Am I overthinking my friend's intentions?

LegacyUser

Up until the last year my friend and I would go on a night out nearly once a week, or would meet for dinner. I often called to her house for a visit and we would order food or sometimes we'd go shopping just normal stuff. Thinking back now she often got me to drive her around, but I never thought anything of it because we were doing other things as well. (I have a car, she doesn't). During our entire friendship I had a boyfriend and she was single. At the end of last year she got a boyfriend. Suddenly she would rarely want to go out or do anything really.

Over the last few months (even before COVID struck) I have noticed that she will often ask for us to meet up and will almost always suggest that we go to the shops. These shops are always ones located a bit outside the city centre which she could not get to on her own. I have suggested that we could meet for a walk or coffee instead as I don't really want to get into the car with her because of COVID. She will almost always decline. This has made me think back on the many times she has just expected me to drive her places in the past. Like a few times she asked me to call to her house and when I got there asked me to go and collect her boyfriend and bring him back to hers. I kind of feel like now she has a boyfriend to socialise with so now I am just kind of a driver? Obviously she will spend most of her time with her boyfriend, but surely we could meet up without me having to drive her somewhere? Is she just using me or I am being petty?

tara73

going from your post OP, I would say yes, she does. why can't the bf reach the place of his girlfriend on his own?

what happens when you collected the bf, are you all sitting together having a good time? or are you expected to leave soon? that would be really nasty and I would advice to stop immediately to do any driving around for her.

ILoveYourVibes

I think you are right. Why doesnt her bf drive her there?

Rubberchikken

Some people are users Op. It's as simple as that.
Maybe time to let this person do their own thing and time for you to say you're busy or a simple no next time you're asked to spin her to shops etc.

Katgurl

I think she could be a slight user but it's more likely that she takes the car driving for granted as she doesn't drive. I take it her boyfriend doesn't either?

Perhaps now she has a boyfriend they do more meals in or out and she prefers to do different things with you like go shopping.

Non-drivers don't always think like drivers. For example, I didn't drive for years and now I'm very embarrassed that it never occurred to me to offer petrol money when people offered me lifts. I'm not tight at all, quite the opposite but it never dawned on me.


When you were doing meals together was there any issue with who paid more often?

If she was a user it would be more likely to show up here.

I would take this as an opportunity to be more assertive - "no I really don't fancy going shopping. I was looking forward to a walk so I'll probably head out on my own. We can meet up another day."

Calypso Realm

liz20 wrote: »

Like a few times she asked me to call to her house and when I got there asked me to go and collect her boyfriend and bring him back to hers. I kind of feel like now she has a boyfriend to socialise with so now I am just kind of a driver? ?

I found the bit about asking you to collect her boyfriend incredible to be honest. It's one thing if you picked him up on the way to hers but to ask you to go out and collect him is out of order, in my view. The only exception would be some kind of emergency, of course but otherwise it's not on at all.

This coupled with the fact she's now cutting back on your own outings now he's on the scene would make me watch this ones like a hawk. Like others said I would turn down her requests which potentially involve you driving her places from now!