Dating Anniversaries

LegacyUser

Last weekend my girlfriend mentioned on the Friday night that it was our dating anniversary that weekend and she had got me a card and something small that i would like. Im in ny mid forties and have been in a few relationships but no one i waa ever with ever mentioned dating anniversaries, wedding anniversaries yes, dating anniversaries no. I got her a card but she was uphapoy i didnt get a present as she said she had been dropping hints coming up to it and had reminded the week before but i didnt pick it up as i was unaware it waa a big deal. She also said 6 month anniversaries are common in the first year and yearly dating anniversaries are common. Have i veen living under a rock or are dating anniversaries a common thing in Ireland?

LegacyUser

Op here, forgot to mention along with the card I did say we could go for dinner in the local pub restaurant after lockdown ended. Reason i picked there as was it has outdoor seating and is the only place around here likely to be open anytime soon

Princess Calla

I would have thought they were pretty common.

Not 6 months, but definitely a meal at least on the year anniversary, usually a weekend away. Definitely something to mark the date. It would then be replaced by wedding anniversary if you get that far.

dobman88

I suppose everyone is different. I've had exes that would freak out if they didnt get cards, chocs, flowers, weekend away, nice meal, the whole lot for an anniversary.

Now, neither me or my missus could tell you the exact date we officially became an item. We do things all year round for each other, which is far better imo. Over the years we've made passing comments like jesus is it this time of year and we would normally cook a nice dinner. That's the extent of it.

6 month anniversaries can get in the sea. In my experience they were usually brought up by a princess type who bounced from relationship to relationship.

Just tell her your side that you weren't sure if anniversaries were a big deal, especially in your 40s, and now you know for next time.

eviltwin

Everyone is different OP. I’m married but we would celebrate our dating anniversary and not our wedding one because we feel it’s more significant but I can understand why some people wouldn’t. There’s nothing wrong with your girlfriend feeling it’s important enough to her that she wants to mark it but nothing wrong with not wanting to either. You just need to respect that you both have different opinions on these things and respect each other’s feelings.

Jequ0n

I’d never plan/do anything for an anniversary, are you 5 years old or what? I mean even if you disagree this shouldn’t be reason to have a fight?
Tell her to cop on OP

gmisk

I would always do something on our anniversary.
Something small and a present, doesn't have to be massive, it's not a big ask.
When we got married celebration switched to that.

pwurple

6 month "anniversary", FFS, what age is she? Seems quite immature to be demanding gifts. Even my children know to never ask for, or expect a gift.

LegacyUser

Dating anniversaries should definitely be celebrated. I would be very disappointed if my other half didnt acknowledge an annual anniversary in a significant way.

cannotlogin

I stopped celebrating monthly anniversaries in secondary school!

A grown up, who wanted to acknowledge 6 months would have just said in advance, "we're together 6 months soon, should we do something to celebrate/mark the occasion?" instead of dropping (failed) hints and having a strop when you haven't realised that this is a big event in her life!

After 6 months, you still are the present!! And most people don't expect a gift just because they give one. She could have easily just said she liked marking these things and hopes you can mark future events together. Simple, rather than the approach she took.

If a man I was dating decided he wanted to celebrate our 6 months anniversary, I would be taken aback & probably find it off putting tbh.

TheadoreT

What's the age gap here? How is she with contributing to paying for things in general, is it even enough or do you do most of the spending?

Dont see too much issue marking the occasion with a drink or whatever, even if you find it a bit unnecessary, but her being annoyed or throwing a strop about not receiving a present for a fairly contrived anniversary is probably a red flag.

jlm29

6 month anniversaries are very very important... when you’re a teenager. I wouldn’t have thought anyone would celebrate them after about the age of 16.
As for dating anniversaries, we probably mentioned it most years in passing, but no big fuss made.

If it's important to them, then I'd just play along. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Stick a reminder in your phone for 6 months from now and make her happy with a gift and that you remembered.

Caranica

You can't have a 6 month anniversary “Anniversary” first appeared in English in the 13th century, and was based on the Latin word “anniversarius,” meaning “returning yearly” (from “annus,” year, plus “versus,” a turning).

Marking times since you started dating shouldn't need cards and certainly not gifts. Maybe a dinner or other treat that both of you can enjoy if it's a major milestone but nothing more than that.

qwerty13

Dear god! I remember doing that when I was about 22, and both of us in our first relationships. Any time after that just seems childish and ridiculous.

If she wants to celebrate being together 6 months, well then off she pops to arrange dinner or whatever. Demanding an occasion of it, and sulking if she doesn’t get it, my god it just sounds so stupid and childish to me.

woodchuck

I think it depends on the person/couple. We always acknowledge our yearly anniversary of when we first dated (well, he does... I never remember the exact date!!). But it's just a quick, "oh, we've been going out x years now, isn't that nice" kind of thing. No cards or presents or anything.

If she's the kind of person who has always marked yearly dating anniversaries and it's important to her, I'd mark it for her sake. A card, small present, dinner out (under normal circumstances anyway!) should be more than enough. 6 month anniversaries though? No, sorry... that's just getting into princess territory.

However if she's the type of person who kicks up a fuss on every occasion because you haven't made a big enough gesture, then I think you've bigger issues!

Hmm_Messiah

I think some of the comment is broaching on being a little mean to the lady

I would not see it as princess thinking at all ,

she is in a relationship - with you, and if she wants to mark that then that means she values you and the relationship . Is that not a nice thing?

There are couples who barely recall birthdays, or weeding anniversaries ; she may just be some one who recalls something good in her life, and wants to mark it . I would normally agree an anniversary would be limited to an annual thing, but so what.

It may also be the case in the course of this pandemic she just wants some nice positive thing to happen

My partner and I, many years later are much more likely to acknowledge the first day we met , than a birthday or other celebration; the day was just so remarkable in many ways .

I am not sure how upset she was, nor why ; but maybe seen as every one is emphasising the "adultness" of the relationship, its work considering that some one close to you was hurt, and while you do not understand why, or agree, you do acknowledge she was disappointed and would like not to disappoint her ? very often in relationships there are things the other partner just cannot grasp or see in the same way .

If you are happy in this relationship, maybe just do some nice thing, and see the good things in what is currently a difficult world

leggo

I’d tend to agree with the above. It wouldn’t really be for me, but if it makes a couple happy then so be it, that’s what works for them.

As always it’s a case of compatibility, which is ascertained by open and clear communication. So that’s where you go from here OP, back to her. Why does it upset you? What are your expectations for this? What things like this are important to you and what aren’t? Ask yourself the same questions and compare. If the answers are irreparably different, you’re probably incompatible and the future of this relationship is the two of you battling to have things the way you want it, so acknowledge that and ask if it’s what you want. If there’s room for compromise on both sides, try that and see how it goes. Simple.

Sonic the Shaghog

Dear God is this yet another American import cause it's there regular enough

LegacyUser

I think everyone is missing the obvious detail- she told you in advance on Friday that he got you a card and present

So you went off and bought a card, but no present....so either you're too miserable to buy a small trinket or are clearly giving her a message that you disagree with celebrating it.

Sorry but come on ffks we can argue all we like whether anniversaries should be celebrated or not but it's not the point is it...this didn't take you by surprise where she wanted to celebrate and you got caught without knowing....she told you in advance shed gotten you something and it was important to her and she wanted to mark it. You chose to half-ass it and commit to just a card.
I'd say that's what stings...she likely doesnt care what gift you gave...it's important and meant something to her and she wanted to celebrate being a couple...you showed minimal investment even when asked in advance and given time and warning it was.imoortant to her...

BuboBubo

Sonic the Shaghog wrote: »

Dear God is this yet another American import cause it's there regular enough

Right up there with gender reveals and sprog showers!

Op, imho - it's a load of bollexe, but if it's really important to your partner, sit down and discuss a few rules.

Example, on your one year, and subsequent annual "date anniversary" you get each other a card/Go for a meal/hotel break/whatever.

It'll make things easier in the long run.

Jequ0n

Guestname123 wrote: »

I think everyone is missing the obvious detail- she told you in advance on Friday that he got you a card and present

So you went off and bought a card, but no present....

OP’s card included a note about celebrating it in a local place once this is possible again. She didn’t just get an empty card

ILoveYourVibes

very common

TBH i think you don't need an excuse to spoil your partner really do you?

But it doesn't hurt

qwerty13

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

very common

TBH i think you don't need an excuse to spoil your partner really do you?

But it doesn't hurt

True. But expecting a present, on a date that I don’t think most people would acknowledge (6 months), and then acting out if that’s not done - it just comes across to me as childish and entitled.

I wouldn’t be particularly into actual anniversaries myself - as in yearly marking things. I much prefer a random treat, and a random present because the other half thought you’d like it is something I’d value far more. But I get the marking of a yearly date. A 6 month one, I just don’t get.

LegacyUser

Jequ0n wrote: »

OP’s card included a note about celebrating it in a local place once this is possible again. She didn’t just get an empty card

Except that kind of is nothing...its just a note in a card...a promise for a 'some time in the future' when we've no idea when things are gonna open again or for how long. Its a bit of an empty gesture, and not really special if it is something they do anyways most Friday nights

qwerty13

Guestname123 wrote: »

Except that kind of is nothing...its just a note in a card...a promise for a 'some time in the future' when we've no idea when things are gonna open again or for how long. Its a bit of an empty gesture, and not really special if it is something they do anyways most Friday nights

And most Friday nights ‘celebration’ without reason equate to a teenage Jackie magazine anniversary. In my opinion he treated the empty crap as it is: worthy of dismissal. If his new (hasn’t even reached an actual) anniversary yet GF I’d overreacting to fabricated ‘anniversaries’, then dunno her. And I say that as a female.

LegacyUser

Princess Calla wrote: »

I would have thought they were pretty common.

Not 6 months, but definitely a meal at least on the year anniversary, usually a weekend away. Definitely something to mark the date. It would then be replaced by wedding anniversary if you get that far.

We got married on a dating anniversary. It wasn't something we went out of our way to do, but it just worked out that way.

Katgurl

The problem is she told you clearly in advance that she had bought you something and that was after she dropped loads of hints.

I really don't know why you are surprised she is upset. She was expecting a gift and got a card with a note scribbled about going to the local pub (where I assume you go anyway. That is hardly making any sort of effort is it? A six month anniversary isn't a big deal to you therefore is shouldn't be to her? Is there an actual issue with just making an effort to keep her happy? Especially now in the times we are in when there seems to be less and less to celebrate.

My fiance and I clashed on this massively in the first year or two.

After going through the process of dropping hints then giving very clear instructions only to feel hurt and rejected after christmas, anniversary, significant birthday I decided he just didn't love me as he could not be bothered making an effort.

He was horrified when this all came out and had no idea I felt like that.

Presents carry different significance to different people. Himself, his children (and his ex-wife) had a very different approach to me; a budget would be agreed, a gift chosen by the recipient and paid for by the gifter. It was rarely delivered on time and never wrapped. Sometimes the recipient bought it themselves and got reimbursed. His children (now young adults) never give gifts yet alway present me with their own request and rarely show any appreciation. Its a joyless experience imo.

It wasn't about the money or getting free things. I'm certainly no princess. But I like planning a present for him and I like that he thinks about it now and makes an effort for me.

You made no effort for her and that is why she is upset. You need to figure out why. Is it because you genuinely aren't too bothered? If so, I'd end it. If you are but don't think presents are the best way to show this I would suggest a compromise - you apologise for disappointing her, say you didn't realise it meant so much to her and have a nice meal with flowers for her this evening. And next time, both of you have clear expectations for these situations.

Try 5 languages of love quiz - it might help you both understand each others perspective.

LegacyUser

qwerty13 wrote: »

And most Friday nights ‘celebration’ without reason equate to a teenage Jackie magazine anniversary. In my opinion he treated the empty crap as it is: worthy of dismissal. If his new (hasn’t even reached an actual) anniversary yet GF I’d overreacting to fabricated ‘anniversaries’, then dunno her. And I say that as a female.

You've made the point yourself 'he treated the crap as it: worthy of dismissal'....

So it's ok to be dismissive of your partner?! Just because you mightn't give it importance, doesn't mean you get to completely dismiss your partners feeling on the matter. It isn't about who's view is right and therefore the only one worth considering....I'd like to think if your partner said look this is important to me you'd at least make an effort...especially in these time as another poster said there's little to celebrate these days so why not jump at the chance to bring a little joy??