Advice on what to do

LegacyUser

As I am writing this I am sort of answering my own question.

Long story short, I started seeing a girl that lives nearby. She's a single mother and her child is the business. I suppose, due to our proximity, I've met the child too and we've had a few interactions and we all get on great.

Long story short, when we're together, we get on great and in admirable style, she's protecting the child and so not letting them know that there's something there.

I'm a bit perplexed about where this is going and where it is though. Contact can be constant or non existent. We've been on a few dates and had a few get togethers but I am really wondering if there's actually anything there and if this is actually going anywhere.

I'm cracked about her and know that I want there to be but I'm cautious about pushing her on the topic for fear of pushing her away.

I'm in a bit of a muddle to be honest. I don't want to break things but I do want to see things develop and if the feelings not mutual then cut my losses and continue my search for somebody. Or not. But just to know. Any ideas on what I can do here?

cannotlogin

Sorry but the only way you'll know is to ask her if she sees it going anywhere.

YellowLead

Have to ask her as she is the only person who can answer. Or be patient! You say you’ve been on a few dates and had a few get togethers so it seems very early days when people are figuring things out - you might be there but she might not be.

Also - you say communication is constant or non existent. On what way? Do days go by when you don’t hear from her? If so, it’s possible she is seeing somebody else too given it’s super early days?

I would say give it a bit more time, enjoy it as it is and then ask. Or else ask - but just keep it casual and ask if she is seeing anyone else or just you - starting off with big questions super early on can put others off sometimes.

jimmycrackcorm

OP, you have to understand that from the mother's point of view, it's nota good idea to introduce a boyfriend after boyfriend where the child might get attached and then hurt by a breakup. IMO she is taking the right approach and you have to be patient and understanding.

leggo

If you’ve been dating for anything more than a couple of months, it’s worth bringing up. Don’t make decisions based on not wanting to hear a certain answer...if what you fear is the case then you’re GOING to know one day, so your choice is to know early and within your control or find out much later, a random way completely out of your control and maybe not when you’re expecting, when you’re extremely attached.

Also getting used to stating your needs is very healthy and the right person will be happy to facilitate them (in truth with the right person it won’t even be effort and it’ll just flow naturally because you’re on the same page).

So next time you see here say “I’m interested in this turning into something and think this has legs, what do you think yourself?” Then for god’s sake, and for your own benefit, listen to the answer and respond accordingly. The answer you want to hear is short, sweet and clearly affirming you, eg “Sure sounds good ”. Anything else is probably a nice no so accept that.

Sonic the Shaghog

To be honest be glad she's protecting the child by not having her around you too much.

Once went on a date with a Polish girl who brought her 1 year old on every 1st date she had.

Thought it was some sort of way of seeing if the child took to the fella, found it very odd and unfair even if I could see some tiny bit of her side of it

She's just being careful so the child won't get attached