incredibly sensitive boy

Mad_maxx

anyone any tips as to how best to encourage a hyper sensitive four year old boy

his sister is two and just rolls with all the punches , they could not be more different

everything and i mean everything upsets him , he is also a control freak who must be in charge of everything and very neurotic , if he plays football outside in the garden with his cousins or sister , he must be allowed all of the glory all of the time , if his sister is given a toy or even a treat , he must have it immedietely

he is a very sweet boy at times but to say he is energy sapping is an understatement , we have considered bringing him to a child psychologist , he gets on very well in pre school however and according to the teachers , his behaviour is perfectly fine there

maybe he will grow out of it ?

GreeBo

What happens when you dont give him what he wants immediately?
All kids are going to moan and throw a tantrum if it keeps getting them what they want...

Mad_maxx

GreeBo wrote: »

What happens when you dont give him what he wants immediately?
All kids are going to moan and throw a tantrum if it keeps getting them what they want...

i kid you not when i say the boy has a will of iron , he will not yield , it does not matter if you gently explain or firmly demand that he desist from his attitude

he wants to be in charge of everything , if i were making pasta he would go beserk if i did not let him weigh it , his mum encourages him to be involved with household chores

he cries if he is so much as given the wrong colour of plate or cup , as i said earlier , everything is a problem

Macker1

I would prescribe some hard medicine to sort this out. Its on the market years and very reliable. It's called saying NO.

Sooner the better that he understands that he can't have everything and must play fair with others the better.

Mad_maxx

Macker1 wrote: »

I would prescribe some hard medicine to sort this out. Its on the market years and very reliable. It's called saying NO.

Sooner the better that he understands that he can't have everything and must play fair with others the better.

he isnt allowed run feral , we do enforce discipline , he isnt like this all of the time but is like this much of the time

he is also incredibly fearful , terrified of climbing slides in the playground while his two year old sister would be waving down from twelve feet high

his mum bought him a book about swimming recently as we want to get him started and he absolutely refuses to go , he is near beside himself worried about the idea of swimming

seamus

This is all a manifestation of anxiety. He needs to be in control of what's happening in his world, and when he's not he feels lost and scared.

He doesn't understand this of course, and that anxiety reveals itself as tantrums, anger, stubbornness and sometimes even obsessive behaviours.

It's quite common and kids tend to grow out of it. "Tough love" is not appropriate here, it will likely only make it worse. Imagine in work you were stressing about the work that you were doing, whether you were doing it right, and your boss came up and showed you some "tough love" as a motivational tool. It would make you worse, and you'd think your boss was an idiot.

The way through this is to educate yourselves on how to help him deal with his anxiety. Rule number 1 is keeping your head. If you get annoyed with him, he will get more anxious and you spiral.

Give him choices in his daily life; simple, appropriate choices. Do you want the blue plate or the green plate? Do you want your runners or your wellies?
Let him make wrong choices. Let him choose the runners even though he's going to get soaked and have cold feet. The important thing is that he made the choice.
Be clear about what is and isn't a choice; avoid overloading him with choices. He eats what's put on the table or het gets nothing at all. But he can choose to help you make it or he can choose to play with his toys.
Reward good choices, do not punish bad choices; bad choices should have consequences, not punishments. So in the example above, if he wears his runners and gets them soaked and his feet wet, he has suffered the consequences. Don't add a punishment on top of it. Punishments just increase the anxiety; make the child afraid to make any choices.

It would be worth talking to someone. A child psychologist might be overkill, but a suitably qualified parenting coach can help. Look for books and other resources specifically in the areas of anxiety.

GreeBo

Mad_maxx wrote: »

he cries if he is so much as given the wrong colour of plate or cup , as i said earlier , everything is a problem

And what happens if you let him cry because he has the wrong colour plate or cup?

Its fine for him to have an opinion, but it has to be within your control.
e.g. "Do you want a red or a blue plate?"

He shouldnt be free to demand any colour plate he wants.

Dravokivich

Mad_maxx wrote: »

he cries if he is so much as given the wrong colour of plate or cup , as i said earlier , everything is a problem

My son does similar things to that. I just leave him to it. If he wants a different spoon, or doesn't like the fork. He can go get another one. But I won't be scraping food onto another plate, nor pouring a drink into another cup.

If he decides he doesn't like what's presented and wants to change it, he can own that up to a point. We can't really let the plate distract from the objective and that is to eat. If they are to eat somewhere else, they won't be carrying their plate there with them.

bee06

My three year old has gone through phases of meltdowns over the right plate, cup, parent etc as well. We give him choices and if he changes his mind after we don’t rush to “fix” the correction. If he changes his mind after the fact it’s too late. I’m a big fan of the Janet Lansbury school of thought of let feelings be. It’s my job as a parent to put the boundaries in place and be consistent with that and he can be upset if he doesn’t like it and that’s ok too. He usually comes out of a tantrum much better it he’s let work through it rather than trying to fix something for him.

He’s also be much more cautious of stuff. As an oldest child myself I think this is to do with parents being overly cautious with the first born (I’m guilty of this myself). Things gets more relaxed as you get more children I think! I was terrified of heights all through my childhood and into my 20’s. It took me that long to realise it was all something that came from my mother.

I have no experience with child anxiety though so worth exploring than side if you think there’s something more there.

Mad_maxx

seamus wrote: »

This is all a manifestation of anxiety. He needs to be in control of what's happening in his world, and when he's not he feels lost and scared.

He doesn't understand this of course, and that anxiety reveals itself as tantrums, anger, stubbornness and sometimes even obsessive behaviours.

It's quite common and kids tend to grow out of it. "Tough love" is not appropriate here, it will likely only make it worse. Imagine in work you were stressing about the work that you were doing, whether you were doing it right, and your boss came up and showed you some "tough love" as a motivational tool. It would make you worse, and you'd think your boss was an idiot.

The way through this is to educate yourselves on how to help him deal with his anxiety. Rule number 1 is keeping your head. If you get annoyed with him, he will get more anxious and you spiral.

Give him choices in his daily life; simple, appropriate choices. Do you want the blue plate or the green plate? Do you want your runners or your wellies?
Let him make wrong choices. Let him choose the runners even though he's going to get soaked and have cold feet. The important thing is that he made the choice.
Be clear about what is and isn't a choice; avoid overloading him with choices. He eats what's put on the table or het gets nothing at all. But he can choose to help you make it or he can choose to play with his toys.
Reward good choices, do not punish bad choices; bad choices should have consequences, not punishments. So in the example above, if he wears his runners and gets them soaked and his feet wet, he has suffered the consequences. Don't add a punishment on top of it. Punishments just increase the anxiety; make the child afraid to make any choices.

It would be worth talking to someone. A child psychologist might be overkill, but a suitably qualified parenting coach can help. Look for books and other resources specifically in the areas of anxiety.

thank you so much Seamus , your words really resonate, i do think its anxiety , he is an incredibly anxious boy , my partners brothers eldest boy is exactly the same ( hes seven ) , my son picks at his fingers constantly , they are often red raw , he also holds in his wee wee , we are two years properly toilet training him and still not 100% there in that at the end of some days , he needs a full change due to not going when he should , is completely competent however when it comes to number twos

its at times very difficult to keep calm , we hug him a dozen times per day and he never ever refuses them so he is obviously very needy , his granny was an SNA in a deis school and says he comes across as extremely needy

some people are just born that way , his sister is the biggest tomboy ever

GreeBo

Mad_maxx wrote: »

its at times very difficult to keep calm , we hug him a dozen times per day and he never ever refuses them so he is obviously very needy , his granny was an SNA in a deis school and says he comes across as extremely needy

some people are just born that way , his sister is the biggest tomboy ever

I just think you need to be careful that you are not feeding the habit.

If you wanted to train someone to act like this you would reward them for their "bad" behaviour and punish them for their "good" behaviour.

Its easy to fall into this trap when you are tired and frazzeled yourself and the kids starts roaring.

mirrorwall14

So we have a sensitive boy who also was had no issues in school or childcare. We realised in the last six months we were amplifying the issue and things have dramatically improved. He is 5

We limited his choices to two for everything from cups and snacks to toys. We kept quiet and did not influence the choice for one minute. Then if he continued to be unable to make a decision we warned him that mammy/daddy would decide for him. Then gave him another minute without engaging (‘I can’t decide’, ‘I don’t know what to do’) beyond, ‘this decision is up to you. I will decide for you if needed’. And we stopped allowing him to change his mind. Entirely. For a while we ended up making most of the decisions for him.

There was the mother of all tantrums for a while until he realised that we weren’t going to back down. I had honestly not seen him tantrum like that in three years!! Then it was the guilt tripping ‘I made the wrong decision’, ‘I’m so sad’, ‘if you had just let me change’ etc etc. We did not engage. ‘The decision is made. Next time you can chose to make a different decision’. Hugs were given if needed but no take backs. Then moved the conversation along.

We also learned to bite our tongue a lot and stopped saying ‘be careful’ unless he was really in danger which was rare. And gave him more freedom than we would have without hovering. We got him a squishmallow and set him up to be able to go up to his room for a break and some headspace if things were overwhelming. We also started him in gymnastics for his balance and core skills. His confidence has come on. He actually got a floor beam from santa for Christmas which he is on the whole time learning to sword fight and it’s all helping. His younger brother has turned into a total Tom boy which also helped matters as he is a dare devil.

He is doing much much much better at home now. Oh he’ll still have his moments but there’s less anxiety, less stress and everyone is calmer.

It was hard going to be honest and required a ton of patience and a sit down by mammy and daddy to work out

Mad_maxx

our boy also lashes out at his two year old sister regularly , they are getting on better now but he absolutely despised her for the fist two years , she is nearly two and a half , he has a bad temper to be frank

he complains about presents all of the time as well , asking why Santa didnt bring him X along with Y etc

yellow hen

Nobody else has really said it but the need to be in control coupled with the fear of playground equipment, swimming, toileting would ring bells with me of sensory processing difficulties. I wouldn't be upset or anxious about it as there are many things you can do to help and support him. He's getting on great in school so it clearly isn't effecting him in the larger picture. Rather than a child psych, I would suggest a brief conversation with an OT. Jot down your observations and see what they think. Great advice here on limiting choices etc. Saying no isn't always helpful or as easy as it sounds.

seamus

Mad_maxx wrote: »

our boy also lashes out at his two year old sister regularly , they are getting on better now but he absolutely despised her for the fist two years , she is nearly two and a half , he has a bad temper to be frank

he complains about presents all of the time as well , asking why Santa didnt bring him X along with Y etc

Some of this is really normal, you wouldn't even bat an eye if it wasn't for the other stuff. My eldest likewise used to say thing like, "I got 3 My Little Ponys for my birthday, but I didn't get all of them", after we'd killed ourselves making sure she had plenty.

She also wasn't delighted when her baby sister came along, but she did come around pretty quickly. It's only now they're a bit older and her baby sister can invade her space that they're starting to properly fight.

She's 8 now and we've really only gotten to grips with this anxiety bit in the last year. She always had many of the behaviours you talk about with your son, but we were able to sidestep/tolerate it. It was only in the last year for various reasons that it became unbearable, a constant fight, and we had to do something for everyone's sanity.

I do think the eldest has the hardest time adjusting, especially if they've had their parents' undivided attention until their sibling came along.

So as the father of an 8-year-old with some anxiety issues, I strongly recommend you deal with it now and don't leave it alone for 4 years!

I probably can't tell you what you should do, but I can definitely tell you what you shouldn't do!

Mad_maxx

seamus wrote: »

Some of this is really normal, you wouldn't even bat an eye if it wasn't for the other stuff. My eldest likewise used to say thing like, "I got 3 My Little Ponys for my birthday, but I didn't get all of them", after we'd killed ourselves making sure she had plenty.

She also wasn't delighted when her baby sister came along, but she did come around pretty quickly. It's only now they're a bit older and her baby sister can invade her space that they're starting to properly fight.

She's 8 now and we've really only gotten to grips with this anxiety bit in the last year. She always had many of the behaviours you talk about with your son, but we were able to sidestep/tolerate it. It was only in the last year for various reasons that it became unbearable, a constant fight, and we had to do something for everyone's sanity.

I do think the eldest has the hardest time adjusting, especially if they've had their parents' undivided attention until their sibling came along.

So as the father of an 8-year-old with some anxiety issues, I strongly recommend you deal with it now and don't leave it alone for 4 years!

I probably can't tell you what you should do, but I can definitely tell you what you shouldn't do!

he starts primary in september and hopefully that will force him to toughen up a bit , no way will his uber sensitive nature be entertained in the playground , i think even in pre school , he gets a fair bit of rough housing , he is missing pre school badly at the moment and talks about his friends

last night i had to go for a fifteen minute drive as he demanded i stay in the bedroom with him after we said good night , both his mother and I insisted that we would not and he wailed for a half hour , eventually he wore himself out and his mother text me when it was ok to come back home , as i said earlier he has a will of iron but if you cede all of the time , you become a slave to your own child

shesty

Your child has a smattering of qualities that each of mine have OP.


As someone else said, it sounds like there are indications of fairly high anxiety or a need to control his environment there. Whether it is coming since the arrival of the baby sister, or just a need in himself to have a very tight control of things (and possibly the arrival of his sister pushed the boundaries of that need more than it would with other children, and it manifested in him disliking the sister), who knows.


My only thoughts would be the need for the control in games - there is an element of "just being 4" there ,but equally it sounds more intense than many 4 year olds and probably does need to be addressed. I would talk to the preschool on this, as they are well placed to help him deal with not always winning, not always being in charge, and not always being the centre of every game. But be aware, this is a slow process - I only saw the change in this behaviour in my eldest as she pushed towards 5 and got into Junior Infants, and even still, it pops up (her personality mainly) but he needs to learn how to cope if it isn't going his way. Time will teach that, but the preschool could really assist. The other thing that could help would be you and your wife playing games with him - card games, simple board games - where he doesn't always win, and asking him how he feels when he loses. Or role playing it with teddies or something.


The playground thing. The best thing I can say to you here is keep your mouth shut and stay well away. Don't get frustrated, don't offer to help, don't push him into it, just stand mute. At most I would say to him well it's ok if you don't want to play, you can stand with me until you feel ready. And if you want help, you can ask me calmly. And if he never feels ready, pass no comment. None. He may be scared but it could also be partly a form of attention seeking (and getting). (A tactic I know well from my eldest) I don't know how you were with him as a child, but if he was constantly told to be careful and that he needed help to do anything in a playground, then he now needs to be able to learn to risk assess basically - to be let try things out by himself and see what is actually dangerous and what isn't. And you know, as he gets bigger, he will one day surprise you by just going down that slide himself with no fuss and will feel great about it - but I would think that, from you, less is more on that one.


I have a 2.5 year old boy and a 4 year old girl (and an anxious 6 year old). My younger 2 fight like absolute tigers the last few months. Viciously. They play ok together but the rows are inevitable and angry. I have a vague memory of it from my older 2 and it definitely softened as they got a bit bigger and the younger was able to better understand the more complicated rules of the games with the older (and the younger was also able to hold their ground far better). I mean it's not acceptable and you tell them that, but it is pretty normal.


Like the last poster, my eldest is an anxious child - totally hyperactive, but very keen to please. She absolutely has a few sensory issues, which I have known from very young. She is a lot MORE than other kids, and takes a lot more input from us. But equally, if we let her, she would demand all of our attention all of the time. The anxiety has been hidden, but was always underlying and since she turned 6, it is popping up. We deal with it as it arises - I mean to be fair, there has been a lot of upheaval in her world in the last year - and I hope we are teaching her to manage it better. The teacher has commented on it here too, so it is a work in progress. I will say though that I have noticed my 2 year old boy is the most inflexible and absolutely relentless of the 3 of them. He HAS to do things the way he always does them - I can't tell if it is just him, or a boy thing. I lay down the law with him quite regularly, so he knows that no means no and a tantrum gains no sympathy, but jeez, some days ...:(



I'd ignore the Santa thing - Santa brings what is on your list, if you want something else ask for it next year (end of story).



There are lots of books out there which you could read to him and might help. If you look for Niall Breslin, I think his first book was actually about a boy who was worried about swimming. (if you haven't got it already) and how he dealt with it. I have "My Monster and Me" which my four year old likes (totally goes over her head though, the child is horizontal relaxed and just came with the coping skills for life.) I know there are good books for kids on what emotions they feel and how to manage them too, the preschool might make some suggestions to you. It might be worth getting in touch with OT or even your GP, who might give you some suggestions as to who you could contact that might be able to assist him, if you feel you need more help.


Some kids just need more input OP, and it is exhausting as a parent. I have had a lot of moments worrying about my eldest in particular, but as time has passed, I have seen big improvements in her, which has been such a relief. I think 4 was the age where my concern was at its height for her, I honestly thought she should be diagnosed with something, but like you, the preschool told me all was fine there and as time passed, I could see the changes in her. It is really hard with your eldest though, especially if they are like that, because you have no idea what is normal. The only thing I will say is really mean what you say to him. Draw a very strong line, some kids just need those boundaries to be very strong (within reason) and know that you will hold the boundary for them, when they can't. It is so much work, but the moments where you are watching them and you see the tiniest improvement and your work paying off, are the best. I would go back to the preschool and just say to them look he might be fine here, but we do need some pointers as there is behaviour to work on at home, and they might be able to assist you.

Mad_maxx

shesty wrote: »

Your child has a smattering of qualities that each of mine have OP.


As someone else said, it sounds like there are indications of fairly high anxiety or a need to control his environment there. Whether it is coming since the arrival of the baby sister, or just a need in himself to have a very tight control of things (and possibly the arrival of his sister pushed the boundaries of that need more than it would with other children, and it manifested in him disliking the sister), who knows.


My only thoughts would be the need for the control in games - there is an element of "just being 4" there ,but equally it sounds more intense than many 4 year olds and probably does need to be addressed. I would talk to the preschool on this, as they are well placed to help him deal with not always winning, not always being in charge, and not always being the centre of every game. But be aware, this is a slow process - I only saw the change in this behaviour in my eldest as she pushed towards 5 and got into Junior Infants, and even still, it pops up (her personality mainly) but he needs to learn how to cope if it isn't going his way. Time will teach that, but the preschool could really assist. The other thing that could help would be you and your wife playing games with him - card games, simple board games - where he doesn't always win, and asking him how he feels when he loses. Or role playing it with teddies or something.


The playground thing. The best thing I can say to you here is keep your mouth shut and stay well away. Don't get frustrated, don't offer to help, don't push him into it, just stand mute. At most I would say to him well it's ok if you don't want to play, you can stand with me until you feel ready. And if you want help, you can ask me calmly. And if he never feels ready, pass no comment. None. He may be scared but it could also be partly a form of attention seeking (and getting). (A tactic I know well from my eldest) I don't know how you were with him as a child, but if he was constantly told to be careful and that he needed help to do anything in a playground, then he now needs to be able to learn to risk assess basically - to be let try things out by himself and see what is actually dangerous and what isn't. And you know, as he gets bigger, he will one day surprise you by just going down that slide himself with no fuss and will feel great about it - but I would think that, from you, less is more on that one.


I have a 2.5 year old boy and a 4 year old girl (and an anxious 6 year old). My younger 2 fight like absolute tigers the last few months. Viciously. They play ok together but the rows are inevitable and angry. I have a vague memory of it from my older 2 and it definitely softened as they got a bit bigger and the younger was able to better understand the more complicated rules of the games with the older (and the younger was also able to hold their ground far better). I mean it's not acceptable and you tell them that, but it is pretty normal.


Like the last poster, my eldest is an anxious child - totally hyperactive, but very keen to please. She absolutely has a few sensory issues, which I have known from very young. She is a lot MORE than other kids, and takes a lot more input from us. But equally, if we let her, she would demand all of our attention all of the time. The anxiety has been hidden, but was always underlying and since she turned 6, it is popping up. We deal with it as it arises - I mean to be fair, there has been a lot of upheaval in her world in the last year - and I hope we are teaching her to manage it better. The teacher has commented on it here too, so it is a work in progress. I will say though that I have noticed my 2 year old boy is the most inflexible and absolutely relentless of the 3 of them. He HAS to do things the way he always does them - I can't tell if it is just him, or a boy thing. I lay down the law with him quite regularly, so he knows that no means no and a tantrum gains no sympathy, but jeez, some days ...:(



I'd ignore the Santa thing - Santa brings what is on your list, if you want something else ask for it next year (end of story).



There are lots of books out there which you could read to him and might help. If you look for Niall Breslin, I think his first book was actually about a boy who was worried about swimming. (if you haven't got it already) and how he dealt with it. I have "My Monster and Me" which my four year old likes (totally goes over her head though, the child is horizontal relaxed and just came with the coping skills for life.) I know there are good books for kids on what emotions they feel and how to manage them too, the preschool might make some suggestions to you. It might be worth getting in touch with OT or even your GP, who might give you some suggestions as to who you could contact that might be able to assist him, if you feel you need more help.


Some kids just need more input OP, and it is exhausting as a parent. I have had a lot of moments worrying about my eldest in particular, but as time has passed, I have seen big improvements in her, which has been such a relief. I think 4 was the age where my concern was at its height for her, I honestly thought she should be diagnosed with something, but like you, the preschool told me all was fine there and as time passed, I could see the changes in her. It is really hard with your eldest though, especially if they are like that, because you have no idea what is normal. The only thing I will say is really mean what you say to him. Draw a very strong line, some kids just need those boundaries to be very strong (within reason) and know that you will hold the boundary for them, when they can't. It is so much work, but the moments where you are watching them and you see the tiniest improvement and your work paying off, are the best. I would go back to the preschool and just say to them look he might be fine here, but we do need some pointers as there is behaviour to work on at home, and they might be able to assist you.

thank you for that detailed post

his mum bought him the Bressie book , it made him even more afraid of going , i was against her giving it to him as for me it raised doubts , kids dont think in a nuanced fashion and sowing seeds of concern about an activity can create problems where none might have existed

not saying he didnt have a nervous disposition anyway but i didnt personally think the book was helpful

farmchoice

our youngest had a good bit of all this going on. he started school in september and has really improved a lot espically in the last month or two,he is now 5 and a half.
so like most things with little kids give it a bit of time. the fact he can behave himself in the creche means there is nothing ''wrong'' (i i hate using that word but you know what i mean).

GreeBo

farmchoice wrote: »

our youngest had a good bit of all this going on. he started school in september and has really improved a lot espically in the last month or two,he is now 5 and a half.
so like most things with little kids give it a bit of time. the fact he can behave himself in the creche means there is nothing ''wrong'' (i i hate using that word but you know what i mean).

In creche the minders are too busy to pander to it so he has learnt that it gets him nowhere.

They are manipulative little buggers, but only if you let them be!

Mad_maxx

GreeBo wrote: »

In creche the minders are too busy to pander to it so he has learnt that it gets him nowhere.

They are manipulative little buggers, but only if you let them be!

some are , some arent

his sister is incredibly laid back and just goes with the flow all of the time , i firmly believe people are just born a certain way , not that this way must govern everything their whole lives

shesty

Yeah they are OP I think...my second is 100% absolute opposite to my first.Since she was born my second (now age 4) can regulate her emotions much better, judt takes herself away to a quiet place if she has had enough of people and is incredibly comfortable in her own skin.Toilet trained in 1.5 days, not a bother on her.My eldest is not good at emotional regulation, has what they call "big" feelings and needs a lot of help on basic things (potty training took a good year to get right).He will be ok, he will just need a lot more coaching from you than your 2 year old does on things that you might consider that he should get easily.But equally, she will have her own challenges too.

I think the aim of that particular book is to help kids manage anxiety rather than specifically anxiety about swimming - swimming just happens to be the activity involved.It.was probably not a good choice if she wanted to use it for swimming rather than anxiety.
My Monster and Me is an alternative and I would look at other books around what emotions kids feel and how they can react, pitched at a very young age.

yellow hen

shesty wrote: »

Yeah they are OP I think...my second is 100% absolute opposite to my first.Since she was born my second (now age 4) can regulate her emotions much better, judt takes herself away to a quiet place if she has had enough of people and is incredibly comfortable in her own skin.Toilet trained in 1.5 days, not a bother on her.My eldest is not good at emotional regulation, has what they call "big" feelings and needs a lot of help on basic things (potty training took a good year to get right).He will be ok, he will just need a lot more coaching from you than your 2 year old does on things that you might consider that he should get easily.But equally, she will have her own challenges too.

I think the aim of that particular book is to help kids manage anxiety rather than specifically anxiety about swimming - swimming just happens to be the activity involved.It.was probably not a good choice if she wanted to use it for swimming rather than anxiety.
My Monster and Me is an alternative and I would look at other books around what emotions kids feel and how they can react, pitched at a very young age.

2 in my house too and sounds completely like that. The boy most likely has dyspraxia...he would have motor skill difficulties in addition to the issues already described. I recognise so much of what you have said about your child (clearly much more diluted than my situation) but they are all issues which with help and work can be reduced going forward. I don't agree that all kids exhibiting traits as described here are manipulative or difficult... it can be a bit fight or flight when they are overwhelmed. My son is the most loyal, positive, generous child I know. Traits which will stand him in good stead for life.

Mad_maxx

we have had to arrange a GP visit with him as he is now completely unmanagable , punching his little sister in the side of the head , punching his mother , he is angry all of the time and on the verge of a breakdown all of the time

the GP said he would assess him first and then refer to a child psychologist , other half spoke to the GP and he was very attentive and engaged which is good

for the best and if he needs medication , so beit as we think he might be on the autism spectrum , ive a brother who is on the spectrum so must be in the family

shesty

That's good OP, I hope you get the help you need.

Just to note that the current situation may be exacerbating things for him too.My 4 year old is extremely angry the last few weeks, and I noticed the same the last time schools were closed too.Behaviourally she is usually ok, but she is definitely feeling a lot of anger and frustration and probably sadness at the loss of the preschool and her friends.It may be heightening this behaviour in your son.If you think how horrible we find this as adults, and they don't have the same coping skills or ability to verbalise how they feel as us, it manifests in other ways.(as an aside, I get angry myself with all the commentators who say kids are grand, and they are resilient and will be fine, it is an extremely flippant thing to say, basically brushing them off as a non-issue).

You are right to get help now if you feel it is warranted though.

markpb

Mad_maxx wrote: »

the GP said he would assess him first and then refer to a child psychologist

That's a great step forward. Be prepared for a fight to get the help you need - support for childrens mental health seems to be lacking in Ireland.

shesty wrote: »

Just to note that the current situation may be exacerbating things for him too. My 4 year old is extremely angry the last few weeks, and I noticed the same the last time schools were closed too. Behaviourally she is usually ok, but she is definitely feeling a lot of anger and frustration and probably sadness at the loss of the preschool and her friends. It may be heightening this behaviour in your son.

My two kids are the same, they're engaging with home school and we're keeping them outdoors and active but they're a lot more prone to massive tantrums and tears than normal. They miss their friends, they miss the social interaction and they miss the structure of school. It's really hard on them Other parents have said the same. It's not boldness, it's just an inability to deal with a horrible situation.