Former drug addicted roomate

LegacyUser

I’ve become close friends with two girls in a shared apartment we have near college. We’ve known each other since last September.

There haven’t been any concerns until last week when one girl confided to me that before she came to college, she went through addiction problems. It started with her friend giving her pain pills for anxiety during her Leaving Cert. She was never interested in drugs/alcohol as a teen but she said at that moment, her addiction began.
She went to the GP who refused to give her any as they said they weren't for mental issues and were very addictive. She turned to her friends with drug contacts. They supplied her with street drugs and eventually she started taking other stronger stuff like ecstasy, and cocaine daily. She started pawning off her parents stuff to pay for the drugs.

Things came crashing down for her when she failed university and her parents realized she’d been stealing. They decided to give her some ‘tough love’ and called the Gardai to talk to her who told her that if she didn’t stop, she’d end up homeless or in prison.
Fortunately she went back to college and went off drugs. She’s doing very well academically and seems overall happy.
The reason I’m writing this is that despite this turnaround, I’m still a bit concerned. Myself and the other friend were to organise a holiday in Australia for three months in the summer of 2021 and we were to leave her alone with the house to take care off during those months but now I’m very hesitant about that (COVID19 aside).
Am I being judgemental or do I have some justified concerns?

RurtBeynolds

You're being judgemental.

Higgins5473

What exactly is your concern? That she will relapse and steal your stuff to sell for drugs?

If so, that’s the same as having some serious concern over getting hit by a bus, it’s out of your hands. An irrational fear, no point going through life worrying about things that you have no control over.

piplip87

My next door neighbor's is 15 years clean from Heroin, he spent much of the 10 years previous in prison, homeless or hiding from dealers due to debts. When we go away he has a key, and he will come in and out to turn the lights on, when we go away for the day he will come in and check on the dogs. He got clean because he wanted to and is a lovely fella.

You have to trust your roommate, she too got clean because she wanted to.

2 fast

She confided in you which tells a lot about her and your reaction says a lot about you

How can you be sure that you can trust anyone just because she has a past and went down bad road doesn't mean she is any less or more trustworthy than you or anyone else.

Fair play to her for getting her life on track, I hope she meets people who value and see her strength more than her past mistakes.

Maybe take this has a lesson to work on why you judged her, you never know someone story.

Trust what you see and the peoples actions in the moment. People grow and make mistakes as will you.

If you are that worried don't leave anything valuable in the house.

Take care

cloudatlas

It's difficult to trust anyone who you don't know, who you have to live with in a flat share regardless of their past.

None of my flatmates are former drug addicts as far as I know and I will still put away valuables etc.,

I would definitely make sure my stuff is securely tidied away before I left any accommodation regardless of the persons past. Anybody can invite people over who you don't know from Adam.

LimeFruitGum

I always locked my room if I were going away overnight, in every house-share. I am sure some of my former flat mates did the same. It’s nothing personal.

Jequ0n

Fair enough if this had happened last year but you said it was well in the past and she did well.
Lock your stuff as you’d do with anyone else and give her a break. People like you are the reason I never tell anyone anything about myself ...

Graces7

OP' she trusted you.

Reciprocate.

YOU could be the cause of any setback. Hopefully she does not use boards ie

OP, you’re right to be concerned and you shouldn’t leave your valuables there in her care, nor leave the apartment/house as a part responsibility of yours before heading away for 3 months. You won’t be able to relax and enjoy the trip and anyone who tells you this is wrong is being naive.

She stole her parents stuff to buy drugs. You’d be some eejit to trust her with yours. Judgemental? Who cares? She has past form and you know her a wet week. Trust your own instincts. If you have doubts, pay attention to them. Do you trust your own judgement or not?

ILoveYourVibes

I think its judgemental.

Maybe tell her about your concerns. In a nice way.

Have a mature talk.

Pkiernan

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

I think its judgemental.

Maybe tell her about your concerns. In a nice way.

Have a mature talk.

Its absolutely prudent for the OP to be concerned.

Buddy Bubs

No, I wouldn't leave my stuff with anyone with a past drug problem. However, she seems to be at least trying to move on so I wouldn't insult her. I'd try let the tenancy come to a natural end then start a new one when you're back.

However, I'd say your chances of a 3 month holiday in Australia are slim to none. I have a friend that has Australian residency who came back for a short holiday for a family occasion in March and hasnt been allowed back. He is still paying rent on his apartment in Australia and pretty much everything he owns is still there. He has no idea when he will be allowed back never mind a tourist visa.

Katgurl

Yes I think it's judgemental if she has done nothing to concern you up till this conversation.

global23214124

It doesn't really matter whether you are being judgemental of her or not. Peoples opinions are not going to sway you completely. Lock your valuables in your room while you are gone or rent a container in a warehouse between ye to put your stuff in.

spaceHopper

If she hadn't told you, you'd never have knows, she's got herself back together. She's also going to keep the apartment safe and there for you when you get back. Go enjoy yourself. If you are that worried pack any easily sellable stuff up and take it home to your parents house.

Lux23

I think your bigger problem is believing you can go to Australia this summer, not happening! So don't go accusing this girl of doing anything when the situation may never arise.

Fakediamond

Yeah, I agree with Lux23! There won’t be any 3 month holidays during a pandemic.

leggo

I’m not gonna roast you OP, I think it’s very easy for us to sit back and say you should be more trusting etc when we may feel differently if we had to live in the situation.

For a start, what many people don’t understand is that addiction itself is an illness and drugs etc are more a form of medication that people turn to to deal with that. What that means is that people have an addictive personality, so relapsing is never 100% off the table depending on circumstances. This is because unless they handle the addictive personality side of things (extremely difficult) then the treatment can just be replacing one destructive addiction with a constructive one (e.g. going to the gym). So, from a fundamental standpoint when discussing addiction, your concerns aren’t misplaced.

The other thing to understand, though, is how far along someone has to be in recovery to be able to openly talk about past issues with others who weren’t directly impacted by them. Your housemate will have to be comfortable with her past, and that it is in the past, and also trusting that you’d be able to see past it to be able to have this conversation to begin with. In short, they’d already know you’d have these worries off the back of it but would be confident in their own recovery that they’d never be a factor and you’d be able to get over it. That would reassure me considerably because it does indicate this is something in her past. And the fact that you’re here, and have probably been re-living your entire relationship with her racking your brain for past signs and haven’t been able to come up with anything suggests she’s probably not still hanging around with the destructive people in her past etc.

Whatever about Australia - I don’t see how digs about whether that will/won’t happen are helpful when even the government don’t know - I’d feel safe in your own home and anytime you have to leave her there.