Teenage Daughter "Fake" Behaviour

Esho

My daughter started secondary school and was anxious to fit in and make friends.

The crowd she's in with are all on Snapchat, all the time. She is stuck to her phone and behaving in a very forced way - loud fake laughter, trying to be ... I don't know what but it seems put-on.

I don't like the snide, nasty comments on Snap Chat about others in her class.

Any advice welcomed.
I want to take the phone and sit on her until she gets new friends or has a rethink.

greengirl31

Hi Esho,

My daughter is the same age and a lot of her social interactions are on line, particularly now with COVID making it harder to hang out in person.

When she got her phone first just before she went into 6th class, I was a bit relaxed about it. The school had been very proactive about being safe on the internet and bullying etc and we chatted about it regularly at home too. After a while I noticed that it was never out of her hand. She was on it constantly and it started causing problems with her sleep, among other things. All of this was happening when the schools were closed so I didn't want to cut her off from her friends completely.

So I installed the Google Family App and it's great. It allows parents to limit the amount of time on the phone and/or time on particular apps . We've had few rows about the time limits but ultimately she knows that they're the rules if she want's to have a smart phone ( I had threatened to get her an old style nokia that she could only call and text on :P) ) I've also made it clear that as I'm paying for the credit, I can look at the phone any time i want. I rarely check it but when I sense there's drama, I may have a look. Snapchat makes this a bit tricky but that's probably why it's so popular !!

When it comes to the content, we had a very serious chat before she got the phone about the responsibility that comes with having a phone. She must never be mean or nasty to anyone on it and must be careful about the photos she posts of her or her friends as once they're posted, you can never really get them back. She also knows that I have absolutely no problem in taking the phone from her if I feel that she's not being responsible with it.

If I were you, I'd start with installing the Google Family app and explain that it's to keep her safe. Also talk to her about the snide comments.... How it may be seen as bullying and how school may take a dim view if it comes to their attention.

Good luck with it ..... It's not easy being a teenager and the phones only add to it !!:o

Esho

Thanks for that.

Good to hear that your daughter listened to you about phone use.

I think social media is a way that my daughter can connect with boys, which adds another element to her phone use for her.

I also got a not so smart phone that I've called "the naughty step", if there's any breaking of rules.

We've banned Snapchat for her - ructions - as it just isn't doing her any good. I think maybe different groups of teens use it differently.