtains billowed in the wind and the room lit up with a blinding white light . Next thing there was an Alien standing at the foot of the bed . " Hows She Cutting" it said . I reached down the side of the bed , grabbed the Pi** Pot and flung it at it . It was gone in a blinding flash shouting at the top of its voice , " them Fcuking Dubs" . No one ever believed me , not even our local PP.

I met Eddie Macken when I was a kid outside a bar at some horse thing.
And coincidentally, my dad and I bumped into Marty Morissey in a bar, years later.

thebronze14

Mr. CooL ICE wrote: »

I once patted Matt Le Tissier on the back



My past has been quite uneventful

My hero growing up. You lucky baxtard!

pcardin

kildare lad wrote: »

some of them think that once you past lucan it's all farms and fellas marrying their sisters

Is that not true?! :eek:

uch

Strumms wrote: »

An aunt and uncle had the floor fall out of theirs. Ended up like the flintstones.

very common with Mini's, they were made from shíte steel and rotted very impressively in the floors

The Inbetween is mine

Conall Cernach wrote: »

Daddy/Little Girl fetish stuff apparently. I wish I hadn't just googled that, the Guards are probably about to beat down my door now.

Just so long as you're not beating something else as they do!

AlejGuzman68

I bumped into John Deacon at at shop once. He went to pay for a newspaper and a coffee. Dropped his change and I collected it for him, while not acknowledging who he was. He nodded at me and thanked me and that was it.

anewme

kildare lad wrote: »

I'd well believe it , some of them think that once you past lucan it's all farms and fellas marrying their sisters I was driving into town with a fella I worked with from the north inner city in the car . We drove past liffey valley and he though it was the kildare outlet . I worked in liffey valley about ten years ago. One of the girls asked where I was from , I told her leixlip , she replied is that in kildare , I said ye it is , she replied " does it not take you ages to drive up here. She was gobsmacked when I told her it was only 10 mins away .

More Westies in Lucan/Leixlip than there are in Clondalkin.

Always been that way.