Would talking help?

LegacyUser

I broke up with my long term partner a couple of years ago. We were living together, and I am one of those people who has trouble adjusting to living in new places or with new people. Living with him was very good, in the sense that I did not have to worry about home and although I did more around the house, he had started making an effort and improved. It was fine as I felt at home and relaxed and liked the living routine.
We broke up and I moved out and started dating other guys, but never lost that feeling of how relaxing it was to live with him if we exclude the feelings part.
I have recently realized through therapy that I still have feelings for him (I tried to pretend I didn't), and that those feelings got clouded by resentment. He always told me he would like to try again and thinks of me a lot, and seems genuine about it, since now we are both more aware of everything.
Overall he is a good person, a bit clueless sometimes but hey who isn't?
So the reason I'm posting here is twofold:
1- Would it make sense for me to approach him and ask to talk about what our future would be like if we decided to try again slowly?
2- How to best forgive/leave behind/get over resentment I still have over things from the past that were not deal breakers in itself, just things that piled up and became big? Would the talking help?

YellowLead

Maybe I’m picking you up wrong - but it seems like you miss the familiarity and security of living with somebody as opposed to living with him specifically?

Just be sure your intentions are coming from the right place before reaching out. How did things end - are you still in contact? I don’t see the harm in reaching out if things ended amicably as you say he has said he is open to it - but make sure you’ve thought your reasons through.

Regarding the resentfulness - I think only you can answer this - if they are small one off things you should be able to forgive and forget and move on, however if you think whatever you are resentful over - if it’s a behaviour- is likely to continue then that is different.

If you are describing him as ‘a bit clueless’ that doesn’t sound very positive of your attitude....

LegacyUser

Talk about it. It will never be a bad thing. There is no need to make a decision right away, but by all means talk about it. Talk, keep it in mind, talk again after some time, and let the idea gather more info inside both of you.

leggo

Yeah OP, you haven’t given us a lot of reasoning behind the break-up to even be able to get a gauge on it. I’m guessing you broke up with him since he’s keen to give it another to, but that’s all we’ve got really.

And, as someone else has also twigged, that kinda tells a story in itself. You’re describing the circumstances and day-to-day life that you miss moreso than him. That feels to me more than you’re lonely and going back and idealising the last time you didn’t feel that way. When it’s those kind of reunions, what generally ends up happening is that one or both parties remember very early into the reunion why they broke up and, depending on what the feelings dynamic is, it’s either closure for both or heartbreak all over again for one who goes right back to the beginning.

Tbh, if I was him I’d run a mile based off what you’ve posted here. It doesn’t seem like the ingredients are there for a happy reunion. Even in your post you still take a couple of digs at him and take no responsibility for your own part in the relationship breakdown. That’s not the stuff of great reconciliations. Fences are mended by both sides going to each other, cap in hand, ready to take their slice of the pie for the failure with firm, realistic commitments for how things will be different. Your attitude seems to be “Ah he’s a bit of a dope really, but I’m not loving single life so I suppose I’ll have him back because he’d be there at the drop of a hat.” Like I said, if it was me I’d tell you where to go, but maybe this lad has to learn that lesson for himself.

LegacyUser

Talking always helps. As a matter of fact, talk about it, then some more, then after a while talk again. The more sure both of you are, the more chances you have to be happy.