Unwanted..introvert

SHELDON88

Never been in a relationship. I am an introvert. Met a couple of guys but i just feel all guys want this loud, bossy, confident type of woman. Thought i was getting on ok with this one guy until another woman caught his attention as she claimed to be good with her hands.

I just feel very lost, unwanted, unloved. I was abused once when i was younger but i'd like to think it's not cause of that. Suppose i just feel i never measure up to other women in looks, personality etc

The White Feather

Dating is hard enough as it is so don't be so hard on yourself. So what, if one guy moved on just because someone claims she is good with her hands? Surely if thats all he was interested in, then you are better off without him.

I can assure you most guys don't want bossy and loud women. Even if they did, you should just be true to yourself and be the way you want to be.

In saying that, I know what you mean as I am an introvert too. So you just have to tweak a few things to put yourself in a better place so you feel ready for relationships and you are putting yourself forward a bit more.

I was in the exact same place not being in any relationships and wondering what to do, feeling I don't measure up etc

The first thing is that you are doing fine. We all underestimate how we look, act etc From your post, you keep comparing yourself to others. The woman "with good hands" and to other people in looks and personality.

"Comparison is the thief of joy" is a saying that you should remember. Don't compare. But you can look at yourself honestly and work at things that you want to change. This is what I did.

Work on chatting to people and smiling as you talk. If you like someone, just ask them to go for a tea or coffee. Even if you don't like them romantically but just like them as a friend, ask them for a tea or coffee. I did this and used it as practice. Both female and male. If you have female friends, go out with them and just get used to having a laugh. Don't put so much pressure to be funny or talk non stop. You are just relaxing and talking about generic stuff. Tv shows, the news, vaccines etc The main thing is to contribute and get yourself used to chatting. I used to think that saying nothing was best as I was quiet but people think from this that you don't like them. So say anything and say that joke that you think of but wouldn't normally say out loud. I was like that all the time. Had great stuff in my head but afraid to say it. Yes it fell flat sometimes but sometimes it worked. If a joke bombs then laugh about how bad it was!

If these seems way beyond you now, just start small. Give someone you know a ring and ask to meet up for a chat/walk or coffee. Then the mission is to just have a chat and go home. Maybe you are fine doing this part already but this is all a date will be when you are on one.

Don't get fixated on relationships though. Do what you like doing first. Join a club or gym or go running, anything you like doing. How will that get you a relationship? By doing what you enjoy doing you will feel better first. That is the main thing. Then doing anything opens doors to knowing people who like or do the same thing. So you meet people that you can invite out for that tea/coffee or walk that you practiced with others already!

Don't wait for anyone to invite you. If you know someone you like (friends or potential romantic partners), invite them out now. If they can't meet up, say can you ring them for a chat. Then practice talking on the phone.

As you only gave a few lines, its hard to know what stage you are. I was a hopeless introvert. I had to start chatting from scratch and train myself to talk to people. It is still a daily effort to do this as I fight all my instincts. I just said I am going to treat every daily interaction as practice. So talking to a person in the shop became a game of trying to say a few sentences about anything. Then I would go away and review it in my head. What worked and what didn't.

Don't worry about not being in a relationship. I found most people don't care about it. Just say you havent found the right person yet. Yes they will ask you, but it doesn't matter. You could make it up like I did at first but after a while I just was honest. Again just be yourself as when I made things up it created trouble later on. It leads to where is she now, what happened and me trying to remember my story on the 2nd and 3rd dates! Bad enough when I am trying to make sure I talk and not keep quiet without having to remember a made up story!

The most important thing is don't let one bad experience stop you. OK that guy that you thought was going well didn't work out but go again. Keep going and it will work out with someone else. It sounds like you are ahead of where I was because I never even had dates! So give yourself credit and don't put yourself down! Best of Luck!!