Would anyone else prefer to be alone at Christmas?

pinkyeye

I have such a dilemma this year. My mother is dying of terminal cancer and still at home so she doesn't want lots of people in her house, that's understandable and fine, I don't have any problem with that.

My daughter is spending Christmas with her in laws because she hasn't ever done so, that's fair enough too.

That leaves me with my two sons, one sharing a house in Dublin, one sharing an apartment in Dublin so we don't know what to do. I live in Tipperary by the way, lads are not interested in coming down to me because they want to be near their mates for socialising etc.

So my choices are to go to my eldest son's house and cook the dinner there, cause he wouldn't be capable of cooking a christmas dinner or go to my second son's apartment, same situation.

I honestly don't feel like doing either because I feel like they're just putting up with me cause they feel that's what they should do and I'll have to do all the work in a kitchen that's not mine so it's much harder.

Anyway, rant over. Let me know your thoughts.

Spanish Eyes

pinkyeye wrote: »

I have such a dilemma this year. My mother is dying of terminal cancer and still at home so she doesn't want lots of people in her house, that's understandable and fine, I don't have any problem with that.

My daughter is spending Christmas with her in laws because she hasn't ever done so, that's fair enough too.

That leaves me with my two sons, one sharing a house in Dublin, one sharing an apartment in Dublin so we don't know what to do. I live in Tipperary by the way, lads are not interested in coming down to me because they want to be near their mates for socialising etc.

So my choices are to go to my eldest son's house and cook the dinner there, cause he wouldn't be capable of cooking a christmas dinner or go to my second son's apartment, same situation.

I honestly don't feel like doing either because I feel like they're just putting up with me cause they feel that's what they should do and I'll have to do all the work in a kitchen that's not mine so it's much harder.

Anyway, rant over. Let me know your thoughts.

Go to your mother. No brainer.

Your kids will be fine for many a year PG. I think you know what is best anyway.

Purple Mountain

Hi OP.

I've lived in house shares in my 20s and tbh it's not the type of place I'd want to spend Christmas.
I always packed up and went home for a week or more if I could. Even once I had to work one of the bank holiday days, I commuted the mammoth journey home.
So I don't think you'd enjoy leaving your cosy home going to spend the Christmas in your son's flat. Sorry of it sounds like generalizing but if theres a group of young fellas there renting, they're going to be sitting around drinking and like you said, you'll be the one cooking there. You won't have your usual Christmas utensils that only come out once a year and you'll be in a spare room that might not have been aired out in a while.
I'd stay put. Id be betting that one of them will be lured home for a least a day to your home cooking.
If not, could you not ask your daughter and partner to come on the 26th or 27th and do your Christmas dinner that day. Use the 25th as a relaxing day, bath and movies and a simple meal for yourself.
In my house growing up when others were coming home later on in the Christmas week, we would do the official dinner a few days after the 25th.
There'll be plenty of us on this site here on the 25th avoiding arguments with relatives so you'll have plenty of company.

pinkyeye

pinkyeye wrote: »

I have such a dilemma this year. My mother is dying of terminal cancer and still at home so she doesn't want lots of people in her house, that's understandable and fine, I don't have any problem with that.

My daughter is spending Christmas with her in laws because she hasn't ever done so, that's fair enough too.

That leaves me with my two sons, one sharing a house in Dublin, one sharing an apartment in Dublin so we don't know what to do. I live in Tipperary by the way, lads are not interested in coming down to me because they want to be near their mates for socialising etc.

So my choices are to go to my eldest son's house and cook the dinner there, cause he wouldn't be capable of cooking a christmas dinner or go to my second son's apartment, same situation.

I honestly don't feel like doing either because I feel like they're just putting up with me cause they feel that's what they should do and I'll have to do all the work in a kitchen that's not mine so it's much harder.

Anyway, rant over. Let me know your thoughts.

Pack your young fellas' bags, and send them on a guilt trip.

Their granny is dying of cancer, they need to pull on their big boys pants, come home to Tipp, and be there for their mother. Could be their granny's last Christmas.

Tell them they're selfish little bo11ixs, and show them this thread.

HeidiHeidi

MikeOxsgreen wrote: »

Pack your young fellas' bags, and send them on a guilt trip.

Their granny is dying of cancer, they need to pull on their big boys pants, come home to Tipp, and be there for their mother. Could be their granny's last Christmas.

Tell them they're selfish little bo11ixs, and show them this thread.

This.

Rubberchikken

Your sons need to grow up.
Socialising is fairly out the window at present never mind this Christmas.
Why don't they come home and help out. Maybe that way they'd learn what's involved in producing a dinner on Christmas day.

Sorry about your mum, op, you're going through a tough time. Take care.

Abel Ruiz

MikeOxsgreen wrote: »

Their granny is dying of cancer, they need to pull on their big boys pants, come home to Tipp, and be there for their mother. Could be their granny's last Christmas.

Tell them they're selfish little bo11ixs, and show them this thread.

Their grandmother might not want visitors rambling into the house.
The two lads are in Dublin, and like many of us, obviously being told not to visit anyone that is dying of cancer, since march.

But of course, guilt them into a visit, and maybe they can bring more than just an auld gift with them to Tipp.

They should visit their mother but not the grandmother.

And, also, don't be making a slap up meal for them if you go to them.
They cook, you're the guest. They can learn. It's not that hard

Mrs OBumble

Your kid has reached 20 something and cannot manage to cook a roast? Really???

Find some elderly people in your neighbourhood who would otherwise be alone, and invite them to yours for Christmas dinner.

Abel Ruiz

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Find some elderly people in your neighbourhood who would otherwise be alone, and invite them to yours for Christmas dinner.

Eldery? Really? The whole country is level 5 right now.
Do you think in 5 weeks inviting eldery people to your house for dinner is a good idea?
We'll probably be level 5 for January and February if December is a free for all!

kravmaga

Stay with your mother who is dying, your sons im sure you can catch up with after Xmas.

Spend the precious time left with your mom.

Immortal Starlight

If I was you I’d try to spend as much time as possible with your mam. You will never get this precious time back again and in years to come when you look back you will know you did everything you could and you will be glad. Hope you and your family have a happy Christmas.

Dr. Bre

Home alone ?

Abel Ruiz

MikeOxsgreen wrote: »

I'd bate the three of ye up and down the parish with yer own arms.

Ungrateful sons- the curse of every Irish mother. Feckless whelps couldn't bother their ars3 travelling a couple of hours to spend Christmas with their mother, all alone, and her own mother dying.
Shame on ye

So you agree that the sons shouldn't visit their grandmother but definitely visit their mother.
That's all you had to say!!!!

Abel Ruiz

Abel Ruiz wrote: »

So you agree that the sons shouldn't visit their grandmother but definitely visit their mother.
That's all you had to say!!!!

So you agree they should get themselves down to Tipp for their old lade?

Thats all you had to say.
(Am I doing this right?)

HildaOgdenx

I'm very sorry about your mother pinky. That's very difficult.

I would, in that situation, prefer my home comforts, tbh, and would leave the sons to their own devices and to do their own dinner. As suggested upthread, I would have your daughter visit a few days later and have the full works Christmas dinner, if that is something you would enjoy doing.

Mind yourself.

antimatterx

Maybe its just me, but I find it weird your kids aren't jumping at the chance to come down to their folks for Christmas.

I live at home, I'll probably be out by next Christmas, I don't see myself not coming home at Christmas.

Necro

Mod:

Not a CA, moving to AH. Reminder to read the charter before posting

Graces7

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Your kid has reached 20 something and cannot manage to cook a roast? Really???

Find some elderly people in your neighbourhood who would otherwise be alone, and invite them to yours for Christmas dinner.

Speaking as an old person.. Even in younger days some of the most uncomfortable Christmasses I have spent were at someone else's house as you suggest.

If you know the people well that is different.

Graces7

Immortal Starlight wrote: »

If I was you I’d try to spend as much time as possible with your mam. You will never get this precious time back again and in years to come when you look back you will know you did everything you could and you will be glad. Hope you and your family have a happy Christmas.

Perfect. Just perfect.

Graces7

MikeOxsgreen wrote: »

I'd bate the three of ye up and down the parish with yer own arms.

Ungrateful sons- the curse of every Irish mother. Feckless whelps couldn't bother their ars3 travelling a couple of hours to spend Christmas with their mother, all alone, and her own mother dying.
Shame on ye

Post of the year!

Graces7

pinkyeye wrote: »

I have such a dilemma this year. My mother is dying of terminal cancer and still at home so she doesn't want lots of people in her house, that's understandable and fine, I don't have any problem with that.

My daughter is spending Christmas with her in laws because she hasn't ever done so, that's fair enough too.

That leaves me with my two sons, one sharing a house in Dublin, one sharing an apartment in Dublin so we don't know what to do. I live in Tipperary by the way, lads are not interested in coming down to me because they want to be near their mates for socialising etc.

So my choices are to go to my eldest son's house and cook the dinner there, cause he wouldn't be capable of cooking a christmas dinner or go to my second son's apartment, same situation.

I honestly don't feel like doing either because I feel like they're just putting up with me cause they feel that's what they should do and I'll have to do all the work in a kitchen that's not mine so it's much harder.

Anyway, rant over. Let me know your thoughts.

(((HUGS))) What do YOU want to do? If you feel happiest just visiting your mother, do it.

If you feel happier at home alone? That is fine too. Cook yourself a lovely meal! Enjoy not waiting on others!

I am planning just that, as I always do now. A good festive meal and a warm fireside. Bliss..

Look after YOU! Looks as if no one else will!

Icsics

Stay with your mother, enjoy your time together, pull out all the stops for Christmas. Your kids are suiting themselves, you do the same

Foweva Awone

Ask your mother exactly what she wants to do, what her ideal Christmas would be this year. Where and with whom.

Do what you can to arrange this. It may be her last one.

One idea might be for you and her (and whoever else she wants) to have Christmas Dinner in a nice hotel or restaurant? Lots of people do this if they don't want to cook at home, obviously with Covid-19 it's all a bit up in the air, but you could start ringing places now to enquire.

Your sons don't need to miss out on socialising, one or two nights is all they'd have to come home for. (Chances are most/all of their housemates and friends will be returning to their own homes for Christmas anyways, so they'll have no one to socialise with on the day!)

Foweva Awone

Foweva Awone wrote: »

Ask your mother exactly what she wants to do, what her ideal Christmas would be this year. Where and with whom.

Do what you can to arrange this. It may be her last one.

One idea might be for you and her (and whoever else she wants) to have Christmas Dinner in a nice hotel or restaurant? Lots of people do this if they don't want to cook at home, obviously with Covid-19 it's all a bit up in the air, but you could start ringing places now to enquire.

Your sons don't need to miss out on socialising, one or two nights is all they'd have to come home for. (Chances are most/all of their housemates and friends will be returning to their own homes for Christmas anyways, so they'll have no one to socialise with on the day!)

Great post.

Not much more I could add to this.

pinkyeye

pinkyeye wrote: »

I have such a dilemma this year. My mother is dying of terminal cancer and still at home so she doesn't want lots of people in her house, that's understandable and fine, I don't have any problem with that.

My daughter is spending Christmas with her in laws because she hasn't ever done so, that's fair enough too.

That leaves me with my two sons, one sharing a house in Dublin, one sharing an apartment in Dublin so we don't know what to do. I live in Tipperary by the way, lads are not interested in coming down to me because they want to be near their mates for socialising etc.

So my choices are to go to my eldest son's house and cook the dinner there, cause he wouldn't be capable of cooking a christmas dinner or go to my second son's apartment, same situation.

I honestly don't feel like doing either because I feel like they're just putting up with me cause they feel that's what they should do and I'll have to do all the work in a kitchen that's not mine so it's much harder.

Anyway, rant over. Let me know your thoughts.

Cooking christmas dinner in either son's house share is a non-runner. You don't know what basic equipment is missing or not working. You could go to put the turkey in the oven on Christmas morning only to betold "Oh yeah the oven doesn't work".

Going to your mothers is the obvious plan. Make it happy for her.

Abel Ruiz

MikeOxsgreen wrote: »

So you agree they should get themselves down to Tipp for their old lade?

Thats all you had to say.
(Am I doing this right?)

I did say that. Its the first post you quoted.
Good lad Mike.
I think you need a good auld battering yourself, ya big clown

Edgware

pinkyeye wrote: »

I have such a dilemma this year. My mother is dying of terminal cancer and still at home so she doesn't want lots of people in her house, that's understandable and fine, I don't have any problem with that.

My daughter is spending Christmas with her in laws because she hasn't ever done so, that's fair enough too.

That leaves me with my two sons, one sharing a house in Dublin, one sharing an apartment in Dublin so we don't know what to do. I live in Tipperary by the way, lads are not interested in coming down to me because they want to be near their mates for socialising etc.

So my choices are to go to my eldest son's house and cook the dinner there, cause he wouldn't be capable of cooking a christmas dinner or go to my second son's apartment, same situation.

I honestly don't feel like doing either because I feel like they're just putting up with me cause they feel that's what they should do and I'll have to do all the work in a kitchen that's not mine so it's much harder.

Anyway, rant over. Let me know your thoughts.

Have you mentioned that you are thinking of leaving the house in your will to the Dogs Home?

Ubbquittious

I wouldn't be a fan of Christmas alone myself... but this fella is

Mrs OBumble

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Going to your mothers is the obvious plan. Make it happy for her.

Except Mammy has said she doesn't want people there.

pinkyeye

I think people maybe misunderstood my original post. My mother is also in Dublin and her house is normally the centre of all the action but obviously this year it simply can't be. She's terrified of getting Covid or getting any infection because if she ends up in hospital she won't have any visitors. She took a bad turn a couple of weeks ago and we thought she would have to go to the hospital or hospice and the terror in her eyes was unreal to see. She just doesn't want to be alone in a hospital or hospice. Don't blame her.

I know what people are saying, that I should go and have Christmas with her but she doesn't want to choose any of us for Christmas Day and she doesn't want a big crowd. We have asked her what she wants and she simply doesn't want the fuss. One of us will prepare dinner for her and Dad either way and deliver it.

I agree somewhat that the lads should just get off their arses and come down but they've girlfriends in Dublin too and I just don't want them down on a guilt trip, it wouldn't be any fun, I'd rather just spend the day alone like any other day and have a dinner for everyone a week beforehand or a week after or something.

Sad times really, if I'm honest I'd rather not celebrate this year whilst Mam is so sick. Then they all say you're being a misery guts feeling sorry for yourself.

pinkyeye

Foweva Awone wrote: »

Ask your mother exactly what she wants to do, what her ideal Christmas would be this year. Where and with whom.

Do what you can to arrange this. It may be her last one.

One idea might be for you and her (and whoever else she wants) to have Christmas Dinner in a nice hotel or restaurant? Lots of people do this if they don't want to cook at home, obviously with Covid-19 it's all a bit up in the air, but you could start ringing places now to enquire.

Your sons don't need to miss out on socialising, one or two nights is all they'd have to come home for. (Chances are most/all of their housemates and friends will be returning to their own homes for Christmas anyways, so they'll have no one to socialise with on the day!)

She has said for years that she would like to go to a hotel for Christmas and Dad never would. Raging now we never forced him to do it.

She's not able to get to a hotel now, hasn't been outside of the house in months, she just can't walk more than a couple of steps.