Just resigned from job and lost

smree

Just resigned from a job I've been in 25 years and I'm terrified. I've been sad, feeling physically and mentally broken for years now. All my focus has been on work for years, never felt smart enough or good enough so always felt I had to work harder & harder. I've withdrawn from everyone because I never wanted to talk about how I was feeling.

During this last year I've realised a number of times that if I was to have an accident or fall ill it could be days before anyone noticed.

I want to start living again otherwise what's the point. Just overwhelmed and tired, not sure how to start.

bitofabind

Well done for doing something good for yourself OP. I know it's terrifying to go against "sensible" advice and do something that's right for you. But that fear was never not going to exist, and you just stepped over it and did something to change your life for the better.

This will not be easy. There will be a few processes ahead to improve your mental health and get back into employment. What I'd recommend for today and this week is to relax, sleep as much as you need, eat well and cut out / down the booze. Get into a healthy routine. The rest will come with time.

Well done for being brave enough to see a toxic environment and walk out of it.

Xterminator

OP never said it was a toxic environment. bit of a leap there IMO.

@OP - Why did you resign? Did something happen to trigger the resignation?

Have you got a plan going forward?

Airyfairy12

Well done OP, hopefully you can get something to tie you over while you decide what you want out of life. Id suggest taking a part time hobby class when restrictions are over.

smree

Xterminator wrote: »

OP never said it was a toxic environment. bit of a leap there IMO.

@OP - Why did you resign? Did something happen to trigger the resignation?

Have you got a plan going forward?

Hi, wasn't one thing over the 25 years more everything built up. Pre lockdown and this crazy year I was already isolating myself from friends and family, cancelling nights out and meeting people because there was always something 'urgent' needed for work. I can't remember the last time I slept more than 4hrs and that feeling of pressure was constant. I think when I realised I had to do it was the Christmas party of 2019 and I couldn't lift the fork to eat the meal because of pains in my chest and down my left arm while I pretended all was fine. Just took me a long time to build the courage to do it.

Even during lockdown it would come to Friday and in my mind I'd think "great, I'm going to switch off this weekend and binge watch something" but without fail an email or call would come in late Friday afternoon and I'd end up working all weekend. Mentally & physically feeling broken but what scared me was the thoughts more & more often of what's the point in continuing if this is life.

I know I'm in for an intense 3 months as I work out my notice and hopefully make the transition as smooth as possible but hoping I can then get myself healthy and figure out what I want to do the rest of my life.

Thanks everyone who has responded. Only person I've said that I've resigned to yet is my direct boss so it helps to type things out as I try get some clarity.

kik4444

I can relate to your story, been stuck on a toxic job and bosses for 7 years and always knew i wanted more but was thinking that i was never good enough for something better in life. Got my sh*it together and moved to Ireland. Instantly life become amazing, i got 20x better job just based on my experience with wonderful bosses and colleagues and some awesome benefits. I took that risk and it paid off nicely.

I think you are stuck in your comfort zone and it keeps eating you from the inside .Go to the gym, stick to it and watch your progress over couple of months. Gym motivated me massively as i realized that when you put effort, real effort into something changes started to appear. I've been keeping that approach with everything in my life since and when you actually visualize a goal, write it down and work every day towards it you will achieve it.

Think about what you want to do that will make you happy and work your butt off to get it, there is no other way around. Hopefully this inspired you.

Life is great, we only have one enjoy every single day of it!

Ellie2008

Congrats OP! It seems like this was a long overdue decision. Life is so short. I hope that your work are going to look after you in terms of references. Could you look for something during these three months - easier to get a job while you have a job?

mcsean2163

Good luck OP,

I finished this month and no regrets so far.

I'd recommend going to SE Asia for a few months or somewhere to take a well deserved break.

GreeBo

smree wrote: »

I know I'm in for an intense 3 months as I work out my notice and hopefully make the transition as smooth as possible but hoping I can then get myself healthy and figure out what I want to do the rest of my life.

Don't do this!
Work normal hours for your notice period, you have been killing yourself for someone else for 25 years, now is the time to stop OP.

bitofabind

Agree with the above. What's the point of killing yourself for the next three months, when you're already out the door? If your employers are in any way decent, you'll get your references regardless.

Three months notice is a massive advantage. And the likelihood is your employers are less invested in you anyway now that you've handed in your notice. This is the time to step back from the overkill and spend those extra hours setting yourself up for life after this job. Spend that extra time on your CV, networking, researching your career, meeting with a career consultant, whatever. It's time to work on the bigger picture stuff now OP.

HildaOgdenx

Agree with previous posters.

'Mentally & physically feeling broken but what scared me was the thoughts more & more often of what's the point in continuing if this is life.'

Just read that back to yourself, OP. This job has, by the sound of it, cost you your health. That's a very high price, and no job is worth that.

It's going to be a big change of mindset for you. But in the coming three months, you need to start pushing back on weekend calls and suchlike. Work your hours, no more, no less.

Work will have to manage without you in three months, they may start to get used to it. Some people thrive on feeling indispensable, I'm not saying that applies to you. But it's something to watch out for, in yourself, and in the future, in any job you take up.

I have worked with people in the past, who thought they were indispensable, and yet no company collapsed when they left. People can be led into it also, oh you're the only one I can rely on, aww thanks for the dig out, and so on.

Again, I'm not saying that's you, but you need to start refusing calls and ignoring emails that are going to lead you into working weekends. Turn off the phone and put it away.

Best of luck and mind yourself.

The White Wolf

Very brave of you OP. After 25 years and, given your notice period, i suspect you don't need the money at this point.

Don't feel lost, I know that's easy for me to say but this really is the rest of your life at your feet. Relax and take the time to rebuild yourself.

Honestly well done to you, it's something that so many people are too afraid to do because of what others might say.

Mongfinder General

Unfortunately this story is not uncommon and symptomatic of many work places. The busy, productive people get dumped on and the slackers just coast along doing the bare minimum.

What should be of immediate concern is what happened more than a year ago. Pains in chest and arm. This can mean heart problems. Please get that checked. You seem like decent, hard working person. Don’t punish yourself anymore.

pew

Hi OP, just wanted to say well done for handing in your notice. It's a very brave thing.


I walked out of a toxic job many years ago and I dont regret it. It was physically and mentally harming me. One of the best decisions of my life.


It's scary doing it but worth it. Well done again OP, things will get better

smree

Thanks everyone who has responded. It's helpful to have different perspectives and some reassurance that I haven't made a crazy decision

Audioslaven

smree wrote: »

Thanks everyone who has responded. It's helpful to have different perspectives and some reassurance that I haven't made a crazy decision

Don't know about your employer but one thing that struck me is that you didn't speak to them before you resigned. Maybe you did but if they were any way decent they would sort something out for you to help the pressure. You took work too seriously and it consumed your life. You need to make a divide where work ends and your home life starts. I had a bit of this with the start of working from home but brought some structure to my day. Don't ever let something consume you and you need to fight your corner at work. This is the same for any work environment. Best of luck anyway and I hope you get sorted with another job that brings passion to your life.

Fakediamond

Well done on taking back control of your life! I agree with all the posters above.
During the 3 months ahead, would you consider doing a few counselling sessions, to get clarity on how your future might look, how you could avoid falling into the same pattern in a new job and just to generally offload all that stress you’ve been carrying? You haven’t said whether you’re retiring or seeking a new job, your planning for either option will be very different.

smree

Fakediamond wrote: »

Well done on taking back control of your life! I agree with all the posters above.
During the 3 months ahead, would you consider doing a few counselling sessions, to get clarity on how your future might look, how you could avoid falling into the same pattern in a new job and just to generally offload all that stress you’ve been carrying? You haven’t said whether you’re retiring or seeking a new job, your planning for either option will be very different.

Thanks, I will be looking for a new job. I'm 46 so still another 20-22 working years left.

What I'm planning is to not put too much pressure on myself now to figure things out. I'm lucky that I can take a few months off and during that point research some different paths related to my current experience and some counselling would definitely be something that I think would be helpful.

spaceHopper

smree wrote: »

Even during lockdown it would come to Friday and in my mind I'd think "great, I'm going to switch off this weekend and binge watch something" but without fail an email or call would come in late Friday afternoon and I'd end up working all weekend. Mentally & physically feeling broken but what scared me was the thoughts more & more often of what's the point in continuing if this is life.

This really strikes me as bad but is your bos expecting you to have it sorted or is you who can't say I'll leave that thill monday. You need to figure this out and knock it on the head or you'll bring it to the next job.

Well done for making the change you'll be fine. There are lots of free training resources like ecollege.ie to get new skill, think micro coursers that build up to something.

Ratcatcher100

well done - now relax for a while and just be. I left a good job and it has taken me almost 2 years to unwind but now i am mentally free and very happy. just take some time for yourself 3/6 months and dont look for a job you wont starve. Just be there for your self and on an odd day do nothing at all let the day unfold and be at peace. observe the birds nature is a healer.

Porklife

Well done Op for recognising that this job wasn't making you happy and that your health and wellbeing come first. Your health is the greatest pay cheque of all.
I understand your feelings of trepidation, it's human nature to fear the unknown but life has a weird and wonderful way of working out as it will.
I resigned from my job in February last year and midway through my notice period, Coronavirus came to town! I had no other job lined up and toilet paper was flying off the shelves. I was so scared for my future and felt like I'd made the biggest mistake of my life.
A few months later and I landed a new and better job with a way more manageable workload and a lovely team. I was working remotely getting paid even more money and learning new skills. I couldn't believe my luck, I had been in the depths of despair.

Things will work out Op. Take some time to relax and figure out what would make you truly happy. Your only 46 and there's a wealth of courses online and options available. 3 months notice gives you ample time too and, as others have said, dont go working your ass with an exit sign above your head. You've done your time and earned your stripes. Just do what you've got to do and mosey on home.