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Question on situation

  • 28-11-2020 11:10am
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭

    Hi all. Anonymous for this.
    I was sexually assaulted a few months ago by someone I was seeing.
    We were being physical at the time with a consensual act when he roughly started another act without my consent and didn’t stop.
    I was so shocked I froze up and waited for him to stop.
    I was left with bruising/injury at the site but was in denial and hid it. I kept quiet.
    He ended things soon after that and I never had a chance to speak to him or address it with him. After this incident I had a meltdown and only understood afterwards what he had done to me. I’ve been suffering mentally and emotionally since and seeing a counselor while he continues his life oblivious to the damage he has caused me.

    Is there any point in speaking to gardai? Months on with no SATU or evidence?


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,645 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith

    Mod Note: Hi OP, I've moved your thread to Personal Issues, where I feel it may be more appropriate and you're likely to get more replies.

    I'm really sorry that you experienced this and have been dealing with it by yourself. I think it's absolutely worth reporting. It may not go anywhere, but at least there'll be a record of it happening.

  • Registered Users Posts: 13,048 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard

    I'm so sorry this happened to you, OP. I think it's definitely worth reporting to the Gardai. As Faith said, it may not go anywhere but it's on record and just knowing that much may be of some comfort to you. I also think you should contact the Rape Crisis Centre, they'll be able to help and advise you on the process.

  • Registered Users Posts: 12,375 ✭✭✭✭Sardonicat

    Hi OP. I'm so sorry you experienced this. I can completely relate to the shutting down in shock and disbelief. You have done nothing wrong. Your reaction at the time and subsequently are all perfectly normal and understandable and there is never a need for you to justify or explain your reactions.

    I'm very glad you are in counselling. I can understand your anger and frustration. If you do decide to report this you will need to be in a very secure emotional place to do so. I would advise discussing reporting this with your counsellor.

    Its absolutely a reportable offence, a crime, that was committed against you. Your counsellor will help you work through your feelings and come to a decision about reporting it. Whatever you decide you need to do for you is ok.

    You WILL be ok, OP.

  • Registered Users Posts: 5,319 ✭✭✭JustAThought

    OP I’m shocked and so sorry about what was forced upon you. I’d agree with the other poster re the rape crisis centre but would not sadly agree with bothering to contact the gardai. It will be impossible to prove,be your word against theirs and even if they bother doing anything about it will involve further degrading, intrusive and embittering personal examinations and accusations and be prolonged for years.
    The stats of rape and our track record in persuing rapists and then getting actual traction or sentencing in court are appalling as are
    most womens experience if trying to get ‘justice’. And thats when its similarilary violent rape on the street forced by a passing predator - not in an intimate engagement with an up to then consenting partner.

    I’m terribly sorry this has happened to
    you and that you have been so violated and tricked by someone you had loved and trusted.

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,368 ✭✭✭Airyfairy12

    I agree with going to the rape crisis center but personally wouldn't advise contacting the Gardaí. Without enough evidence its your word against his, even with proof its hard to have someone charged with rape when theyre guilty. My worry would be that they would speak to him, he would deny it and then cry victim by telling people youre accusing of him of something he didnt do. Ive seen it happen and it doesnt end well for the real victim.
    Sorry to hear what youre going through.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 12,165 ✭✭✭✭cj maxx

    Report it. Nothing may come of it prosecution wise ,this time ,but they may have previous, or might repeat. Either way it better to have a pulse no. . Obviously you may be referred to agencies like
    rcc to help you through this and good luck .

  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser

    Thank you for the responses.
    Ive been in contact with a centre already who helped me.
    I suspected as much. I never attended a SATU or reported within 7 days.
    In fact, I was in complete denial due to inexperience and believed it was just something to be let slide if going with someone. But when there was distance between us, I realised the reality of what had actually happened, as well as his behaviour before and after.