Unlucky

LegacyUser

Starting from the beginning when I was very young it often got commented on that I was unlucky, things would just go wrong for me all the time. I was bullied constantly in school over every little thing, my sibling at home was a nightmare to live with he made home life hell. My family lived in the country side 20 minutes from the nearest town. I felt alone and isolated. This tone continued through my teens and early 20's, I couldnt get a part time even though I sent out cv's and filled out applications constantly.
I got into a pre university plc course after school, during this the teacher told me I didnt have to do certain modules, he said they weren't important. As it turned out these modules were a requirement to get the full award. I had to beg and plead to get into a third level course and explain to the head of department what had happened. I eventually got into the course but it was not what I expected, the students were clicky, my housemates were bullies and I had the worst 4 years of my life. Throughout college I again couldnt get even a basic part time job. I volunteered and worked for free to have something on my CV but could still not get a paid job.
I had my first relationship who I fell very much in love with, we went out for 5 years. When we ended we had grown apart, we were very different people. I was in my early 20's and what got me through was thinking I would eventually find someone else. I always wanted a family of my own and believed it would happen, he's married now with his own family and I never met anyone else. I had one relationship since him but it was abusive and I was only with him out of loneliness, he was a rebound. Any men ive attracted have only been interested in getting what they want such as sex but I wanted a relationship.
Im in my mid 30's now so having a family is unlikely ever going to happen for me.
Throughout my 20's I continued to struggle to get paid work, I got some dead end temp jobs to build experience but that's it. Ive never had a permanent job despite trying desperately for years. Majority of the time I dont even get a reply.
I tried to upskill and gain more qualifications, applied to a number of courses over the years from Springboard to Masters, didnt get into any of them, some of them didnt even bother replying to my applications. When I contacted the college directly, I didnt get a reply. I have done several short online courses but they havnt gotten me anywhere.
I was sent on a jobs course through social welfare and was told that I didnt need to be there as my CV was to a very good standard as were my computer skills and qualifications and obvious work ethic.
I got so desperate that I applied for a couple of CE schemes, didnt get any of those either.
I try so hard in life but just never get anywhere.
I had been filling out a very long job application form for the past several weeks, going over it again and again making sure everything was right I was almost finished the application, just a couple of questions left to answer. The closing date is next month.
Just went onto the online application which had been saved, the application is gone, totally erased.
I feel like giving up completely. I feel like I constantly hit brick walls no matter I try to do, no matter how I try to improve my life or get ahead, I end up in the same spot. Its like I might aswell not even exist, I might aswell have never went to college or worked for free or tried to do anything.
When I was young I had dreams for my future, stupidly thought id have a career and a husband and if I worked hard enough I could make it happen.
I have friends who never worked a day who have more in life than I do, its like things just fall into peoples laps and no matter how hard I try I stay the very same.
Im broke, single, jump from one temp job to another, every direction I try to take leads to another shut door.

LegacyUser

Im sorry you have had such a hard time in life. Unfortunately I have no words of wisdom to give as I have had a similar experience and since I don't believe my own words and wouldn't take my own advice, I couldn't expect anyone else to either. At the age of 47 I am almost completely drained of energy or willpower to change my own deadend and bogged down existance due to total burn-out and exhaustion.

I just felt the need to say that you are not alone and you still have time on your side.

Please don't give up. You will some day soon catch a break.

Jequ0n

This might sound a bit harsh but it’s actually not meant that way.

Of course you will fail at everything because that’s your default expectation. The only one sabotaging you is yourself by putting on the victim role all the time. People might have sympathy for you for a while but believe me, they will get tired of this very soon. At that stage you probably blame this on your bad luck again, and the circle continues.

Get your ass in gear and focus on the here and now, you can’t change the past and lamenting doesn’t help.

Xterminator

Hi Op

1st thing that jumped out at me is you are very defeatist by nature. I suspect you have a glass half empty mindset.

for example you didn't complete the plc course modules, but got the college course you wanted anyway (due to the circumstances). That's a very good thing and you were not unlucky at all there. It was a victory for you and your tenacity to fight your corner.

2nd thing, you got into an abusive relationship, but managed to extricate yourself from it, again, well done to you! You didn't allow him/her to crush your spirit, and did not settle for a bad relationship. Well done you!

But in particular the quote

comparison is the thief of joy

seems to come to mind when i read your thoughts on life. You are looking at other peoples lives (from the outside) and comparing. It robs you of any sense of achievement for what you do, the battles you have won, and the bright future that can be ahead for you.

30's isnt old at all. And i really think you have an inner strength about you, that you don't fully appreciate yourself. I think you need to practice mindfulness, and to learn to love yourself. if you manage that and gain the self confidence, you can land your permanent job, and youw ill find confidant people make a better 1st impression in many areas of life, not least your personal life.

I would advise you to start with this book, as its available cheaply on amazon https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-practical-guide-finding-frantic/dp/074995308X read it, and put into practise the mindfulness techniques.

And OP - your post certainly made a good impression on me. I think you might be a diamond of a person. Just a hidden one at present.

rtron

Hi OP,
Reading this and reminds me of myself in my 20s - It took me some time to figure out how to really take charge of things and balance that with personality and relationships and still learning this in my 40s.

Regarding your online application that suddenly disappeared - it maybe that the application was taking to long over a couple of weeks and was wiped or reset accidentally. Perhaps you are overthinking things but I know that some of those online appplications can be daunting first time out.
In any case, please encourage yourself to revisit that application and back it up in a notepad document (or email to yourself).
Since you have already nearly written it the hard work is probably done and in your own head. This might be an opportunity to rewrite it in your new confident self.

Once you have the data in a doc or an email, it will be easier/faster to fill out the next application if you need it.


Best of focus OP
(Lets not talk about luck :-)

ILoveYourVibes

Hey OP.

..but maybe we are the lucky ones to have YOU...and maybe that is why you are here?

You make others lucky to have you.

The world is lucky to have you. Just as you are.

So THANK you.

I mean ...a lot of people ..partic those in the public eye are lucky ..but maybe the world is UNLUCKY to have them.

So i hope you start to value yourself. We are very lucky to have you . And its not like we did anything to deserve you ...you were a bonus!

Purple Mountain

I would recommend reading 2 books 'The Secret' and 'Feel the Fear and do It Anyway'.
Both helped me when I was stuck in a rut.

rtron

imsotired wrote: »

Im sorry you have had such a hard time in life. Unfortunately I have no words of wisdom to give as I have had a similar experience and since I don't believe my own words and wouldn't take my own advice, I couldn't expect anyone else to either. At the age of 47 I am almost completely drained of energy or willpower to change my own deadend and bogged down existance due to total burn-out and exhaustion.

I just felt the need to say that you are not alone and you still have time on your side.

Please don't give up. You will some day soon catch a break.

And so do you.

jimd2

Nothing Goes right wrote: »

Starting from the beginning when I was very young it often got commented on that I was unlucky, things would just go wrong for me all the time. I was bullied constantly in school over every little thing, my sibling at home was a nightmare to live with he made home life hell. My family lived in the country side 20 minutes from the nearest town. I felt alone and isolated. This tone continued through my teens and early 20's, I couldnt get a part time even though I sent out cv's and filled out applications constantly.
I got into a pre university plc course after school, during this the teacher told me I didnt have to do certain modules, he said they weren't important. As it turned out these modules were a requirement to get the full award. I had to beg and plead to get into a third level course and explain to the head of department what had happened. I eventually got into the course but it was not what I expected, the students were clicky, my housemates were bullies and I had the worst 4 years of my life. Throughout college I again couldnt get even a basic part time job. I volunteered and worked for free to have something on my CV but could still not get a paid job.
I had my first relationship who I fell very much in love with, we went out for 5 years. When we ended we had grown apart, we were very different people. I was in my early 20's and what got me through was thinking I would eventually find someone else. I always wanted a family of my own and believed it would happen, he's married now with his own family and I never met anyone else. I had one relationship since him but it was abusive and I was only with him out of loneliness, he was a rebound. Any men ive attracted have only been interested in getting what they want such as sex but I wanted a relationship.
Im in my mid 30's now so having a family is unlikely ever going to happen for me.
Throughout my 20's I continued to struggle to get paid work, I got some dead end temp jobs to build experience but that's it. Ive never had a permanent job despite trying desperately for years. Majority of the time I dont even get a reply.
I tried to upskill and gain more qualifications, applied to a number of courses over the years from Springboard to Masters, didnt get into any of them, some of them didnt even bother replying to my applications. When I contacted the college directly, I didnt get a reply. I have done several short online courses but they havnt gotten me anywhere.
I was sent on a jobs course through social welfare and was told that I didnt need to be there as my CV was to a very good standard as were my computer skills and qualifications and obvious work ethic.
I got so desperate that I applied for a couple of CE schemes, didnt get any of those either.
I try so hard in life but just never get anywhere.
I had been filling out a very long job application form for the past several weeks, going over it again and again making sure everything was right I was almost finished the application, just a couple of questions left to answer. The closing date is next month.
Just went onto the online application which had been saved, the application is gone, totally erased.
I feel like giving up completely. I feel like I constantly hit brick walls no matter I try to do, no matter how I try to improve my life or get ahead, I end up in the same spot. Its like I might aswell not even exist, I might aswell have never went to college or worked for free or tried to do anything.
When I was young I had dreams for my future, stupidly thought id have a career and a husband and if I worked hard enough I could make it happen.
I have friends who never worked a day who have more in life than I do, its like things just fall into peoples laps and no matter how hard I try I stay the very same.
Im broke, single, jump from one temp job to another, every direction I try to take leads to another shut door.

Hi OP,
Sorry to hear about your situation.

It is really a tough situation for you.

Are you back living at home? Are you able to get any help or support from your family?

Regarding the application, can you contact the organisation and ask has there been any issues with the applications. Either way, it is frustrating to lose something like this but, with concentration, you can pull it back.

LegacyUser

I sympathise, I had a terrible time finding work so I ultimately had to move away and start from scratch. I had to interrogate what I wanted to do. I had to work on my c.v. cover letter and the way I presented at interview. I had to keep moving basically.

Can you relocate? If you can't....
Can you contact a careers counsellor online to discuss the best careers and directions?
Can you get someone to look at your C.V. and cover letters?
Do you know anyone in the areas you are looking at who can offer advice, read over your c.v.?
Can you interrogate your way of thinking about things, by reading some books on CBT or talking to someone as I think that finding that different way of thinking may allow you to find something to motivate you.

It's clear you are getting some occasional work as a temp, what is the most value you can get from that work and how can you present it in the most positive light to a potential employer?

I think you need to change direction somewhat. You have to train yourself to act as soon as you get knocked back, of course you need to learn from failure but you can't dwell there.

If your housemates are horrible you have to move. If you can't get on a course you have to interrogate why and apply again or think about another course.
Inaction will cause delay, delay will cause procrastination and stagnation.

bitofabind

We have to be so careful about the stories that we tell ourselves OP. The brain has a negativity bias, and a series of unfortunate but uncontrollable life events sometimes will kick a self-destructive belief into place and then you'll spend your life in a self-fulfilling prophecy loop, "proving" yourself "right" over and over.

Not getting a job. Not getting into education. Bullies at school. Abusive relationship. These are tough life situations to deal with, but also not uncommon and important life lessons that maybe you've not interrogated too much and instead you've settled for "I'm unlucky, nothing ever goes right for me".

What i've found is that patterns show up in our lives when there's something we're not "getting", a lesson that's not sticking. What can you learn from the challenges you've had with finding work and getting into education? There's people out there that can really help you with this - a careers counsellor, a therapist, asking for feedback when you don't move forward in an interview, for example. 

CBT can be really helpful in addressing negative thinking and looking at things from an evidence-based approach rather than that part of our brain that wants us to believe the stories we've made up that aren't true.

completedit

Great replies. Framing is everything. Realise that life is tragic and suffering and suddenly things start to matter less. Most people will endure failure, setbacks, struggles, hardship, because in a lot of ways this is the default state of being and how our brains are wired. We can live in abundance and still suffer. It is the price we pay for being.