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Alcoholic Mother in law

  • 13-01-2021 3:13am
    Registered Users Posts: 2

    First time posting apologies if I've gotten the sections wrong!
    Where do I go from here?
    Ive been with my boyfriend 3years so see his mother as my mother in law. When we started I moved into his house within a few months as it was only the two of us, but within the last year (due to covid) his dad moved home and in with us (it's his own house), his sister had a suicide attempt and moved in with us.. With her boyfriend the majority of the time... And most recently his mum had a suicide attempt and moved in with us.
    She has been in and out of the hospital 4 times within the last year (once with another suicide attempt) each time in an attempt to give up alcohol. During the Christmas she reached her all time low went missing for a few hours and found unconscious in a ditch with an attempted overdose an hour later and she would have died from the cold. She was discharged a day later with a promise of online AA meetings and CADS (all been through before, again within the last year). We are on a 24 hour watch with her but because I'm the only one working from home (I work in a school) , everyone else is essential workers and she quit her part time job after the hospital, I'm the one that is currently looking out for her. Her own house is only 2 minutes down the road but due to the attempt we don't feel it's safe for her to go back to living on her own until she finds the help she needs.
    It's 2 steps forward and 1 step back at the minute, she's doing great and is in good form and then will grab the keys and go to her own house and come back clearly with drink in her (I'm currently doing online learning during the day so I'm struggling to balance being with her 24/7 and this)
    We have tried to convince her to go to a rehab facility but will say yes one day and completely against it the next.
    I'm frightened not only for her health and safety but also for all of ours (his family is fantastic once they all get home and we are all on the same page but just struggling to convince her)
    I don't know what we are going to do once the schools open back up and she's on her own with no job and no one to essentially make her feel guilty during the day!
    She admitted to me during the week that the AA and CADS meetings aren't a help but I'm a very un confrontational person and don't make any suggestions to her at the minute leaving it to my boyfriend and just letting her vent to me as I don't feel its my place but it's becoming too much and I'm afraid that the next step she's going to dig deeper to rock bottom
    Apologies for the rant and long post I'm just at a loss and any service I ring/email for advice just say its her choice to contact them


  • Administrators, Social & Fun Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 74,330 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Beasty

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  • Administrators Posts: 13,410 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips

    From what I can understand, you are all living in your boyfriend's father's house. Can you and your bf afford to move out and rent somewhere? If you can't afford somewhere on your own, a houseshare would be preferable to your set up now. You have been given responsibility for your bf's mother, and for as long as you are there to take responsibility, she won't have to.

    You can't really do anything for her unless she is willing to engage with services. It is her choice. She's an adult and can't be made to do anything. She needs to discuss with her GP. She might need medication. She needs to engage with her local psychiatric services. She needs to engage with AA or a similar type group.

    Maybe you should read up on living with and enabling an alcoholic and see how much of it rings true for you and the rest of the family.