Can't get head around why it ended

sheldon16

Hi all,

GF recently ended relationship recently and I am still not over it. Things were great, no signs of trouble. The day she ended is anniversary of her sisters death 5 years ago. I only know the GF a year and she hadnt mentioned it to me yet. I found that out only recently, I wanted to be there for her and would wait till she wanted tell me.

GF said there was something missing for her, and she knew this wasnt for her.

I didnt say much as I was stunned. It was like time froze and I lost my thoughts.

Its a few weeks later and I can't seem get over it. I thought we would be having different conversation and making pre Christmas plans, instead I am left wondering.

I badly want to reach out to her but I dont want her feeling pressurised even though iI wouldnt dare do that.

I am at a loss what to do, I really really care alot about her

Augme

Not sure why you need or want to reach out, unless it is the vain hope she takes you back but if she wanted you back she would be doing the reaching.

As why you are wondering why it ended. She just wasn't that into you. I know it is always tough to take but those are the breaks. Easier said than done as well but I wouldn't worry about it, too often people worry and try and change themselves are a break up and that shouldn't always be the case. Relationships and people are like jigsaws, sometimes some people/couples just arent the right fit.

ILoveYourVibes

sheldon16 wrote: »

I am at a loss what to do, I really really care alot about her

Tell her that.

People do weird things at anniversaries.

Ask her what she is feeling...tell her how she feels.

Say you respect it if she wants to be left alone.

Say you just need closure or something.

leggo

Sorry to hear that OP, a lot of us have been there at one time or another and can relate to the stinging feeling.

What seems to be happening now, rather than not being able to understand it (she was quite clear that she just wasn’t feeling it), is that you’re not accepting it. And that’s totally human: denial is literally one of the stages of loss. So allow for that. Know that in time you will be alright with it, accepting of it and understanding that it was for the best, even if that seems a million miles away now. It can feel **** being rejected but also you need to understand it’s not a comment that you weren’t ‘enough’ for someone or that there’s something wrong with you, it’s just that you weren’t compatible with this particular person. And that may even be more of a character flaw on their part, who knows?

But the main thing is just to allow yourself to hurt for a while. Do nice things for yourself that you enjoy. Reach out and talk to people about it if you need, you don’t have to suffer alone. When you feel ready, start changing up your routine and building your next chapter without this person and making new goals etc. You will be fine eventually, I guarantee it, no matter how crap you feel right now.

sheldon16

leggo wrote: »

What seems to be happening now, rather than not being able to understand it (she was quite clear that she just wasn’t feeling it), is that you’re not accepting it. And that’s totally human: denial is literally one of the stages of loss. So allow for that. Know that in time you will be alright with it, accepting of it and understanding that it was for the best, even if that seems a million miles away now.

Yeah cant argue that I hadnt accepted it. I was tormenting myself about the particular date and how it was out of the blue as we were together the day before with no sign of trouble.

leggo wrote: »

It can feel **** being rejected but also you need to understand it’s not a comment that you weren’t ‘enough’ for someone or that there’s something wrong with you, it’s just that you weren’t compatible with this particular person. And that may even be more of a character flaw on their part, who knows?

Yeah I hate feeling crap and I know deep down I didnt do anything wrong but its natural to blame myself rather than what you said up here. Thanks for that.

Thanks for the nice words

completedit

Man going through the same right now but bit further along. Unlike you, our relationship wasn't great but we got on very well. In the particular time we broke up though it was out of the blue. My attitude is that life is long and along the way a multitude of things can happen. Worse relationship than yours will stand the test of time and better ones will also fail. Sometimes there's no rhyme or reason to it. It sort of just happens for subconscious reasons. Your gf might be bored with life and one variable that she chose to pick was her relationship with you.

ILoveYourVibes

completedit wrote: »

Man going through the same right now but bit further along. Unlike you, our relationship wasn't great but we got on very well. In the particular time we broke up though it was out of the blue. My attitude is that life is long and along the way a multitude of things can happen. Worse relationship than yours will stand the test of time and better ones will also fail. Sometimes there's no rhyme or reason to it. It sort of just happens for subconscious reasons. Your gf might be bored with life and one variable that she chose to pick was her relationship with you.

That is a good way to look at it actually.

I think in those cases the person blames you for THEIR life issues or dissatisfactions.