Nothing to say for myself!

InPsyDer

Lately I have been noticing how little I have to say for myself in conversation and it's making me self-conscious, awkward and I feel like I'm losing my personality.

It's mostly a by-product of the lockdown of course, as like so many of us all I do is work from my room, watch TV in the evening and go for walks. I have no news and nothing to report, but I feel like I am floundering for things to say whenever I talk to friends or family and I am starting to tell myself I am boring and no fun to be around as a result.

I'm a social chatty person with good pals but I feel myself withdrawing from interactions now because I feel like I have nothing of interest to contribute. I have a walk planned with a friend in our 5k tomorrow eve and I find myself wanting to cancel because I can't think what I could even say beyond the absolute basics! I avoid my housemates and even feel nervous speaking up on work zoom calls. None of this is helpful to the state of mind when we are already all so isolated.

I am embarrassed posting this because it seems like nothing compared to what others are going through but I would really like to hear if this is something many others are experiencing at this time? My friends seem to chat away easily and I feel so stupid listening to them while quietly wracking my brain for new topics.

Rubberchikken

You don't need to come up with new topics all the time or any time for that matter. I think if you focus too much on this it's going to just get worse.
Your friends want to be with you because they like you.
Listen when you want and relax. When you have something to say it'll happen.

I think we're all a little bit tired of having not much to talk about after the year so far. Things will get better:)

Jequ0n

I think most of the time people just talk to fill the silence because they find it uncomfortable. Personally I welcome silence and prefer it over mundane chatter for the sake of talking.
Maybe try to see if from this angle because I bet a lot of your friends’ talk is not that exciting

leggo

OP it sounds like you’re going through a version of what everyone is right now and beating yourself up for it to the point you’re developing a complex.

Truth is, lockdown makes 90% of our basic smalltalk redundant. “How are things?” They’re the same. They’re always the same now! “Any plans?” No, I literally can’t make plans.

I’m as chatty as they come, I host podcasts and even my boards posts are at least 2000 characters apiece...but I find it the same and will pick and choose stuff like Zoom catch-ups now just because there’s nothing really to talk about. What you’re going through is natural. Please don’t start seeing it as some kind of personality defect.

YellowLead

I think it’s an interesting time for conversations because that kind of small talk what did you get up to for the weekend or how was your holiday etc is kind of gone.

I find conversations are generally more deep and meaningful - mixed in with Netflix and book reviews!

A lot of people opening up with how they are struggling and how hard they are finding it - even saying that to your friends ‘wow lads isn’t it mad how every day is Groundhog Day - do you feel like that’ etc.

I do worry though about how social we will all feel like being when things get back to pre covid, I’d say you are far from the only one that’s finding catch up chats a challenge. Stay strong.

Hannibal_Smith

I think we're all a bit like that. People asking whether you've any news - sure how would you have any news?!

Don't be so hard on yourself. There's nothing much to talk about, but generally when you meet friends you slip into a natural conversation anyway. At the moment just talking to someone outside your household is a novelty in itself. Your friend will be delighted to see you and I bet there's no pressure to maintain conversation - they'll be in the same boat

Xterminator

Hi OP

I certainly get you point that if you haven't left the house for a week, you are unlikely to have big news to break on the call, or to have run into many acquaintances etc.

Do you have any issue (personally) to just giving your opinions on the topic of discussion at the time? It does not sound like your group is 'sitting in silence' and i wonder if you are just reticent to give your opinion on the topic that is being discussed by your mates. You dot have to be an expert on the topic to have an opinion on things

for example if they are discussing a file/show you haven't seen, you can say oh, thats on my list to watch - was it any good, or the trailer looked boring etc.

Are you just unable to bring yourself to join in banter, or is it that you feel you need to introduce topics to the conversation, and don't have any 'material' to contribute.

LilacNails

Hey op I'm in the same boat! U explained it really well.

Would u be comfortable saying this to ur friend ur meeting tomorrow? Bring it up in a curious way...in that they might feel the same, and just see what they think...cause surly there's loads of people that feel this way also! I can't imagine they would react badly, u know them so would know better but sharing lessens the weight of things.

Taeholic

You're not alone, I feel the same way too. I'd talk to the wall normally but lately I've felt the exact same way. I've literally nothing to say.

If you tell your friends exactly that you might be surprised at how they react, possibly going through the same thing themselves. Don't be afraid to be honest, you're a human being with emotions living through a global pandemic for a year now. It has taken its toll on everyone in some shape or form.

Big Bag of Chips

OP, your post here is a great talking point with your friend on your walk.

It will open up that conversation. Your friend will probably admit to feeling similar, or noticing it with others etc.

Chit chat is usually inane. It doesn't really mean anything. The news is pretty much just about Covid. You've no gossip from family or friends because nobody is getting up to anything. There's no upcoming events to discuss.

But, you are still walking, talking and feeling. You don't have to get into a deep and meaningful chat if that's not the type of friendship you have, but you can chat about how you're feeling in general. This time round restrictions seem to be having a much tougher effect on most people. People who weren't too badly effected last time round, are admitting to struggling this time.

You'll be fine.

You've started a very interesting discussion here!

penovine

Oh gosh OP there is no reason for you feel bad about this and try not to let it get you down...
I have felt this too but then I realised that a lot of people are feeling this.. its not personal - its the situation we are in.. no holidays/parties to talk about etc..

So many are feeling this right now - its even been talked about on the radio.. by Claire Byrne et al..

I am super chatty and even I am feeling this sometimes while out walking with friends.. been talking about what TV series we have been watching a lot, or books we've read or are reading..

Some of us have resorted to talking about the past - which is not a bad thing as its allowing us to learn new things about each other.. swapping childhood/teenage stories etc..

Please OP - try to not internalise this - I hope you can laugh it off.. keep the chin up - and do not cancel your walk with your mate this eve - go out and enjoy..

InPsyDer

Thank you all so much for the replies! It does help hearing others feel the same. I am just used to being the chatty one so it's like part of me is becoming muted. But really it's just that nothing new happening = nothing to chat about!

OK I will meet my friend and if there's not much conversation happening, well at least we are still getting fresh air and exercise! :-)