Preferences in dating

nicholasIII

Are they discriminatory? For example if someone only wants to date white/tall people?

If someone had preferences for friends i.e. "I only want this race of friends" they would be called a racist but people just think it's a preference when it comes to dating. Should they both be accepted or not?

HalloweenJack

I can never understand why people would publically state that. When pressed on the matter, just say they don't find someone attractive, no need to bring race into it.

KungPao

Caring man looking for that special lady.

Whites only.

POBox19

Dating is the ultimate in discrimination.

Church on Tuesday

Attraction and preferences tend to be two very different things.

TheValeyard

You're attracted to what you're attracted too. You going to be accused of discrimination if Gingers, Blondes, Asians, Americans, whatever doesnt do it for ya?

Leg End Reject

There's a difference between friendship and dating, the latter requires sexual attraction so obviously preferences come into play.

However, you could meet someone who is the opposite of your perceived ideal and be attracted to them. Chemistry and pheromones are powerful things.

Turquoise Hexagon Sun

You can't control who you are attracted to. It's biological. And from that, you can't build up preferences from previous experiences. But preferences are based on uncontrollable attractions.

ulster

Fegelein's not dead, he just has ....multiple accounts!

YellowLead

I think the more filters the better - it’s up to personal choice and let people pick what they want, if they get little results back and miss out then that’s their tough.

I wouldn’t be a fan of adding too many filters myself because you can miss people you genuinely might like some silly reasons.
For example if height was a filter I might have used it in the past...but then I wouldn’t have met a really cute guy who was a teeny bit shorter than me, something previously considered a deal breaker.

But I don’t think filters are unfair - it should be up to the individual as we all have different intellectual and physical traits we are attracted/not attracted to and it would save time if we could enable our deal breaking ones. I think a lot of the paid sites allow more filtering. With hinge you can indeed filter by race, with bumble you can by education and religion I think. Haven’t seen a filter for weight yet.

Notmything

ulster wrote: »

Fegelein's not dead, he just has ....multiple accounts!

Just waiting for the threads about how to fake prescriptions, or thinly veiled Ireland is racist.

YellowLead

Steve Nolan wrote: »

I'm super straight so I'm only attracted to the opposite sex. Racially speaking, I'd have a ons with pretty much any girl I find attractive but for a relationship it would have to be white, SEA or a light skinned Latina.

Curious as to why you have a distinction between ONS and relationship regarding race once you find them attractive? Not having a go, just wondering.

Turquoise Hexagon Sun

YellowLead wrote: »

Curious as to why you have a distinction between ONS and relationship regarding race once you find them attractive? Not having a go, just wondering.

Not going to try answer on behalf of that guy but in my own experience, I might find an Asian or African woman very attractive but due to extreme differences growing up (cultural differences that might be charming at first but ultimately you'll miss some old traditions or even just knowing you both had some shared childhood experience of similar pop-cultural things), language barriers, logistical issues/visas and our respective families thousands of kms apart, considering a LTR would be a huge task that one might like in their early 20's. But in my 30's, it's not something I would seek out. The sexual attraction is there for sure but commitment is greater than a relationship with a European.

This is coming from someone that's dated LTR with central American and European.

Earthhorse

Turning preferences into dealbreakers?

I'm sorry, ladies, but that's a dealbreaker for me!

I think people being absolutist in what they find attractive is counter productive; attraction is inscrutable ultimately and pre judging someone based on something is going to rule out good uns without significantly affecting the choices you have.

The Mighty Quinn

Steve Nolan wrote: »

I guess I don't find African, Indian etc women attractive enough for a ltr. Also there would huge cultural differences.

Wellll... now you're conflating race with culture. You might meet a black woman who was born in Ireland, and as culturally Irish as the white girl next door. I admit this is unlikely yet as most black skinned people in Ireland are either not Irish, or their parents are not Irish and they have been raised with different cultural outlooks than Irish people, but this is changing bit by bit.

Turquoise Hexagon Sun wrote: »

I might find an Asian or African woman very attractive but due to extreme differences growing up (cultural differences that might be charming at first but ultimately you'll miss some old traditions or even just knowing you both had some shared childhood experience of similar pop-cultural things), language barriers...

Same as above. Asian ethnically is not necessarily the same as Asian culturally, etc.

I prefer that my date looks like her photos.

That's a rare event, in my experience...

Scratchly

Dating has never been easier. Just identify as tall, dark and handsome and anyone who doesn't find you attractive is just a bigot. Even if you are short and round with a head like an abandoned pumpkin.

D3V!L

Ridiculous thread and topic. I don't like to date people with a penis, that doesn't make me homophobic.

the beer revolu

Just a thought:

If I say that i am attracted to Asian women, it's pretty obvious that I don't mean ALL Asian women.

However, if someone says that they are not attracted to, let's say, black women, it's pretty obvious that they do actually mean ALL black women.

I have no idea what point I'm trying to make, I just find it interesting.

the beer revolu

D3V!L wrote: »

Ridiculous thread and topic. I don't like to date people with a penis, that doesn't make me homophobic.

I actually think it's an interesting topic.
The only really socially acceptable form of discrimination today is with regard to attraction.
(apart from discrimination against travellers - that still seems to be very much acceptable in most circles)

Earthhorse

the beer revolu wrote: »

However, if someone says that they are not attracted to, let's say, black women, it's pretty obvious that they do actually mean ALL black women.

That's the thing; I would go a step further and say they only think they mean ALL black women. That is to say I think they don't find most black women attractive to the point that they have conflated it with all black women. Like I don't find overweight women attractive generally but it would be wrong to say I've never been attracted to someone who's overweight. And I think that's true for most of these things when people say they "couldn't" date someone who was "x". It's a figure of speech that shouldn't be taken literally.

Quantum Erasure

D3V!L wrote: »

Ridiculous thread and topic. I don't like to date people with a penis, that doesn't make me homophobic.

No, it makes you transphobic....

/s

Larbre34

Why would you voluntarily date someone of a type that you don't find attractive?

I mean I have one particular race that I don't find attractive, as in I have never perceived a member of that race on TV or in society as pretty or sexy, but I have never discussed that preference with any person, nor does it in any way affect how I treat any member of that race in life, because my attractions to women has nothing to do with anything else.

seamus

Earthhorse wrote: »

Turning preferences into dealbreakers?

I'm sorry, ladies, but that's a dealbreaker for me!

I think people being absolutist in what they find attractive is counter productive; attraction is inscrutable ultimately and pre judging someone based on something is going to rule out good uns without significantly affecting the choices you have.

This. If we think about it honestly it's a lot more complicated than "I don't like people with X".

My own example, is that in general, Asian (Korean, Chinese, Japanese, Filipino, etc.) women wouldn't be my "preference".

However, in saying that, I'm not saying that I find them unattractive. Or that I have never found an Asian woman attractive. The question here is really, "If I imagine someone that might pique my interest randomly on the street, then I don't imagine them being Asian".

This is why the concept of "preference filters" on dating sites are a bit odd. Just because you're not particularly drawn to a particular characteristic, doesn't mean that you could never like a person with that characteristic. If I was on the dating scene, I wouldn't rule out women just because they're Asian.

It would make sense if what you were actually doing was just enjoying looking at pictures of women, to exclude the features that you prefer less. But if you're actually looking for a date (or even just a ride), are you really going to pass on everyone who's Asian, or short, or redhead?

There's usually a strong overlap between people who complain about being single and people who are insanely picky about the looks of a potential partner. You're not doing yourself any favours.

Personality filters it seems to me would be of a lot more value. Being able to filter out people based on their attitude to religion, politics, children, money, socialising, gaming etc., would yield considerably more success than rejecting someone because they're not white or they're under 6 foot.

Larbre34

Willy Sumptuous wrote: »

Love black women and performed coitus

You creepy ****.

Leg End Reject

Willy Sumptuous wrote: »

Love black women and performed coitus on one a few years back. Astonishingly beautiful woman from Zimbabwe. Prefer them to the chump change we have here anyway.

What's a chump change? I presume I'm one so I'm safe from you performing coitus on me.

the beer revolu

I've only come across this once in real life.
I was at a bar chatting with a guy I knew and this other regular, a black woman, was being extremely friendly towards him. I thought it looked like she was flirting with him. Same guy was pretty lonely, so I was pretty pleased at what I thought was going on. On the quiet, I said that I thought he had a good chance with her and without missing a beat, he told me that he wasn't attracted to black women.

I was, genuinely, quite taken aback. I don't know why he just didn't say that he didn't fancy her, or that she was far too outgoing for him, or whatever. I just found it pretty stark and strange. This was maybe 4 years ago but I remember it vividly. I don't think I've ever looked at that guy in quite the same way afterwards.

EmmetSpiceland

Leg End Reject wrote: »

What's a chump change? I presume I'm one so I'm safe from you performing coitus on me.

I’m having trouble with the “mechanics” of this one. Did he use her as a table?

Leg End Reject

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

I’m having trouble with the “mechanics” of this one. Did he use her as a table?

Very strange.

ShyMets

A fully intact torso is a must. Pulse preferred but not a deal breaker

FHFM50

Ah Mr. Fegelein, it's been a while.

Leg End Reject

Is it racist to not be attracted to a specific ethnicity? Surely that's a preference.

Ascribing negative traits to an entire ethnicity is racist, but we all have physical attributes we don't find attractive.

the beer revolu

seamus wrote: »

My own example, is that in general, Asian (Korean, Chinese, Japanese, Filipino, etc.) women wouldn't be my "preference".

.

You are just fcukin weird:eek:.

Despite this, I think your points are well made.

seenitall

A (white) ex-boyfriend once said (a propos of what, who knows anymore...) that he wouldn’t like to seriously couple up with a black woman ever. Why? Because then his children would be black/brown, and he wouldn’t like that. Why? Because the features of the black race are so dominant over any white features (eye-colour, hair colour and texture, and other) that he would have too scant a hope of any of his children actually looking anything like him or his parents etc.

Was he being slightly narcissistic, or very racist, or quite reasonable, or none of the above...?

Wibbs

Willy Sumptuous wrote: »

performed coitus on one

The DayDream

I don't discriminate, but I do prefer skinny arse women with pale skin who nothin is ever good enough for. I also prefer rainy days to sunny. Ireland is literally heaven on earth for me.

Well almost. It would be, if I was a landlord or TD.

The DayDream

The DayDream wrote: »

I don't discriminate, but I do prefer skinny arse women with pale skin who nothin is ever good enough for. I also prefer rainy days to sunny. Ireland is literally heaven on earth for me.

Well almost. It would be, if I was a landlord or TD.

I think being a landlord would be a pain in the hole. Sell the property and invest it in something worth your while.

seenitall

Steve Nolan wrote: »

Very reasonable imo. Even though I'm heavily attracted to Asian women, the idea of mixed raced children would be concerning for me.

Oooh I don’t know, I think I would have loved to have a son who looked like Keanu Reeves or Dean Cain, heh

Mod Thread closed for review.