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Nervous about leaving

  • 09-03-2021 8:12pm
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser

    Hi all,

    I have recently been approached by a company with an interesting opportunity. The role would be a challenge but would offer great experience and would provide me with the opportunity to management a team and a company division. The role also has a great remuneration package. Essentially it would mean a €17.5k salary increase and less hours than my current job. Also, there is a pension scheme and 10% bonus in place. The company has a much smaller headcount and is located on the outskirts of a city.

    I currently work in a large multinational. I enjoy my job, but I feel that I am not learning any new skills or experiences in my current role. The one thing I love and appreciate so much about my current role is the people. I have made great friends and I feel comfortable and confident around my colleagues. I feel respected and am involved in weekly management meetings. I love heading into work and have never experienced the Sunday night dread or anything like that.

    I do feel that I have reached my potential in my current role and there seems to be very little scope for progression within my current employment. The one thing that is holding me back is the fear factor of not being accepted or respected should I take the new job offer. I have only really worked in one organisation. Before that I did have a few seasonal jobs but hated the social element and I just don’t think I fitted into the company culture. I found lunch breaks very tough and usually dreaded them. I was part of a team but at the same time I felt like an outsider.

    I have grown and developed as a person over the years since working in those “seasonal jobs”. So, my comparison to those seasonal jobs (after college) may not be appropriate.

    I don’t really know what to do and I don’t know who to talk to. I would like the opportunity to develop and take on a new opportunity however at the same time I think I would greatly miss the social element of working in a large multinational company.
    I should say that work does mean a lot to me. I am a quiet and young person. I am from a small town outside the city and would only have a handful of friends. I believe the social element to work does help to maintain positive mental health for me.
    Have any of you been in a similar position? Or do you have any suggestions? All are welcome.
    Thank you.


  • Registered Users Posts: 580 ✭✭✭heretothere

    Personally I would go for the new job. I do know what you mean about getting on with your colleagues though. I know you said it's a smaller company, do you know anyone that works there? If you do could you ask them what it's like to work for that company.

    Also if you are working in a big MNC right now, that social group you like more than likely will not be there forever. It was my experience that most people left MNCs after a few year. I personally hated them, worked in 2 and only stayed about 1 year in each.

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,340 ✭✭✭ILikeBoats

    You will make new friends in the new role, you will be given new challenges increasing your skill set and professional development.

    It is tough leaving the familiar where you know people, processes and where you are established but it'll be worth it. Plus the benefits seem superior!

  • Registered Users Posts: 476 ✭✭jelly&icecream

    Sometimes we have to just take a leap into the unknown. It does sound like too good an opportunity to pass up. Do as much research into the new company as possible before you sign on the dotted line and leave your current job on as friendly a terms as possible. Give correct notice and make handover as straightforward as you can.

  • The people you work with are not your friends. They are colleagues. It is vital to remember this. You will see this when you leave and will be lucky to actually keep one of them as a proper friend - i.e. someone you regularly talk to and meet up with. By and large this is the same with every job.

    Take the new job, and make new friends outside of work, do not rely on work for a social life. Maintaining friendly, professional detachment with work colleagues is the best policy, except for one or two people if you are sure you are genuine friends. Makes things easier when you do get promoted, both mentally for you - (you're not on the team then, you're the boss and will see all the management bullsh!t the "we're a team!" stuff is - it's designed so you will work harder and stay late so you are not letting your "friends" down.) and practically as you will be resented less by your former peers, who suddenly stop being your friends.

    From what you are saying it seems that the new job:

    Has a pension scheme (implying your current one doesn't)
    Pays 17.5k more
    Less hours
    A bonus scheme
    Much higher position in the hierarchy, managing a team and a division (presumably you are not a manager now? so a clear step up).
    More of an interesting callenge and route for progression

    And the only reason you won't take it is because you like the people at your current job? This is stupid, take the new job, you'll do great.

    If you really want to stay with your current company (I see no compelling reason) go to the boss, lay out what you have been offered elsewhere and ask for something similar to stay. Then you'll see what the company is really like when they offer you something insulting, and a great deal of patronizing tokens.

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,676 ✭✭✭strandroad

    OP looks like you scoped the new job really well and everything is lining up nicely. I can relate to your point about leaving good people behind, it is a social circle of sorts after all, but then for every job I left I would always find more great people in the new job.
    One thing to check before you jump, make sure that you find reviews or gather any intelligence on your new company's culture, it seems that it's high on your priority list and it's worth double checking.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser

    OP here - thanks for your reply

    @ex loco refugii - thanks for your reply.
    I would disagree with you when you say 'The people you work with are not your friends'. This may be true for some people I work with but in my position I have been friends with a group of people (7/8). Before Covid, we would go for dinner, have random nights out and have gone on foreign holidays together. Even during the lockdown we would have zoom quizzes.

    The managers in my current department are very understanding and respect work life balance. I find each of them very approachable and they always try to provide opportunities for development. While I respect their position as a manager, I have never felt that they make unachievable demands.
    Our organisation has a predefined remuneration package based on grade, performance and years of experience. For me to work up the ranks, I would have to spend a couple more years in my current role.

    @strandroad – yes I am doing some background research. As it is a small company I do not know of anyone who has worked there. I have looked into the owners of the company and they also happen to own another company in Dublin in the same industry and there seems to be a view negative culture comments.

  • OP, I mean this in a very nice way, but you need to compartmentalize the vast majority of people you work with as colleagues. You cannot think of them just as friends. Often you may have knowledge that you would want to share, as a friend, but cannot because of your professional responsibilities. This is especially the case when you are a manager.

    Nights out, zoom quizzes etc. with colleagues should be thought of, in your mind, as work events.

    I say this as a manager who has had to clean up a few messes where people blurred the lines and forgot that the people they work with are colleagues, thankfully nothing too dramatic. A colleague of mine however had to deal with a situation where a group of staff unadvisedly decided to play "cards against humanity" on a night out and someone took offense at what someone said and complained - by all accounts the person was genuinely upset and not just a troublemaker. This was not an official work event, they just went for drinks after work. Lots of people feel they should go to these events when invited because they want to show they are "team players" and want to fit in, and when something goes wrong it has far wider implications than a little argument with your mates.

    Did you know, that in most places with 'modern' HR policies if you 'forgot' to invite one of your team on said night outs, quizzes etc for an extended period they have an arguable case for saying they are being excluded and bullied? Organizing a "lads only" 5 a side after work is also grounds for claims of discrimination - I'm reliably informed that thousands of civil servants received training this week where that was included as an example.

    I'm not saying any of this is a good thing, but it is an important lesson to learn as soon as possible in your career, particularly if you will be in management. Your relationship with people you work with must be primarily a professional one, and any "friendship" after that must take second place in light of the primary consideration; you are work colleagues. This is the reality of the modern workplace.

    Stemming from this, you cannot make any career decisions on the basis of being friends with people. It's business after all. Even if you take the new job and don't like it, you would probably have a better chance of going back to your old place of work at a higher position based on the new experience.

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,859 ✭✭✭3DataModem

    Here's what I asked myself when I was in the same position:

    "If I'm not going to leave for this opportunity, what opportunity would I actually leave for?"

    Realising this... and quitting a well paid stable job in banking 13 years ago for a higher risk career in gaming has been life changing for me. And I lost that first job after about 18 months... :)

  • Registered Users Posts: 4,881 ✭✭✭TimeToShine

    Your current salary is important here too, if you're on 35k then an extra 17.5k is is an absolute no brainer. If your salary is 100k with a house bought and you really enjoy your current job, colleagues and work life balance then maybe not so much.

  • Registered Users Posts: 502 ✭✭✭The DayDream

    You will never get a 17.5k raise by staying in your current job...

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  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 5,693 Mod ✭✭✭✭HildaOgdenx

    There have been threads on here from time to time where an OP has regretted leaving a job where they were happy, and ended up unhappy in what seemed to be a much better role/ opportunity.

    So, I suppose there's no easy answer, OP. On the face of it, it sounds great, great pay rise, new opportunity, getting into a management role.

    Ask yourself how do you think will you feel, if you turn it down?
    How do you think you will feel if/ when you announce you are leaving your current job?
    Is the company as stable as the place you currently work?
    I know there are no guarantees, especially now, but worth thinking over.
    Have you had an opportunity to chat properly with anyone who currently works there?
    I know you mentioned being approached, so I presume you didn't go through an interview process.

    They are just some questions off the top of my head. And I am not asking you to answer them, just some things to mull over.

    Best of luck whatever you decide.

  • Registered Users Posts: 977 ✭✭✭LimeFruitGum

    One thing that jumps out at me, OP, is where you say you have a handful of friends. Are they the work friends?

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,605 ✭✭✭irishgirl19

    It's always hard leaving a job where you're comfortable. But do you think any of your work pals would turn down a 17k raise because they want to stay working with you?
    It seems like a no brainer. Your colleagues will come and go. If you stay in your current job there's no guarantee you will be working with the same people in a couple of years

  • Registered Users Posts: 502 ✭✭✭The DayDream

    It does happen where people move for what seemed like great roles and are unhappy, but it's a gamble I'd be willing to take for the 17.5k pay rise. Unless the problems are major they are not cancelling that cash out, especially in these times.

    Not just for the money itself, but when you have your salary at that level it's now your baseline for future wage negotiations at any where else you might interview at in future. When you get asked for your current salary on some poxy web application thingy it will be nice to enter in a decent one - and if you are currently paid more other employers will think you must be good at what you do!

  • Registered Users Posts: 570 ✭✭✭LilacNails

    Hi op.

    I too think you should definitely bite the bullet and take the new job. What u have been offered sounds fairly decent.

    Think about it, u can always keep in contact with ur current work colleagues, suggest meeting up now and again, show that u do want to keep in contact. Lots of people have been in ur position and have maintained those relationships!

    Think about all u can do with ur pay increase, save for a mortgage, go traveling etc....

    U say ur young, it's completely normal to feel a bit scared but life is about taking risks and coming out of ur comfort zone. Thats how u learn and grow. If I had that opportunity when I was ur age, looking back now, I would definitely have taken it... If I had the balls to!

    I think this will be such a positive move. Well done," feel the fear and do it anyway!" (A book I would recommend)

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,811 ✭✭✭testtech05

    Hi OP,

    I found myself in a somewhat similar position myself a few weeks back. My offer was less than yours but my circumstances were very similar. I was quite happy in my job and would have some good friends I have met through work etc as you have said also, although this was a factor for me too I think I would agree with others that any decision should not be solely based on your social circle in your present job.

    This may not be the case for you but when I went to my manager and informed him of my offer he asked me to give him a couple of days to see if my present employer would make me a counter offer. In the end it turned out they did make me an offer which was quite close to the new company and once I weighed up my personal circumstances plus work/life balance, difference in commuting costs etc it made sense for me to stay with my current employer in the end. Maybe you have already done this but just to let you know it would be no harm to discuss your offer with your present employer.

    Best of luck with your decision and don't forget it is a good problem to have :)

  • Registered Users Posts: 416 ✭✭greengirl31

    I've only had a quick glance at the replies to the OP but here's my tuppance worth.....

    I worked in a company for 10 years which had a similar social culture to the one that the OP is describing ... All the girls would have been very close - Like the OP, we went on holidays together, went on nights out, weekends away, went to each other's weddings, baby showers etc. .... A few of us were made redundant during the crash and we all kept in touch for a couple of years but over time, we lost touch. It was no ones fault just people moved in different directions and moved to different jobs and so on. That's just life ....

    On another note, if the OP is moving to a management role, their relationship with colleagues will need to be a little more detached IMO ... They are going to me "the boss" and I don't believe you can have the same relationship with subordinates as you might with colleagues at the same level as you.

    All that said, If I was the OP, I'd jump at this opportunity. There's nothing to say that the relationships won't last after they're gone. And this new role is an opportunity to progress in their career and they don't come along too often.

    Best of luck

  • Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite

    Make sure you leave (if you do) on very good terms, work whatever notice required, do a diligent handover and make it clear you are leaving to further your career objectives.

    Where I work we've had plenty of people who left to travel or to work for a rival company to gain knowledge of a speciality skill, or promotion in an area that wasn't available in our company. And quite a few have came back when opportunities arose or they've even been head-hunted back.

    Your social life can still thrive by regular meetups with former colleagues - I'm still in touch with many of mine from 15 years ago and pre-covid used to meet for a coffee or an occasional night out or night in with a bottle of wine for a natter and catch up.

    I was on the fence some years ago about leaving a job - someone said to me "if you don't go for it, you'll always wonder if this could have been a massive success". And you know, that one didn't work out, which was a bit crap for a couple of months, but it did lead me to interview for a job that l loved.

  • Registered Users Posts: 256 ✭✭Munstergirl854

    It takes balls to make a leap of faith...
    I suppose the biggest fear is things dont work out/you're unhappy in the new role and that's potentially two jobs lost...

    You have to say which would I prefer to live with,the regret of missing out on this opportunity or the regret of not staying where I was if this new role doesn't work out.

    It's on you pal, good luck.

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,845 ✭✭✭Antares35

    Congratulations OP. I think it would be wise to take the job. I was in a similar situation two years ago, working for a big corporate firm, got on well with co-workers etc but the thing to remember is that isn't a reason for staying, where you feel you have reached your potential. That's a clear sign that it's time to move, and the benefits sound amazing. I'm in a small company now but have more autonomy and responsibilities than I had before, because I'm the only one doing my job. Whereas in the big company I was in before, I was more a part of an overall function if that makes sense. Sometimes moving to a smaller place isn't a bad thing, and can be a great opportunity for you to carve out your own invaluable niche. Best of luck :)

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  • Registered Users Posts: 28,117 ✭✭✭✭_Kaiser_

    OP, I've worked in MNCs before and had great friends and people I did all sorts of social things with outside of the office.

    Of the dozens I would have counted as friends, I talk to 4 now. The reality is that when you finish in a company (despite all the promises of staying in touch) you won't hear from 99% of people again. That's just life. As others have said, these are colleagues not friends

    I stayed in a company because of the social aspect but when I finally moved on my career - role, money, responsibilities, knowledge - surged ahead.

    Take the new job!

  • Registered Users Posts: 977 ✭✭✭LimeFruitGum

    OP, do you honestly think your colleagues would pass up on a 17k p.a. pay rise so they can hang out with the group? I really don't think so.

    At some point, one of you would have left the company. It just sounds like you're the first one to do it. It happens. If they're genuinely good friends, they will be pleased for you.

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,007 ✭✭✭Tork

    OP, I don't know if you've made a decision by now, seeing as it is 11 days since you started the thread. Even if you have chosen to stay where you are, I believe you need to make a better effort to widen your social circle outside of work. At the moment you and your colleagues are young and don't have any real commitments. A few short years down the line and things will start to change quite a bit. Your colleagues will start settling down with their partners and having kids. They won't be hanging around for post-work beers or trips away because of changed priorities. You'll also find that some start looking elsewhere to further their careers and increase their salary. No workplace stays the same indefinitely and you will find yourself going to quite a few going away parties in the coming years.

  • Registered Users Posts: 5,319 ✭✭✭JustAThought

    I had a fantastic job a fair few year back - great company, great structure and support, great creative freedom and suportive managers, big budgets to play with - and a amazing bunch of people ( not all perfect) with a great social scene. I knew at the time it was a dream job and company and that I had hit career gold early. When our division was shut down and the hundred odd jobs lost I was devestated but some of those people have still remained fast friends - one of the few times I had and retained friends from work - maybe because of the trauma of what happened and how it closed.

    That being said the salary was mid 40’s so not really fantastic - but I’ve hd stayed there forever because it was auch an amazing company & tram to work with. When I moved I upped by about 15k and the another move, another 10k. Money dosn’t buy you happiness but it certainly brought me stability, a different kind of freedom and a house. That being said I was never that happy or satisfied in work again - and I’ve a fair few moves and aome great on paper opportunities since.

    I would ask the OP if s/he has a house and is inna good stable position. Is her current job and industry stable? Is it a permanent /pensionable job. If so - I’d be weighing these factors up strongly if the new job was unfavourably comparing. I sometimes watched from my gilded throne all the carefree happy staff heading out together for pints and gone from their desks by 5:30 & windered why I was killing myself for the extra stress and salary when I calculated ll yhe extra hours I had to do and figured out I was actually worse off than before because I was spending so much time travelling and at my desk matching American hours for 12 hours a day.

    OP - your priorities may be different in a few years - will you want to marry and have a child - will you expect to take time off and remIn working at a senior level, or will you be happy to slog it out doing overtime and long days every day? Would you be hAppier always remaining in a leas pressurised easy job and being one of the gang or do you want to keep climbing the ladder even of it means a big move ?

    The culture and people at the next job may be similar or better, or different but in a good way. The job might open doors and opportunities you never imagined. Your colleagues priorities will change in a few years and they may move out or marry and have kids and just not be available for group nights and group holidays anymore - things will change. Will you be sorry them you lost this huge financial chance - it may never come again.

    I’d +1 to negotiate in company - you never know what they may be planning or what door this may open - but even if you are promoted internally chances are it will not be the same. You can’t manage your work friends and be mates with them - it never works that way, sadly.

    I’d also look at the tax bracket you are in and what your take home pay will be if you get the 17k payrise. Will it push you into a higher tax band and cost you much of it, or will you get to have the benefit of it after tax for yourself without losing something you might value. Revenue
    might help you with the net take home pay calculations - it might be worth your while to factor this in.

    It sounds like you are ambitious and would like the challenge - and 17k is a huge amount
    to jump - an extra thousand euro a month perhaps - would many of your current colleagues take your new job if they’d had the foresight to apply and interview for it? Probably yes. You don’t want to be the one left behind with a closed door that will never open again for you when everyone else figures their career plans and moves on.