Completely overwhelmed, really need help

LegacyUser

I am currently dealing with a family issue that has left me completely overwhelmed and I'm now starting to sink into depression. I just can't cope, there is no happiness left in my life.

I have a sick parent (my mother) and very little family support. The one other support I do have is my sister but she is very vulnerable and is drowning in this too. She lives at home with my mother but is burnt out trying to help. So now I'm worried about them both.

My mother is mentally unwell, completely isolated, and is starving herself. The GP has done nothing and psychiatric services have all but abandoned her. She had a nurse coming to see her but stopped due to Covid, and when I called her to tell her how worried I am she told me that she will be discharging my mother from the service soon (after basically no progress) and back to her GP. Back to square one.

I have begged for some help but no one is helping.

I've become so overwhelmed that I'm starting to withdraw from everyone. I can barely make it into work.

I went to see a therapist the other day to try get a handle on how I've been feeling, but came out of the session extremely upset after she told me that I had to "face reality", that if something major isn't done soon to help my mother she will "rot", "starve", or "kill herself." To say I was distraught after is an understatement and since then I feel 10 times worse.

I don't know what to do. The worry has taken over my life.

Any suggestions or advice, even if it's just coping skills, would be appreciated.

Daisy78

I’m not sure if I can offer any practical advice OP but just wanted to say that you sound like a great daughter (I’m making an assumption here, apologies if I’ve got that wrong) and it seems like you are doing everything that you can. Firstly you mentioned that your mums gp wasn’t providing the level of care, for want of a better word that you need. Can you find a new gp? If the one she is currently attending isn’t up to much then you need to find one who will provide the support and care you need here. You can’t make decisions in isolation and you are very dependant on her gp to advise on the best course of action. If the programme your mum is currently on isn’t working then it’s time to look at alternatives and that’s where your gp needs to step in.

Secondly that therapist sounds awful. Unfortunately there are a lot of bad therapists who shouldn’t be in the job in the first place, it sounds like you had an encounter with one such individual. Try to put it behind you if you can. Maybe you should talk to your own gp about what support may be available to you? By that I mean there may be volunteer led organisations, perhaps in the area of mental health/eating disorders which you could get in touch with? It might not be help in practical terms or solve your immediate problem but maybe just getting in touch with or being part of a community who have to deal with similar family issues might help you to cope better? Sometimes just talking to someone who is going through the same thing can be of help.

Finally it’s really important you take regular breaks from this to support your own mental health. I know it’s difficult under current circumstances but even just to get out for a long walk, a coffee, maybe some meditation might help too. I use the Calm app and find it great for releasing tension during difficult times.

I hope you get the help you need. Hopefully other posters may have more practical advice for you than the above.

First of all you have all my sympathy and support. What a terrible thing to go through.

Secondly do not return to that awful therapist. There are many wonderful therapists out there who will actually help.

Thirdly I agree that you need a new GP.

Fourthly I would recommend finding a place that specialises in treating eating distress. Unfortunately you're not allowed recommend places here but there is help out there, but it's expensive. The HSE has completely failed its citizens.

Lastly although you don't feel able you need to find supports for yourself and start practicing self care. This is destroying your life. You must take time every day to disengage from this, think about other things, eat, exercise, socialize in whatever way is possible, be in nature, read, paint, whatever you can do to bring you some peace.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

JustAThought

Perhaps your therapist is feeling the responsibility of what you told her and
is trying and succeeding in shocking you into immediate action.
OP - if the situation is so bad (why) have you not made an appointment or register post written to your mothers GP - at least then it will be on file and s/he can ask the community nurse to visit on an emergency basis to re-assess -
or call out themselves if they do visits.
If your mother IS starving herself you can also
have her involuntarily put into a
mental health facility for emergency treatment - again her GP win’t discuss her
medical records with you (probably) but you do have a live in relation as a ‘witness’ and there are facilities whereby this can be done - to get your mother treated. Your GP or perhaps citizens advice can tell you the ateps
to take.

As regards adult annorexia it is a real and not too unusual thing - and people do die or have serious long term health complications from it. Others live on, miserable and controlling, and make everyones lives around them a nightmare. It sounds like your mother is doing this to both her daughters.

Jequ0n

It might not have been what you wanted to hear but you can hardly argue that the therapist was wrong with her observation.
If your mother is this bad (and you don’t want her to die) you need to get her into emergency care where she can be looked after appropriately. You shouldn’t have to deal with this alone.

The OP has made it very clear they have asked for help and they are asking for help again here.

These people saying "why haven't you done X" clearly have no experience of trying to get help for a mentally unwell adult in Ireland who does not want to be helped. It's extremely difficult to get help even when someone does want it ffs.

OP your mother's illness is not your fault and you are not responsible for her current condition.

One further thing to add, pieta house have a 24 hour helpline. I rang once about my friend who was suicidal and spoke directly and confidentially to a wonderful therapist who advised me on the steps to take to support friend - that might be a place to start right now.

Jequ0n

Mystery Egg wrote: »

The OP has made it very clear they have asked for help and they are asking for help again here.

These people saying "why haven't you done X" clearly have no experience of trying to get help for a mentally unwell adult in Ireland who does not want to be helped. It's extremely difficult to get help even when someone does want it ffs.

OP your mother's illness is not your fault and you are not responsible for her current condition.

Yes but the only help they can get online is confirmation that they need to persist in getting outside help.
A failed suicide attempt (and maybe private healthcare, not sure though) help on the way of getting someone sectioned. If she is resisting help and suicidal it’s probably the best option and would allow the sibling to get help themselves.

Jequ0n

Jequ0n wrote: »

Yes but the only help they can get online is confirmation that they need to persist in getting outside help.
A failed suicide attempt (and maybe private healthcare, not sure though) help on the way of getting someone sectioned. If she is resisting help and suicidal it’s probably the best option and would allow the sibling to get help themselves.

Sorry, you just don't know what you're talking about. You try "getting someone sectioned" and see how it goes.

Hannibal_Smith

OP, there is a new government text line mentioned in the sticky here. It is a confidential text line that can offer you support in the short term and might be able to refer you to services that can help you and your mum in the long term. It might be worth getting in touch with them and seeking their help.

You are doing your very best in very difficult circumstances and I'm sorry to read what you're going through.

Jequ0n

Mystery Egg wrote: »

Sorry, you just don't know what you're talking about. You try "getting someone sectioned" and see how it goes.

That is unlikely to ever happen because I doubt it’d care enough about anyone but that’s not the point.

Extended family had to do this for one of their relatives, but as I said, I am fairly certain there was a private healthcare package involved. It was temporary.

All I meant was these 2 factors seemed tk have made a difference so check it out.