women getting rid of husbands/boyfriends after kids

2lazytogetup

Asking if this is a common thing.

Please indulge me to allow to me to generalise. A woman has gotten into her thirties and biological clock is ticking. She decides to go out with a guy she doesnt really love knowing this could lead to kids. She has her 2 or 3 kids.. And when she realises she doesnt really like the guy, kicks him out. Gets her financial support. mission accomplished

Have people noticed this? i haven't heard it mentioned in the media or see evidence on the internet. but it must be a done thing.

Asking for a "friend".

Surreptitious

No. Pretty sure this is a forum looking for relationship advice not some makey uppy imaginary thing.

Iguarantee

2lazytogetup wrote: »

Asking if this is a common thing.

Please indulge me to allow to me to generalise. A woman has gotten into her thirties and biological clock is ticking. She decides to go out with a guy she doesnt really love knowing this could lead to kids. She has her 2 or 3 kids.. And when she realises she doesnt really like the guy, kicks him out. Gets her financial support. mission accomplished

Have people noticed this? i haven't heard it mentioned in the media or see evidence on the internet. but it must be a done thing.

Asking for a "friend".

Does it happen? Probably

Do I know anyone in that scenario? No

I think if you look at a large enough sample size you’ll find almost anything you’re looking for.

I believe that a good relationship is a privilege and something that is worth aspiring to (for some?). Relationships need communication (or deliberate lack thereof in some scenarios), I believe that’s actually what’s needed when people say “you have to work at a relationship”; what could be said instead is “you have to communicate”.

A lack of communication leads to unexpressed needs/wants/desires/feelings which leads to resentment which could lead to an unfulfilled relationship and ultimately an unfulfilled life.

Life is too short to be in a bad relationship!

YellowLead

Surreptitious wrote: »

No. Pretty sure this is a forum looking for relationship advice not some makey uppy imaginary thing.

Yep! OP I’m sure this will either soon be closed or moved to After Hours or some other non advice forum.

Big Bag of Chips

OP, this is not a forum for discussion on "the done thing". If you want advice on a personal issue for yourself please clarify.

Thanks.

Airyfairy12

I think it can go both ways, men can just as easily settle for someone to get the nuclear family, theres been plenty of instances of this especially with gay men who marry women they dont love or are attracted to. Does that mean its common? Of course not.

Could a woman settle for a man she doesn't love for the sake of having children? Absolutely but it's unlikely to be something that happens very often, otherwise there wouldnt be so many single women in their 30's & 40's who want a relationship & kids but cant find a suitable partner to settle down with. Going by your generalization, they would all be settled with men they dont like just for the sake of having kids, that sounds toxic and hellish. The few people that might do something like this would likely have lots of issues and have been waving 20 red flags in their partners face from the first date.

If you find yourself in situations like this where women are using you for money or whatever, maybe you should try to work on yourself to stop allowing yourself to be taken advantage by people?
You could start by highering your standards when it comes to relationships, what you find attractive ect.
What attracted you to this person in the first place (assuming this is something thats happened to you) was it purely sexual attraction to her? What was her personality like that attracted you? If you reflect on these different things you might discover that you likely missed or ignored early signs & red flags that this person wasnt the one for you. You might realise that you need to adjust your own preferences for women youre willing to date and get into relationships with.

If you had 2 children with this woman and all the time she was faking a relationship with you, either she's a very good actress or has some sort of mental illness or personality disorder, either way, it's unlikely you would have missed signs along the way that she didnt like you. If I was you I would seek counselling to discover how I missed my partner of x amount of years had no feelings for me whatsoever. It sounds like you both have issues.

Ann84

Coparenting with an ex is not an easy task, shared custody - every second Christmas and constant battles and miscommunication are not something many would chose.
Frankly if women want to have kids these days, there are multiple options for them to do so without the hassle of dealing with an ex, let alone an ex husband and enforcement of maintenance here is abysmal so any in it for the money will find themselves very foolish...
So no, I don’t think this is common at all, while for a fleeting second it seems like a plausible scenario and I’m sure has happened somewhere at some point, I think it’s highly unlikely to be a common conscious decision...
What could be likely is impacting infertility could be motivation to settle, but bear in mind that both parents get their kids out of this situation, not just women.

TheadoreT

Theres probably something in it that as women get older they may seek out other qualities in men such as financial responsibility and generally having their **** in order over the lad that may turn them on a bit more but isn't particularly suitable father/husband material. So once the kids are had I think these are the type of relationships you hear about that end up sexless and ultimately end up in cheating or separation as that initial spark was never really that strong.

JustAThought

I think it is definately a thing. I’ve seen it too many times . I’ve also observed a distrubing lot of easter european women in their late thirties meet a guy in the internet, fall pregnant within the first month, move into his house and kick him out 4 or 5 years later. Shocking pattern. Definately a thing.

I’ve also seen a fair few junior asian colleagues fall pregnant by their much much older male managers and heypresto they’re now staying with the firm ‘here’ when they should have gone home after their 4 or 6 month training cycle and everyone is having their ear bent by her at every opportunity over whether he will leave his wife. I mean - ffs - you’re not supposed to sleep with the junior staff let alone ones that look about 16.

Plenty of relationships fail and of those plenty fail when there are kids involved, regardless of how old the woman is. It doesn't make it a preconceived plot to extract babies and maintenance a guy. I'm sure it does happen sometimes but I also know that most relationship breakups can have some weird spins put on them when it suits someone's narrative.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

Hi 2lazytogetup, thanks for your post. As Big Bag of Chips said above, PI/RI isn't a discussion forum but we left it a while to give you an opportunity to come back and clarify whether you were looking for advice on a situation affecting you.

So as the thread doesn't continue down the road of general discussion until you've had a chance to come back, Im going to pause it there by closing it and if it is advice you're looking for you can PM either me or one of the mods here, and we can reopen the thread for you if appropriate.

Thanks

HS