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Twinings2016

Hi all,

Had been texting a guy for about a month, we met up twice and had a nice time. He continued to text me regularly, being quite sweet and saying nice things. We met up again and he stayed over and we slept together.

I then messaged him the next day (after him asking me that morning to text him later) and he immediately blocked me on whatsapp and other platforms.

I feel so shook and sick to the stomach after the whole experience. I can't seem to wrap my head around it and obviously feel hurt and used.

Has anyone else experienced this? I just feel so anxious about the whole thing and feel like I'm struggling with it a little bit. I'm 33 f and this has never happened to me before, and now I feel a bit freaked out.

Locker10a

Sorry this happened to you,
This is actually very common now and it’s one of the worst behavior perpetuated by our generation when it comes to dating.
The guy is a total coward, no excuse whatsoever.

B.A._Baracus

Sorry to hear that.
To be brutally honest he got what he wanted (sex) and now ghosted you. Happens all the time and you weren't to know. You thought he was alright.

Little apples shall grow again. Many a man has gotten sex then ghosted, but weeks/months later gets horny and foolishly thinks with his other head that he could "work you for another shag" - so just remember this when he comes knocking again on WhatsApp.

Porklife

Honestly Op, i really feel for you and it's natural you feel sickened and shook by this. Sadly however, as other posters have said, this is all too common nowadays in the world of dating.
That exact scenario hasn't happened to me but variations of it have; id been seeing the guy for a few weeks longer or had slept together a few times then...whoosh...gone!
It's happened to friends of mine after a few months too.
Girls do it to guys too; go on a few dates, have no real interest and decide to just block and run instead of having a potentially awkward conversation.

I hope you can take comfort in the fact that it's nothing personal and is a reflection on him and not you. I know it hurts and it will for a while but in a week or two you'll just think..muppet..and that will be it. I guarantee you won't care about him by the end of the month. You may even laugh it off.

For today though, big hugs, it's not nice. Treat yourself to something nice to eat later and some ice cream or wine or both and you'll be fine x

Twinings2016

Thanks all, I really really appreciate these responses.

I totally get that he just wanted sex, but it was all so brutal afterwards with the blocking and that is what has me reeling slightly.

I know I'll be good - and will absolutely be getting something nice food for later! ha!

But yeah - just feel so rattled by it all.. thought I was smarter etc etc

Anyway - you live, you learn i suppose.

YellowLead

Hi OP,

It’s really not a nice feeling is it? But you are not alone.

Unfortunately though this has happened to me and all of my single female friends on the apps (maybe not blocking but ghosting so similar). Indeed there are threads on boards going back of the same nature. You are not alone!

I guess it’s only something you learn when it happens to you.

In future - don’t get too caught up in the texting, that’s my rule. When you do - you feel like you know somebody and get used to their daily chats and get a rush from those sweet things they say.
If you don’t, it’s less of a disappointment and feels like less of a loss when the vanishing act happens.

You only met him in person 3 or 4 times so in reality you didn’t know him very well and he didn’t know you either.

For some people sex means absolutely nothing and it’s just a bit of fun - it doesn’t mean they like you or care about you. Harsh but true. That’s fine if that’s how you approach it too - but if not, be careful about who you sleep with and don’t equate sleeping with you to liking you.

You will be fine - just be cautious and don’t give your heart away lightly. The fact this hasn’t happened to you before will prove to you that not all guys are like this, so take comfort in that.

Ghosting is cowardly and disrespectful - this guy probably does it all the time and has no qualms about it.

Edit - don’t question your own smartness! This happens to intelligent women all the time It’s no reflection on you.

Goodigal

As others have pointed out, it's just something that happens regularly enough on the dating scene in recent times.

I just really wish that adults would stop blocking! It's repeatedly coming up in these forums. Why are people not brave enough to say, ok that was nice but I am just not that into you?! Oh no, I'll block you instead and give you no reason why I can't communicate with you... But in the meantime, you can go mad thinking where did it all go wrong!

Don't over think it - you deserve someone much more mature than him. And yes, treat yourself! It's Friday!

bitofabind

What a complete lack of character this particular creature has. Sorry that happened to you OP.

Please resolve right here and right now to not internalise this and decide it’s something wrong with you, “I thought I was smarter”, no. This is a him problem, not a you problem. Someone who builds any sort of rapport, expectation, moves towards intimacy and instantly blocks like this afterwards is sorely lacking in emotional and social intelligence. Doesn’t matter if it’s common, it’s toxic. You are lovely. And this happens to most of us who have been single for any length of time.

Focus on building yourself up now. The positive: quick and easy escape from an absolute gobshyte. You don’t have to waste any more energy wondering about him now. Self care the hell out of yourself now, have a nice meal, long walk in the morning, onwards and upwards. We’ve got your back :-)

Yellow pack crisps

It might be frequent, but it’s nit normal or nice. Very cowardly. The worse thing about this happening is that it changes a person and thats not nice. Just be thankful he showed you who he is. Little d*cks like him always show up again. Give him a wide birth if he does. You’ve nothing to prove.

Jenneke87

Yeah, just dealing with that myself now. Had a good time, and then just disappeared, no longer responds, no explanation whatsoever. Not gonna lie, I feel used. Keep your head up and ignore him when he comes crawling back..

Twinings2016

Thank you for such kind responses. This has actually given me a lot of comfort. I'm so sorry to anybody that this has happened to before also, it's such a sh*tty feeling It's so sad that this happens regularly.. one little message would be sufficient! I think moving forward just need to be a little more cautious. But once again really appreciate the responses.

leggo

Yeah just to back up what’s already been said. Whatever about not wanting a relationship, there’s a base level of respect and decency for another person that’s just lacking here. This isn’t on you at all OP. For all you know he could’ve been cheating on a partner or something and needed to block you to avoid being caught, there’s a very good chance this decision has absolutely zero to do with you.

For what it’s worth, if it helps you now or in future so you can at least get a lesson or something productive from this: I had a friend who was very like this. Was good looking so got a lot of attention but didn’t see the women he’d ride as people and just like numbers to be racked up. For as ‘mad’ as some lads make it out to be, it was a bit disconcerting to hear this guy talk about it all, almost robotic as if they were levels in a video game where he had to just do this, this and this and they’d be attached and would **** him on-command.

I’d feel for some of the girls we’d meet, you could see they thought they’d met someone and just wanted a genuine connection, and he’d tell them exactly what he needed to so they weren’t naive for believing him. But then they’d also rationalise his behaviour and fill in the gaps too on the odd occasion he’d drop the mask and show them who he really was (which we’d spot easily knowing him well). We’re all guilty of that when we like someone, though, it’s necessary and it pays off with the right people. It just so happens here you caught a bad egg, again not your fault and you will be back to yourself within the week I’d say.