Is it a bad idea to date someone in the workplace?

mr_fegelien

I've heard it's not a good idea to get into a relationship with someone at work because if you fall out, it's awkward for the future.

Normal One

It's probably better to go somewhere like a restaurant or a bar, particularity if you work in a waste management facility, or a hospital.

Kimbot

Yup, never ever crap on your own doorstep. If it all goes south your in for a disaster.

manonboard

Yeah pretty bad idea.
It comes down to this:
1: Most relationships end, usually on difficult terms because thats why they end.
2: You will have no space, and you will be forced to see each others recoveries and move ons
3: Your egos will likely behave a little poorly time to time, and thats in the work place.
4: You have to work together and that level of interaction is difficult while you are trying to let go of them.
5: People will talk, and it makes things worse. You won't have your usual professional immunity of character, where people usually dont care what happens outside your work life.

There are LOTS of people to date everywhere, if you find yourself only in to this one person in work, its usually because you have little else going on in your life.

theoneeyedman

Kimbot wrote: »

Yup, never ever crap on your own doorstep. If it all goes south your in for a disaster.

This, don't sh1t where you eat is a good rule of thumb.

smellyoldboot

Terrible terrible idea. Sure it seems like sweetness and light now but if/when it goes wrong it will be at least very awkward if not a worse situation altogether.

On another note, while it is not normally specifically forbidden, If I was your manager or supervisor I would not be very happy and it would cast a serious doubt over your level of judgement and professionalism.

SEPT 23 1989

I thought many people met their partner's in work

maybe things have changed

Mister Vain

I did it before. Yes it was awkward afterwards but it was worth it for the ride.

ancapailldorcha

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

I thought many people met their partner's in work

maybe things have changed

Do they?

I considerd saying something to a visiting researcher based nearby but I felt uneasy doing that sort of thing in the workplace.

colettes

24 years ago, I dated someone at work and we're now married 15 years with 2 kids!

LoonyLovegood

I've seen some marriages happen through my workplace. I think it's grand, as long as you're not riding your manager or whatever. Just remember that if it ends, don't make it awkward on everyone else.

pgj2015

I never did it but that is because im not a moron. Any break up would be about 10 times as bad as it usually is.

quokula

A number of people I work with are now couples having got together at work. Two of the couples now have babies. I don't know of anyone who got together then broke up, though I'm sure it's happened, as people tend to keep it quiet until it's more serious.

I wouldn't question anyone's judgement or professionalism if they did it. If they did break up, I'd expect them to be professional enough to get on with their jobs afterwards.

StevenToast

I see Mr.Feg is back at it hard.....ZZzzzzz

banie01

Some of the best hookups I've had were with co-workers If people can actually behave like adults it needn't be awkward but it will all too often end up that way.

My wife was a direct report of mine for a couple of years. Now at the time we worked together, there was nothing going on.
We didn't see each other for around 3yrs after I left that job, then we went for a drink and that led to 8yrs later us still being together and 4yrs married now.

There is no one size fits all approach to dipping in company ink. That said, in a "professional" workplace its going to be a bad idea. In more relaxed places or less formal work places its still a bad idea, but in both instances its fairly rampant tbh.

You can't expect people to spend 8hrs + a day in each others vicinity and not encounter the norms of non-work life, conflict, attraction, annoyance and every other flavour of interaction.

begbysback

It’s a fantastic idea mr fegelein, go for it all in.

Sebastian Dangerfield

I broke up with someone who I went out with for 6 years, lived with for 5. We didnt speak for 2 weeks as I moved out, then the first I saw of her was in a meeting when she was back at work.

Every interaction was torture. Throw in some drink and work social nights were fun too.

pgj2015

Sebastian Dangerfield wrote: »

I broke up with someone who I went out with for 6 years, lived with for 5. We didnt speak for 2 weeks as I moved out, then the first I saw of her was in a meeting when she was back at work.

Every interaction was torture. Throw in some drink and work social nights were fun too.

id say it is worse for the person who got dumped.

Sebastian Dangerfield

pgj2015 wrote: »

id say it is worse for the person who got dumped.

I expect so yeah. My response focused on the break-up though - it wasn't much fun when we were together. Working together, living together, travelling to work together, eating lunch together. The amount of times we argued about work at home was unreal.

For a once off / short term thing I wouldn't have much problem with it, but for anyone considering it long term I'd recommend distancing yourself professionally as much as possible.

Sam Hain

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

I thought many people met their partner's in work

maybe things have changed

Grim

Sam Hain

banie01 wrote: »

Some of the best hookups I've had were with co-workers If people can actually behave like adults it needn't be awkward but it will all too often end up that way.

My wife was a direct report of mine for a couple of years. Now at the time we worked together, there was nothing going on.
We didn't see each other for around 3yrs after I left that job, then we went for a drink and that led to 8yrs later us still being together and 4yrs married now.

There is no one size fits all approach to dipping in company ink. That said, in a "professional" workplace its going to be a bad idea. In more relaxed places or less formal work places its still a bad idea, but in both instances its fairly rampant tbh.

You can't expect people to spend 8hrs + a day in each others vicinity and not encounter the norms of non-work life, conflict, attraction, annoyance and every other flavour of interaction.

Were you an advocate of a hands on management style?

Mister Vain

Sebastian Dangerfield wrote: »

I expect so yeah. My response focused on the break-up though - it wasn't much fun when we were together. Working together, living together, travelling to work together, eating lunch together. The amount of times we argued about work at home was unreal.

For a once off / short term thing I wouldn't have much problem with it, but for anyone considering it long term I'd recommend distancing yourself professionally as much as possible.

Or at least by 2 meters anyway.

KevMayo88

Whats a 'workplace'?

banie01

Sam Hain wrote: »

Were you an advocate of a hands on management style?

God no! Not at all, can think of far better ways to waste my time than being stuck in HR :P

As a manager, the nightmare it causes when people go out with each other and break up. Leads to a very sour workplace as you not only have the people themselves, but friends etc.
Throw in that one cheated on the other ! Made work a complete nightmare for 4 months.
Think of your poor manager !!!!!

witchgirl26

I met my partner in work but I do think you have to weigh up a few things first. The roles we were in the same department for were temporary so we knew we wouldn't be working together for long no matter what which I think was good. I also thinking it's only really acceptable if you're on the same level in work if you are in the same department. A previous workplace I was in had lots of couples but they were all the same level/title in the company, no managers going out with someone junior. It could all be fine but if things do go south it opens up a huge can of worms about abuse of power etc.
Also you have to agree to leave work at work if you're working together. Nothing kills the passion as quick as getting into an argument over work during a date.

Basically proceed with caution and maybe have an exit route planned!

Mister Vain

Will there be a Christmas party this year?

boomshakalaka

Definitely risky. My partner and I met at work, we were on the same team when we first "dated". Our manager was fine with it as we kept things out of work entirely. I moved to a different department as things got more serious, it lined up nicely with my personal life and career.

I like that we both understand the company and work environment well, because it means we can share a meaningful perspective on each others challenges at work. It means we don't have to explain all the basics.
It also means that it can be hard to avoid work talk, especially when we were on the same team.

Now our paths rarely cross in work so even if we were to break up, it wouldn't impact our work at all (bar being broken hearted of course)

I would say tread carefully though and keep work and personal separate from the get go if you go there.