No birthday present

LegacyUser

I've gone unreg'd because I know I am so over reacting and I just need to be told cop on!!

It was my birthday a few days ago. I told my husband I didn't want a present just my favourite type of dessert. He said the night before he didn't have it, even though I had told him where to get it! Anyway he said not to worry I have a little something for you. I had to go to the shop that evening and told him they had beautiful flowers in there........

Anyway on my birthday he gave me a card. It's been enough days that if he had ordered anything it should have arrived. Nothing has. Also no flowers.

Yes I know I said I didn't want anything but I didn't mean it!! I want to ask him if he ordered something and it hasn't arrived yet. But in my heart I know he hasn't I don't want to make him feel bad, but I also kinda do because I can sometimes be a bit vindictive (something I have worked really hard to get under control, I was AWFUL in my teens/ 20s just sometimes it peaks up its ugly head).

I sound like a teenager, I'm not I'm 30 and married 2 years.

Not really looking for advice, more to be told cop on!! I know he's not a mind reader.

notsoyoungwan

Don’t lie and say you don’t want a present if you actually do want one. And don’t take it out on him when he takes you at your word. Act like an adult.

2 fast

I don't get this whole saying you don't want something when you do. Stop playing games and be honest!! Nobody is a mind reader nor should they be!

Get over it and move on you said you wanted nothing now but getting the dessert you ask for is a bit ****ty that you'd have a point about, everything else is childish.

All this happened because you lied. Try being honest next year.

karlitob

Childish mind games. Grow up and cop onto yourself.

Hannibal_Smith

If he'd got you your favourite type of dessert would you have been happy with that?

You did tell him what you wanted. If thats all you wanted, he really should have got it for you.

Did you do anything nice on the day? Was it acknowledged in any way other than the card?

Absolutely dont say you want nothing if meeting that will upset you. But equally, he could have got you the dessert. Why didn't he?

salmocab

The phrase play stupid games get stupid prizes applies here. Your own fault.

Curse These Metal Hands

It was your 30th birthday? Card is a bit weak in fairness, should have at least got the dessert.

cannotlogin

Why did you say you didn't want a present if you did?

Where you trying to engineer an argument? Were you trying to test him? Do you just like drama etc?
What exactly were you trying to achieve?

You said you wanted nothing. You got nothing. Why? Because that's why you told him to do. It's ridiculous and childish in the extreme to be annoyed at someone for doing as you asked.

Zebrag

If I told my fiancé that I didn't want anything for my birthday, that's how literal he would take it. I've been with him years and we give each other a card, a hug and ask what take away we want to order for a birthday dinner. That's it.
If we said we didn't want anything then that's what it means.
What the point of buying something for the sake of it?
Christmas would be more when we write 3 small things (by small I mean bath bombs or even a gift vouchure) we would like and buy each other 1 extra surprises but Valentines and Birthdays wouldn't be a huge deal. Especially last year both of our birthdays were in the middle of the first lockdown and with all closed and not much to do, we didn't make a huge fuss about it. A card, quick kiss and hug and a choice of a take away does us grand. Once you hit the other side of 25 and you've been with someone long enough to know that it's the simple things that you enjoy more than the extravagant things.
If you're that pushed and upset and you would like to start a petty argument then yeah say it too him and confuse him even more but honestly there's more important things to worry about and I would be more concerned he acted like he didn't care all year round than just a card only for your birthday.
But again that's just me and I would rather be shown appreciation all year round ("thanks for the dinner it was lovely" sort of thing) rather than one day of the year

Edit - just reread that you asked for a desert. Maybe he just assumed that you would tell him what it was? Sure he should of bought you what you asked for which was pretty simple but again, I don't want to say all men are the same but some are so laid back that they are horizontal and say "well she didn't seem too fussed about wanting anything so I didn't" Some men need to have the words spelled out to them and not in an "all men are idiots" type of way but it generally sounds like he took your word and didn't think you would be at all phased by it

Oink

I know that OP said she didn’t want anything but can we give her a break.
She DID say she wanted dessert. She didn’t get it. Husband said he got something, turns out he had nothing. So maybe she just wanted to be made feel a little more special on her birthday, and frankly that’s not asking too much.

OP, some husbands (*cough*) need a bit of coaching at times. It’s too late for this year, but have a relaxed chat with him well in advance of your next birthday. Hopefully that will sort it out. You’re only two years married so now is the time to sort out the kinks.

eviltwin

I know for a fact if my husband said he didn’t want a gift I’d still buy him something and he would do the same for me. You can take someone literally or you can still be a decent partner. Not every nice thing we do has to be under instruction. It’s my husband’s birthday tomorrow and even though when I asked what he wanted he said he was “grand” I have still bought him something I know he will be delighted with and there will be a cake and takeaway to mark it. Not doing anything is just cheap and thoughtless.

smellyoldboot

eviltwin wrote: »

I know for a fact if my husband said he didn’t want a gift I’d still buy him something and he would do the same for me. You can take someone literally or you can still be a decent partner. Not every nice thing we do has to be under instruction. It’s my husband’s birthday tomorrow and even though when I asked what he wanted he said he was “grand” I have still bought him something I know he will be delighted with and there will be a cake and takeaway to mark it. Not doing anything is just cheap and thoughtless.

Exactly this. We end up in this situation the whole time. Question comes up "do you want/need anything?" Would say no and genuinely mean it too, just get me a bottle of whiskey/aftershave etc, talking 20/30 quid region not fancy gear. It doesn't matter, do/get something. Put a bit of thought into it. They may not "want" anything in particular but who wouldn't appreciate some form of treat.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

Folks please remember to keep any advice you may have for the OP, civil and constructive as per the Charter.

Thanks

HS

Zebrag

karlitob wrote: »

You’re only buying him something to make you feel better. He’s only saying he’s delighted with it to make you feel better. He’s only getting you something to make you feel better and to make sure you don’t end up moaning on boards.

He’s good at the game.


Not sure what this fascination is for marking birthdays anyway. People should grow up. There’s a required celebration every month these days.

It's different with some people. Others like to go all out and mark is as a big thing and then there's some who genuinely would rather treat it as a normal day.
My fiancé would be on the boat of its really just another day. One year I bought him a game for his birthday and he was delighted but told me not to be spending that much on his birthday. Which means when it comes to Christmas we write what we would like and now for birthdays it's a simple card and take away.
It doesn't mean we ignore the day completely and if we are in work those days a quick "happy birthday" text but honestly like you, it wouldn't be a huge deal
It doesn't show lack of anything in my opinion. If you're the type to splurge and spend then off you go. If you're the type to treat it as a normal day then off you go.
But I wouldn't say its do to with trying to make yourself feel better or worst. It down to the person and relationship.
I know people who spend 100s on a night away and dinners and presents etc and fair play but if he tried that on me I wouldn't be impressed, all that money spent for one day
So OP probably expected something after saying they didn't went anything. Rather than being upfront and honest and saying "I saw a cake in Tescos that I would like" they beat around the bush

Gruffalux

We just do kneeslides across the kitchen on our own birthdays and say Waaaahaaay! Birthday week! Look at me! STILL HERE!!
Let it go, OP.

HildaOgdenx

'Yes I know I said I didn't want anything but I didn't mean it!! I want to ask him if he ordered something and it hasn't arrived yet. But in my heart I know he hasn't I don't want to make him feel bad, but I also kinda do because I can sometimes be a bit vindictive (something I have worked really hard to get under control, I was AWFUL in my teens/ 20s just sometimes it peaks up its ugly head).'

Leaving aside the birthday thing for a minute, at least you recognise your tendency to be vindictive/ passive aggressive, and you say you are still working on it. That's good.

In future, I would be saying plainly, if asked, 'yes, I would like x or y' if I wanted something in particular.

He should at least have got your favourite dessert, since you mentioned it.
It's the weekend now, he can still go and get it.

loalae

This happened to me. My husband didn't get me a Christmas present this year even though I gave him some ideas about what I would like (baklava, turkish delight, or gloves) so I was pretty hurt when he didn't bother.

He has also not got me something for one of my birthdays and didn't help our toddler get me anything for mother's day.

I told him afterwards that every year for my birthday and Christmas he needs to get me something and that he needs to help our son get me a mother's day gift. It's not the gift that is important, it's that by giving me a gift he is showing that I am worth the effort he needs to make to get it for me. I want our son to learn that gift giving is important.

I'd just talk to him and explain why you are hurt and what you want him to do in future. Stop saying you don't want a gift when you do. Don't feel bad that you expect a gift on your birthday - that's pretty normal.

notsoyoungwan

Expecting a gift on your birthday is perfectly reasonable. Unless you’ve specifically told someone not to get you a gift. And thinking of vengeance because they agreed to your expressed wishes is ridiculous.

HBC08

Oink wrote: »

I know that OP said she didn’t want anything but can we give her a break.
She DID say she wanted dessert. She didn’t get it. Husband said he got something, turns out he had nothing. So maybe she just wanted to be made feel a little more special on her birthday, and frankly that’s not asking too much.

OP, some husbands (*cough*) need a bit of coaching at times. It’s too late for this year, but have a relaxed chat with him well in advance of your next birthday. Hopefully that will sort it out. You’re only two years married so now is the time to sort out the kinks.

Does the "coaching" involve asking him to do one thing and expecting him to do the exact opposite?

Jequ0n

You orchestrated this drama, but I don’t understand why. What were you hoping to achieve? Genuine question because don’t condemn mind games in general but in this case the only possible outcome was for you to get annoyed. I wouldn’t play those in a relationship though, it damages your base.

eviltwin

OP if he’d gotten the dessert you asked for would you be as upset at the lack of gift?

woodchuck

OP I'd be pretty hurt that he didn't get you the dessert you asked for. It's not like it's asking much! It shows a lack of effort/caring on his part. The fact that he couldn't get off his hole to go buy you a dessert, which presumably isn't expensive and he knows where to get it, says a lot. Especially as nobody has much else going on these days!

But as for wanting a present and not asking for one... well, you can't blame him too much if you said you didn't want a present. I think you need to make it clear that in future, you do want a gift. It's not about the expense, but about the thought behind it.

LegacyUser

Op here.

As I said I knew it was stupid. And I am def not saying anything to him about it.

Yes i would have been happy with the dessert it's my favourite one and I don't have it very often as it is hugely calorific (no I don't really watch my weight it's just really bad, but oh so good!) Also he isn't a big fan of it so whenever we do have desserts during the year I wouldn't get that one.

When I knew he didn't have that I hinted at the flowers. I should have been more direct. I know he would have gotten them, and maybe it

Then he said he had got me something. So I was a little disappointed it was a card even though I do like cards. Not that I was expecting anything huge maybe a nice candle or bubble bath from the chemist. I'm not one for spending stupid money on birthdays/ Christmas for the sake of it. It's his birthday next month and he said he doesn't want anything but I'll get him something small anyway. Make his favourite dinner and his favourite dessert.

No we didn't do anything else to make my birthday. I didn't mind that, there wasn't anything else to do!

Someone said it wasn't great for my 30th, sorry slip there I'm now 31 always takes me a few weeks to get the new age right.

The vindictiveness (is that a word?) I know where that stems from and I've had counselling and psychology for that and many many other issues. I can understand it and try to react appropriately to it to let things settle and to see clearly but when I feel let down/ hurt I take it very personally like the person doesn't care, it's from being continuously let down in both big and small ways from childhood. But i can see that short coming in myself. So I step back assess the situation and process the feeling correctly instead of doing/ saying something I don't really mean. To be fair I can remember many vindictive little plans I've had over the year and never really carried them out. I'm usually quite a caring person really.

Thanks everyone for responding

karlitob

Zebrag wrote: »

It's different with some people. Others like to go all out and mark is as a big thing and then there's some who genuinely would rather treat it as a normal day.
My fiancé would be on the boat of its really just another day. One year I bought him a game for his birthday and he was delighted but told me not to be spending that much on his birthday. Which means when it comes to Christmas we write what we would like and now for birthdays it's a simple card and take away.
It doesn't mean we ignore the day completely and if we are in work those days a quick "happy birthday" text but honestly like you, it wouldn't be a huge deal
It doesn't show lack of anything in my opinion. If you're the type to splurge and spend then off you go. If you're the type to treat it as a normal day then off you go.
But I wouldn't say its do to with trying to make yourself feel better or worst. It down to the person and relationship.
I know people who spend 100s on a night away and dinners and presents etc and fair play but if he tried that on me I wouldn't be impressed, all that money spent for one day
So OP probably expected something after saying they didn't went anything. Rather than being upfront and honest and saying "I saw a cake in Tescos that I would like" they beat around the bush

We’re in agreement.

This all speaks to how people communicate and listen in a relationship. If that’s what her needs are (a gift and card no matter what she says, for birthdays and valentines and proposal date and marriage date and first kiss date and Christmas and everything else), then she should identify those and explain it to him. Doesn’t mean she’ll get it but some agreement needs to be reached.

Equally, if his needs are that he doesn’t want anything and means it. Then that should be respected too. It puts significant pressure on lads cos often they really don’t care about the day, don’t want anything and when significant others get them something it puts you under incredible pressure. It’s not pleasant. And of course, if you’re not inclined to these days yourself it’s very hard to be ‘good at it’ for other people.

I would disagree on one point - she/people do acknowledge days, send cards and give presents to make themselves feel better. You know the type - smug that they remembered your nieces nephews cousin and then you have to tell them they’re great for remembering.

To all those who note that it’s the thought that counts and something should be done to make her feel special or whatever else. I didn’t say someone shouldn’t be made feel special - but what makes birthdays the day to do it. A couple should encourage, respect and make the other person feel special all the time and make a big effort often as one of many ways to show affection. An arbitrary day in the year to show it once doesn’t make sense to me.

So as I say, these issues reflect communication strengths within a relationship. I mean if the OP gets upset about this, what happens when something important happens.

karlitob

Cop on wrote: »

And I am def not saying anything to him about it.

It's his birthday next month and he said he doesn't want anything but I'll get him something small anyway.

Make his favourite dinner and his favourite dessert.

Well this is my point.

Not communicating needs or wants to each other.

Not listening to what he wants ‘I’ll get him something anyway’. I would suggest that you’re doing that for you, not for him.

And finally, rub his nose in it by making him his favourite dessert. That’ll show him for not making me my favourite dessert.


Why would you not wait until the birthdays are over and address how you feel, what your needs are and ask what his needs are. I can honestly say, it’s much easier than all this stress and hassle.

fatknacker

You’re right to be annoyed. He didn’t make any effort at all.

Even though you didn’t want a material gift that may end up in a landfill, he could easily have gotten you what you explicitly said...the dessert and flowers or even offer to cook a nice meal and acknowledge your day.

Sounds like he made zero effort. No excuse for that.

I some times wonder how men and women can get on ever.

Men don't do hints
Women don't do direct

When a woman says she doesn't want some thing, I just presume that she lies

Neyite

You didn't ask for *nothing*. You asked for no presents but a small dessert treat. And he couldn't even manage that. I'd be annoyed too and I couldn't care less about presents.

I think you are great for working on yourself, but I do think that you are going too far the other way and thinking that because you've a tendency to be vindictive that you can't express your feelings when someone hurts them or pisses you off.

I'm not saying have a raging row because it is a small thing in the grand scheme of things but there's nothing wrong with sitting down and saying "I was disappointed with your lack of effort on my birthday. I asked for something easy and simple and you didn't bother. That hurt my feelings"

It's ok to say that to him.

Thelonious Monk

Well he didn't get you a present after you told him not to, but you've also said you're vindictive, so if we heard his side of the story who knows what he'd tell us? Very hard to give advice sometimes when you're only hearing from one party.

bitofabind

I think you're massively over-analysing OP. Being "vindictive" in the past has nothing to do with your husband not buying you a birthday present. You might have said "ah sure don't worry about me" but so does 90% of the Irish population to these things, we're funny like that. I learned a swift lesson in doing that when I moved abroad and would be taken literally on this little cultural quirk.

A lot of us have a tendency to ruminate and find a way to blame ourselves for things that make us feel sad or disappointed. An easier approach is to remove the blame and shame and have an honest conversation with your husband. "I'd like to be honest. I'm a little bit upset that you didn't buy me anything for my birthday. It's not a big deal, but these things do matter to me and I feel let down." Nip it in the bud. He probably doesn't even know you're upset.

cannotlogin

have an honest conversation with your husband. "I'd like to be honest. I'm a little bit upset that you didn't buy me anything for my birthday. It's not a big deal, but these things do matter to me and I feel let down." Nip it in the bud. He probably doesn't even know you're upset.

In fairness to the man, does anyone expect him to reply with anything than "I didn't get you a present because you told me not to. I'm not a mind reader who seeks out reverse phychology".

The problem is of the OPs making. If she wanted a present, why tell him she didn't. If I were him, I would be more annoyed with her for not just saying what she meant.

Curse These Metal Hands

Why is everyone saying she asked for nothing when it clearly says she asked for a dessert in the Op?

SusieBlue

The very least he could have done was get you the dessert you requested or the flowers, and I don’t think you’re being unreasonable or vindictive for being upset about that.

I get that some people aren’t into birthdays but I find it very hard to believe that anyone thinks that handing someone a last minute card and nothing else, no nice gestures like cooking dinner, picking a takeaway or running a bath for you, is a thoughtful or loving way to mark a partners birthday.

Did he get you anything from your child either?

eviltwin

eviltwin wrote: »

I know for a fact if my husband said he didn’t want a gift I’d still buy him something and he would do the same for me. You can take someone literally or you can still be a decent partner. Not every nice thing we do has to be under instruction. It’s my husband’s birthday tomorrow and even though when I asked what he wanted he said he was “grand” I have still bought him something I know he will be delighted with and there will be a cake and takeaway to mark it. Not doing anything is just cheap and thoughtless.

I know for a fact that neither my wife or myself would buy a present if told not to. I consider my wife to be a very good partner in fact despite being taken literally. Part of that very good is that she is open and honest with me without playing games. Were in our 40s with kids and bills, not teenagers fiddling in the park ffs!

You can either be honest or play childish games.

See how that can be applied to you? Don't judge others based on your relationship please.

Curse These Metal Hands

Curse These Metal Hands wrote: »

Why is everyone saying she asked for nothing when it clearly says she asked for a dessert in the Op?

The op says it at the start before the dessert. So no present being produced is as requested.

The dessert failing to appear or even a meal is rotten in my opinion. On that I agree.

karlitob

Curse These Metal Hands wrote: »

Why is everyone saying she asked for nothing when it clearly says she asked for a dessert in the Op?

Was it ‘clear’ though?

Perhaps off hand remarks when he was reading the paper. ‘Do you know what my favourite dessert is?’ ‘I tell you what dessert Id love’

Why does everyone instantly believe the side of the OP. People do not accurately recall past events and even if they do, you don’t know how effective you communicate with someone until you do the whole - ‘now repeat to me what I just said so I am sure that you heard what I said’.

Mrcaramelchoc

Every woman on the planet says ah no dont bother with anything for my birthday it's grand.
That is code for you better get me something no matter how big or small it is or else!!!!!

karlitob

Mrcaramelchoc wrote: »

Every woman on the planet says ah no dont bother with anything for my birthday it's grand.
That is code for you better get me something no matter how big or small it is or else!!!!!

This is honours level wisdom that not everyone successfully achieves.

‘We don’t receive wisdom, we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us’

In other words, ‘I know that now, I learned the hard way’.

1874

loalae wrote: »

This happened to me. My husband didn't get me a Christmas present this year even though I gave him some ideas about what I would like (baklava, turkish delight, or gloves) so I was pretty hurt when he didn't bother.

He has also not got me something for one of my birthdays and didn't help our toddler get me anything for mother's day.

I told him afterwards that every year for my birthday and Christmas he needs to get me something and that he needs to help our son get me a mother's day gift. It's not the gift that is important, it's that by giving me a gift he is showing that I am worth the effort he needs to make to get it for me. I want our son to learn that gift giving is important.

I'd just talk to him and explain why you are hurt and what you want him to do in future. Stop saying you don't want a gift when you do. Don't feel bad that you expect a gift on your birthday - that's pretty normal.

gift giving is not important, Id hope my son doesn't learn, and he wont learn it from me that it has any bearing on anything. Being nice, being happy, getting to do things we like with people we like and not expecting pzazz at a birthday or xmas or whatever occasion it is,be grateful to still be around and have your family, gifts mean zilch imo,nice but only as a bonus, not essential, also Id be an advocate of not messing people about saying one thing but meaning another, if you want a specific gift, treat yourself. I had this nonsense with someone and it just seemed like they wanted drama, get a gift, not happy, dont get a gift not happy.

LegacyUser

I have to say I think it’s an extremely childish dynamic to have in a relationship, lack of communication and/or mixed messaging coupled with hidden expectations, it’s bound to lead to resentment and bad feelings.

My ex partner was a lot like that, be spontaneous, it wouldn’t suffice, ask what she specifically wanted and it was never made clear, just couldn’t win. And funnily enough when the time came around for mine it was a zero effort affair, not that it bothered me in the slightest given I’d do nice things for myself anyway!

Meeoow

Mrcaramelchoc wrote: »

Every woman on the planet says ah no dont bother with anything for my birthday it's grand.
That is code for you better get me something no matter how big or small it is or else!!!!!

Eh, not true. Some of us actually say what we want.

notsoyoungwan

Mrcaramelchoc wrote: »

Every woman on the planet says ah no dont bother with anything for my birthday it's grand.
That is code for you better get me something no matter how big or small it is or else!!!!!

Not true.

If I was asked I’d say either that I’d like specific item X or general theme eg earrings but not specify which ones or else I’d say there’s nothing I specifically want so just surprise me, while acknowledging the head-wrecking nature of the last one! But I certainly wouldn’t do a martyred, put upon sigh with “no, don’t bother getting me anything” and then get thick about it when someone took me at my word.

It’s basic, adult communication.

Xterminator

there seem to be some rather polarised replies here, surprisingly so.

OP said not to get a present. Op said just get me a dessert. Hubby said it wasnt in stock. OP wanted a replacement like flowers and gave a hint , it didnt happen and now OP feels a unappreciated. Understandably so!

Every married couple have their own dynamic and i appreciate the person who said they would get a small present even if asked not to, that works for them. But other couples might find ignoring the wishes of your partner could cause more problems. It is not a one size fits all solution here.

The real answer is communication. If OP's Hubby knew she was hurt he would probably be mortified! But he does not know!!! They need to work on that.

Giving someone the cold shoulder for a while or dropping snide remarks, that's not communication. Blowing up and having a raging row over small issues, thats not good communication either. Being honest and direct is the only ticket. Making honest frank discussion without a row a habit is the way forward.

IAMAMORON

I always get something even if they say bullshight like " oh , I don't want anything" etc.

I am not mean.

Thing is you need to communicate with your husband what you want. Second guessing is no use. So it is imperative that you tell your husband that you are not satisfied with his effort for your 30th birthday.

Selfish people are more than happy to not bother, that's their plan. Don't let them away with this.

You might only be married a few years, but you also have an obligation to put some decent manners on your husband, that is what being married is all about.

Dial Hard

Mrcaramelchoc wrote: »

Every woman on the planet says ah no dont bother with anything for my birthday it's grand.
That is code for you better get me something no matter how big or small it is or else!!!!!

No they don't. If I say I don't want anything for my birthday, I mean it. Likewise, if someone says it to me, I take them at face value.

I genuinely don't get these stupid mind games and "tests" people set for their partners. You see it all the time in the TA thread "My partner went to the shop and I told them I didn't want anything. So they didn't actually get me anything, how dare they!"

If you want something from someone, ask them. It really is as simple as that.

And yes, he should have got the dessert.

Thelonious Monk

IAMAMORON wrote: »

You might only be married a few years, but you also have an obligation to put some decent manners on your husband, that is what being married is all about.

jasus, what year do you live in?

LegacyUser

OP here,

I really didn't think I'd create such a debate! I don't think I was clear with the title of the thread/ what I said, I considered the dessert the gift. I thought I was getting a gift when he said he had a little something for me, I thought that the card was a given, that's something we discussed in our 1st year of going out, I like cards, I just do. Also I dropped an almighty hint about the flowers.

And yes I made it 100% clear exactly what dessert I wanted and where to get it. I do usually make it clear what I want, for Christmas I wanted a book, he got one or two little things related to the book too that I hadn't asked for and made me a lovely little gift himself which I love.

QUOTE - ""If OP's Hubby knew she was hurt he would probably be mortified! But he does not know!!! They need to work on that.""

He really would, and that is probably what I meant about controlling my vindictive nature, I know it would hurt him to know I was upset especially when he wouldn't have done it on purpose. And whilst last night I was feeling annoyed/ upset I knew inside it really was not an issue that was important. I can't help how I feel but I can help how I express those feelings. The evil vindictive side of me would have know exactly what to say to make him feel awful, but he wouldn't have deserved that at all. As I said above he got me a very thoughtful Christmas present.

Anyway today I was helping on the farm. It was wet and cold so he suggested we go to the hot deli for lunch instead of home for sandwiches, this to me was a thoughtful suggestion. Most of the time I really am not that hard to please especially if it involves feeding me!!

Anyway when we were in the jeep eating our "healthy" lunch. I said you know the way I love flowers, he said yes, I said well I think they should be a part of all my presents and celebrations going forward, he said sure I couldn't get them anywhere with covid restrictions, I said the garage down the road do lovely flowers, he said are they not always a bit pathetic looking, I said no they had beautiful ones in there the other night, he said OK I'll get you flowers for occasions in future. We had a kiss and went back to the farm to the lashing rain where we had a good laugh together!

We've had discussions about buying flowers in florists before, I don't want to start another debate but I like valentines. But I've told him under no circumstances is he ever to spend €50 in a florist, go to Lidl/ Aldi for a €10/€15 bunch. That won't be possible this year as we are more than 5k away from both those places so I'll let him off so i'll remind him to be early to the garage!

Thanks everyone

Curse These Metal Hands

Xterminator wrote: »

there seem to be some rather polarised replies here, surprisingly so.

OP said not to get a present. Op said just get me a dessert. Hubby said it wasnt in stock. OP wanted a replacement like flowers and gave a hint , it didnt happen and now OP feels a unappreciated. Understandably so!.

I thought she meant that despite telling him where the dessert was available he still didn't get it? In any case, he should have gotten something. I imagine if you're married you are aware of what kind of chocolates or ice cream your partner likes. There's always an alternative if the favourite isn't available.

Rubberchikken

I don't understand why your husband would say he had got something and then nothing shows.

A desert wouldn't have been difficult to buy/produce.

Tbh both of you need to cop on:):)

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

Fair play OP. As you've resolved the issue, I'll close this now. If you want it re-opened just let one of the Mod Team know by PM.

Thanks all who offered help and advice.

HS