Moving abroad on my own?

castle

I have an opportunity to move to the Netherlands with my current multinational blue chip company which would involve a promotion. I never thought it is something I would do but I am open to the idea.
Current situation I live with my dad after separating from my wife a 2 years ago. Children are 18,19,20 with 2 in college and all 3 will be next year. I am close to my children and see them between dropping over for few hours ,giving lifts etc about 4 times a week. Stay over with them when they are not to busy with friends and get on good with ex.
If I rented around where I live it would be around 1800-2k which is an non runner. So don't have living independence and I in my 40s which is sad but just the way it is.
With rents at 1k to 1200 in place in Netherlands I be going to and salary going up I be better off and have my own place.
Just living on my own away from my loved ones is the main issue and that would I wake up one morning after a few weeks,months and think what have I done.I know I can travel home easy enough at low cost and also they can pop over . Love to know what people think and has anyone else ever done similar. I am outgoing and good mixer but home is home. All advice welcome. Tks

Dtp1979

Yes, I’m sure your collage going kids would hate to know that they have a second home in Amsterdam .
You probably have an opportunity that most people don’t get, to try something totally new. It’s not jail you’re going to, you can always move home if it doesn’t work out.

lulublue22

castle wrote: »

I have an opportunity to move to the Netherlands with my current multinational blue chip company which would involve a promotion. I never thought it is something I would do but I am open to the idea.
Current situation I live with my dad after separating from my wife a 2 years ago. Children are 18,19,20 with 2 in college and all 3 will be next year. I am close to my children and see them between dropping over for few hours ,giving lifts etc about 4 times a week. Stay over with them when they are not to busy with friends and get on good with ex.
If I rented around where I live it would be around 1800-2k which is an non runner. So don't have living independence and I in my 40s which is sad but just the way it is.
With rents at 1k to 1200 in place in Netherlands I be going to and salary going up I be better off and have my own place.
Just living on my own away from my loved ones is the main issue and that would I wake up one morning after a few weeks,months and think what have I done.I know I can travel home easy enough at low cost and also they can pop over . Love to know what people think and has anyone else ever done similar. I am outgoing and good mixer but home is home. All advice welcome. Tks

Not in a similar position but your children are young adults now and will become more and more invested in their own lives. You have a good relationship with your ex which means she is hardly going to bad mouth you for taking a promotion. Your children can come to visit easily enough and will probably love the opportunity to do so. You have a chance at promotion and a move to a new country. In situations like this I always ask myself what is the worst that can happen ? If you don’t settle is there an opportunity to return home while keeping your job? I’d be leaning towards taking it tbh.

beauf

Sounds like the time for a new adventure.

JustAThought

Dtp1979 wrote: »

Yes, I’m sure your collage going kids would hate to know that they have a second home in Amsterdam .
You probably have an opportunity that most people don’t get, to try something totally new. It’s not jail you’re going to, you can always move home if it doesn’t work out.

I don’t know OP - things are different now with the covid and you might be creating a lonely prison for yourself.

You won’t have anything like what you have here socially in the netherlands and will never be able to recapture it if you go.

Also with essential only travel your father & kids many not want to make the journey to see you and texhnically you will be putting your kids and father at risk if you go to and fro for visits - they will be non essential journeys reuiring quarrentine and your Dutch work colleagues might object and insist on it. Can you not take the promotion but ask for the moment to do it remotely from here using technology & zoom?

& what part of Holland?

JustAThought

JustAThought wrote: »

You won’t have anything like what you have here socially in the netherlands and will never be able to recapture it if you go.

I'm not sure what this is referring to, but there is plenty of social life outside Ireland, in normal times. Right now, there's no social life here either.
You may find yourself with a much better, more rounded social life.
I'm pretty sure your adult kids won't mind having a free holiday in Holland!

Go for it OP, you can always come home if it doesn't work out.

leggo

JustAThought wrote: »

I don’t know OP - things are different now with the covid and you might be creating a lonely prison for yourself.

As opposed to what? Continuing to live with his dad in his 40’s indefinitely?

I’m not being judgemental there btw OP, loads of people end up in situations like that after family break-ups and there’s absolutely no shame in taking time to readjust (especially with what the rental market is like here these days). I’m just making the point to this poster that you’re in a position where an opening like this might actually be better than what you have, and as you point out yourself while there’s an argument to live in compromise situations for the sake of being close to the kids when they’re young, when they’re at the stage they’re at now it becomes about your quality of life again.

I’d jump at this fresh start if I were you OP. Your kids will likely be fine with it as long as you sell it well to them and paint appealing pictures of what you’ll do to keep in touch, how they can visit etc. Right now you life setup is for them. They don’t need that day to day support anymore and you’ve got a chance to improve every aspect of your life and, after compromising your own circumstances for so long for their sake, nobody can argue that you don’t deserve it. This will force you to do things just for yourself again and could give you an entire new lease of life. And with your Dad’s home there if you need it, if you hate it after a while then just move back. If it’s something appealing to you without the questions you’ve asked here, then do it. The rest will work itself out.

atilladehun

I'd be on the side of don't miss this opportunity.

You'll be busy the first few weeks get set up. Once that time passes I'd get the travel book out and start seeing and eating where you can in Amsterdam and the rest of the country.

As that is happening you can start working on your social connections.

Get a place with a spare bedroom and as covid clears up it won't just be your family visiting you.

The Dutch are generally excellent at speaking English plus there's tonnes of expats there of all ages and situations. There's all sorts of apps and sites for meeting people in a variety of social situations.

You won't notice a year passing. It'll be 3 years before you feel you know the place.

Like others have said you can always come back. Other positions in Dublin may come up in your company or you can always move.

It'll be invigorating.

Non question. Go!

Your in your 40s with kids in the early 20s which means you married and had a family young.

Go, explore another part of the world and meet new people. Your family will still talk and visit albeit for a weekend instead of a few hours frequently.

If it doesn't work in a year or two then you come back with money in the bank and a senior position on the cv

cannotlogin

What do you need most from life at the moment?

If you look at it they beat, you'll probably instinctively know what the best decision is.

Tork

What sort of timeframe did you have in mind for this move? Do you see yourself living in the Netherlands for a few years or staying there for much longer? While I'm not discouraging you from going, I can see why you would have reservations. It's one thing to move abroad when you're 25 and have nothing really keeping you at home. It's different when you get on a bit and maybe family starts becoming more important to you. It isn't just your kids but people like aged parents who start coming more to the fore. Maybe you're close to nieces and nephews too. Even though your children are young adults and will become more independent as time goes on, they're still at an age where they need their parents. Speaking from personal experience, I found the first couple of years after I left college to be the toughest because I was trying to get a career going and adjusting to a different life. Every young person is different - you will know whether your kids need you around in person or not. For now I wouldn't be so quick to assume it's grand, you can catch €10 flights to Amsterdam any time you want. Nobody knows what condition the travel industry will be in after Covid or what flights will cost. So although we hope that air travel will become as cheap and convenient as it was, it isn't a certainty. Also, until things change you aren't going to have a hectic social life in the Netherlands either.

On the other hand, it could turn out to be a really good move for you. You're stuck in a rut and unless you win the lottery, you won't be moving out of your dad's place any time soon. Would you be able to save money in the Netherlands and get yourself into a position to come back to a better job? Have you said anything to your kids yet?

whiskeyman

Congratulations!!

Take it.
It sounds perfect.
The Netherlands is fabulous.
Beat of luck!

castle

lulublue22 wrote: »

Not in a similar position but your children are young adults now and will become more and more invested in their own lives. You have a good relationship with your ex which means she is hardly going to bad mouth you for taking a promotion. Your children can come to visit easily enough and will probably love the opportunity to do so. You have a chance at promotion and a move to a new country. In situations like this I always ask myself what is the worst that can happen ? If you don’t settle is there an opportunity to return home while keeping your job? I’d be leaning towards taking it tbh.

The worst that can happen is I don't like it or am homesick but willing to be positive and count myself lucky as so many move abroad because they have to and only thing I have to worry about is settling in.

JustAThought wrote: »

I don’t know OP - things are different now with the covid and you might be creating a lonely prison for yourself.

You won’t have anything like what you have here socially in the netherlands and will never be able to recapture it if you go.

Also with essential only travel your father & kids many not want to make the journey to see you and texhnically you will be putting your kids and father at risk if you go to and fro for visits - they will be non essential journeys reuiring quarrentine and your Dutch work colleagues might object and insist on it. Can you not take the promotion but ask for the moment to do it remotely from here using technology & zoom?

& what part of Holland?

I would stay in a place called Haarlem about 15 min train journey from Amsterdam and been told by colleagues in Netherlands that it is good place to be.

leggo wrote: »

As opposed to what? Continuing to live with his dad in his 40’s indefinitely? Ye as much as I appreciate my Dad it is not what I have planned the year before I turn 50.

I’m not being judgemental there btw OP, loads of people end up in situations like that after family break-ups and there’s absolutely no shame in taking time to readjust (especially with what the rental market is like here these days). I’m just making the point to this poster that you’re in a position where an opening like this might actually be better than what you have, and as you point out yourself while there’s an argument to live in compromise situations for the sake of being close to the kids when they’re young, when they’re at the stage they’re at now it becomes about your quality of life again.

I’d jump at this fresh start if I were you OP. Your kids will likely be fine with it as long as you sell it well to them and paint appealing pictures of what you’ll do to keep in touch, how they can visit etc. Right now you life setup is for them. They don’t need that day to day support anymore and you’ve got a chance to improve every aspect of your life and, after compromising your own circumstances for so long for their sake, nobody can argue that you don’t deserve it. This will force you to do things just for yourself again and could give you an entire new lease of life. And with your Dad’s home there if you need it, if you hate it after a while then just move back. If it’s something appealing to you without the questions you’ve asked here, then do it. The rest will work itself out.

Kids seem to think it a no brainer and they also have plans to live abroad at some stage, New lease of life sounds inspiring.

Niner leprauchan wrote: »

Non question. Go! Cheers

Your in your 40s with kids in the early 20s which means you married and had a family young.

Go, explore another part of the world and meet new people. Your family will still talk and visit albeit for a weekend instead of a few hours frequently.

If it doesn't work in a year or two then you come back with money in the bank and a senior position on the cv

would be alot better off and can avail of the tax rule that your first 30K is tax free for 5 yrs.

Tork wrote: »

What sort of timeframe did you have in mind for this move? Do you see yourself living in the Netherlands for a few years or staying there for much longer? While I'm not discouraging you from going, I can see why you would have reservations. It's one thing to move abroad when you're 25 and have nothing really keeping you at home. It's different when you get on a bit and maybe family starts becoming more important to you. It isn't just your kids but people like aged parents who start coming more to the fore. Maybe you're close to nieces and nephews too. Even though your children are young adults and will become more independent as time goes on, they're still at an age where they need their parents. Speaking from personal experience, I found the first couple of years after I left college to be the toughest because I was trying to get a career going and adjusting to a different life. Every young person is different - you will know whether your kids need you around in person or not. For now I wouldn't be so quick to assume it's grand, you can catch €10 flights to Amsterdam any time you want. Nobody knows what condition the travel industry will be in after Covid or what flights will cost. So although we hope that air travel will become as cheap and convenient as it was, it isn't a certainty. Also, until things change you aren't going to have a hectic social life in the Netherlands either.

On the other hand, it could turn out to be a really good move for you. You're stuck in a rut and unless you win the lottery, you won't be moving out of your dad's place any time soon. Would you be able to save money in the Netherlands and get yourself into a position to come back to a better job? Have you said anything to your kids yet?

Kids are very much confident as we brought them up not to be shy and to put yourself forward to het ahead, need to take some of my on advice.

Thanks guys for feedback so far

ILoveYourVibes

Kids can come spend summers with you.

I dunno OP ..throw the idea out to them ....talk about it see what they think.

If you feel they are not ready ..you only know from talking.

Dtp1979

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Kids can come spend summers with you.

I dunno OP ..throw the idea out to them ....talk about it see what they think.

If you feel they are not ready ..you only know from talking.

For once I agree with you .
Summer, mid terms and any long weekend.

Car99

You're young enough , your family will be leading their own lives more and more independently from now on, NL is a nice place to live and it's in the EU so when/if you return your social insurance contributions are good here also. You'll be on more money in a nice part of the world. Go for it.

fineso.mom

I've a friend living in Haarlem and have stayed with him. It's a great place to live. He's been living in Amsterdam for about 15 years and has been all over the Netherlands and Europe. There's so much to do and see and so many outdoor activities all year round.
Go!

Airyfairy12

Go, your kids will no doubt be delighted to have a second home in Netherlands, also on the off chance one of them wants to do a masters, they can do so for free in the Netherlands while here it would cost 10k in fees. How great would it be to have their dad close by if they decided to study or work over there.
If it doesnt work out for you, you can come home but honestly think you'd be mad to not take this opportunity given your situation.

DulchieLaois

It’s time to relive a new chapter in your life and while you do that, u am sure you will have the full support of all who are close to you.

Take your wisdom and knowledge and move forward and share with others in a new country, you will be appreciated.

joeguevara

Congratulations on the opportunity of a possible promotion. To get this opportunity you must be a valued employee that stands out. You outlined the rent issue as a reason for not being able to stay at home. With rents of 1800 -2k I am presuming it’s in Dublin. Firstly have you considered the possibility of requesting that your job has potential to be considered for Working from home. A lot of multinational companies are considering this. If so you could move to an area with lower rents.

If that is not a possibility I would advise anyone to never make a decision based on others. It is very possible that your children could emigrate to Canada or Australia, or get work on the other side of the country. Your father could retire to a hotter country or want to move with family. I have a friend who passed up a new job in the states as he couldn’t handle leaving his elderly parents. Couple of months later they announced that they were selling up and moving to Malta. Also the Netherlands is so close and the flight is about 2 hours. I moved to Dublin and my family home is about 4 hours away. So further than Dublin to Amsterdam. My friend moved just outside Amsterdam and has a better social life than he did at home.

One final thought is you are obviously good at your job and you could look at job opportunities in Dublin with the step up your promotion is. This could be an increase in salary which makes the rent more affordable.

Obviously it is a big decision but make it based on you and not variables that you can not control. Hopefully everything works out well.

Katgurl

Do it op. The Netherlands is a great place to start a new chapter. Your kids are at an age where they still need you but they don't need you physically up the road - they can call, Skype, fly over on the holidays. They will be spreading their own wings soon. Also it will be good for them to see you having your own thing going on.

Congratulations on the promotion.


ETA that I have moved abroad alone in the past so I can relate somewhat. I wasn't in an identical situation; I was mid thirties, had no kids and was living independently. But I was single and watching all my friends get married and have children. So the main similarity was that I didn't enjoy my current living situation. I felt like life was passing me by and I was just treading water. I don't know if that's how you feel. Anyway moving abroad (more than once) was good for me - it made me realise I had opportunities that other people didn't, it was an experience I would have missed otherwise and it is great to see another culture and meet different people.

Rowley Birkin QC

Go.

I lived there for a year between Degree & Master's. It's a great country and a true gateway to the rest of Europe, Covid notwithstanding. Flights back to Dublin & Cork are regular and affordable from Eindhoven & Schiphol. Good Irish community in Amsterdam too. Definitely go!

Emme

OP you're in your 40s so you should know opportunities like this don't grow on trees and come along very seldom (if at all) in most people's lives. I think you should go for it. With luck your children will be able to visit you once in a while. If lockdowns continue for a while you're only a Zoom call away.

Witchie

Hiya! I was in a similar situation a few years ago in that my youngest was going off to college, I had been divorced for many years at the time and spent most of my life raising my amazing sons, but felt it was time for a new adventure.

My job is one where I work remotely so I packed a backpack and at 43 headed to Asia. I have just come back to Ireland for Christmas and am missing my real home in Malaysia. I had never lived on my own before. I went from my parents to sharing with fellow students in college to marriage to raising my kids. Finally living alone and doing what I wanted when I wanted was like I had started life all over again and just makes me so happy.

Of course, I miss my boys, they have only made it over to visit me once in the almost 4 years I have been living abroad, but we talk weekly, I have been home a few times the last few years and I never stop loving and caring about them. They have their own lives and I have mine, but we still are very close.

Just think of it this way. In a few years, all your 3 could be scattered around the globe and you would be at home cursing a missed opportunity.
s
The youngest will be embarking on their next adventure soon, and so should you. At least the Netherlands is only a short hop to come home when COVID fecks off.

You have done your best by your kids, you raised them to adulthood, its up to them now to get on with their lives, but equally, it's up to do the same.

Mrcaramelchoc

Definitely go for it. You are in A great position in that you can come back if you don't like it.
What's the health system like in the Netherlands?

Warrachie

Sounds like you've been a great and supportive Dad to your kids. They aren't really kids anymore though, so you should put some thought into doing something for yourself.

At least put some serious consideration into the move, research areas to live in, what the nearest towns are like, what sort of a social life is out there. I wouldn't worry about going alone, this sounds like a great way to start afresh.

As a previous poster pointed out, you can fly back for visits and of course they are old enough to fly over to you.