We have updated our Privacy Notice, you can read the updated document here
Mods please check the Moderators Group for an important update on Mod tools. If you do not have access to the group, please PM Niamh. Thanks!

School won't keep me informed

  • #2
    Registered Users Posts: 728 D13exile


    I'm divorced but I have equal custody of my children, who live with me week on/week off. I've currently got three children in the secondary school across the road from my house and one due to start next September. However since my divorce in 2017, the school sends all correspondence, notes, reports etc to my ex wife, who refuses to share this information with me, even though she was told to cooperate with me on our children's parenting by the Judge. I have had to rely on my children to tell me of goings on in the school (exam results, school tours, days off etc) or I get to hear about these things from other parents who I also work with. I have gone to the school twice in person about this, rang them dozens of times and finally, I have asked to speak to the Principal, who wouldn't return my calls or arrange a meeting with me. The school office staff can at best be described a patronising to the point of sneeringly dismissive. While I shouldn't have had to explain my marital situation to them, I did in the hope they would accede to my request that I be given equal treatment when it comes to my children and their education. However their line was "the reports were sent to Mrs....." or "Mrs.... was informed of this". They don't appear to grasp the fact that I am divorced and that my ex doesn't inform me of anything, despite the fact we have joint custody.

    Now I'm a patient man, I know we live in strange times but this has been going on since long before Covid. When I asked for a copy of my children's school reports last year (at least on five occasions), I was finally sent a crumpled up photocopy in the post that had my ex wife's name and address on them (which in itself is a GDPR issue - I'm a Data Protection Officer by profession). The school wouldn't put me on their text alert system where I could be notified of school closures etc. If it wasn't for a colleague who's children also attend the school, I wouldn't know about school closures, trips etc until my children come back to me, whereupon it might be too late to arrange time off work etc.

    I do not want to stir up trouble or make some point with the school but I simply want to be informed about my children's education and matters arising like days off as I need to juggle work with single parenting. My youngest will be starting there next year but my ex received the application form for her and once again, I wasn't notified by the school. My ex told my youngest that she would be sent to another school 20kms away (purely to annoy her) which caused her great distress. I texted my ex and asked her to send on the application form but she ignored me. I rang the school to see if the form could be sent to me but their response was "it was sent to Mrs...". I told them I wanted a copy as I would be the one paying the school entrance fees but I was told "Mrs..... was sent the forms". I asked to speak to the Principal but was told he was busy and he'd call me back. That was a week ago and nothing. Now my youngest is getting quite distressed as her friends have all received acknowledgement that the school has their applications for entry but my child hasn't. I feel like I'm banging my head off a brick wall getting caught between my delightful ex and a school that treats me like sh1t.

    Sorry for the long rambling rant but I really don't know what to do about this school. My children who are there are happy and appear to be progressing well but I shouldn't have to rely upon them to keep me informed.

    Any suggestions as to what I can do to get equal treatment from this school?

    Ps......I have been unfailingly polite and courteous in all my dealings with the school and the staff, even though I've been treated like a leper! As for my ex, I've been back to Court three times in the past year about her carry on and even though she was told to "grow up" by the Judge, she hasn't. I haven't the energy to go back to Court again tbh.


Comments

Society & Culture